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    GoodEnough  52, Female, Arizona, USA - 2 entries
05
Jul 2013
6:43 AM MST
   

4th of July awakening :(

177I told myself that without a committed relationship I would maintain my distance from Shawn, I have grown tired of being involved in a 'Friend With Benefits' arrangement.� I have told myself this over and over since March, it is now July and still it continues.

Last night he invited me to use the pool.� I knew deep down that it wasn't so much as the invite to use the pool as much as it was his need to have sex, and still, I found my way over there.

During a conversation with his daughter in the kitchen, she had mentioned how he had become so intoxicated during a trip they took out of state that he continuously called out for his ex-wife, it was then that I think I hit rock bottom, the rug was pulled out from under me and my heart sank like a rock thrown in a pool.

What am I doing?� Why am I allowing myself to be held responsible for the pain she caused him?� I am not her and I deserve more.

Last night was our last night together, I can't continue this arrangement we have knowing that it will never amount to more that just an occasional lay for him.� For me, it has much more emotional value then that.

Goodbye Shawn, I wish you luck.
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Current Tags: denial, future, hurt, pain, past, relationship, Shawn

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    babygirl95  24, Female, Indiana, USA - 6 entries
15
Apr 2011
2:53 PM MST
   

Just One?

I wrote down everything about what had happened, but�it got deleted... Maybe it was for the best.�
�Maybe things will get better now that I let it all out. Or maybe they will get worse.
� Latly everything seems to just be getting worse. School, my relationships with my friends, the thoughts, the memories.
� I'm not sure how to deal with it all. I know how I used to cope but... I promised him I would stop. And I will NOT break that promise! Not again...

I keep telling myself that if I could just hold out a little longer things will get better but I wait, and wait, and wait, and nothing changes.

� Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm just not meant to be trully happy. There are times when I start to think that I could actually be happy but then something else happens.
� I know crap happens to everyone but for once could the world give me a break?! for just five minutes?! I just want one day were I dont' have to worry about things going wrong. One day when I don't have those thoughts. One day were I don't have to be afraid of me having a melt down in front of my family and friends.�
��� One day. That's all I want.

Tags: day, one, pain
4 comment(s) - 04:58 PM - 10/01/2011
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Current Tags: day, one, pain

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    vampiricakatt  23, Female, Minnesota, USA - 102 entries
02
Jun 2010
10:34 AM EDT
   

WHY!

okay so I had to call the cops on my parents big deal, i have to watch my dad get drunk everynight so what,� I have to move away from the town i grew up in, Oh well, I wont be with my best friend, I have to deal with it, Things are never going to change, That better not come true. this is what is going on i told my grandparents i rather go to�a foster home then to live with my mom. and that i rather die then to see my dad get drunk everynight. No big deal. Right???
1 comment(s) - 07:17 PM - 06/02/2010
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Current Tags: friends, pain, parents, sorrow, wonder

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    vampiricakatt  23, Female, Minnesota, USA - 102 entries
13
May 2010
7:12 AM EDT
   

I am here once again

You scream and yell
And i just sit there
You call me names and such
and I don't care
Your pushing me and pushing me
Closer to the edge
you rag and rag
and All I said
was have a good day
When I didn't want to talk
you took it the wrong way
and now here I am
here again
Broken down inside
what you don't get
Is that what you say hurts me
no matter what I don't do it to you
why do you do it to me?
So have a good life
Because I'm gone
And never will be seen again
By
Katt Gravlin
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Current Tags: bullies, hurt, pain, sorrow

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    vampiricakatt  23, Female, Minnesota, USA - 102 entries
13
May 2010
6:59 AM EDT
   

down for the count

bam Thump i hit the floor
no one notices my screams and yells for help
I feel the blood trickle down my cheek
I feel the pain inside of me
The blood has spread to my lips
inside my mouth with a busted lip
I feel the hot tears go down
my cheek as I cry
He stands over me wishing i would die
Everything he's done
everything he's said
Was a lie
and always will be.
By
Katt Chapman
Tags: Hurt, pain, Sorrow
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    BoyerC  27, Male, Pennsylvania, USA - First entry!
14
Nov 2009
7:40 PM EDT
   

Why A War

We listen to their cries of pain,

As we take the enemy's name in vein.

