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    GoodEnough  53, Female, Arizona, USA - 2 entries
05
Jul 2013
6:43 AM MST
   

4th of July awakening :(

177I told myself that without a committed relationship I would maintain my distance from Shawn, I have grown tired of being involved in a 'Friend With Benefits' arrangement.� I have told myself this over and over since March, it is now July and still it continues.

Last night he invited me to use the pool.� I knew deep down that it wasn't so much as the invite to use the pool as much as it was his need to have sex, and still, I found my way over there.

During a conversation with his daughter in the kitchen, she had mentioned how he had become so intoxicated during a trip they took out of state that he continuously called out for his ex-wife, it was then that I think I hit rock bottom, the rug was pulled out from under me and my heart sank like a rock thrown in a pool.

What am I doing?� Why am I allowing myself to be held responsible for the pain she caused him?� I am not her and I deserve more.

Last night was our last night together, I can't continue this arrangement we have knowing that it will never amount to more that just an occasional lay for him.� For me, it has much more emotional value then that.

Goodbye Shawn, I wish you luck.
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Current Tags: denial, future, hurt, pain, past, relationship, Shawn

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    4d9rfan4life  53, Female, Arizona, USA - 15 entries
19
Jun 2012
2:25 AM CDT
   

The conversation

So despite that Shawn and I seemed to hit it off, both on the phone and then in person, we seemed to be heading in the opposite direction.

We were so comfortable with each other that it felt as though we were best friends for many many years, to the point that we somehow managed to keep from crossing a line, one that neither of us put down, but obviously was there.

So for the last week, contact between us has been sporadic.� So I finally asked him the other day, what's going on?� To my surprise, he was wondering the same thing.� So after deciding that perhaps we are just better off as friends, he totally turned the tables on me, something that no one, no man in my life has ever done.� He is pleading his case on why we should give it another shot, a second date.

In the movie, Jerry Maguire, that scene where he is told to 'Shut Up', 'You had me at Hello'... now I get the exact depth of that saying.� I have never been so speechless in my life, I have never been so flattered.
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Current Tags: Date, Friend, Second, Shawn

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    4d9rfan4life  53, Female, Arizona, USA - 15 entries
12
Jun 2012
7:23 PM CDT
   

Date with Shawn....

So our date has come and gone, it was an awesome time, great evening, great company, what more can I ask for?

After meeting up at BullShooters in Phoenix and playing a few rounds of pool, we headed over to his house for a barbecue and some swimming.�

Although this situation would never have taken place prior, I found myself feeling very comfortable with him, it is actually a very nice change of pace for me.

So for now, he is going to call me when he gets home from work.� I hope that we make another set of plans to see each other real soon, I really thoroughly enjoyed myself and I think he did too.
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Current Tags: Club, Date, Friend, Laughter, Shawn

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    4d9rfan4life  53, Female, Arizona, USA - 15 entries
09
Jun 2012
8:24 PM CDT
   

In a few hours.... wow!

So am I getting nervous that the date between Shawn and myself is less than a day away... surprisingly, no!

I think that since we took the opportunity to talk as much as possible, putting everything on the table that was asked, I think that makes the pending meeting not such a nervous or stressful thing.

Don't get me wrong, there are going to be nerves in play just on the idea that we have never met before, but I believe it is going to go real well.

As for the meeting place, it is at a very well known and semi-busy place, even for a Sunday.

As for Colin.... you know I haven't heard from him since sending that email in which I believed it was best for us to go our seperate ways.� I hope that he is okay, I really do, but at this time, I couldn't really tell you.
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Current Tags: Club, Date, Friend, Laughter, Meet, New, Shawn

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    4d9rfan4life  53, Female, Arizona, USA - 15 entries
05
Jun 2012
6:20 PM CDT
   

To smile a smile... its great!

Since meeting Shawn on the dating site, my days seem as though there is more color in everything I view, I find that I can laugh at myself, laugh to myself and just smile for no reason... most of the time it is from something that he said during any one of our conversations.

Although we had initially agreed to meet in a couple of weeks, we both can't wait that long.� If he's not considering a chance to come out here to meet me, I am considering a chance to go down there to meet him, it's a crazy, whirlwind, lack of planning notion and one that we have both came very close to doing at one time or another.

So we swapped ideas, made some changes that we both felt comfortable with and will be seeing each other on Sunday.

Is it possible to find someone so perfect for me and not even know him yet?

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Current Tags: Dating, Friend, Fun, Happy, Laughter, On-line, Shawn

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