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    sigay  32, Female, Philippines - 4 comments
24
Oct 2010
7:13 PM PST
   

Fear

What am I afraid of? I fear what I don't know because I may not be able to act against that fear and suffer whatever grave consequence it might bring me. I am afraid of relationships, because it is a commitment, and I might not be able to sustain that commitment, lose patience, and lose the relationship altogether. I am afraid of intimacy, because it would be heart-breaking to be hurt by bringing foul to knowing what I am, my body, my soul and my flesh. I fear love, because it means that I have to take responsibility in taking care of that person, which I am not prepared to do right now. I am selfish, I admit. It is my way of preserving myself. Maybe in time, when I am more mature enough to do these things, then will I have no fear of these.
1 comment(s) - 05:50 PM - 11/01/2010
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    DarkPrincessaMiranda  29, Female, Arizona, USA - 4 comments
23
Dec 2010
7:47 AM
   

Christmas?

Yes, Christmas is in two days, yet it doesn't feel like it at all. Its raining tropical rain, an amazing eclipse. A star dying in a fiery last attempt to reach its light out to us. Something big is coming. We aren't prepared. Whether Aliens, God, or man-made weapons destroy us, its going to be sooner...
1 comment(s) - 12:02 AM - 12/28/2010
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    AnnaW219  25, Female, United Kingdom - 4 comments
23
Dec 2007
2:24 PM EDT
   

just a normal dream

my hometown is bolton and im still living here lol but i whould really love to move to ireland but in the country because inthat place thereis not much trouble it is quiet and peaceful .full of nature surronded by trees and so beautiful.
if you havent guessed im a girl with a dream that can happen and it probably will but i dont just dream of that i dream that i can get a job as a vet live in a big house in ireland and well have a family like anyone elses dream.
The thing is i live in bolton and i go to withins so to do all of that i have work hard so hard the school i am going isnt that good infact it is a really bad school. i want to go to oxford or cambrigde but i no i cant do that at this school people say yes you can if you work hard i say i aint that clever they say i am the arguement can go on there.
im good at singing dancing and acting so im good at praforming arts that aint gonna get me to oxford is it ?
i guess im just a confused girl looking for the write answers i wish someone will just come along and give it to me but that it going to happen well at least i dont think it will.
By Anna Wilson
just a normal girl wanting a normal life
1 comment(s) - 11:09 AM - 01/06/2008
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    liailian  26, Female, China - 4 comments
04
May 2007
11:08 AM HAY
   

wow,long time no see!i 'm very well~~!! what about u my dear friends?
1 comment(s) - 04:24 PM - 05/10/2007
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    jroberts1941  75, Male, Kentucky, USA - 4 comments
05
Jul 2011
7:33 PM
   

trauma fight flight freeze

July 3 Trauma When we are traumatized, we have one or more of the following responses: (1) fight (aggression), (2) flight (physically or psychologically leaving), or (3) freeze (becoming numb). Any of these responses preclude the normal working through of a situation by experiencing and confronting it, assessing options and making choices. When life experiences are not "lived through," they are stored in an unfinished state, absent of adequate closure. It is as if they are stored in suspension without the context that accompanies normal experience. When events are stored by the brain in this manner, they become part of our storehouse of "unfinished business." They form what comes to be the root of a hunger that cries out for action or completion. Today if I see myself acting out impulsively, I will ask myself what wound is trying to be heard and seen. Rather than continue to act out, I will quiet down and listen. In the rooms daily meditation I am willing to know. God gives, but man must open his hand. German proverb
1 comment(s) - 11:42 AM - 08/06/2011
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    silentheart  63, Female, Texas, USA - 4 comments
22
Feb 2015
8:05 PM
   

grateful

I am grateful for my husband, my job, my house, my son, my 3 grandsons, my creativity, and especially my Heavenly Father
1 comment(s) - 06:18 AM - 03/24/2015
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Current Tags: American Research Journals ARJ Online

