madhousewife's Journal

04

Jun 2007
2:50 PM EDT

So sad...My sisters little dog passed away over the weekend. She found her outside her work place several years ago. Someone saw a man drive up, drop her off, pat her head and drive off. She just say there. My sister rescued her, took her to the vet, and gave her a wonderful home. She had lots of attention, went on lots of trips, and gave a lot of love. So many abuse animals, and others are like us and totally love them. August will mark the one year mark since my own furbaby passed, and I miss him daily.

30

May 2007
3:27 PM EDT

Over the weekend I went to a med station for a sinus infection. My blood pressure was very high. I had been on meds, but when my husband lost his insurance, it was one of the things that fell by the wayside. Medical care without insurance is a pipe dream.

Now that we do have insurance I went to the dr today, and got back on meds. Now my problem is getting my husband to go. He has higher blood pressure than me, not to mention he smokes and is over weight. He just acts like it's no big deal.

I get aggrivated at the drs. People blame the insurance companies, but it's the fault of the drs that it's so high. As soon as they know you have insurance they find all kinds of tests you just have to have, and charge a ton of money. What you pay for is a drop in the bucket compared to what your dr charges to your insurance.

24

May 2007
2:54 PM EDT

We took Peeper to the rehab center. Hopefully he will be happy and safe. Around here canadian geese are considered more a problem than anything else. He was abandoned, and I think he is blind. It's against the law for me to keep it, so I contacted the gal who took the injured baby swan last year, and she said she would take it.

23

May 2007
2:50 PM EDT

We all knew Mom had been having issues with dementia, but I don't think even I knew how bad it was until this past weekend. When taken out of her comfort zone, she lost it. For the first time I think she realized it herself. It was a little scary, and a lot sad. She was okay at first, but when things got a little confusing it was like something cracled.

We went by train to see my sister and her daughter in Chicago. It was probly too short of a trip, up one day home the next. We were in and out of their apts, and she had a melt down. At first I just thought she was mad, but then she broke down crying that now she knew how her mom felt. I got her settled down and started getting our stuff together for our trip home. She found a small bag of my sisters and started filling it. She packed my sisters pictures, glasses, anything that wasn't nailed down, to help me. We left it and just took our own stuff. Once on the train she calmed down, but was still confused. She didn't know where we were, and kept trying to get off at each stop. We are home now, and she is back to her normal. In familiar surroundings, but now I realize things are worse than I thought.

16

May 2007
4:01 AM EDT

It's a gloomy day, but atleast the birds seem happy, there is a lot of singing going on. I'm really thankful after all that bad weather we didn't lose power.

I have been going through my little tapes from my video camera. My hubby bought me a dvd recorder so we can save them to dvds. I want to do that with my pictures too. My family was always griping about my video taping, but I think they are going to enjoy a peek into the past.

I have been feeling down again, not quite sure why. I go in streaks. Some days I can't help but wonder, is this all there is. I was 17 when I got married. I only dated my husband, never lived alone, always in such a hurry to grow up, or atleast prove how grown I was. I went from my parents roof to my husbands, never me time. The only reason I wouldn't go back and change anything is my kids. I would have spent more time cultivating girlfriend relationships,because I really don't have any. I am friends with people at work, but not lunch ,camping, kids growing together, ect type of friends.

I don't like being "down". I am truly a blessed person. I have a husband who loves me, 3 wonderful kids, and 9 beautiful grandkids. It isn't something I try to do, or even want. I am making an attempt to work on it, and writing does help.

13

May 2007
6:10 AM EDT

Mother nature is hard at work this beautiful Mothers Day.

There are baby geese, a new family of baby ducks, and I'm pretty sure baby swans. The swan keeps her babies on the nest for quite a while, then they ride on moms back for a while. Hopefully the cooler weather will work to their advantage. There are a lot of snapping turtles out there. Every year babies are lost in the turtle attacks.

Our impending train ride to Chicago is next weekend. I have mixed feelings. Traveling with a three yr old, and my Mom, who has the onset of dementia, worries me. Luckily it is an over-night only so very little luggage, so I can hang on to them. She is so looking forward to it. It has been three weeks of constant talk about it. Hopefully my sister won't ruin it.

12

May 2007
5:11 AM EDT

One thing I find people trying to cling to is their youth. I think because so many of us hate the thought of growing old. On the flip side our kids rush to get old.