For they too think alike,

And release their rage with a terrible might.

So why a war, this war we fight,

Does peace not shed its golden light?

Instead we give eachother hell,

And along the way, others as well.

This war must end, some way, some how,

It must end not later, but now.

For in the end no one wins,

In the end it's only sins.

So why a war, this war we fight,

Is their no end in my sight?

2 comment(s) - 06:31 PM - 06/06/2010
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Current Tags: fight, light, love, pain, vain, war, Why

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    loveKL92  27, Female, Ohio, USA - 18 entries
06
Oct 2009
8:21 AM EDT
   

Daughter for daughter?

Dear mother,

you've hurt me you see,

you could never believe in me.

Can't you see that.

dear mother,

you chose between your own daughters,

left one for the slaughter,

and stole the other one away.

Dear mother,

you hurt your own daughter,

or did i hurt my-self?

Dear Mother,

Why am i satan's child from hell?

Well wat if i,

grew wings and fly.

would you believe in me the way you should?

Or what if i,

broke down to cry,

would you hold me like you should?

Or what if i throw my self out a second story window,

would you care for me,

dying in my own reflection,

can't you see?:

You chose between your own daughters,

only if I was smarter,

Maybe you would've choosen me?

You chose between your own daughers,

and now one's no longer,

willing to fight,

since you left her life.

Dear mother,

I'm sorry for who i've been,

but you can't change who i am,

so i let this go....

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Current Tags: being abbandond, daughters, honesty, hurt, mom, pain

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    loveKL92  27, Female, Ohio, USA - 18 entries
24
Sep 2009
8:29 AM EDT
   

FOR TABBY

She looked into his eyes,

time after time,

to now believe that she would never,

again,

See those eyes,

that always made her smile.

"So remember,

it's never Good-Bye;

Just see you in a while,"

he said as he spoke,

about the dead.

"Remember,

it's the smiles,

that mean so much more,

than tears.

Let God unsurpress all of your fears."

She smiled and bowed her head,

as her eyes turned red,

because of tears she's tasted,

knowing this time,

they weren't wasted.

KL

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Current Tags: death, kl, loss, pain, poem, suicide

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    loveKL92  27, Female, Ohio, USA - 18 entries
21
May 2009
3:48 AM EDT
   

Razor blade kisses
She’s dreaming,
It’s the nightmare again,
She flying,
Flying to see him.
Just to find,
That he’s not there.
She’s bleeding; she wants to.
It’s strange isn’t it?
Her little silver friend,
Her little blue towel,
Her little clear bottle,
She’s about to break down.
She’s thinking,
Don’t do it,
Some other part says yes.
So with one quick motion,
She’s done it again,
Again,
And again.
She’s stuck in between,
Some place,
Called misery and peace.
Some where that everyone’s,
Dying, hiding, or lying.
Where some of us wouldn’t,
Dare to go.
A place that’s never calm,
She opens her eyes,
To see,
That she’s been razor blade kissed.
She holds the silver relief,
In her hand.
Opens her mouth,
But cannot speak,
Stuck on the streets of
Misery and peace.
She bleeds as she cries,
As she watched the world,
As they all say their good-byes.
This time, it won’t be her time to cry.
3 comment(s) - 06:30 AM - 05/27/2009
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Current Tags: cutting, injury, kl, pain, poem, self harm

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    loveKL92  27, Female, Ohio, USA - 18 entries
12
May 2009
8:06 AM EDT
   

Lost by. KL � copyright 2009

Today,

I feel lost,

because in all reality,

this is what it costs.

I'm upset and broken,

toren down and misspoken.

Today,

I feel lost.

Over there,

I see it,

somethings telling me,

to pull away.

But even as I do,

it will help to dance the pain away.

Today,

I'm lost.

Tags: kl, lost, pain, poems
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