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I love when someone can look you in the eyes and lie to you like it is the truth.  Not even blinking twice.  How do you love someone when u are sending pics of urself naked to other girls? You are talking to them on the internet. Have you ever thought that might be the reason why your wife doesn't want anything to do with you anymore.  You can't be trusted even if you try to be.  Just be a man and grow up. If you want to be with someone else then fucking do it. Don't waste my time. there are other fish out in the sea and I can have which ever I please.  I don't NEED you I choose to be with you.  i don't use you because of your body or what money you do have.  If i wanted someone that has all of that then i sure in the hell wouldn't be with you. I am because I love you. Every part of you even when no one else wants to look at you because of what you say and what you do I am still there. but I have also come to realize that I am not the only one that you are reaching out to.  I know you fucked her.  You don't have to lie anymore, just know that you lost me for good.  No coming back i don't care what is going on with you. yeah that might sound mean but i can't take this anymore. The bad part is when i blue toothed you those ringtones.....i could also get your pics off of your phone....didn't think I was that tricky did you.  well off to start a new day and think about what my next move is. I hope you have a good life being a whore.  Don't catch anything......i wish you the best of luck.  I hate you!

I did something really stupid a while back and I ended up messing around with my boyfriend's brother(wayne).  Well we ended up doing this for almost 4 years.  I am currently with the same boyfriend(billy).  Everyone now knows what had happened.

Ok now wayne has gone back to his wife.  The same person that he absolutely hated da da dada da blah blah blah.  I listened to him for almost three years bitch about everything that she did while they were together.  How she doesn't know how to take care of his son and how he wished that I was his son's mother and all this other bullshit.  Now he knew exactly what to do and how to say to make me believe a lot of shit.   So anyways....He is back with his wife...and I am back with Billy.  We have all made it past what has happened.  But there is something that is bothering me.  Everytime that wayne has something new that he is working on for his son or some new that he got he has to show me and not just show me but go totally out of his way to show me.  I don't understand this.  Then when he has something to say and his wife is sitting there with us all he has to look at me the whole time. And when you have been with someone  and you know that look when you are having a real converstation....it was that look.  Now i am sitting there trying to look at everyone else even when he is talking to me because it makes me feel uncomfortable to sit there and know that he is looking at me like that.  I don't know if this makes me sound childish, but i know how is very young wife is very jealous and goes crazy over the stupidest thing.  So that is also where it comes in that I look around the room and at the floor instead of looking at him while he is talking because i get those eyes.  It is like he is trying to proove to me that he made the right decision.

The bad part about the whole thing is I was head over heels for Wayne.  I know that sounds horrible, but in some cases I now believe you can't help who you love.  If the attraction is there and the bonding is there it can happen.  
I am the type of woman that does everything in her power for the man that she is with.  I made sure he had clean clothes for work every day and laid them out for him.  I laid out his clothes for when he got home all he had to do was jump in the shower and by the time he was done with that all he had to do was dress and eat. He always came home to a clean house so he wouldn't have to worry about anything except to relax.  Yes I was spoiled I didn't have to work, but i worked for him so he didn't have to worry about anyting else.  I made love to him whenever he wanted it no matter what because he was my man.  so he goes back to his wife that is constantly messed up on pills to the point that she can't even think about what her son might be doing or what he is getting into.  He went back to where he is having to go to work every day and then turn around and worry about how he is going to carry his wife into the house and put her and his son to bed.  And then he is having to wash his own clothes and the only time he eats is if he goes and gets fast food or he eats at his mom's .  What in the heck would make a man leave someone like me for a druggy?   I just don't understand this anymore. 

The bad part is that I am getting tired of Billy as well. I have heard all my life I will change I will change and nothing has changed.

I want to know when I am going to find a man that does appreciate a woman that takes care of her man. I want to know when it will be good and I will have no worries about someone cheating on me anymore.  It was different when I was in my early 20s but come on....it gets old.

I will be posting more of my drama soon.  If you have any advice please let me know.

 

12/12/09 7pm

Well, today I'm having some emotional struggles up and downs.  I've had moments that my heart jumps and think on how prior to exactly 7 days ago he used to always ask me if I still love him (constantly) and that If I was his, and I'd ask him if he's mine and that if he has eyes for me only or if he's always faithful to me while he's at work, he'd always answer yes and I'd always answer yes too.....  today, we don't care to ask that to each other any more. 

I found out he has been making "social" phone calls to different community hotlines for a while now..... when I first discovered it over 4 months ago he swore up and down that it was a co-worker who he was lending his phone to, yeah right!  I confronted him about a recent activity which happened to be on a day that I was visiting my mom who was sick over at a hospital which was over 1 1/2 hr drive.  When I discovered this he said it was not him, that the phone is acting up, he also did it during a day that we spent at DMV to inspect his vehicle to get it back on the road again.  WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?WHYYYYYYYYY????????????????? gosh, it hurts soooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He finally admitted it, looked at my crying and swore that nothing bad ever happened, that he never spent a penny on it., and that he won't do it again because he loves me, I believe him. 

I won't lye, I've been checking the phone records, no sign of daring calls like that, but then I wonder if he's using his business phone to do those calls, or maybe even meet someone physically or be with someone physically while he's at work, I worry so much, it's not even funny.  It's very very very hard to trust him again.

Can someone outthere gimme please some encouraging words.  I'm hurting so much, I love this man soooooo much!

 We listen to their cries of pain,

As we take the enemy's name in vein.

For they too think alike,

And release their rage with a terrible might.

So why a war, this war we fight,

Does peace not shed its golden light?

Instead we give eachother hell,

And along the way, others as well.

This war must end, some way, some how,

It must end not later, but now.

For in the end no one wins,

In the end it's only sins.

So why a war, this war we fight,

Is their no end in my sight?

Opening:

One little girl,

One little man,

On top of the world,

Holding hands.

Why didn't it,

turn out like they planned?

CHORUS:

How could you leave her,

dripping in tears?

How could you Tell her,

reality is her worst fear?

How could you say,

that she was you're mistake?

How could you dare begin to break,

her?

VERSE#1:

She's cold and alone,

she's far from home,

she loved him,

he said not forgiven.

CHORUS:

How could you leave him,

dripping in tears?

How could you tell him,

reality is his worst fear?

How could you say,

that he was your mistake?

How could you dare begin to break,

him?

VERSE #2:

Backwards he bent,

to show her love,

to make her heart mend,

with his gift from above.

CHORUS:

how could you leave me,

dripping in tears?

how you tell me,

reality is my worst fear?

How could you say,

I was your mistake?

How could you dare begin to break,

me?

ENDING:

One little man,

One little girl,

No longer holdin' hands,

on different worlds,

Why hadn't it,

ended like they plan?

How long does one stay where they know they were not ment to be? How long does one go on missing the one who really loved them and protected them? How long does no trust in anyone last?

  I know love and I know loss. I believe that everyone has a soul mate. Yes, there are others you will love but there is only ( I believe) one soul mate. Mine has come and gone. It hurts every day of every moment of my life. The worst days are days like this. The days that you feel it in everything you do. Everything you hear or see reminds you of them. Every breath you take makes you want to scream and your eyes hurt from the millions of tears you have shed. You can almost feel them there with you, holding you, smiling... you can almost feel their gentle touch. The worst thing is that you want to stay in this miserable moment all day just so you can be there with them once more. Then you realize that you must come back to your present reality, the one with your new love that is always there for you. You can't be in this state when they get home. The hard part is to pull yourself together and say good-bye to those cherished memories once again until that horrible day comes that tortures you all over again.