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Don't compare your life to others.


You have no idea what their journey is all about.

 well life gets worse all the time round here and why because pepole gosip and spead lies and in the mean time i have lost my one true friend and miss him so much we used to have a laugh together tell each other our thoughts and problems but other people just said we were having an afair and that he was just sniffing round waiting for his chance .we had been friends for seven years and i realy could tell him any thing i miss my freind so much ,its been about two months since we last spoke and i miss him i have no one else to talk to now and im lonley with out him . i dont know what to do now 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!  Another year,  THANK YOU GOD, for this year.  I can't believe I have  lived 3 years longer than my first husband.  He died when he was 30.  Sometimes I miss him so much still, which is wierd becaues I am remarried. 

Cory is gone, out of town working,,, weeks of no husband SUCKS!  So, thankfully I have a great mom, who lives close enough to surprise me.,, She brought me starbucks, flowers and donuts to my at work, and then took us out to supper,,,and even brought a lil' carrot cake to supper.  I love my mommy! 

THANK YOU LORD!

ONE YEAR WITH GUILLIAN-BARRE

Ron continues to make progress, moving his arms, now legs more!  He is working hard daily in physical therapy and occupational therapy to become stronger.  Please continue to pray for Ron's strength and continued progress.  ONE year ago, he was put on the ventilator for his condition.  We are so thankful that he no longer needs it and look forward to this next year having continued progress.

I can't remember
Last night's dream
So I'll tell you another

A man
Sits quietly in his chair
Watching the waves crash into the shoreline

But all around him
Everything is exploding
Like a mirror when it hits the floor

And yet
He sits in his chair
Smiling, like it's the best day of his life
 

I'm sad for a few reasons.

Mandy & Scarlet left on Sunday and I'm missing them sooo much.

I got a call from cousin Michelle to tell me that Aunt Helen has suffered a massive heart attack and needed surgery. She's come through the surgery and will be in hospital for the next 1-2 wks., they're keeping her unconscience for now. They don't know how (or if) she's going to pull through this. I am very conflicted about going out there to see the family - conflicted and sad.

Then the husband decides to argue with me on Monday about something so stupid, so trivial and then during that arguement he took a verbel swipe at me and it felt just like I'd been kicked. The arguement stopped right then but the feeling that I'd been kicked is still hurting. What an idiot he is sometimes!

Maybe today will be better, I'll get used to Mandy being gone, Aunt Helen will improve and "stupid" will not seem so annoying.

LIFE SUCKS!!! what am i supposed to do!!! i am stressed about school, i am getting no hours at work!!!  my relationship is getting out of control and i am so depressed!!  i have made so many bad decissions in my life and i cant handle this crap any more... i think i am going to put my relationship on hold... so that i can get myself to a better state of mind and turn my life around and do whats right for me!!! i am so thankful for the support from my family and friends and them putting up with my mood swings and drama!!

Hi, everyone

here it is now in the winter really with lower temperture.But for me lived in northin China, where it has been cold in the winter, I have already used to lived in cold conditions. So since I have come to Nanjing city of China, I have notbeen weared heavy clothes before the last winter.

Today I came to University at noon, for I had got to a lesson to have. but when I hurried to the dorm, my roonmate told me the lesson is cancled. In fact, I also hope so. So I went to bed, because I was very tired. After woke up, I washed my hair and then went to lab.

In the evening, one of my classmates trusted me for dinner because she gained fee from invigilating for teachers. So we went to restaurant outside of University and ordered "suan cai yu" and "di san xian". they were tasty. after dinner, we came back the Lab, repectively.

She was always happy inthis term, perhaps because she made a boyfriend last term. Everytime I looked her happy smile, I also felt happy as I met my boyfriend first like.

I hope that A GOOD MAN WILL HAVE A SWEET DREAM!

I know I stopped this again... but I really need the outlet... at least I can realize that right?

I'm really tired of people and their bullshit... I don't even feel like other people sometimes >_<</p>

Is my loneliness my fault?  I am so tired of being single. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Granted...it hasn't even been a year. But I still think about Connor all the time. I'm supposed to be this mature, strong, independent college student. And I guess I am...in a lot of ways...but I have a long way to go.

4 real I dont care anymore, I just want it to be over. Iam tired of living a damn lie. I have tried to accomodate him but it just doesnt work. the more I give the more he wants. He is a leach, his sister called me on xmas eve. that was her dumb ass mistake! I am confident he wants to do everything in his will to stay connected me, however I cant stay connected to him. The relationship/marriage is poisoned and toxic because of his drinking, smoking weed and outright paranoia. As was told to me he does have a lot of issues, Iam not negating my own. But damn I cant fuck with him, he has brought me to an all time low. It is too much for me to deal with, my son's cant stand the air he breathes. There's a song that is appropriate for this moment Since you been gone".

Last night when I came home reign was there, I am not in the mood to baby sit which is the reason I stop having kids. Now he is here @the y with us and dj thinks he's going to sack me with him. Not happening. this time  is for me to relax. I did not agree to watch him.

over the weekend I spoke to my father about john, he gave some good advice. I spoke to john this afternoon, he was beligerent as usual. Y is it that he cant figure  out that women dont like to be treated like shit. He walked of his job, without regard for us. I think he is trying to get me evicted by not man-ning up. Anytime he getsf a piece of money he does a disappearing act. Y  keep coming back when he's broke and hungry. Iam not his momma. that seems to be what he is looking for. I can not raise a 35 year old man. He had the fucking audacity to say he was going to bring his son to MY HOME. JOHN didnt bring a fucking piece of bread in the house. When there wasnt anything to eat in the house he told me verbatim "fuck you and your kids". So y would he expect me to feed his son, whom I dont care for. Plus he isnt my responsibility, john doesnt watch my kids even when he is in the same house with mine. y should I do him any favors, he was a dead beat prior to meeting me. He told me my son has an Oedipis complex. How can a  man who has never had a stable relationship with his own quantify mine as inappropriate.


Maybe one day love will come in the form of the opposite sex, for now I will love my self. Of course I will be selfish, I should take care of myself. I am getting older,yet I dont with certainty what brings me happiness. what I do know is that contentment comes from with in. hmmmm hopefully, when I return home it will be my home! perhaps his father will help him get his shit. I cant forward with him, he is a leach a drawback. Anytime I try to go forward he draws me back with his negativity, doubts,insecurities, just bullshit. He's afraid to do anything different so we both should remain stagnate.

Today is the day I take control of my life, no excuses, no placing blame. Its all bout me, well according to him it has always been about me lol1