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    Angel  27, Female, Colorado, USA - 4 comments
03
Nov 2006
9:54 AM EDT
   

hey yallz!!
1 comment(s) - 12:21 PM - 11/17/2006
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    xxemoxxkittyxx  24, Female, Michigan, USA - 4 comments
23
Nov 2007
3:30 PM EDT
   

about me

i am a turely fun girl and i tend to be a bit emoational and umm i rambel on and i am a bit anyoing and i can be a dits some times i look like:
Black hair some blonde at the roots (i have blonde as myy natural hair color)
it wraps around my face and on the right it has a lil flip and on the left it SOMETIMES covers my eye but uaslly it it just fluffy and nice, I have black eyebrws that are kinda cool/evil so it makes these gorges green eyes look amazing! and plain lips ( i ually put a rose colored lipstick on them) and i am kinda tall about 5'3". i haver tiny feet and a tiny figure. i like to have coffe in the morning but i never get too becaus emy parents don't drink it..
i am not allowd to have enery drinks because umm well if you knew me you would be like "kelsey on a redbull..O MY GOD!" i am hyper enough without the enegry drinks lol.
1 comment(s) - 02:56 PM - 07/18/2008
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    LiLMizzSmilee  24, Female, California, USA - 4 comments
28
Nov 2007
6:35 PM EDT
   

My Life x]

Hey Ya'll

Today was gewd I guess... LoL

Tonite I have Youth Group!!! YaY.... I hate my Life Sometimzz... IdK Why I just get stressed out on Gay Things.. But God is here with mee No Matter What!!<3 Meee!

1 comment(s) - 08:50 PM - 11/28/2007
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    chelsealynn15  28, Female, Maine, USA - 4 comments
01
Feb 2007
9:17 AM EDT
   

Today was an ok day, it went by really fast! Sometimes i wish that the day wouldnt just go by as if life was a movie, in fast forward, but then again there are moments where you wish it would play in slow motion. Ha you cant win both ways. I went with my friend yesterday to talk to a consulor and the woman says that im depressed and that i need to find ways to try to get my mind off all the negative things that are happening in my life.. i think writting in my journal is the only way other then drawing. My mom signed me up for a tutor in Bangor and it's 134$ for an assessment to see what i need help in and then 45$ an hour after that! i wasnt about to have my mom pay that much but if that means getting an aducation that i can actually use later on in life and possibly in college then OK. I think im going to go and get my hair cut tonight or possibly tomarrow either or.. i cant wait im going to get blonde on the top and blackish brown ( my hair color know ) underneath. haha yesterday we had a basketball game in howland and we went into overtime twice! we lost though by one point, i played the whole game except for 1 minuite... i was so exhausted that my leg when i went to stand up crampted up and i couldnt even walk! i was so mad that i go taken out of the game.. i wanted to beat the crap out of the girl who was tripping and hitting and smacking (trying) me around! i was pissed. i guess this journal is good for know i'll prob. write tomarrow.. wish me luck on tomarrow's game!!!! .-.Chelsea-Lynn.-.
2 comment(s) - 06:54 AM - 02/02/2007
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    charleyrojo  22, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 4 comments
07
Jul 2007
11:17 AM EDT
   

hi its me charley iwont be writing on here anymore i have a neww blog if u want to see it just go to http://charleyanaveragegirl101.blog.complease look at it and send a comment BY
1 comment(s) - 02:22 PM - 07/07/2007
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    writer1chick  30, Female, New York, USA - 4 comments
03
Apr 2007
12:14 AM EDT
   

Did you ever feel that you couldn't sleep? Even though it was late at night and there's nothing open. But you were in the dancing mood? In a way it is a Great feeling but still you can't saticfie your craveing to dance cause of the time. Well that's how I feel right now. It's 413 in the morning and I'm bored out of my mind wanting to go out and dance.. Just thought I would tell a bunch of people that I don't know if they ever felt the same way...
BY JANIE BERD......
1 comment(s) - 07:35 AM - 04/03/2007
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    anon  29, Female, United Kingdom - 4 comments
05
Feb 2009
9:05 AM EDT
   

what the

i have no confidence!!!

helllllp

i know people say that, but seriously...

