I wrote down everything about what had happened, but it got deleted... Maybe it was for the best.
Maybe things will get better now that I let it all out. Or maybe they will get worse.
Latly everything seems to just be getting worse. School, my relationships with my friends, the thoughts, the memories.
I'm not sure how to deal with it all. I know how I used to cope but... I promised him I would stop. And I will NOT break that promise! Not again...
I keep telling myself that if I could just hold out a little longer things will get better but I wait, and wait, and wait, and nothing changes.
Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm just not meant to be trully happy. There are times when I start to think that I could actually be happy but then something else
I know crap happens to everyone but for once could the world give me a break?! for just five minutes?! I just want one day were I dont' have to worry about things going wrong. One day when I
don't have those thoughts. One day were I don't have to be afraid of me having a melt down in front of my family and friends.
One day. That's all I want.
okay so i was told that it wasnt healthy to go back and read your journals, well, only if you wrote one when you were mad.
but i guess i can put this entry in that category. I have list of frusterations. I orderd my textbooks form my english class and one of them arrived and the other has not. The one that did is the
wrong one! I really didnt spend that much on it but still the fact that i spend money on it and for it to be the wrong one! IM PISSED, I really hope that today i go home and my other book has
arrived. That is the most important one, i have like a ton of homework in that specific book and i ordered it like 2 weeks ago. This has been buggin me all week. Im an impatient person but this is
rediculous already. I NEED THEM. Another thing that is bothering me is that my boyfriend Jorge really doesnt call me throughout the day like he used to. He used to text me whenever he got a chance
and now he doesnt even try. It makes me a little skeptical of what he might be up to. But Like I always say, "leave it in gods hands" I pray that he keeps me from heartache and that I no longer
have to worry about what he is up to. I really need to concentrate on my self. No more worring about others. Im young and beautiful and i shouldn't have to worry if someone is going to cheat on me!
As long as i have my family, they are really all i need. I thank god for them being a part of my life and having such a big role. I really dont know where i would be without them. I dont need a man
to make me feel happy, or wanted. All i need is myself and my family and friends. Guys are just acessories! WE dont need them, but we can have them if we WANT them, I just need to concentrate on me
and my future and that is final!!! Sometime i loose sight of that and i cant do that anymore! I wont!!!