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    yoanstranger  47, Male, Philippines - 2 entries
Feb 2008
10:13 AM EST


I felt the surge of static all over my body. The feeling stayed for a while, numbing my senses. Then I felt very light. Suddenly all colors became a myriad of emotions. Everything abound me seemed to become as beautiful as rainbow. I felt myself drifting away. Away from what? I wanted to ask. But I was more overwhelmed by the beauty.

I saw my body lying on the familiar bed, facing opposite my wife. The face was never a face of contentment. Poor me. Always dreaming for joy I could never find but could never find it. Always hoping for the blissful peace of mind that seemed so elusive in this world.

But what is this? Is this still the world I know? I felt drifting away from it every minute. The sensation was different. The feeling was so strange, yet so pleasing. It was the most delightful feeling I ever had since I started knowing life. It was beyond life. It was beyond reality.

Reality drifted away from me. I found myself in a state of nothing, completely aware of peace, peace I've never had. It was a peace that made me smile. It was a peace I have always longed for.

Then the feeling of loneliness started building up inside me, like a thorn in my heart that I wanted to ease but I could not. I looked around and searched for other beings like me, but I could not find anyone. I was alone in that void. There was none to be with. What is the purpose of existing in any state if I would be alone? What is the use of beauty if you could not share it?

I discovered a new truth. After finding the peace of mind almost everyone is searching for, you would eventually turn to find someone to share it with.

In real life, that peace is impossible.

Even if it could be possible, sharing it would be a disaster.

Peace is destroyed the moment you share peace with another.


I did not notice the tear drop falling from my eye.

You're not alone...

I heared the voice from my mind more than from my ear. It was the most beautiful female voice I have ever heard. I turned around and saw her. No, I did not saw her. My five senses seemed to be gone. I am now sensing with my heart. I am seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, and tasting with my heart. Or is it really my heart?

Who are you? I asked her. I could not make up better words though I wanted to. The words came off like instinct, coming from within instead of from the lips.

I am she, she told me.

The feeling of joy on meeting her was already inexplicable. It felt as if our souls are bridged immediately by the nothingness surrounding us. It was as if I was a cotyledon of a seed and she was the other half. She seemed to be my perfect match, seeing through emotions, feeling through the heart.

Thank you for being here, I said. I felt her happiness. I felt her smile. I could feel through her. I could see what she saw. And I could feel her sense of fulfilment on meeting me.

It is I who must thank you, she replied.

Her heart met mine, as if we're drawn to a tight embrace but the sensation was more than that. I felt her heart expressing happiness, contentment, peace, and love. Somehow I feel the same way, and I knew she felt through me.

My soul skipped with joy. It felt like heaven.

I have been looking for you, she told me.

I know, I answered. Me too...

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Current Tags: love, soul, soulmate, spirit

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    6LOSTinTHEwind  37, Male, Canada - First entry!
Feb 2008
4:40 PM EDT

a poem

Yes ppl it's that time of year again, that's right Valentine's day is fast approaching and anyone who knows me knows that this time of year depresses the crap out of me so i have written another poem about it


You owe me nothing

Not even a tear

It's Valentine's Day

Yes it's been a year

I'm dead and hollow

sitting here

Limp and numb

As seasons pass

Yet still you blink,

not one lash.

Summers gone

And winter's passed

So in my wrist

I carve a gash

At first it trickles

Till at last,

My vein's run cold

And life has passed

In death there's warmth

And summers last

Again we're friends

Just like our past

And again my friend

I learn to laugh

But that was then

and this is now

So I stop to wonder about how

How it came to this

Is this the end?

But still I have one question then

My Question is;


1 comment(s) - 07:10 PM - 02/16/2008
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Current Tags: death, depression, love, poem

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    Smileybabe818  31, Female, Utah, USA - 5 entries
Jan 2008
4:54 PM EDT

I am soooo Nervous!

ok, so there's this guy i've liked for about four or five years. and i can hardly speak when i try to talk to him! and when i'm around him i always try to act out or make him notice me. he talks to me and he's REALLY nice. but i just get so nervous!!! i just want to act cool and calm. but i am just so scared he'll laugh in my face. oh, and he's like, 3 years olderer than me, but i read that it doesn't matter if he's under 4 years older than you.

has anyone else gone through this type of thing? if you have could u plz give me advice. it would REALLY help! thnx so much!