1 comment(s) - 08:12 PM - 02/10/2009
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    supercute1  30, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 4 comments
17
Nov 2010
4:38 PM EDT
   

When you love someone

When you love someone, you love all of them. You love the things you don't find loveable and the things you find loveable. Love is the key to evey heartache and the key to every wonder. It fixes a breaking heart and makes a good moment even better. Things that you have in common with someone will turn a friend that you like into someone you love.

Honesty makes a relationship. It makes it clear and it makes it pure. You cannot plan love. Love just falls into place. It falls into the way things are suppose to be all on it's own. Love just happens unexpectedly. Like a peddle falls from a rose very genly and suddenly out of nowhere. Nobody can plan love. Love is love. Love is gantle, love is kind, love is everlasting and love is always there when needed. But most importantly, love is a fighting battle that is very rewarding in the end. A battle worth fighting for.
1 comment(s) - 07:44 PM - 11/19/2010
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    SallysSilentMurders  29, Female, Louisiana, USA - 4 comments
05
Apr 2009
7:30 AM EDT
   

Life isn't fair it's how the world works. I didn't know what I'd do when everyone I cared for had abandoned me in my time of need. But I did realize that if they did that when I needed them the most they were never truly there for me in the first place. So friends I have became ones I had. The ones I care for became those who I no longer care for at all. They tossed me aside when I was fighting for myself inside. I was tearing myself up and they didn't care. So I'm glad they left they did no good for me.
3 comment(s) - 06:54 AM - 05/24/2009
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    cmpolek89  30, Female, Maryland, USA - 4 comments
12
Apr 2009
10:23 AM EST
   

shrink? / ruined Easter / ruined bf's 20th birthday / complete failure.

Isn't Easter supposed to be happy? I used to think so... but I ruined this Easter for everyone that I really care about. I went to church this morning with my bf and his family (mom, dad, brother, brother's fiance) and it was fine. I gave my bf his birthday present (a new golf putter) and he loved it. (My bf's birthday actually happens to be today too.. but I ruined that as well.) We came back to our apartment to relax before going to his grandparents' house at 3 for Easter dinner. The early afternoon was laid back and fine, we watched a couple episodes of the tudors (my new favorite show) and just enjoyed the day off. We left at 2:45 to go to his grandparents' house. I've been goofing off looking for new jobs and trying to figure out a career for after college, and I started telling him that my college education kind of seems like a waste so far. I'm in huge amounts of debt and I'm a business administration major because I have no actual interests or hobbies. I recently thought about becoming a Real Estate agent, which requires no college education, and I started telling him that I had (SLIGHTLY) considered dropping out, it just wasn't worth it financially. Instead of calmly talking to me about it, my bf yelled at me and told me I was smarter than that, and I need to finish school. He told me if I drop out then my parents "win" (they "predicted" that I'd never make it in life) and I couldn't let that happen. I just feel like my life is so worthless. Honestly, when I think about it, I think the reason I want to drop out of school is to give me a real excuse to be depressed so people wouldn't be so surprised if I eventually killed myself or did something stupid. I just want an easy way out. I don't want to deal with all the stuff life has thrown at me. I want it easy..

What I couldn't stand about this whole thing is just that he had to yell... Just like I have major issues in my life that need to be resolved, he needs to calm down his anger problem a little bit, but he won't admit he even has a problem. He told me he yells because nothing else gets through to me (true). But him yelling makes me cry. I told him I couldn't live with him next year if he keeps it up, and I got out of the car. He drove to the top of the hill and stopped and made me get back in the car when I got there. We argued for probably 20 more minutes outside his grandparents' apartment and I cried, and he got pissed, and I tried to convince him to go inside and pretend everything was ok -- he said no way -- and eventually he went inside and told everyone he was taking me home because we were fighting. He brought me home (silence the whole way) and then left to go back. He was crying a bit when he left.. he said he needed to talk to them (not me). Only problem is... his mom loves me to the point where she assumes everything is always his fault and I'm always right. She's lost her senses.

