TO ALL WHO TRY TO FIND LOVE
If you find yourself in love with someone
and that someone does not love you
be gentle to youself
there is nothing wrong with you
love just did not to rest in that someone's heart
If you find someone in love with you
and you can not answer that love
feel honoured that love came by and called on you door
but gently refuse the feeling you cannot return
as love did not choose to settle in you heart
If you find yourself in love with someone
and the love returned
it still can happen that love chooses to leave
do not try to reclaim it and do not assess any blame
let it despite the pain
there is a reason and meaning to this....
You cannot choose love by yourself
LOVE CHOOSES YOU.
She's back again. Back again to tell another tale. I can feel it. Its only a matter of time before I know for sure.�Who? well its this on girl who lives in my town. She broke my brothers heart
after cheating on him with his best friend. Talk about Cruel!!! Well Im done here for know... ttyl
So I should probably start from the beginning huh? I was born in a little hick town called Black River Falls, WI. My parents got married in November of
1987 (I was born in December) and thier divorce became final in March of 1988. Personally I find it pathetic that thier marriage didnt even last six months, but whatever, they got along for the
most part while I was growing up. My mom met a guy, and started dating him and got pregnant with my sister. "The guy" then ran out on my mom and has never seen or spoken to Autumn. My mom then met
my step father Phillip. They got married in 1994, but were together way before that. He was a great dad up until I turned 16 (which I will get into). With Phillip my mom had two boys, Jarrett, and
Jeremy. I love em, they are wonderful. We grew up in Taylor (about 15 miles from Black River Falls) and for the most part we had a wonderful life.
When I was three, I was sexually abused by my grandfather, he went to prision for that. I dont really remember much about it, I supressed the memories,
all I remember is telling my grandma what had happened. And I remember bits and pieces of therapy.
At the age of 16, I had to have a lump removed from my breast. The day I came home from the hospital, my stap dad started to sexually abuse me, it
started out fondling and then turned into a daily rape session. Every morning that is how he would wake me. It was horrible, I told my mom, and she promised it would stop, but she didnt leave him.
She stayed. It didnt stop, and I told her it was still happening, she PROMISED that it would stop. It didnt, in August of that year my grandmother died. I had gone to her house
every weekend to escape what was going on, and then after she died I had no where I could go. I took her death pretty hard. We were close. On Christmas day of that year I was on the internet in a
Yahoo chat room and I met the man of my dreams. Jeff. We hit it off right away and started dating...online...i called him every day on my way to and from work, i talked to him every night online.
He was amazing. I told him my secret, and he set up for me to come to Denver and go to a shelter for Runaways, where no one could force me to go home until I was ready. I took a huge chance and
went 1200 miles to meet a man that could have very well chopped me into bits.
A week later, I decided I was ready to come home and press charges on my step dad, Jeff came with me. My mom, at that point didnt want me because she
planned on staying with him. Jeff and I moved in with my father. He bought me a car, and life was ok. I started seeing a counsler, and writing in an online diary. My dad read a poem I wrote and
said I was suicidal, and him and the counsler started working to either admit me to a mental hospital or put me on meds. I freaked out and ran away again with Jeff, this time taking my car.
Since the car wasnt in my name my father reported it stolen. While living with Jeff I became pregnant and decided I needed to come back to Wisconsin to
deal with everything before the baby came. When I came back, I was no longer allowed to see Jeff unless Human Services sceduled a visit. Which was never. I lived with my aunt for a while, who then
decided a pregnant teen was too much to handle and she sent me to a foster home. While in the foster home, I graduated high school, and pled guilty to Misd. Theft, and got sentenced to 18 months
In December of 2005 I graduated, turned 18, got discharged from foster care, moved in with Jeff, and had my daughter, Chloe. In May of 2006 we decided
to move back in with my dad per his request and help him out with cleaning and what not in lou of rent. In August of 06 I found out I was pregnant again, much to my surprise because I was on birth
control. In November of 2006 we had a falling out with my dad and became homeless. We lived in a shelter until the end of January, and then we moved into the Apartment in two rivers. On April 29th
I had another beautiful baby girl, Nevaeh Sunshine. In June we moved to Denver Colorado.
There, if you made it this far, Good job!!
I went to my favorite resturant/bar today for lunch which is a usual spot for me...the down side is it's a usual spot for Adrian too. I walked in and saw her today. This is the first time I've seen
her in nearly two weeks. We were the only two people in the whole fucking place. As soon as I saw her I stopped (thought about turning and just leaving)but then Terri my fav bartender said "Hey
Klenk, what's up?" So I greeted her but not Adrian and then sat behind her and not at the bar as I normally do. It was wierd.�Sat there for a few moments, ordered my food and then she did it: "Hey
Klenk, what's up?" My heart sank. I wanted to spill my heart out and be like "I love you and am miserable without you. I want to spend eternity with you." But I didn't. I kept it short and not so
sweet. She just got a "Hey" the I resumed drinking my cranberry vodka. She got the hint that I wasn't into�talking to her but I wasn't gonna let her ruin my steak and drinks. A few moments went by
and I recieved a few texts and I don't think she could stand not having my attention. She turned and said: "Is your wireless working? Mine's not." Again, I wanted to say something sweet to make her
smile or say something that only me and her would find funny. But I didn't. I didn't even look at her. I just said "Yep" and resumed eating.
I knew that if I gave in I'd be putty in her hands again. As much as I love her and want to be with her I just keep telling myself that she'll never change.
We must live , life is too precious to give away.