Tags: boys, crushes, love
1 comment(s) - 07:15 AM - 03/12/2008
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    xxemoxxkittyxx  28, Female, Michigan, USA - 5 entries
Nov 2007
3:21 PM EDT


i am acually jelous of my best friend Kayla's realashinship because she has a guy who truely cares..and no guy at my schools like me like that.. I feel horible..ibut i could get a guy on here like that *snaps* but i want a guy i kniow uin real other wise he can't hold my hand or kiss me or anything it truely sux!

love your favorite emo girl-

3 comment(s) - 07:19 AM - 03/12/2008
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Current Tags: boys, emo girl, love

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    HiddenScars  33, Female, Louisiana, USA - 7 entries
Oct 2007
4:18 AM CDT

Well there really is not much to say there is alot going on in my life and I dont really know what to do about all of it...I am back to cutting and that sucks... I have had a few slip ups in the last few weeks which is not good.. But its okay..Me and kris are doing okay.. and all of viv's puppies are growing up to be beautiful! I love my vivvy... and now we have star trigger anna bell bear and trey... all of which I will have to sell soon... but I think that scott is going to get to keep trey... He is really excited especially with me and kris moving out soon!!! I HOPE,,,, Mom kicked us out agian but as normal she was all Im sorry by the end of the day... I love my kris kris but we are fighting alot lately.. I dont really know what to do about all that.. I have tried talking to he that doesnt really help any..just makes her mad that seems to be what I am good at... I really dont know what to do anymore... But it is okay we will work through it like we work through everything,, I know we will.... I am starting to talk even if it will make her mad.... i am at the point that if I have something that I want to say I am going to say it... I really am getting better... i dont really know what to rant anything else about so I guess Im gonna go ahead and get off of here...atleast everyone knows i am kinda sorta alive... LOVE YALL....

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Current Tags: cutting, hate, life, love

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    mommy  33, Female, New York, USA - 20 entries
Aug 2007
12:48 PM EDT

Hi everyone. How are you all Doing today? I am Doing ok today. I got a Call From one of my Best Friends, his name is Thomas (Tom). Back About a month or 2 ago, I Told him that I Loved him, he took it Better than I Expected. Anyway, he hasnt Been Doing to Good, he's Been Really Depressed, down in the dumps, and Just plain Sad, so I Had Emailed him back 2 days ago Telling him that if he Needs Anything that I am here For him. Well he Called today and we were on the Phone For About 30 minutes Talking. I Helped him sort some Stuff out, But he wants to Talk more so I Can Help him sort some more Things out With him. Anyway, what has everyone Been up to Lately? How has Life Been Treating you all? How are you all Doing? I Miss Talking too you all. Sorry that I havent Written in so long. So fill me in on what I Missed, and how everything is. Talk to you all Soon. With Love, & Support, Krysta
1 comment(s) - 05:49 PM - 09/05/2007
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Current Tags: Friends, Help, Life, Love, Random, Support, Talking

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    RollerCoasterLove  38, Female, California, USA - 2 entries
Aug 2007
4:12 PM EDT

Sometimes i just dont understand what ive done wrong. one day he acts like he loves me, the next he acts like i annoy him. im trying to become a better girlfriend, but hes not trying to be a better boyfriend. it doesnt help that all his friends are younger and more immature and dont have serious girlfriends to understand his situation. i think when he gets around them, he changes. into this "single" guy who doesnt give a fuck about me. im always tryna talk about our problems and tryna resolve it, but just randomly outta nowhere hell make it seem like he dont wanna try. when just yesterday he told me "i love you" "i miss you" "im thinking about you". and today i say "am i ur girlfriend" and he tells me "not really." and i say ur throwing me off telling me u love me one day and the next im not ur girlfriend. and he tells me "u threw me off when you moved out". is he tryna make me feel guilty? is he having money issues? financial problems stressing him out? and he blames me? i wanna work things out but how can i with someone whos not willing to try...instead i think to myself why dont i just walk away from all of this. just say fuck him and end it all for good... one day were okay. the next it seems like its all over. its this up and down roller coaster. ive try to change.. ive been making him dinner, avoiding issues i would usually argue about that upsets me... but i guess he doesnt see it. hes too stubborn to see where im coming from.. i kno theres a lot hes done, or hasnt done,to upset me, but im tryna see from his point of view and quitting all the "nagging", the fighting, the arguing.. im tryna do things for him to remember why he fell for me. but with him.. he just doesnt see me as something fortunate to have.. what do i do? i love him.. i dont want all this to end.. i just want everything to be okay again
1 comment(s) - 11:09 AM - 09/19/2012
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Current Tags: betrayed, boyfriend, confused, cry, girlfriend, heartbreak, hurt, lonely, lost, love, sad, tears, upset

