tealprincess18's Journal

 
    
14
Dec 2008
9:33 PM EDT
   

life sucks!!!

LIFE SUCKS!!! what am i supposed to do!!!�i am stressed about school, i am getting no hours at work!!!� my relationship is getting out of control and i am so depressed!!� i have made so many bad decissions in my life and i cant handle this crap any more... i think i am going to put my relationship on hold... so that i can get myself to a better state of mind and turn my life around�and�do whats right for me!!! i am so thankful for the support from my family and friends and them putting up with my mood swings and drama!!

1 comment(s) - 08:04 AM - 12/15/2008
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11
Dec 2008
10:22 AM EDT
   

realationship

� wow what do you do when your in a relationship and you dont know what to do anymore??� i am curently in a realationship and we want to take it to the next level and get married...i dont know if im ready... things just never go as planned and i dont want to make a mistake and later on down the road have things go wrong... i am completely stressed and i have no idea what to do...

i am in love� him, but i dont know if i can make the comitment to only spend my life with him... i want to make sure he is the true one first before i make that decision... i hate not knowing..�

all we do is fight about what is going on between us and its mostly my fault cuz i keep bringing up my insicuruties.... i want to know what to do and i hope i can make theright decision!!

3 comment(s) - 12:48 PM - 02/07/2009
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23
Jul 2008
10:29 AM EDT
   

Ever wish you could go back and change something you have done?? Not just something stupid like saying a bad word
or breaking up with someone, but making a life changing decission!!!! something that didnt meet your exspectations
and in the heat of the moment you just blew it???
�well in this case the answer is........ yes and NO!!! i have done something i cant take back! you may one day find the
someone you love and cant live without and just get caught up in the moment, or have a big exspectation that is
totally overlooked and not met in the slitest way!� well in this case i had the biggest exspectaion of how i wanted
something to be and it didnt even come close.... after this exsperiance i feel like im not good enough, but who
knows?? All i know is that in no way,shape,or form may i ever take back what has been done..... Yeah there is that
special person in my life who means everything to me, but i just feel like im not good enough for him!!!
�� Today on wednesday july 23,2008 i lost my v-card and in some ways i wish i could take it back.... i did it with
the Person i LOVE and i didnt have any exspectations, but i feel like it was not the way it was supposed to be...
i couldnt keep him satisfied and everything just back fired! i got really upset with myself and i started crying
he appologised to me like a billion times for not being able to hold it!! i felt so bad, (he said i was to small..
or was it just that he was to big??) that is besides the point... i lost something that i can never get back and
it just didnt feel special in anyway!� after awhile of me being mad at myself, i finally got up off the bed and
headed for the door " im getting in the shower, and you better be gone when i come back" is what i said when i
left the room.. i thought for sure he would listen and just leave me alone, well i was wrong...... i made it to
the bathroom and locked the door behind me before i broke into tears, and then i heard a knock on the door "are you
ok? please talk to me" he stood at the door and waited for me to answer but all i could do was think about what
i had just done! the room felt like it was spinning and and i felt like i was in a room with no air.. just then
the door unlocked, cuz he jamed it and got it open... i couldnt even look at him, everything just felt so wrong..
all i wanted to do was go to sleep and go back to that morning and relive the day so that i could rethink my
decission............." YES it is what i wanted, just not that way.." i told him.� He told me he was sorry and i
told him to just leave me alone and we would just talk when i was done.� when i got out of the shower and went back
to the room to change, he was still there.(he was sitting on the couch, with a really seriouse look on his face!!)
i couldbarely look at him. i put clothes on and put my head down on top of my dresser as i stood wondering what to
do... well i about passed out and he caught me before i fell.. i grabbed onto him as if i was dying! he scooped me
up with one arm under my legs and one under my upper body and carried me over to my bed and layed me down, it was
hard for me to breath so he propped my head up and just kept talking to me.. "i LOVE you baby, and i am sorry it
wasnt what you had exspected...it is not your fault in any way" i couldnt help but think that i had ruined
everything... he just looked at me and said " even though it wasnt everything you wanted, it was still special."
i had no idea what he ment... " you gave me someting that was very special to you and i want you to know it ment
everything to me.." he then got up and went over to my dresser and picked something up... It was the gold neclace
that he always wears and i have never seen him take it off!! he came back over to me and told me that he wanted me
to have it. "You gave me your something special and i want you to have this, it means alot to me." i told him that
i couldnt take it and that he needed to keep it.. finally i gave in and he had me sit up and he put it around my
neck and clipped the clasp toghether... right after that he engulfed me in a Hug that almost took my breath away
and he started to cry... i didnt understand at the moment, but he felt so bad for not making it special for me..
as we hugged i rubbed his back and said "it is not your fault these things happen, we cant change that." "dont
cry, there will be a next time" we just lay there in eachothers arm in silence...
���� I will never forget this day, and how it really brought us closer together.. we have talked about this is what
we both wanted it.... (not the part where it didnt work) we wanted to be closer and make LOVE.. this exsperiance is
something you share with someone special and today it didnt seem like that.! it was supposed to be us amking love
and being passionate, rather than just having sex!!!!! In some ways i wish i could take it back and start over, but
in others i dont,because this exsperiance really brought the two of us alot closer together. I am now sitting here
thinking about what happened while wearing the gold neclace and really hoping things workout...Things happen and
there is a silver lining to everything because there is a reason for everything!!!
������������������������������������������������������������������������ Destiney walls
����������������������������������������������������������������������������������� Wednesday 7-23-08

