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Total public posts: 10

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Tuesday - Jun. 3, 2008 - 9:52 PM - HNT - #10

I have not written here in such a long while. I stopped writing after I got busy with work and school and everything that has been going on in my life. On Thursday May 29th, 2008 I went to the park in my city with a friend. we were just chilling and having fun. Actually we were laying around in the dirt under a tree. I have talked to this kid many times on the computer and many times through text messages. His friend, whom I know, introduced us to each other. I will never forget how that happened. And we finally meet at the park in the playground. Well anyways, this guy and I begin writing to each other in the sand and idk how this happened...but he asked me out in the sand and I closed my eyes and thought about it for a little while..and then opened my eyes and wrote yes in the sand. I was shocked with myself. My heart was pounding and I felt scared. Idk how to explain the feeling exactly but I my body was swirling in the wind as if my soul had escaped. From that day, my life was changed. I will never forget how sweet that day was. But as the days go by and I remain his and he remains mine, I think to myself: \"Was this too quick?\", \"Did I overreact to this situation?\", \"What will become of the two of us?\", Am I just being scared?\", \"I am so confused\", \"I just need to think about what I want in life\", \"I want this to last\", \"I want this to work out and I just wish things would work more smoothly\". Idk what to do and Idk what to think anymore. I am very much attracted to this guy, but at the same time I am very much scared for us both. I\'m trying not to let my fears take over, but this I cannot help because I really like this kid and I want this to work out. I want to fight for us to be together. But all in all I will understand if one of us or both of us wants to take a break from this all- No matter what I will be there for him through thick and thin- he means so much to me because he is always there to talk to when I need him, he makes me laugh (I haven\'t smiled or laughed in so long and he changed that), and idk what it is about him that makes me soo happy when I see him. Additionally, this guy: with every kiss and every hug, he makes me fall even more in love with him. But I want what is best for him and for us..I want it to work out with us, but if it is not meant to be than so be it. <3 elizabeth

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Saturday - Jan. 20, 2007 - 2:36 PM - HNT - #9

I personally think: If you know who you are, than you are safe and you can allow yourself to be a great role model in someone else's life (doesn't matter who they are).

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Thursday - Jan. 18, 2007 - 6:37 PM - HNT - #8

Well, I got depressed and my family turned their backs on me. I felt like the darkness was comming into my world and I got scared. I want everyone to know that there are temptations out there in the WORLD. Sometimes u have to go through tough times, to understand things clearly. But if U turn to GOD than ur life will be so much easier than it ever could be without him. God helped me understand life and has brought me so much more closer to him. U have to learn that you can't change ppl and learn that the darkness can not be in your world. If u get wrapped up in evil things than u become evil yourself. If u just let urself be in the light than GOD will bless u with happiness. Most people that turn to God are happy, but they do not fit in with this world. Only darkness fits in with this world because this world wants you to be like them. If you turn to the evil side than you will have a hard time getting out. I learned that the past wrong doings that you got into can not be dwelled on. My first boyfriend hurt me and he had no idea. I can't hang out with him because he is not a good role model for me. I just can't get involved with people that hurt themselves because I don't want that life. I want the life of the wise, the christian, and the ones that don't cause drama. If I am with them than I will be safe. This world is getting much more sinful and all I am able to do is change myself for the better. I guess that it just wasn't my calling from God: to change other people. I needed to let God help me and I didn't and for that I regret it. I just wanted to have somebody love me and it wasn't working. I don't regret some of the things that I said to my second boyfriend because it was the truth. I only spoke the truth and I only tried and couldn't help the fact that I was looking for the good side. God up in heaven is a forgiving GOD. He will forgive you when you ask him to, when u repent. But that calls for a price: You have to act the way he says when u r on earth or else u will fall. God loves his children and he loves you all. It is hard to understand at first and it may take a while sometimes. But it is never too late to talk to God about your problems and try to make them better. But act b4 it gets late because you never know when you are going to die. You never know what will happen to you later on in life. Make the right decisions now! God loves you!! He loved me, because I was depressed and I got over it with HIS help. I changed for the good and I am going to stay this way. People may hate me...but hey not everybody loves everyone.

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Thursday - Nov. 9, 2006 - 11:13 AM - HNT - #7

