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ONE YEAR WITH GUILLIAN-BARRE

Ron continues to make progress, moving his arms, now legs more!  He is working hard daily in physical therapy and occupational therapy to become stronger.  Please continue to pray for Ron's strength and continued progress.  ONE year ago, he was put on the ventilator for his condition.  We are so thankful that he no longer needs it and look forward to this next year having continued progress.

okay yes my phone died and i cant find my charger

anyways! so im in a good mood (besides my phone pronlem is bringing me down). sportygirl15 let me borrow a really cute top today and i got alot of complaments on it. she was sprta mad...i think...

im really bored and have nothing to talk about

sportygirl15!!! i got another chocolate bunny! yay

I've reached the point where I no longer know what's right, wrong, real, or an illusion.

I've lost total peace in my life and I've put the blame on my ex a million times instead of looking at myself to see how I contributed to the problem.

I need my space, I need my time to breathe, to reflect, to collect and I can't find that. I feel like a complete addict right now. I give him up because I know that being around him isn't good for me. It's not him, it's me. I react in ways that I shouldnt, I allow things to upset me. I get upset over his comments or lack of involvement. It's my lack of self control that's actually hurting me not him.

Yesterday when we were at the mall so he could share time with our daughter I tried to barely speak. I was there but not there because I don't want that contact, I don't want the communication. I need to heal these scars before I can allow myself to speak. He doesn't get it, he says something is terribly wrong that why wont I talk to him. He's sad, his eyes get watery and he wants to know why I won't hang out with him longer. I leave...I'm free...but then I do the unthinkable!! Like an idiot I call back because I feel guilty, I know he's home alone this weekend and he was looking forward to hanging out longer.

We go to dinner...and it gets worse. I find out that his mother is going to the trial this Wednesday and that just sets off every possible restraint I had. I laugh and say "wow you criticized me for involving my family yet here you go taking ur mom to our private matter." His response is this is revenge for involving everyone, I haven't changed one bit. He stops feeding our daughter which pisses me off because she has absolutely NOTHING to do with the argument. She has no fault in this, we can't get along then fine, but she shouldn't be punished for our communication issues. Then he starts telling me that no one is going to put with me (he has to repeat this 3 times) that good luck to whatever guy comes after him and if I really think that guy will stay around after he sees how I really am. That I have severe issues and I can't see it. I bite my tongue and don't respond because I don't want to add fuel to the fire. We aren't going to agree, we're both going to point the finger so let's breathe and let this go.

I ask him to continue feeding her and he says only if you say please....PLEASE!!!???? She's UR daughter too!! You're fighting for your visitation rights...you're  requesting 50% custody because you adore her and u want me to beg u to feed her?!!!!! I tell him no worries and I ask the waitress to pack up my food to go. I try feeding her but now she wants to play. he leaves. He leaves us there.

At night he texts me that things were going great and now look it's ruined. He enjoys spending time with us and I don't know how to have fun anymore. I have problems and I can't see it. I text him....I call him this morning...

I can't I can't I can't. I need to get away from him but I can't. I become a person I don't recognize around him, my peace is sucked away. Why?? Because I know it's over so that makes me bitter. The fact that he isn't willing to come to my home makes me bitter. The fact he chooses his mom over our daughter, over me makes me extremely bitter. The fact that he professes his love for me, tells me how much he misses me then says we can only be friends torments me. I know that if I stop talking to him it'll break my heart at first but I can finally disconnect from him...move forward and move on with my life. Work on myself, healing my wounds, learning how not to alow situations like these to get me down, focus on school to provide for our daughter and then one day open up to the idea of dating if I think I'm ready.

I don't know anymore if I'm really the problem here and he never was?? Am I really such a terrible person that I also bring out the worst in him and that's why everything went wrong? Because I'm unbearable and controlling? Because I wanted too much from him and didn't let him just breathe and make his own decisions?? Because I was too attached to him? Maybe I really just am not the commitment type person...all along I'm thinking that I can handle serous relationships but I destroy them...IDK what to think or believe. Idk what to do.

What I do know is that if after Wednesday if he does get unsupervised visitations I no longer will have to hang out with him on weekends...that will help reduce contact (even tho we see eachother @ work)...and then maybe just maybe I can move forward and not answer the calls when he calls me....or respond to his texts when he mesages me or call him. I can't no more!!!!!!!!!!

IDK if I'm being punished somehow for something I've done in my past. How can I talk to him?? He's lied to me, keeps lying, and like a dumbass I go back. Gosh I'm pathethic..

I don't even think this is love anymore, it's a vicious cyce. I thought I'd be a stronger woman but aparenty when it comes to love I'm not!

Dear Readers,

Today I stayed home from school with my dad and my brother's girlfriend. She is really nice and I like her because she listens to me. Not with her ears but with her heart. Today I spilled my guts out to her and it all started....uh....I foregot how it started but it had to do with boys I liked or like Manny or something. I told her everything from all the kids in my classroom to writing a book.

I like to write. I told you that already didn't I? When I write I am in my momment of zen or something. Since I like to write then that means I'd like a Pen-Pal to write E-mails to. Would you be my pen-pal? I would really like that.

What can I do to attract Manny? Help Me! Give Me Tips! I Need Your Help! I am begging you! PLEASE!!!

Answer My Question and Send Me Comments!