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06
May 2008
7:13 PM EDT
   

samson

about 2 hours ago my dog was hit by a car, and i feel as if it was all my fault for not paying more attention.. Samson(my chiuahua) is now dead because i wasnt responsible enough to keep him out of the street, as he followed a man who was running.. my boyfriend michael was coming around the corner walking back from work and he got samson to stop and turn and go tword the house.. just then an suv turned the corner and samson was still running, the next thing i knew samson was lying dead in the street.. there was no yelp of pain.. he just lay there lifeless in front of me, blood coming from his fragile little body.. i could have prevented it.. My brother and michael got a shovel and got him out of the road and burried him in the back yard.. my mom went and took hot water to the sterrt to wash away the blood.. all this happened in front of me as i cryed in hysterics as to what had just happend.. that is all i can type right now!~

Tags: sad
1 comment(s) - 02:03 PM - 06/12/2008
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06
May 2008
7:06 PM EDT
   

well josh and i are no longer together, as of like over a month ago.. he cheated on me and it ended pretty badly..

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28
Mar 2008
7:44 PM EDT
   

forever

i am sitting here with my BFF!!!! we are having fun watching movies and just plain out talking about nothing.. to fill you all in about the last few weeks of my life or the last forever.. cuz i hasvnt written in a while.. josh and i broke up because of a big misunderstanding... we arre trying to work things out so i guess you could say we are back together.. his birthday was on the 20th and we went out to dinner..it was fun over all, just alot of catching up, considering i never get to see him cuz he is always away at school... well i will write another page of my boring life at a later date.. to those of you who know me and those of you who dont.. i hope i can bring a smile to your face and inspire you to beleive in yourself... just listen to you HEART is all i can say at the moment... well LATA!!:)

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30
Jul 2007
12:51 PM EDT
   

i went and saw license to wed, it was such a good movie i really liked it...
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25
Jul 2007
3:18 PM EDT
   

busch tomorrow
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14
Jul 2007
8:44 AM EDT
   

i am back from my trip!!! it was awsome!!!
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17
Jun 2007
5:07 PM EDT
   

how do i define love? i define love as something fun, yet romantic.. not a burdan! love is something everyone eventuly contributes to.. you just let it happen.. its when you really care about someone and would do anything for themm!!! well not to much, i dont know what is going on..
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05
Jun 2007
3:14 PM EDT
   

Ricky said he was sorry for the way he treated me at prom , and that he acted like a total jerk.. its whatever,, i am over it...
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04
Jun 2007
11:01 AM EDT
   

prom was horrible.. my date was with emily the whole time... it was horrible, when i confronted ricky about it he said "it wasnt planed and that he was sorry".. well i really dont want to talk about it.. well buh bye
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24
May 2007
10:09 AM EDT
   

what person do i admire the most and why??? i admire my best friend emily the most because she always sets a good example and is nice to everyone..
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20
May 2007
5:13 PM EDT
   

just got hmoe... prom last night was awsome, but the after prom was better!!!!! well i had lots of fun and get to do it again in two weeks, when emily comes and goes to my prom, and after party.... yeah the theme was 007 tomorrowe never dies!!!! casino royale....same as mine!!
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17
May 2007
12:50 PM EDT
   

going to emilys tomorrow... YEAH!!!! prom on saturday!!!
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14
May 2007
4:56 PM EDT
   

not to much here... i cant wait till friday cuz, i am going to emilys (best friend) and on saturday im going to her prom!!! yeah!!!!
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09
May 2007
5:27 PM EDT
   

not much.. tomorrrow is a half day at school... yeah and i am supposed to be going to the movies, so yeah anyways... not much more..
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08
May 2007
5:04 PM EDT
   

not much to say.. just nothing going on.. i am so bored and still dont have a date for prom!!!
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04
May 2007
10:15 AM EDT
   

not much about to go to the movies... yeah im gunna see the invisible.. fun!!!! well gotta go get ready*
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01
May 2007
3:38 PM EDT
   

john went to the military ball with someone else!!! i was so pissed!!! well anyway it was a last minute thing!!!! oh well gotta go do home work!!!
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tealprincess18's Profile

  • Username: tealprincess18
  • Gender / Age: Female, 29
  • Location: USA - Virginia
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