"Let all be said in the game of love and departure." It's a quote I made up that is very true to me. I am happy to say that YES I broke up w/ my boyfriend and I am moving on. I am very sorry to say that I didn't do it in the very most polite way but hey it happens. I think I was being selfish because my feelings were hurting because I knew that I wasn't treating him fairly. I haven't been true to myself and I have been trying to escape my true feelings. I thought I loved him but that love didn't last long. I was w/ him for 1 month and 1 week. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings because I hope we are still friends. I hope he won't hurt himself over me because I am not worth the pain. There are so many things to be said here. My life has changed and I have gone through a lot since this year has begun. But the new guy that I am w/ has changed me in a way that I would never have imagined. He makes me happy and I am finally smiling these days and people tell me that i look happier w/ him. I feel happy around him all the time. He is very special to me. This guy has helped me open up to people and I would have never thought that was possible for me to do. But I found out something great that I helped him do too. He opened up to me and got some things out of his chest that were killing him as he bottled up his thoughts, emotions, and things that meant the most to him. I have never liked someone as much as I like him. Dear God, bless our relationship and help us to last. He makes me feel beautiful and I feel wonderful around him. I can be myself when I am with him and he thinks that I am great. He is himself around me too and I love that he won't change since we are together. We are who we are but we are together that's all. I love not only who he is but who I am when I am with him. Bless all u who are in a relationship. I hope you all are happy. Listen to your heart and make sure you don't change for the guy. Make sure you stay you and are comfortable. It's not worth going out with a guy that pressures you to do things, change for him, or sneak around. Be careful and make sure He doesn't make you get out of your comfort bubble. I have been through it and it is painful. It hurt me and stripped me bare of anything that mattered to me most. I wasn't happy and I wasn't feeling loved. Even though I was with Him I felt regected and used. Don't make the same mistake I made because it will haunt you forever. A guy is not worth the pai because you are important and nobody can tell you otherwize. ~Elizabeth

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1 comment(s) - 12:00 AM - 11/09/2006

Tuesday - Sep. 19, 2006 - 10:48 PM - HNT - #6

ok so I had a confusing day. I was just asked the question "Would you go out with me?" What the heck was I sappose to do? I froze and stared at this guy. This is the guy that I love to flirt with because I have the biggest crush on him. I would never expect him to ask me out. I hope he means this because I would love to go out with him. But to be honest I would be so scared that I would ruin everything and that this guy would hate me and we would brake up and not be friends. I would hate for that to happen. I really like this guy and think he is georgous. He makes me laugh, he talks to me, he is really nice to me, and I feel comfortable around him. I just hope to God that he thinks I'm pretty and I mean on the outside and the inside. Because believe this or not I this this guy is great once you get to know him. Sometimes he sits at one of the lunch tables by himself and for the longest time I wondered why. But then I asked him and he says that sometimes he likes to be alone and sometimes he doesn't care who comes up to the table and sits with him. To be honest I like this guy because he notices me for who I am, he takes his time to listen to me and I can tell him anything because he likes to talk to me. He is just so sweet but my dad would ruin this all for me because he wants me 2 date christians and he's an athiest. Sorry but Mrs. De Melo once told me that those are the ones you can help God convert them because they don't understand or just don't know that's all. I think my mom might understand if they both don't I'll have Mrs. D. talk to them and one way or the other I'll find a way to date someone because I really want a boyfriend. I've been asked out a few times and my parents were like no he's not right for you and what's his religion? I want to have some freedom. Why do I have to have parents like this? I'm so confussed. I want to have someone to hug and to help me get through ruff times. I'm depressed all the time and some of this has to do w/ my parents, my sister and my brother. I just want to run away sometimes. I'm s confussed. Talk later, Elizabeth

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1 comment(s) - 02:29 PM - 10/04/2006

Saturday - Sep. 16, 2006 - 2:15 PM - HNT - #5

Elizabeth fielding here. I wish I had someone that accepted me as me. I lost my best friend and I have lost my family. Is there anyone out there that will love me? I can�t find or think of anyone that could take me in. I am so sad that I could cry forever; I could cry my life away. I want someone to take me in so badly because my mother wants to throw me out of the house when turn eighteen, actually a month after. Therefore, I have until this upcoming December to find someone to help me. My head is spinning and I am getting migraines everyday, not normal and I know it. I am so depressed that I feel like killing myself because I know that nobody cares for my life so they wouldn�t care for my death either. My life sucks and I feel so confused. I need help but I don�t know where to turn to for it. All I can say is that it would feel weird if I lived w/ my sister Sarah because she has her boyfriend w/ her. I would feel left out and more like an outcast. I say this because she does things w/ her boyfriend and it is none of my business. I couldn�t live w/ my friend Marta because she lives w/ her child and she does crazy things. I would feel uncomfortable living w/ her. Even Megan because her brother lives there, her parents fight all the time and she gets into trouble going to clubs and concerts. I would feel wrong going there. I wouldn�t be able to be free if I lived w/ Jessica because if anything happened her mother would be calling my mother and it wouldn�t be good. Mrs. De Mello would make me pay for room and board and I wouldn�t have a place to sleep unless I slept on the hardwood floors or the couch. That would be wrong. I feel so blue and I want someone to say �Elizabeth you will be cared for at my place, don�t worry about a thing because you are covered.� But that�s a fantasy; I would never be able to find someone like that are you kidding me. My life is a living nightmare, I wish I were someone else that didn�t have a crazy family like me. I mean this for real. My parents are in dept and they have taken most of my money out of the bank and won�t pay me back. They are always fighting and yelling at me. They yell at me even when I do nothing wrong what so ever. Like the other day I was just making a bracelet and my dad started yelling at me. My mom got mad at me because I needed a ride to school and I forgot my gym clothes. I mean they get mad for the stupidest things in the world. They say they are under stress but they give us (the children) more stress than they have. They never show us love and all they show us is anger. It gets worse when dad calls us BRATS all the time and mother yells and yells. I cannot take any of this anymore. I do not deserve this treatment. I need to live my life the stress free way. I want to be loved because I haven�t felt that emotion in a long time. Ever since I was a little girl. My name is Elizabeth and I feel like my life is all in quotation marks because everyday is a struggle and very noisy. I need someone to love and care for me. I need someone. I wish I could have a boy to show this to me. Except, I don�t feel like I could be a good girlfriend. I want someone to want me and think the world of me. I want this so badly. I wish I could have this wish come true. Then I could stop flirting and have an experience of this in real life. I want love. I need love. I want it to be about us, meaning my boy and me. God why does life have to be so complicated? I don�t understand this. I want to die. Nothing good ever happens to me. Ruth, my sister, doesn�t even talk to me anymore and she treats me like I am worthless. Like I am meaningless because I don�t act like her. I am different that�s all. But no one understands that. Why doesn�t anyone understand that I just want to be myself and that is it? I don�t want to be you or her; I want to be accepted as me, myself, and no one else. Elizabeth is who I am and who I want to be. I wish good things happened to me like they do to other people. I hate life and feel like I�m worthless. Why me,huh why? ~Elizabeth