I was married at 17 a new mom 10 days after I turned 18. My life wasn't over, I could never go back.

I have three kids that I have always been honest, and open with. No subject of limits, and no judgments made ( oops, except for one daughter-in-law). Two biggies for all, and one for my daughter were.

1. You have 18yrs of your life to be a kid, even if you only live to be 65, thats 47yrs as an adult. Enjoy being young, date, travel, live on and by yourself for atleast a year before sharing your space. As grown as you think you are at 13, you will be different at 16, different again by 18, and so on.

2. Condoms!!! There are much worse things out there than just getting pregnant. If the person your with truly loves you this will not be an issue for them. Pregnant is also something a girl does not want, because you will be on your own except for your family. Over 99% of the time the boys book, because they can.

For my daughter. Most teenage boys are just hormones and really do just think about scoring, even the nicest of them. If he loves you he will never say "if you love me you'll..." that isthe one thing you do not want to hear. Do not let anyone pressure you into anything, and if they are trying to, thats not love it's hormones.

11

May 2007
3:58 PM EDT

They say keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. I don't think everyone will like you and you won't like everyone. There is nothing wrong with that. The problem comes when you act on those bad feelings. For example beating another up because of their race, belief, or sexuality just because you don't like it. Picking on another because of the clothes they wear, their lifstyles, the style of their hair. Is it my imagination or are things getting worse, not better? Kids seem to just get more violent, and cruel. The more it's talked about the worse it gets. To top it off they video tape , or record it on their cell phones, and act proud of themselves. Girls are just as bad as boys.

I got my haircut today. The woman did a wonderful job, but I won't go back. She was a "christian" racist, gay bashing, mine is the only right belief person. I am a live and let live person. I have my own spiritual beliefs, and feel it isn't the one and only way to heaven. I don't believe anyone would choose a gay lifestyle out of the clear one day. Wake up and decide to alienate themselves from disapproving family, and run into a life where people who don't even take the time to know them, judge them on one aspect of their lives. I don't believe people should be judged by the color of their skin. I also don't think they should get advantages because of the color of their skin.

1 comment(s) - 09:54 PM - 05/11/2007

07

May 2007
7:55 AM EDT

It is a beautiful day, and for all intent and purpose all seems well. For some reason I am sad, and more than a little grumpy. I don't know why!! I was online the other day and found some things I might try for depression. I should just go to my dr, but.... It's embarrasing to sit and tell someone the little details that make you seem nuts. I won't go down a grocery aisle if more than one person is in it, I hate to talk on the phone, and don't let people get to close. Sometimes I think a cabin in the UP all alone is the ticket to my sanity.

I know being with Mom is taking it's toll. She isn't bad enough for a nursing home, just bad enough to be annoying to me. The same questions over, and over, and over. The start of dementia, where she isn't really even aware she has started.

What would I do with my life...On one hand I want to say leave. Divorce my husband, pack, disappear, and be by myself. It really isn't them, and if I am not happy now, being alone probly wouldn't help. You have to rely on yourself for your happiness. I do wish I had taken some time for myself, but I was young and not the sharpest tack in the box.

1 comment(s) - 07:48 PM - 05/10/2007

01

May 2007
8:49 AM EDT

Amen to that!! Yesterday I let the two gals working for me know how much I appreciated the help. I had a lot of prep to do, and a not so easy meal to make. Both jumped right in and were such amazing help. I made sure to not only thank them , but to make sure my boss and other cook knew what a special job they did. Right now the people I work with need all the kudos we can give. Management of the care home ,keep making our job more and more difficult. Yesterday they took the hot water nozzle off the sink we spray the dirty dishes off in. We spray them off before putting them into the dish washer. Do you have any idea how difficult that job is with cold water??? What a bunch of morons!!!!!

We have had a lot of animal in our lives. At one time we had a pet deer, goat, peacocks, chickens, 3 dogs, 3 bunnies, a cat, and ducks. Most were here at the same time. This past year we lost a lot, most from old age. Yesterday our last chicken died. We have a goat, a peahen, a bunny, and a dog. We have a temporary boarder now too. A gosling abandoned by his folks is now living with us. I am not positive, but I think he is atleast partially blind. I am a sap for a stray or orphan.

25

Apr 2007
4:03 AM EDT

I would have to say moving away to a different state and then to a different country. Having been raised very strictly, but spoiled the move mad me realize I could do things without help. I could run home, or have people come to me and help.

