And there she was
sitting across from me
the sun reflected off the shimmer of her cheeks
her eyes stayed sharp, vivacious in their green color
her frown displayed a weakness
a sadness
a loneliness
but i knew she was strong minded
smart and collected
a leader
a friend
a daughter
a lover
I could not distract myself from her
she portrayed an elegance that not many share
her legs were long and strong
her skin was smooth
and she possessed an innocence that made me quiver
She saw me fixated
I could tell she experienced this same thing many times before
she became angry, rolled her eyes, and looked out the window
but I continued to watch her
She opened her mouth and took a deep breath
almost in annoyance
her eyes blinked every so often
making my heart beat faster
her hands were small
her lips pouted and were a light pink
teasing me
her nose was long
sharp
distinct
gracious
her hair was a dark chestnut
long, smooth and flowing
straight
my stop was coming close
but I could not move
i could not move my fixation
She was so intoxicating
so real yet a dream
I needed her
I wanted her
I imagined what it would be like to touch her
to rub her stomach
to feel inside her
What she sounded like when she spoke
how did she laugh
I wanted to see her cry
to see her become weak
I was perplexed to see her every emotion
but mostly to see her in fear
an opposite of her confidence
She seemed powerful
but I wanted to to make her unable
to take control of her body
and make it for my own use
To be there when i came home
to fondle me when I wanted
to show me love....
I will make her mine
and mine only
I missed my stop
so to wait for hers
I wonder where she will be going
what does she have to do
whom is she seeing
and why is she going there
I thought of the possibility of her already having love
my stomach twisted
I felt a pain
She still stared out the window
Her stop came
she took a deep breath
fixed her clothing to hide her imperfections
I adored them
She slowly stood up and glided to the doors
and waited for them to open
she was tall
After she got off, I ran off the train
making sure she did not see me
I followed her till the end of the day
im so sick of this shit.
of it always being about you instead of me
a truth from you never being a gurantee
since the day that i met you i could never understand
why that girl with the brown eyes was your kind of brand
she was the one you denied me for, the one you cried for
and i was just that other girl that you seemed to ignore
but i gave you my heart and i gave my word
when that bitch fucked you over for some other dude she preferred
yet you still ran back to her after i gave you my heart
i knew you would do all this right there from the start
Its like one day you loved me, the next day you cared less
and i sit there stressing and feeling a mess
so now im stranded, lost and feeling alone
and i still cry and feel butterflies when i smell your cologne
so when that day comes around when you realize im the one
you can give me a call so i can say "FUCK YOU IM DONE"
9-9-08
I was walking through towns searching for her. My mom kept running from me. She didnt want me. I was walking through cities and airports trying to find my way. I was only about 8 years old. I had a backpack, i was dirty and scared. I finally found my way to a city and made a life for myself, although i was very young. When i got into high school I met this little girl who was exactly like me. Lost in the city with no parents. I wanted to help her. So i brought her a cello. And i taught her how to play. She was amazing, and smart, and talented. These people found her. They wanted her, and they wanted to hurt her for some reason. They kidnapped her. And once they kidnapped her i turned into her. I was 8 years old again and in some kind of school. Probably the jr. high i was attending. I was standing against the wall. And this younger man, in his late 20s with long scruffy brown hair, white, well dressed. There was a long table across the room from me. He started pushing it faster and faster towards me as if he were trying to crush me into the wall with the table. I ducked right before it hit me and ran and hid in the corner. For some reason he couldnt find me. I snuck out of the room into this tiny art room. it was a tiny room. With only one vent in it. They found me and locked me in the room and started filling the room with hot red wax. I thought i was gunna die. So i opened the vent and it was so small i had to squeeze my little 9 year old body through it. I got to the end of the vent and it was tighter at a certain spot right before i could escape into a white clean room. It would have been impossible to get through since it was going through bricks. Luckily there was a spare brick next to me. I grabbed the brick and start smashing my way through till i could squeeze into the open room. I survived. I could see my teacher (or me) standing there waiting. I turned back into my high school self and grabbed the girl. I picked her up and held her and hugged her. She was finally safe. I found the man and woman who were trying to hurt her and i threatened to call the police. They kept telling me that the police wouldnt care. I just kept holding the girl tightly. I didnt want to let her go for some reason.
So finally im out of high school and the girl is now in junior high. Some other girl my age hung out in the jr high bathroom so that we could watch her to make sure no one would hurt her again. While we were in the bathroom we kept noticing how the girls dressed so slutty. We made comments as they left. Finally we stopped one girl and told her she had to go back into the stall to change, she came out, still looking slutty, we made her go change again. She finally started looking her age. Some of the girls were wearing mini skirts and knee high boots. Ridiculous. We started making all of them change. It was a diverse school, a lot of black children. It was a city school. In chicago. We got a bunch of girls together, and two boys and formed a group to help them with their problems. We got them to all go outside. We were standing under the lake street green line. We formed a circle and just sat on the sidewalk. We started playing a clapping game. I told them we needed to throw some disc away in the lake. So for smoe reason, 2 of the boys and 2 of the girls ran off in the wrong direction. I made the group come with us to follow them. We sat down right over the wacker drive bridge. It looked like lasalle. 2 of the girls came back and sat down. we couldn t find the boys. i woke up
On your own now... In my dreams I see you I see you sitting there across from me With a blank expression on your face You're watching me…watching you Then you stand up, take the last sip Of the whiskey you had poured yourself 
In that short crystal glass Not knowing this was the last drink you were about to take As you grab you're throat You're eyes build up with tears You choke But while trying to understand the current affair Your life flashes bits of its pieces before you You see your childhood Your father that was never there Your mother, Your brothers And everything that meant something to you But right in front of you, you see me You see what had taken over you What had changed your life What had given u something that you never truly had before While i had previously added that demise into your glass I had thought about how I before tried to save you To save you from that life that never gave you shit But being you The only you that you know Could never give back what I had given to you You were once a piece of clay That I sculpted, molded, shifted into what you were never before Yet you could still never give Never give back to me Everything I had poured out to you Everything I passed up to be with Everything that meant everything to me, had meant Nothing to you Words were never enough for me It was your character Your phony sense of love The one who raised you never gave you their appreciation In which you never gave to me You were always that person I love you -Ok - Ill be there You never came till morning At 3 am I smelled booze on your breath As u finally entered my door A liar Something u got from your father So now you stand there Gripping your throat Now understanding how I have for the past 2 years Strain, deceit, pain, exhaustion love and hate Take your last deep breath Hope to your God that he will be there Because I will never save you again from what you have become
she can only see whats in front of her
blinded by her ego
losing her compassion
Because when she feels that love than she can feel nothing else
and when its there
everything else is gone
So much ability
and to fret her future
shes lost
cold, down, lonely
she feels stupid and angry
finally things arent going her way
from the day she started she could never think of the end
but the end has begun
but life still lives
and he still lives
and one day she will see him again
and he will love her again
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