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    dunamis  49, Male, Australia - 23 entries
02
Jun 2010
5:14 PM WST
   

men v women. unrealistic expectations



Seems, my wife thinks that being a man, means being a dog - literally.

Had these very exposing discussions last night with wife.

I postulated that there are characteristics in which men and women differ. I'm not talking physiology or biology, I'm talking more emotionally and socialogically. All humans possess traits and characteristics to varying degrees, irrespective of gender. But I said that there are some characteristics that women display, on average, more often than men. And there are some human qualities and characteristics that men display, on average, more often than women. This is neither good nor bad, it just is. It's an observation that has been made after correcting for age, culture, economic situation etc.

It's important to note that the characteristics I'm talking about are neutral. They're amoral. They don't carry a "good" or "bad" classification.

To qualify, I can find examples men who are more sensitive that some women. I can find fine examples of men, who will display strongly, those characteristics which women display on average more often than men. I can find women who are more aggressive than some men. There are always examples you can point to, but we're talking bell curve's here and yes, the bell curve's overlap.

She went on and on that it was no excuse. But she must have misheard me. There wasn't an attempt to make excuses, I was just stating a well accepted and statistically proven fact.

After much discussion (more like torture) she agreed that there are differences between men and women. But, here's the kicker, it turns out she thinks that any differences between men and women can be overcome by proper nuture of boys and better education.

Her argument is that characteristics that women display on average more often than men can be attained just as often by men if they were brought up properly and educated. She used road rage and slavery as examples.

When I asked her how she characterised men, she basically described a dog. She basically said all men think about is sex and procreation. She muttered something about grabbing tits, leaving mess about the place, being dirty. There was mention of abuse in the murky mix too.

So it was revealing. What I think she's saying, is that men are basically inferior humans to women and that if you can educate and nurture them better, they will display those characteristics that women currently display on average, more often.

It saddens me that she thinks of men in such a dim view, because I am one.

The conversation started because I think that marriages are suffering under the weight of false expectations. Mass media over the last thirty years has portrayed both men and women in a light which elevates expectations. Women expect men to be basically bigger versions of .... women! Men now wear women's clothes, makeup, and manscaping is a burgeoning industry. We have bromances, we're urged to get in touch with our feminine side, be sensitive, caring, in touch with our feelings, and have long conversations. We're urged to shun "typical male behavior" which is now frowned upon as being neanderthal and somewhat less human. In other words, we need to connect left brain and right brain and become more emotional beings. If only building synapses was so easy!

Men seem to expect to marry the hottest babe (who of course never slept around) but is highly charged sexually and who will stay slim and gorgeous for the rest of their married lives. We only have to look at leading ladies of the big screen. They all seem to stay hot no matter how old, or how many babies they have (and if they do let themselves go, they're never offered any more roles). Take Demi Moore, or Madonna as an example. For goodness sake, even Grandma Cher is in some creepy way still hot. But the reality is that once young women have married it is hard to keep up with the hair, the fake tan, the nails, and keep off the weight. Post childbirth, it's a hard road. It seems only a tiny minority can stay slim after one or three kids. That's just reality.

But back to the expectations.... An extremely funny video by Perfect Italiano, has a fencing expert practicing his listening face when his woman is not around. He can fence and listen. He can paint and listen. He can cook and listen to all her problems, and urgers her to "go on and on and on". It's a total crackup, but it's only funny, because it's ripping off reality.

I think if we could just understand the other gender, and realise that no matter how hard you try, you probably won't shift the bell curves and to have realistic expectations of one another. On a personal level, if you want to have a more harmonious marriage, you have to get to know the other person. You've got to leave your expecations on the threshold. It's fine to have expectations when your dating... that helps you choose your mate. But after you marry, the best you can expect is for them to be... them.

And you can't change that. You have to seek to understand, but after understanding, then accept and then choose to want that. I'm not advocating tolerance here. That's one degree above contempt. I'm advocating that you understand what you have, and choose to want what you have.

Being blinded by expecations serves no-one. Disappointment is a heartbreaker and it's hard to turn around from disappointment-ville. Disappointment comes from unmet expectations. Wouldn't it be better to expect men to be men, and women to be women? wouldn't it be easier to just understand the person you are with, than to make an idol of your expectations and in the glasshouse of idealism in which it's only a matter of time before the rock of reality smashes it all around you?

