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    Ranilyn  29, Female, Canada - 26 entries
Sep 2012
10:09 PM MDT

Day Before School + House keys!

Look at that. I'm seventeen, driving, and FINALLY entrusted with house keys. And Dad nearly changed his mind about it too - after I demonstrated my perchance to lose things again yesterday. Dearie me.

Ha! Am I the only one who thinks its funny that I got my set of house keys in my grade 12 year and Janette's had hers since kindergarden? *Wry grin* Then again, she's always been more responsible and practical than I am. She's so down to earth and independent...I really could take a page out of her book.

Anyway, day before school and all that...registration, then Grade 10 tours, and school stuff I guess...Oh, and Jared's single again...not that I'm surprised as usual - I could tell it was a summer fling. For his sake and the girl's I had hoped that it was something lasting. I guess all I can say is WATCH OUT! to the female population. As for me, I think I'd like a nice guy who I can joke and argue - found someone I could like in the surprising form of a - note, younger - childhood friend. But he is, in the end, one of the kids I grew up with...almost a younger brother or cousin.

Even if he is a bit cute, and funny. And a pretty decent person. And charismatic. Doesn't help that we laugh a lot together, and we argue in a way that is so much fun.

Hmm...didn't expect to go on to this tangent when I started this entry.

Alright, let's see....good things...good things...
This year's going to be a fantastic year; the best one yet. I just KNOW it. :)
Rejuvenated and ready to tackle anything.
Ah! Gained back some of the weight that I scarily lost during May-June-ish...feeling healthy. Phew.
Coming to the realization that, you know, I have some really good friends. Seriously, I didn't realize how close we were and how I actually have this group of people that I could rely for support if I need it.

There's more, of course. But let's end it here. Things I gotta do!

OH wait, drama watch: Secret Garden. OH my goodness, can I say it was HILAROUS when Oksa and the Director finally realizes what's going on?! And LOL to Oska's method of forcing the cute side character (boy, is he cute!) to sign the contract. Okay, that's enough fan girl for now. :)
2 comment(s) - 09:46 PM - 09/26/2012
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    Ranilyn  29, Female, Canada - 26 entries
Jun 2011
8:23 PM MDT

Not much I can say for what happened today...I would've like to leave a more detailed entry, but I am really tired right now. Today was good, but long.

I woke up rather late this morning. However, seeing as I was on the phone with Janette until about 4:30 this morning, I'll say it was expected. What I didn't expect was a phone call from Kim inviting over� for a Harry Potter movie marathon. With a bit of grumbling (silent and internal, of course) I agreed to go over. It was a good bit of fun actually with Kim, Jin and Steven. We stayed till 8 and somehow Jin and Steven went home with me and stayed till about 10. Then we proceeded to play dutch blitz while calling Sandra to make her jealous. And then Steven, the silly guy, refused to borrow a sweater for his walk home, or use any bug spray for the mosquitos. Seriously!

Not that I didn't want to go - I did want to hang out a bit with Kim and co - but hey, I have one week before summer school starts...and for a week that I had originally intended for some reviving and relaxing chill-at-home time, I seem to have some out and about activity planned for every single day this week.

Monday: Well, I did nothing...but seing as I woke up at 12:30 and didn't do a whole lot, it was a bit of a waste of a good day.
Tuesday: There was the Dovercourt reunion which turned out surprisingly well...and with some interesting results. Oh right, piano concert too.
Wednesday: Harry Potter movie marathon!
Thursday: We're all headed to Sandra's place for a crazy water balloon fight.
Friday: Hopefully nothing.
Saturday/Sunday : The usual weekend thing. And I hope, and boy, do I hope, that Jiat wen will not try to pull off a sleepover weekend thing. I really don't think I can handle more outings right now.

Then we're back to school on Monday. Oh joy...summer school.

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    JustKeepSmiling :)  31, Female, California, USA - 2 entries
Feb 2011
7:41 PM CDT

What do you say when you want a friend to feel better? The truth is no one believes a person when they say, "I know how you feel." How can anyone possibly understand.

But I do. I went through pain and suffering. Maybe different circumstances, but the feelings are the same. For everyone on this Earth. So why are there still people out there who don't have compassion or empathy? Or at least some sympathy? We have all hurt in some way or another. Others hide it better than others but pain is pain. It hurts. It weighs down on you like a heavy brick. And each day you keep on smiling and lying to yourself more bricks get added every day until your stuck and can't go on anymore.
That's why it's so important to be open with your friends. To vent! To let some of that poison out even if it means they are going to scream and cry in front of me, curse, throw things. It's better than to hide it and allow it to fester and grow into a monster that you can no longer control.
I did that. I was stupid and 16. No wonder right? But I learned the hard way. Now, I am older and hopefully wiser. I wish people could understand the foolishness of such emotions like, hate and anger. How they don't help you at all and they only make your life harder and more miserable. Like Buddha said, I can't really quote it perfectly but it goes something like this: "Anger is like holding a hot coal in your hands with the intention of throwing it at the other person. But all you are doing is burning your own hand."
You get it? I didn't. Not when I was 16 I didn't! I was sooo full and blinded by my anger and resentment against my mother and the abandonment I felt that I let it take me over. My entire life and youth for that matter. I became this emotional vampire, dark, alone, and depressed. Severely depressed. I blamed her for everything. I hated her. I wanted to see her to feel pain because I was suffering.