I was an army wife! The first time we went to Germany my husband picked me up from the airport, pretty much dropped me in a village two towns away from base and went to the field for a week. We had no phone, I didn't have a license(yet), spoke no german, had two small kids, and knew no one. I was scared to death!! Not to mention I had just watched the movie about the holocaust and couldn't help but wonder if those people out my window had been involved.

I got my license, I met other spouses, I learned where things were, and I learned enough german to get me by. I learned to do for and by myself.

I think it is the reason for a lot of marriage break ups, women getting more independant. Don't misunderstand, it is a good thing to be independant, but we all need to feel needed. I told my husband I don't need a man in my life to do everything for me, but I do need him in my life to love me, have my back, and be supportive. I like to think he needs me the same way.

1 comment(s) - 01:38 AM - 05/07/2007

20

Apr 2007
6:57 AM EDT

I work at a fairly easy and well paid job. I make close to $13 an hour to cook or be a kitchen aide, doing dishes ect. All the people I work with are adults, and it's a very relaxed inviroment. We have to make sure people are fed on time, certain jobs done, and things cleaned up. It never ceases to amaze me how much people can gripe about what has to be done, and the time frame to do it in, and they don't do anything. I am an ex smoker and have no problem with people smoking. My problem comes from taking a 15 min break in a 4hr job and turning it into a 30 min break. They sit down and take 15min to eat and then go outside for another 15 to smoke. I wouldn't even mind if they went out acouple times as long as it all adds up to 15 min. We end up behind and out late, and they say I am griping about the smoking. I don't feel I am, but it is your choice to eat or smoke, or even eat and smoke as long as it is for the 15 only.

11

Apr 2007
3:45 AM EDT

It is snowing again. I really don't mind the cold, it's the jumping from cold to hot on a daily basis that can be a challenge.

Work has also been a challenge. Working in the kitchen and being unable to let anything go down the drains has not been a good time.It is a senior care center, and we couldn't wash dishes. We used a lot of paper products. Yesterday we finally got the go ahead to go back to normal, and boy did we have a lot of catching up to do. Hopefully when I go in today all is back to normal. It had something to do with the sewer system.

1 comment(s) - 01:38 PM - 04/16/2007

10

Apr 2007
7:40 AM EDT

What a day yesterday was!! Something was wrong with the sewer at work and we couldn't use the toilets or wash dishes. Talk about being grateful when they announced we could use the toilets. Whew!!! I knew I'd never make it home.lol

I think I need to go back on meds. I really hit a dark wall this past weekends. It is confusing. One person says write a "gratitude journal" always being up, and another says to get it all out. Say in a journal what you don't want to say out loud. I have no trouble saying how wonderful this is, and what a great job that was. It is telling someone they are lazy good for nothings, or other negatives that you don't want to hurt feelings during a fit of anger. Once out of your mouth ,you can't always take it back or have do-overs.

Originaly I started doing "journaling" when a counselor advised I write down everything and how I felt from the momment they said' Your Dad is dead". There was very little Gratitude to write about. Getting it out helped a lot. Of course now I tend to ramble, and I admit 90% is probly negative. I say what I can't say out loud, put the feeling out there, read them , and try to find solutions.

I have many things to be grateful for, and thank my higher power every day.

08

Apr 2007
7:06 AM EDT

I am feeling better today, but I have a lot to work out.

I find I don't give myself enough credit, and I give all my power away. For example... I will ask if she wants to go somewhere with me. She has no trouble saying no. I on the other hand feel I have to say yes regardless of my own feelings so as not to upset her.

Well it is easter so will make the best of it. Dinner is in the oven, and my daughter is coming over.

07

Apr 2007
11:23 AM EDT

I am so stupid!!! I sit here with a 16oz glass of whiskey, crying and feeling sorry for myself. I am so tired of being depressed, and weak.

I am 50 freaking years old. I have grown kids, 9 grandkids, have lived in two countries, and yet that scrawny 79 yr old makes me feel like I am nothing and I let her. It's so dumb!! I think why not write Dr Phil, but I don't want to make her mad. How very sad. It isn't like she was any sort of major success at anything. She was married twice, no actual career just a regular blue collar worker, no high school graduate, two messed up daughters that feel worthless when she is around. She makes us feel like lousy parents, and worthless humans. Oh sure, to others she says we are just peachy, but to us everything we do is stupid.