-Selina4me

陈家男儿初长成
 
3月里是我家两个男人的生日月份。我计划照例写篇短文送给他们做生日礼物，为了提高效率，我选择两人生日的中间日子，写一篇文章送给两个陈先生，两个我生命中最重要的男人。
 
我左边的中年男人今年刚满五十，说他初长成好像有点不靠谱，但说实话，男人的心智成熟还真得等他到了知天命以后再谈，到了50岁的他已经犹犹豫豫地踏过期望寿命的中位数，给他画个素描，就见一个一头银发，一脸细纹，表情里时而透着自信，时而透着彷徨的‘男孩’。
 
我右边的小男人今年刚满13岁，他刚过人生的第一个四分位数的一半，今年3月身高正式地超越他老妈，他的声音和汗水都散发一股强烈的‘男人’味道，体格确实是初长成了。他用一句清脆的经典“老妈，别烦”！标志性地告别了童年。
 
说人生苦短，但仔细想想也不短，每个人都有机会观察他身边人的生活，若你懂得体会你就免费地跟着活了一部分他的生命，我们周围所谓的亲人，朋友和好同事，都是跟你分享生命的人。这样一来看似短暂的生命实际上是很宽很长的。我陪儿子从出生到今天13年，陪老公17年。加上我的年龄我活过了将近80年头了。这辈子有机会跟我的男人们初长成，着实很爽。

wow its been a minute since i been on here...i think before summer..but yeah lots of shyt happened over the summer..all good tho nothing terrible happened this summer...i had fun fun fun...i got my car and all that good stuff and partied it up just about every single day...im still havin my fun tho on the weekends [and school nites] lol but yeah...i've been lookin for a job and all that good stuff and currently am tryin to stop smokin cigs but i kno as soon as payday comes around i'll be stickin it up again lol...soo yeah there was some drama this summer also and damn i dont kno where to begin wit it all...i've met a lot of new friends which its about time [no offense judi and jess] but they enjoy havin eachothers company 24/7 but when you get to goin different places u have to have a different type of person there wit you if that makes any sense at all...so yeah...i've been through fights with friends and family..been through about haha i aint even gonna say how many guys...lol me and my partner in crime were repeatedly told we were "boy crazy" but they didnt kno half of it...matter of fact they didnt kno any of it lol..but yeah i dont kno what else to say soo just leave me some comments about anythinggggggggggggggggggg

I'm going to start writing poetry again. I used to for a long time. I'm hoping it will be as therapeutic as it used to be. Well here is one that  I wrote a few days ago. It doesn't really have a name.

No, Everything is not okay

Everytime night turns to day

I pray

"God let me die today."

I can't change the way I feel

People are trying with just a little pill

It all just makes me want to blurt

"God, stop making me hurt."

I know I have Jesus in my heart

Which means we'll never part

But I just don't feel him with me

Maybe they lied and he really left me.

God, if you left me, hear my cry

Please come back before I try

To take something that isn't mine

To take my life one last time.

I need some feedback, Please.  That is, if you want to. I can be short or long. You can tell me it sucks if you want to. Just give me something to work with.

Okay, so it has been a while since I was on here. Like I dunno, aaaall summer. Haha. But yeah. I'm back. And I'm not happy incase you couldn't tell from the title.

You know how a few posts ago I was really happy because Alex was expelled and I wouldn't have to deal with him? Well guess who is back. Alex obviously. I don't know if everyone was wrong about him getting expelled or if they let him back or what but there he was at orientation yesterday. I, of course, was the first one of my friends to see him. And then we kept seeing him all around the school. Seriously FUCK MY LIFE. Why the hell does this have to happen to me. I personally didn't say a word to him but my friends did. I really hope I don't have any classes with him. If I do I am scared I will start liking him again. And I don't want to... FML.

Thanks for listening to my rambling. haha.

Emmahh.

(:

Heya.

I can't believe just the first day going back to school I already hate it. How does it happen so fast, isn't it supposed to come in gradually? Well, no, not this time. I didn't even last the first hour and by lunch, i was ready to go home and cry. I know. VERY VERY pathetic. If i can't last now... what will high school be like? What.. blahbee? you don't even have friends. As stupid as that sounds. Yes I do have friends, just not the kind that you want to spend time with everyday. I know that it's entirely because of me... what can I do? Um.. like... TALK to them? Yeah.. maybe i just wanna save my voice for highschool. Maybe I wanna be a loner. You can't say anything to that now can you. It's what i chose and i couldn't seem to get out of this trance. Loser. Loner. Bitch. Call me whatever you want because chances are, I won't see you again after 10 months.

Now... don't judge me, I wasn't always like this. I couldn't help but notice the timing : Stupid boy messes with me, BOOM! I'm anti-social.

Or... maybe i should stop fucking complaining about my "suckish" life when actually in another point of view is something to die for.

Maybe i should go get a life instead of watching from the sidelines.

love

blahbee

 again I cant do this often but here is the latest.. We had a VBIED go off while I was asleep. I wasnt sure at first what happened but grabbed me gear and went to work. We had patients arriving in minutes and there was alot of blood. I was surprised that I was not affected. I was even moresurprised at the people who did lose their minds. for hours we stayed on our feet.. holding pressure.. doing sutures.. bandaging wounds and whatever else was needed. When we released my patients who were locals they wanted pictures with me. thanked me for being so caring.  .. gotto go.. patient came in

Don't compare your life to others.


You have no idea what their journey is all about.