Idealism is for youth. Realism with optimism and wisdom is for the mature.

Realistically, men are never going to become women in bigger bodies no matter how much education and nurture, their nature predisposes them to display certain characteristics on average more often that women and other's less often. It will always be that way. Expecting anything different is like the first sign of madness... doing the same thing and expecting different results. If you keep making males, you'll keep getting the same results - on average.

Men aren't unrefined boorish, second rate humans any more than women are. It's just that characteristics men display on average more often aren't desirable in our society, and characteristics women display on average more often are held up as being the pinnacle of humanity.

Why else would researchers be developing a nasal spray of oxytocin (the female hormone) that men can use to achieve greater empathy?prayt Why not just implement castration once family planning is over? Forget about vasectomies, just cut the testes out and the whole world would be a happier, more harmonious caring place to live.
1 comment(s) - 09:21 PM - 06/01/2010
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    paterbabe  48, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 23 entries
24
Mar 2009
9:08 AM EDT
   

Antoine de Saint-Exupery quote

"If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea."

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, Universe
found �7/31/2008 (cleaning up MSOutlook)
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    misjessica  39, Male, United Kingdom - 23 entries
15
May 2018
10:30 AM IST
   

Is the price of writing papers transparent?

Is the price of writing papers transparent?
The writing of this paper in the current market is not a big deal, because sometimes it is not always necessary to turn in a paper before it is written, and many people learn better through writing papers written by agencies. This method is actually very good. Not bad. Can also have a better understanding of the format of the paper and overall writing techniques. Read more
Tags: education
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    yoeythamas  31, Male, New York, USA - 23 entries
03
Feb 2019
5:27 AM IST
   

DIZI MUG

Best digital blogging platform for bloggers provides information on different categories. Check out our amazing wide collection of latest and opinion blog
https://www.dizimug.in/
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    Jessy5211  29, Female, Ohio, USA - 22 entries
05
Sep 2007
5:50 PM EDT
   

wow its been a minute since i been on here...i think before summer..but yeah lots of shyt happened over the summer..all good tho nothing terrible happened this summer...i had fun fun fun...i got my car and all that good stuff and partied it up just about every single day...im still havin my fun tho on the weekends [and school nites] lol but yeah...i've been lookin for a job and all that good stuff and currently am tryin to stop smokin cigs but i kno as soon as payday comes around i'll be stickin it up again lol...soo yeah there was some drama this summer also and damn i dont kno where to begin wit it all...i've met a lot of new friends which its about time [no offense judi and jess] but they enjoy havin eachothers company 24/7 but when you get to goin different places u have to have a different type of person there wit you if that makes any sense at all...so yeah...i've been through fights with friends and family..been through about haha i aint even gonna say how many guys...lol me and my partner in crime were repeatedly told we were "boy crazy" but they didnt kno half of it...matter of fact they didnt kno any of it lol..but yeah i dont kno what else to say soo just leave me some comments about anythinggggggggggggggggggg

2 comment(s) - 09:50 PM - 11/10/2007
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    jessicarose55  34, Female, United Kingdom - 22 entries
15
May 2018
10:55 AM IST
   

Learning and gaining exemplary education

Learning and gaining exemplary education through immigration consultants in Singapore?
Singapore offers great courses for students. It ensures that student life becomes very good after pursuing these courses. For undergraduate courses, enrollment is conducted twice in July and January each year. The candidate's age should not be less than 21 years old at the time of enrollment. Read more
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    pammy  49, Female, United Kingdom - 22 entries
18
Dec 2007
3:52 PM GMT
   

Getting Cosy!

Firstly, can I just say a very big Thank You to everybody that left a comment or email message for me. I almost keeled over when I saw how many I had. For one horrible moment I thought, while under the Influence, I had struck up some kind of deal with guido trying to make it big, in my bid for fame and success! lol. Alas, that was not the case, considering I stumbled on guido's page by pure accident, I was just lucky enough to be on the right page at the right time! lol and boy! am I glad I did!. There will be a rather large glass of either Brandy and Lemonade or Bacardi and Diet Coke raised in the air towards you all on Christmas morning lol.