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1 comment(s) - 06:38 PM - 10/18/2006

Thursday - Sep. 14, 2006 - 10:04 AM - HNT - #4

Today has started out just fine and I am doing well. This is something out of the ordinary for me but things are actually doing well. I have written to my cousin in Iran and hopefully he will come to America soon. I have not been getting along with my mother and therefore she will be kicking me out of the house when I turn eighteen. This sucks ass. I hope I find somewhere to go. This year has been bad so far because I have nothing going good for me. Life sucks. I need a good job so that I can aford to leave home. I don't wanna live w/ my sister because I would feel uncomfortable and totally left out. Anyways, I will talk later because I have to go to class. I am writting on my free period. I am happy I have this period free because I can get many things done. I hope to get my 3rd portfolio done so that I won't have to worry about it and I can get that out of the way. I have to start my senior project soon and that is stressing me out completely. I wish I had a boyfriend to lean on. It would be nice to be loved by someone because I have never been loved before and therefore I have never felt that emotion in my life. I have to go. Lata:( ~Elizabeth~

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Wednesday - Sep. 13, 2006 - 2:28 PM - HNT - #3

Hey, I am in school and things are going well. I have a free period and I have so many things going on. For one I have to go to a lot of college visits and I have to finish two portfolios. This saturday I will be teaching a gymnastics class for my senior project and I am so excited. I hope it works out good and that the children I will be teaching will love it there. I recently got my license but my mom will not let me take her car and I can't go under part time insurance w/ her eather. I wish I could h ave my own car, but that would mean that I would need a job and all my money would go to paying for the gas. That job I would have would be serious and I would be bored w/ paying for my car. It would be crazy. Oh, I went to a county fair in Wounsocket, RI. I went on a lot of rides and I played games. I watched a car race and I saw some horses pull weights and it was so cool. I go to this fair every year. I also have so much good food there because every time we go we always get some great food that we never had before and that we love to have. We grub there. I have a crush on this kid in my school. I will keep his name confidential because I feel like it. But I think this kid is so sweet and georgous. He always pokes me in the side and he tickles me. He always makes me laugh and that is what I love about him. Except he doesn't believe in God and that is a minus. I think it is so cool for a guy to believe in a power greater that him. I am still trying to figure this guy out. I find him dreamy and hope that he will one day think I am wonderful too. He thinks I am sweet as a friend but nothing more. Well I guess I will talk later. All my love, Elizabeth

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Tuesday - Sep. 5, 2006 - 8:46 PM - HNT - #2

i cant believe my dad didn't notice me come in from my walk. I walked right passed him. he's always watching tv he never pays attention 2 us anymore. well i despise my dad bcause he acts like he hates me. he hates what i do and want to do. he hates people i hang w/ n i never hear him say i love u 2 me. I wish i had a good dad to be his girl. My mom is never home n she is never showing me she cares n i feel like an outcast i just want some1 to prove 2 me that i matter 2 them. I am always sad and depressed. I cant live this way. God free me from this prisson i live in. I have never felt what love is b4. I want someone to love me and to make me there everything. I need to feel this emotion b4 i leave this earth. God send me a lover i need n long 4 one. This girl is a teenage gypsey that longs for a deep kis and long lasting hug.~elizabeth

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Tuesday - Sep. 5, 2006 - 2:52 PM - HNT - #1

I am having a crazy and very hectic day. I have so many things to worry about and so little time to get things done. I just want to go home and rest my eyes. Senior year is so crazy. I wish I had a guy to love and lean on. Wow so much to do. I have been having horrible days. Back 2 school has been horrible. I miss my older sister. She is taking me in with her because my next birthday my mom is kicking me out of the house. Could my life get any worse? Kbnock on wood so it don't. Talk lata.

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redshotlizard's Profile


Username: redshotlizard
Gender / Age: Female, 20
Location: USA

REDSHOTLIZARD's Interests:

About Me:

I love to read and write. I love to sing and I love to run. I love someone and hope to eventually get him to love me 2. I love you :)