Yup. Anger can make people do stupid things. That's why it doesn't make sense to me anymore why people would stick with it.
For example, my parents had this nasty divorce. Did I mention it's been 2 years now...and of course they won't give up to anything meanwhile their blood sucking lawyers already took my college money.
Yes, my life is complicated. But I looked at those two children that are my parents and bless them. I do. I say to myself, "Thank God that I learned from their terrible mistakes. That I am stronger now. That I learned." I go on with my day, seeing my mother and father, who believe me have horrible secrets and issues. They just won't admit it. From my alcoholic father, to my insecure mother who always finds the worst man to be with, (on purpose). It's sad truth be told.
But I am so lucky to have my older sister. Sure, she can steal my clothes and ruin two fabulous pairs of shoes....and mess with my food that one time. Nevertheless, I love her. No matter what, I have her back and she has mine.

In conclusion, no matter how messed up or complicated your life is, you need at least ONE person to be there and say, "I'm here for you. I love you. I think your hurting and angry and are saying this right now that later in life I know you will laugh at with me....and I see your hurt. But just know that you aren't crazy. Your not. Your a good person." Yes, everyone has the potential of being a good person. It's the higher road, and also the harder one. I just wish my friend can muster up the courage to really tell me whats on her mind and heart. Even if she tells someone else, I wouldn't care. I just want to see her better. Happy and well. Wether or not we are still friends when she does. When you care about a person that really doesn't matter. Just as long as they are happy.
1 comment(s) - 11:49 PM - 01/29/2012
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    vampiricakatt  28, Female, Minnesota, USA - 102 entries
Jun 2010
10:34 AM EDT


okay so I had to call the cops on my parents big deal, i have to watch my dad get drunk everynight so what,� I have to move away from the town i grew up in, Oh well, I wont be with my best friend, I have to deal with it, Things are never going to change, That better not come true. this is what is going on i told my grandparents i rather go to�a foster home then to live with my mom. and that i rather die then to see my dad get drunk everynight. No big deal. Right???
1 comment(s) - 07:17 PM - 06/02/2010
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Current Tags: friends, pain, parents, sorrow, wonder

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    samflieskites  33, Female, Florida, USA - First entry!
May 2010
12:56 PM EDT

"Rich Bitch" -17/05/10

Dear Diary,������������� <----� scratch that, it's gay.�who�does that anymore?�

I'm sort of getting sick & tired of people saying I'm a "rich bitch". I keep telling them I am definately not and they don't believe me. Psh, yeah, I go to concerts, I have a bigger house than most people at my school, I go on alot of trips. So what? Besides, kay, I go to concerts every once & awhile when there is one I like, and my dad gets a discount on the tickets anyways. I have a bigger house
than most people at my school because here in Brampton, (well, around this area) there aren't many big houses & people don't have alot of money & live in apartments & those ugly chicken coop homes. And, okay, I go to Florida every year because my grandma owns a condo down there. MY GRANDMA get that in your mind. She is retired OF COURSE SHE HAS MONEY! And I've been on two cruises so what? They were still mostly paid by my grandma. Goodness, people need to mind their own buisiness.�Most of�my friends get spoiled. They buy hollister, bench, tna, abercrombie. Even though Tna & Bench is crap clothing they still get it. Not saying I want it, because I don't, I just think it's un-necessary for them to be getting all mad at me because I do things and have things that they don't when their parents are going off & buying them all this expensive shit for easter and for other stupid things.

Get over that it doesn't matter what we have. It's the person on the inside that counts.
Gosh, get a life and mind about your own.
1 comment(s) - 09:21 PM - 05/18/2010
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Current Tags: Rich, Abercrombie, Bench, Bitch, Friends, Hollister, Rich Bitch, Spoiled, Tna

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    vampiricakatt  28, Female, Minnesota, USA - 102 entries
May 2010
7:02 AM EDT

Girl inside the lines

I am the girl
Who doesn't fix the world
as expected this is me
Expected to do certain things
Im expected to run and jump when Told
To sit there and take the beating
When someone else is mad
Im expected to be there
When someone else is sad
I'm expected to be the one
Everyone goes to
Expected to be the one
to save the day
I fight everyone else's problems head on
But tend to forget my own
So here I am
Writing this poem
Judge me if you want
But Im already alone
there's no point in killing me
because I'm already dead
I'm in a bath of blood and no one knows
so here I am once again
Tags: friends, Me, sorrow
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    vampiricakatt  28, Female, Minnesota, USA - 102 entries
May 2010
7:16 AM EDT

The Truth behind my Lies again

I mean it to it hurts Does she not get it. �I have more problems then she can imagen and she gets mad at me saying I'm Causing her more drama. and that everything is my fult when I ask her to stop hitting me.
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    vampiricakatt  28, Female, Minnesota, USA - 102 entries
May 2010
6:58 AM EDT

Truth behind My lies

What doesn't cheyenne get I'm done being her friend. She thinks its okay to call me names and wants me to be her punching bag Im so f-ing sick of it she keeps asking me to be her friend. I not her punching bag she bit me once it hurt so bad and she broke the skin she wasn't even mad at me. she was mad at her boyfriend.
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    vampiricakatt  28, Female, Minnesota, USA - 102 entries
Apr 2010
10:55 AM EDT

Why god why

my ex-friend cheyenne crossed the line last night she called me a dum bitch, a fat whore, and an emo fuck I didn't do anything to her and this is what I get. and i felt so much like cutting
3 comment(s) - 07:45 PM - 04/30/2010
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    vampiricakatt  28, Female, Minnesota, USA - 102 entries
Apr 2010
12:03 PM EDT

falling face down

Its not really i mean by "falling face down" as like everything in my life is falling face down my best friend doesn't want me to go to the arts school she is going to next year and I worked �my butt off doing all the work and such to get in and I want my ocarina its a flute type thing it comes on a necklace and I would bring it everywhere and play it. And i would also look like link from the game! Ha!
5 comment(s) - 01:38 PM - 04/29/2010
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