Decided to miss the usual Christmas Tipple last year until way after dinner! Hmmmm. What a silly move! lol. I was too stuffed and exhausted to lift the glass let alone attempt to compete in the usual Christmas day extremely competitive games,quizzes and sing-a-longs! For there only being 3 of us, It's amazing how much noise we can muster up! lol Bet the neighbours loved the peace last year! Well this year, It will be back to normal! lol. Dinner will be on the table for no later than 2pm. I will just make sure my glass comes with me when I have my usual bath in the morning along with choccies and bath goodies. Awww. I think I just got a twinge of excitement.

For some reason, It hasn't felt very Christmassy this year. I don't know If anyone else has noticed this? or Is It maybe just me? What I do know though, Is how absolutely freezing It Is!. I took ages to heat up last night. I was wrapped up In 4 layers aswell and still couldn't get warm. Can't believe that earlier today, I agreed to have a test run for our Christmas Dinner..... lol bought a huge stuffed Pork Roast, Roast Tatties, Carrots and yorkshire puddings! Tasted amazing on Sunday!! lol Now, can you all tell we love our food here? lol.

I have the cheek to grumble about being a lot heavier than usual! Well, Hmmm, I wonder why! lol. Och, If the truth be known, This Is the one time of year that everyone should be having big hot meals and be all cosied up with the fire on doing something they love! Ooeer! within reason of course! lol Must go just now and refill my cup of tea and check the oven. Back Soon. xx

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    cbutterfly  29, Female, North Carolina, USA - 22 entries
18
Apr 2007
11:31 AM EDT
   

Hey you guys sorry I have not posted but I have been very busy ok ttyl.
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    RonPrice  74, Male, Canada - 22 entries
23
Dec 2012
5:43 AM
   

Microsoft-Google

In 1998 two Stanford graduate students, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, founded Google.com, a search engine that used a better technology than had previously existed for indexing and retrieving information from the immense miscellany of the World Wide Web
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    Mario  49, Male, Connecticut, USA - 22 entries
05
Dec 2012
12:46 PM PST
   

The Course Of Our Lives

The Course Of Our Lives

The inner scope of the game called life
Shattered fragments amidst the pain
While the world outside runs totally insane
Shelter lies dormant onto its beckoning call asunder
Isn't it any wonder we have too much time on our hands
When will we ever speed the day with the hope to understand
A friend in need to wallow in the digress of thought
Two strangers holding hands together will reach the peak
We all must humbly obey the message the course of its saving message
A carriage left abandoned although twisted in the wind
A chance at its landing space on the surface of its plan
One doesn't know the next breath that they will take
In pain left inside a willingness to run away & hide
A choice of apathy & desires of the forbidden flesh
Through its carnal eyes we must treasure its chest
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    leanneloach10  38, Female, United Kingdom - 22 entries
15
May 2018
10:43 AM IST
   

See your culture through a new lens

See your culture through a new lens
Accepting your own culture is definitely easy, but living in another country can help your point of view of your home culture and allow you to develop your own perspective instead of simply accepting the occurrence of these definitions. Read more
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    brokentearsRcryd92  31, Female, Ohio, USA - 21 entries
06
Aug 2009
11:32 PM EST
   

Her stolen Innocence

SONG!!!!

She was so young,

why did you take her away?

She didn't feel you,

coming close,

Oh, where did she go?

Her stolen innocence,

makes her believe in hate,

her stolen innocence,

can't believe in fate,

her stolen innocence,

makes her afraid,

of you.

She didn't know why,

or the time that past by,

she, couldn't figure out,

why?

now it's her

CX1

She was so young,

why did you,

steal her face?

she could believe in lies,

now is not the time

CX2

REPEAT FIRST VERSE!!!

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    LB*13  26, Female, Texas, USA - 21 entries
27
Jun 2007
6:40 PM EDT
   

How do you decide something that will change your life forever??
If you have any advice please tell me....
Thanks
5 comment(s) - 09:30 PM - 07/16/2007
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    STACEYLYNN239  47, Female, Florida, USA - 21 entries
13
Jul 2008
11:45 AM EDT
   

JUNE 13, 2008 SUNDAY

Well tomorrow I get to go back to work. I went to the diabetic doc on Thursday. She is pleased with my progress.� Work has me "floating" to another place. It will cost me more in gas...but I guess it's better then dealing with the B.S at work.

I finally started to exercise yesterday. I did 30 min on the gym bike at the apartment. Today I was on 43 minutes when I started to get chest pains. Went home and took two asprins. It got better-I am still alive.