To my credit... I have wonderful kids whom I love more than anything and I know they love me. I lived in Germany learning to drive and get around with three kids and most of the time alone while my husband was in the field. I have been married 32 yrs to a man I have never doubted loves me more than anything in this world.

I don't understand why things feel like before I moved out. Asking before I do anything, feeling oppressed. I don't know if she loves me, but I am pretty sure she doesn't like me. She seems to think I lie to her, decieve, hide things, and I don't. If I said it was raining and my 8yr old granddaughter who is 8 says it isn't, I must be lying.

Iwant my Dad back!! I always knew he loved me.

03

Apr 2007
12:27 PM EDT

So warm out ,it's hard to believe tomorrow is suppose to bring snow. It isn't a big suprise. We have had some of our worst storms in April.

Easter has snuck up on me. I have decided to let the kids worry about their own kids easter baskets, and I have fixed one for each of my grown kids. Sharing with spouses is optional lol. My husband was in the army for 20yrs, so my three are army brats. We lived in Germany for a good share of that time. A store called ,Aldi, is the same as over there and sells a lot of german goodies. I have fixed baskets full of those goodies for my kids. Hope they like them.

01

Apr 2007
4:31 PM EDT

When I was a kid I did a lot of stupid things, but I was never destructive to others personal stuff. This am , around 4am, I was woke by a bright blue flashing light. The police were out in our yard with a mini van and a car. Kids ,old enough to drive, had torn our yard all up and had gotten stuck. They knew it was private property and they knew what they were doing. I am not sure how the police ended up here, but they did. He told us it was a boy and girl who were messing around and the others had come to help. The boys that showed up to fix the damage claim there was no girl, but we saw her drive off. Luckily for them they did come to fix it, as I was headed to press charges tomorrow. This is the third incident of teens joy riding down in our little area and tearing up yards and the nearby park. It isn't fair that only two came back because there were atleast five of them.

I know it took a lot for the two to come back, but it should never have happened.

31

Mar 2007
5:20 PM EDT

I have been feeling a little down. It could be the extra hours I have been working the last week, and I am just so tired. I start missing my Dad and my dog, Oscar.

Dad dropped dead of a heart attack Sept 93. Aside from just being a super father, he was such a nice man. My dad taught me stuff just like he would have a son. I learned to drive a tractor, hammer a nail, fish, run a boat, ect. He always took me with him to run errands, and was fun to be with. I cry a lot even after all these years. I miss him so much and he's a daily thought.

Oscar had to be put to sleep Aug 06. He is also a daily thought. He was my puppy, even at his older age. It broke my heart to end his life, but the sad look, and loss of happiness in his life let me know it was time. To put it off would have been selfish.

I have been watching the ads, for a mutt puppy to give a home to. I'll probly try the humain society. It is so hard to understand all the unwanted pets out there. Everyone wants the "puppy", but the puppy stage is over so fast.

29

Mar 2007
5:34 PM EDT

If I could tell any young person one piece of advice it would be, don't be in a rush to be an adult. There is a period of time we think we are as grown as we will ever be. Some of us thought that as early as 12. When youconsider you might live until you are 80 there is so much time to be an adult and childhood is fleeting.

Young women, more than men, are looking for the one true love. Enjoy romance, and new love, but don't settle.The person you are at 18 is not the person you'll be at 25 or 30 ect. Enjoy your life. Travel with friends, enjoy having your own space before sharing that space with another. Don't rely on anyone else for your happiness.

I was married at 17 and a mom at 18. It was so hard! I had no friends anymore because I couldn't come and go. I wasn't mature enough, and I got so depressed. I was in such a hurry. Because I have my beautiful kids, and grandkids I have no regrets, but... I often wonder what if?? What if I had gotten a better education? Would our lives have been easier, less money troubles, more security ect?? I don't wish these thought on anyone.

Get an education, start a career, and be choosy.

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madhousewife's Profile

Username: madhousewife

Gender / Age: Female, 68

Location: USA - Michigan

MADHOUSEWIFE's Interests:

About Me: 50 year old Grandma, trying to figure out my own life and identity.

Interests: anything having to do with water, rollercoasters, board games, animals, camping.

Favorite Music: I like all music, but gospel.

Favorite Movies: Horror, comedy

Favorite Television: Ghost Whisperer,

Favorite Books: anything by S.King

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