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Last Monday Mike text me & asked me if I was seeing anyone. I said no & he asked if I would like to do something. I said I would love to. He came over I made dinner, we played w/ Aleea, watched a movie, & we went to bed. We had sex 4 times that night & he seemed to search for me all night to hold me. He smiled & seemed so happy. I even asked before we did everything if we would be ok after & he said no. The next day we briefly texted each other by Thursday he said he didn't think we would work. I asked lets just date & take out time no preasure he said he didn't think it would work but also said he would think about it. Sunday I asked when I picked up AJ if he still felt the same. He said yes. After I got home I called him to talk & said I truelly believe we could make this work. He said he was more compatible w/ Mindy... The woman 3 days earlier he said was 1/2 the woman I am. Maybe I should move back to Rockford & smoke crack & then I will be more compatable. Our family is worth saving to me but not him. I dont know how to let go..,.. I do know I wont let him close to me again. I wont answer any text that remotely talks about us because it is nothing but a head game. I dont deserve that... I wish I had chosen a man that would put his family before anything to have children w/ He says we fought to much & doesn't thinnk it could have changed enough. Why not try? Better yet why the hell do I care. Why can't I move on &�find someone that loves me unconditionally. Does that only exist between parents &�children? Some much goes though my head. I cant sleep... I was finally getting better & told him I was happy. I guess he just couldn't let that be... I can't wait for the day that he comes back & I can look him in the face &�tell him no NEVER AGAIN!

Whatever...so they want to put me on restriction. Go ahead. They act like it effects me. I've done this kind of shit before. Right when this thing ends. I'm taking leave and goin home for a month so I can get stuff straightened out with my family. So I'm in a really good mood today. =) Talk to you later. PEACE!!!

Wats up? i havent talked to anyone in a while!!! so hows life everyone? okay my life has been so so boring!!!!! im going to schlitterbhan for a weekend next week!!!!im so happy lol !!!!! kays guess i will talk to yas later!!! -<3KaTiE<3-

I've never had a passport since I was a child and the reason being is, I've never been interested in going anywhere, because I think the UK�is the most beautiful place in the world!

But ever since the Channel Tunnel opened, I've had a need to just have a go on a Eurostar train through the tunnel. Just really for the experience as its an amazing piece or engineering. Just to board a train at the very, very beautiful St Pancras international railway and leave for Paris would be just amazing!! And then travel at 186mph to Paris will be the biz!

So now I have my passport, I have today booked myself on to a Eurostar for Paris. I will be in Paris for 2 hours and then back home.

I'm so so excited :-))

despite faltering slightly on the south beach again last night I continue to plow ahead.� Frustration seems of late to be my constant companion.� Never have I been more convinced that the key to long term success is not giving up regardless of setbacks or plateaus.�

For some reason I'm the only one,
who sees i can be me.
I'm screaming for some help.
will someone answer me?
give me answers that make sense,
because i need a chance to breathe.
give me reasonable theories,
listen to me please
i need you to understand me,
so please someone answer me!�

well i guess some people dont like how i say tha word 'shit' in my entry's but i really dont care becuase i am not writing these to make people happy..im just tellin how my days go n then when i see my theripist fo my anger problems n shit i can just have her read tha shit i write n wont have ta talk much............

sooo anyways today after work i was jus chillin n shit n my man asked me if i wanted ta go ta his guys house n chill and i was like aight so he was all rushin me n shit n soo i get there and bang on his door and nobody is coming but i can hear them yellin inside sooo i was like aight and i called him n he didn't answer soo i called his sister and im like soooooo u jus finna let me stand in front of ur door fo another 5 mins n she started laughin n she was like gurl i aint heard nobody knock u at tha door n im like do i have ta kick ur ass n she opend tha door n she was like u gotta knock louder and i was like shit u no damn well if i pound on ur door yall finna think its tha police n really not pick up and everyone started laughin so i went up ta my mans room and his ass was still in tha shower n i sat on his bed with his lil cousin "miss thang" and we was talkin shit bout him and i was like he rushed me n he in tha shower im like i knew he was doin that n we watched some tv n shit and then he finally came out like in his boxers so i put my hand ova his lil cousin eyes n im like ugh u dont wanna see that n he looked at me like im dum lol n then sooo me, him and his other cousin "teddy bear" and i drove ta his guy house and on tha way he was talkin his shit soooo i slaped him n tha face and so he grabed tha wheel and made us swerve and i was like bitch dont make me beat ur ass n he like do it and ima crash ur shit, un button ur seat belt and run lmao and im like just wait till we get out this car.....so we get ta his guy house and he live with his women and she is like a animal freak ...we walk in and theres a big ass cage that is basically filling tha wall and theres a big ass lizard n it n then we went in tha living room, where tha pool table is and theres another freakin wall thats a cage for another lizard and then she got a big ass bird cage with a bunch of damn birds and then she has like a million cats..they like everywhere soooo im sittin on tha couch and shit watchin my man and his guy play pool and his guy is drunk n actin dum laughin at everything and his guy friend is ova there drunk off his ass to just talkin all loud and messin wit tha lizard bout ta get eaten n tha cats are like all climbin on me n shit n my baby lost..then mr teddy bear played and he lost and so it was my turn and i aint played in years soo like i hit tha ball 2 times and tha damn black ball went in and i lost soooo then my man and his guys was in tha kitchen talkin stupid shit that i dont wanna know bout and smoking ciggs and shit makin my eyes burn� and sooo me and mr teddy bear played a game of pool cuz we was bored and i won this time and thennn we drove back ta my man crib and kicked it with his family and watched some tv and did dum shit and jus was goofy and then i went home and now im makin some food n ima have ta try ta get some sleep soon cuz i gotta meet wit my student adviser guy bout pickin my classes for collage again sooo yes oooo and for that female that dont like my entrys this is for you.....SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT have a lovely day

So much has happened since I�last wrote.

• I've lost my best friend
• I think Im finally starting to move on

But those are only a couple of them. I just wish for once someone would belive me when I say Im innocent. Ok so maybe I dont have the best "record" but hey whats a girl to do when thinks get tuff? Stand there and let people take you out? NO�WAY�IN�HELL!!!

Ahem, excuse my language. So now it seems like my life is slowly crumbling apart. Why? well I just feel lost, confused, numb, and unsure as to what is to come... Who knows; maybe change would be for the best....