I have huge problems here. First: I'm bringing my drama-filled life into his family's life (ruining their Easter holiday, for example), and too much into his (ruining his birthday, always breaking down to him, etc). Second: I'm an emotional mess. He thinks I might be bipolar?�Either that or he says I'm just a great actress because I can pretend to be so happy some days, then just break down with emotion other days. Third: my boyfriend deserves so much better than the shit I put him through. He's never done anything wrong, and I take everything out on him. Every bitchy day I have, he sees the repercussions of that bitchy day. It's not fair, but I don't have anyone else to go to, to vent to. I'm thisclose to being willing to give him up so he can have a better life. He sure as hell deserves it. But he would be so heartbroken if we broke up. I would be so heartbroken if we broke up. But then my other dilemma.. I don't have anywhere to go if we broke up. And even if he went home and I stayed at our apartment, I don't have the money to pay for our apartment (and he paid for half of everything we bought for the place..). Neither of us can afford the place on our own. And I couldn't survive without him.. I would literally have no one. (Ok, not literally, but close enough. I don't have any close friends, just a bunch of semi-close friends. No one that I feel like I could turn to in a time of need though. Not like that.)

I don't know whether I should..

1. let him go (which would be putting his needs first, letting myself collapse, and hurting him so much)

or..

2. try to stick through it -- if he'd even agree (which would be putting me/us first, ensuring that,�selfishly, I would still have a place to call�"home", and still�hurting him -- look at my track record of hurting him, I hurt his feelings almost every other day)

Does anyone else think I probably need to see a shrink to sort out my issues and emotions? Anyone with experience (self or otherwise) think I�have some kind of disorder that could be making my up-and-down emotional roller coaster so much more fierce? Anyone in the Baltimore area know of a trustworthy psychologist/psychiatrist that maybe specializes in teenagers/family therapy?�Or maybe that's not what I�need? I don't know. Please talk to me..

1 comment(s) - 02:27 AM - 04/13/2009
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    Cinderella  26, Female, United Kingdom - 4 comments
23
May 2007
5:29 PM WEDT
   

Ok, what do you do? My parents are practically forcing me to go to veterinary school when i want to be a writer and i like my best friend. i just wanna scream!

please! someone help me!
2 comment(s) - 05:48 AM - 07/19/2007
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    nothingleft  37, Female, New York, USA - 4 comments
29
Mar 2008
4:32 PM EST
   

All alone 2

This weekend I had my friend over and thinking that I wouldn't feel like shit and still I do. This really sucks and I don't know how to get me out of this mess. My heart breaks more and more. I cut my wriste to help with some of the pain that is my heart because I admitte it I fucked up. Everything is my fault I try being nice and calem and it just back fires in my face. I want Joshua Noel Martinez from Yonkers, New York. I just want him I don't care how I get him. I can change for him anything I have to do.

I will even kill myself if he doesn't come back since I am about 7 months with his kid and he know.

Tags: all alone
1 comment(s) - 08:38 PM - 04/06/2008
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    myredhighheels75  25, Male, Texas, USA - 4 comments
31
Oct 2006
5:47 PM EDT
   

wuz up???
2 comment(s) - 06:56 PM - 03/17/2007
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    athena4595  18, Female, Ohio, USA - 4 comments
27
Oct 2011
4:42 PM EST
   

I like someone

I really don't get this bloging thing but i'll try but I have a question four u do u think I should ask this guy out that I'ved liked forever



� � � � � � � � � � � vote yes or no inur comments below

4 comment(s) - 02:47 AM - 02/03/2012
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