Went to church with dad and then didn't do much of anything else the rest of the day. my sugar was spiking high today and my stomach feels funny. Oh boy...back to work and I pray I am ok to work.

Well, I couldn't get on this to type a journal...I couldn't remember my password...lol... Well, i am back now-lets just hope I feel good this week to type the journal.

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    silentheart  63, Female, Texas, USA - 21 entries
22
Feb 2015
8:05 PM
   

grateful

I am grateful for my husband, my job, my house, my son, my 3 grandsons, my creativity, and especially my Heavenly Father
1 comment(s) - 06:18 AM - 03/24/2015
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    kiya  28, Female, Canada - 21 entries
04
May 2010
7:25 AM EDT
   

weEee!

geeze...i hope they'll be off this week....if they won't i'll be excited for nothing.... :P
i really hope they're taking them off on thursday..... i can't wait...hihi
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    mljohny33  38, Male, United Kingdom - 21 entries
15
May 2018
10:59 AM IST
   

The quality of education

The quality of education and the level of students’ learning should also be examined by the educational administrative department in terms of the arrangements and regulations concerning morality, intelligence, body, beauty, and labor. The arrangement of educational content is responsible to the country and to students. Through the student's examination of the mastery of educational content, the government can inspect the teaching quality and professional competence of the teacher and promote it to improve the level of education; inspect students’ learning results and promote their upward progress; also check the quality of the school’s education and promote its improvement. Read more
Tags: education
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    jimmymarshall7  39, Male, United Kingdom - 21 entries
15
May 2018
10:49 AM IST
   

Polymer physics

Polymer physics is the science of studying the physical properties of macromolecules. The main directions of its research include the macromolecule morphology, polymer mechanical properties, polymer solution, polymer crystallization and other thermodynamics and statistical mechanics disciplines, as well as polymer diffusion and other dynamic disciplines. Polymer physics is the science that studies the relationship between the structure and properties of polymers. It is also a science that studies the laws of movement of polymer molecules. It is an important professional basic course and a core course for polymer materials and engineering. Its main content is to explore the structure and properties of polymers. Read more
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    bericu  44, Female, Missouri, USA - 20 entries
16
May 2007
4:38 PM CDT
   

David had to take me to the ER tonight, my leg was so swollen that it caused my foot to swell and i was having problems walking...they checked and said that it was not broken, just severly bruised and that it will take 12-15 weeks to heal...that sucks!!
I feel better knowing that it is not broken....
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    berries7cinnamon  32, Female, Singapore - 20 entries
22
Dec 2007
8:51 AM EDT
   

I just got my new desktop today. Just slightly more than a week ago, I was telling a few of my friends how much I wanted to have one because I wanna play MMO. Someone asked me if I wanna play MMO it's because I'm lonely.

Actually, not at all. I have plenty of things that I like to do to keep me busy. I just would like to try something new. That's all.

I started gaming once it's all set up and ready. I had fun and along the way I think I did quite a few things that made other players roled their eyes. (haha...)

However, there's something that's bothering me. -.-

How I managed to have this desktop at such a short notice was all because of my cousin who was so willing to spend on me. I was really thankful. I haven't been a very good spot today because I got pissed at what mom said to me... AGAIN (just like so many time in my life).

I forgot to thank my cousin and got mad because the cd/dvd drive couldn't work well. My cousin said that seller wanted her to come down to his store to get a new drive, and he's even willing to upgrade it for us... for free. To me, that's not the point. His store is so far away and my cousin told me she wasn't even sure of the way as well yet she just agreed to go down to his store to pick it up and said that she knew how to fix or change the drive.

That seller has the responsibility to come over to my house and fix that problem. I felt that my cousin was being to easy going. -.- Or maybe I'm simply being too difficult. I just feel that since he's the seller, he should be the one to provide us the service and not us who's making things convenient for him.

In the end, after waiting for such a long time for my cousin to help me set up the PC, I got bored and started reading my manga. I couldn't really paid attention to her when she was showing me some stuff and I didn't realised that I haven't thanked her for today. I did thank her profusely when she offered to get the PC for me, but I just didn't do it today. -.- I felt so rude, worst of all my mom was the one who reminded me.

This isn't the first time I didn't thank someone who has helped me. It's not that I didn't want to thank them, I simply forgot or didn't realise that I... just didn't. This is so embarrassing.

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