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    2Dazed  55, Female, Arizona, USA - 2 entries
Feb 2014
10:03 AM MST

Significant Illusion

Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you weren't sure if you could escape it completely, at least on an emotional level?� What are the steps needed to break that bond when it is one that you allowed to happen?� What if you truly know those steps already and yet, your heart is in a massive tug-of-war with your mind, then what?
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Current Tags: Heart, Love, Relationships

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    2Dazed  55, Female, Arizona, USA - 2 entries
Feb 2014
5:23 PM MST

Unauthorized Expectation

On Friday, Valentine's Day, a very dear friend of mine made me face the truth, something that I have been denying or flat out ignoring for over a year now.� First off, this friend and I are not intimate.� We have known each other for quite a few months, but only recently started hanging out.� The truth that he made me face was an arrangement that I currently have with another friend, a room-mate.� Our arrangement has been going on for well over a year and it is something that my new friend wants very much to take the room-mate's place in the intimate department.

The arrangement that we have really does not exist.� Occasionally we have sex and may end up at a club together, but that's all it is.� When we are at a club, he will acknowledge me to a point, and yet do his best to maintain the distance, our secret, I am his dirty little secret.� When his family or friends are around, I am pretty much ignored, in fact there could be someone sitting on the couch that I do not know and he won't even introduce me to them.... that is how much of a dirty little secret I am.� Not worth mentioning.

The new friend said in no uncertain terms that he, the roomie, does not see me as a person, a woman or someone who has feelings.� I am merely seen as an opportunity to have sex when it is needed.

The part that hurts in all this is that I put my desired expectations on the roomie without his knowledge.� I wasn't looking for a relationship, and yet, I wanted to feel acknowledged for something more than just sex.� I didn't think it was that big of an issue if he would personally invite me out somewhere on occasion, sit next to me on the couch to watch a movie without it having a condition of sex, to have sex and wake up next to each other in the same bed, not for him to get up and leave the moment we were done.� In all honesty, it makes me feel somewhat like a slut or prostitute, the only thing missing is money left on a dresser or nightstand.

And yet, knowing that I don't really matter to him, knowing that I am not worth his time and effort, wanting so much to be seen for me, I have allowed him to take a piece of my heart, I am in love with this man and I don't know how to just end it, put a stop to this arrangement.
1 comment(s) - 05:30 PM - 11/10/2015
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Current Tags: denial, heart, love, relationship

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    Isabbel4  28, Female, California, USA - 4 entries
May 2015
1:19 AM PDT

When i first started talking to you, i didnt see it as anything but a temporary fling. It seemed like it was going to be one of those acquintances you make with a person, but usually do not last more then a few week, perhaps less.�
Im not very sure what it was about you, what led me to continue answering to those messages you would send me over such a cliche website. The real leap, i suppose, was when i actually gave you my phone number. Out of all those attention seeking messages, i chose you. This truley angers me, it tears me apart from the deepest part of my soul. It aches. The reason for this is simple, it is because it hurts to see how full of joy i was when i first met you. It angers me how i chose you to be that human in which i was finally going to decide to invest my time and emotions in.�
I wonder if you knew how broken I was, did you even bother to get to know the things that almost broke me down? How could you have possiby cured and healed such scars if you couldnt have possibly bothered to even identify which of those scars where deep and which were temporary. I wonder if you even noticed that i put all the prejudice i had against men, aside for you? How i forced myself to build up courage and open up to you.
I hate how clueless you are about how much i expressed my love for you. I cant conceive how i actually told the world how much you meant to me and above all how i made you look like a daym saint. I fed you, not only with small snacks, no i fed you with warmth and loyalty. I drowned you in kisses and gentle embraces. I was there through thick and thin, whenever you needed me. I stayed up long nights making sure you were okay always with the hope that you would surprise me and choose to come see me instead of tinting your lips with liquor.�
I hate that even now when i feel like im building the momentum i need to let you go, you still manage to bring tears down my cheeks. Matter fact, it makes it worse that the very first time you thought you made me cry, you rushed without thinking it and held me and repeated how it was not okay for you to bring tears down my cheeks. There is no single moment, phrase, word, or letter that doesnt atomatically trigger my brain to remember that amazing smile of yours. How continuing to write this about you has become one of the hardest tasks of my life. It burns, but i need to do this for myself, i need to fall, cry, vent...learn, grow, leave.�
Tags: growth, love
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