Me and�Eddy* got back together� on May and i promised him i would meet him on december. Things had been going really GOOD between us. He is the most adorable loving man. But i am a�not 4 him�and i never seem to be content with anything good in my life. I always have to push the envelope. I have made him prove over and over and over again that he loves me.
His love for me is not quetionable... not alot of NORMAL ATTRACTIVE HARDWORKING LOYAL LOVING�men would talk to a girl on the phone for 3 years without actually meeting them.
It's been a while.....it seems like i come running to this site when things between me and eddy are @ a down hill. I finally told Eddy the truth(well sort of) about me not meting him...he did not take it so well.
This time i won't shed @ tear (in pubic). it's like i am slowly dying inside(and i derserve it!!!) .
Now i have to go to my sister's wedding thats half way across the world. It will be good to get away......but one can't always run from there problems. It's wierd some part of me actually feels glad that i have told him. I had started to feel really guilty
I hate myself for what i am doing to Eddy but thank god it's almost over. I hope i have the strengh to make the right choice. He is a good man he deserves so much better than me
What is terrorism?
Terrorism is not something we normally think about defining. It is thrown at us in a certain context. A context which we just accept. But what if we are asked to question it? No one approves of terrorism. Terrorism is defined by the people on the other side, say the US Administration. We are currently waging "A War on Terror." Terror defined by us. Defined and in so many ways created by the government. I just heard a quote which made me really think. It went something like this: Why should terrorism be defined by 9/11?
Terrorism has been happening all over the world for so long, but when 9/11 came it meant something, not because the US is superior but because we are the most powerful nation. The reality is that it has been happening around the world on much greater levels than it was performed in the US.
Now let's look at what dictionary.com defined terrorism as...
1.
the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, esp. for political purposes.
2.
the state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.
3.
a terroristic method of governing or of resisting a government.
I want to examine the second definition. "The state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization." What does that mean? I was always told not to use the word in the definition.
Look at the third definition: "a terroristic method of governing or of resisting a government." So that is to say that a government cannot be partake in terrorism. What about a dictatorship or an authoritarian regime--or say a democratic one? If the government of any state is able to define terrorism as something that is against them, then it would seem we have a problem. This is a problem because if you put the power into the hand of one person and they cannot be questioned in some way or another it becomes oppression. Oppression is never responded to well, and it shouldn't be.
In the US media we are told day after day they there are terrorists in Iraq and throughout the Middle East. It has become a scare tactic for this administration to get the country to follow. I am aware that there are bad people out there, but we are not living in a black and white world. We are living in a vibrant, colorful world where the definition of right and wrong is indefinable by just one nation or one group of people. It is a world where context is everything. Right now, we are occupying Iraq. Many will disagree and even call me Anti-American for saying such a thing. Anyway, the thing is that the so-called terrorists who are blowing up things and killing people are not necessarily completely different than then our soldiers. I know that I am unaware of what it is like to be living in an occupied state. I am unaware of why these people are fighting against us. I do not know how I would react if someone walked into my house and started trying to control me. Now I know comparing an American solider to what our government has defined as a terrorist is beyond what I should be doing. But they are each fighting for a cause which they think is right (and in some cases the Iraqis may have a better idea of what they are fighting for).
I want to mention something about the military for just a second. There is this idea throughout the United States that we are supposed to support the troops regardless of how we feel about war. Now let me say that I admire what the military in an ideal way is meant to be: A group of people who are willing to put their lives on the line for you or me. That is amazing thing, but I am not a fan of war. I don't think it is necessary 99.9% of the time. We learn as children that we are not supposed to fight, we are supposed to learn to use our words to fix our problems, yet militaries are still a needed thing for most countries. Works shouldn't have to fail. I am not only critiquing the United States but the world. I respect the military for what they are willing to give up, but I think that it is silly for them to do so. There is so much they can do with their lives and bringing honor to killing is just not the way to go. It is unacceptable to kill, unless an individual is about to kill you and there is no other way to injure them in a nicer way which would allow you to get away. I am one of those people.
I was not able to stay for whole documentary because I had leave for work but what I saw of Arabs and Terrorism brought up this question. It was really interesting and I hope to get a hold of a copy to watch the rest of it. This is such a difficult to discuss this topic because it is one that is not questioned for the most part. It is controversial and a touchy subject for so many. But that is what makes it so important. Not every Arab is a terrorist and Americans can be terrorists.
My Fiancee and I Have Finally Picked The Date For Our Wedding...July 10th, 2010...We'll Being Having It In His Home Town...For One His Family Is Larger And Mine Are Willing To Drive To Be Apart Of The Celebration...Two Decorah Is Absolutely Beautiful For A Wedding...
I've got TONS of goals for 2009!� My main fitness goal is to lose approximately 40 pounds of fat, re-gain some of the muscle I lost while pregnant, and compete in IDFA's Toronto Classic on July 11 with my best body yet!� I've lost about 35 pounds since I had my baby at the end of August without really trying (a mixture of not having time to eat all day because I'm so busy with him, breastfeeding, and not hanging out at restaurants so much), I've been teaching my dance and exercise classes, walking a lot (it's too hard to get on streetcars with a big stroller), and getting down to the gym a bit, but thus far�my fitness efforts have�been pretty sporadic and lazy in my mind... which is fine - I don't mind that I gave myself a few months to re-adjust my new life as a mom�without throwing myself right back into super- workout-girl-mode as soon as I got home from the hospital.� But, now It think it's time to get crazy!!!� I've set a very reasonable goal of competing in July, so I have 7 months to get ripped!� I'm so excited about getting more serious about my training (and less excited about super clean eating).� Now I just have to decide if I'm going to compete in fitness or figure... Getting� a fitness routine together now that I've been out of the scene for so long may be challenging, but I might try!� I'll keep you posted!� HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had a really awesome day! I felt great all day, even though my leg was hurting. I went to the mall with my friend's Caitie and Maricia. I had a gift certificate for $50 and it was awesome. I bought some stuff for Caitie and Maricia and it made me feel really good. I really enjoyed buying stuff for my friends. I don't get to do that often and it was awesome! I couldn't really find anything I liked anyway. We went a few different places in the mall and then we went to Carl's Jr and hung out. I got a sandwich and split it with my friend and we shared the fries among the 3 of us. Caitie got a shake and Maricia and I got soda. �