Margaritas's Journal

May 2013
4:37 PM EDT

Les poètes

Comme Allen Ginsberg, mais avec moins de talent
Comme Jack Kerouack, mais avec moins de folie
Comme Paul Eluard, mais avec moins d'�legance
J'�cris sans penser, sans corriger, sans effacer
J'�cris pour t'oublier, mais souvent pour te r�sussiter
J'�cris pour t'aimer, mais souvent pour t'ha�r
J'�cris pour me retrouver, mais toujours je me perds.
Je t'�cris pour qu'un jour tu te d�cides � me r�pondre.

Tags: poète amour

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May 2013
4:11 AM EDT

de uno a cinco, al revez

Un amor basado en 5 d�as es una ilusi�n, dijo �l. Un amor basado en 4 videos repetidos durante a�os es una mentira, penso ella. Un amor basado en tres monedas recibidas con una carta es una estupidez, tendr�an que haber pensado. Un amor basado en dos a�os de no olvidar es un trastorno psicol�gico, debi� de decir alguien. �Cu�l ser�a la �nica raz�n para que intentemos de nuevo? No pregunto nadie.

Tags: amor

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May 2013
4:03 AM EDT

A poor love

A love based on 5 days is an illusion, she said. A love based on 4 videos repeated during years is a lie, he said. A love based on 3 coins received with a weak letter is a stupidity, she would have said. A love based on 2 years of being unable to forget is a psychological disorder, he must have thought. But what would be the 1 reason to make us try again?

Tags: love, obsession

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May 2013
5:46 AM EDT

Soledad

Llega un momento donde estando sola no siento la soledad
Donde no necesito estar con cualquiera para sentirme acompanada
Donde puedo ser amiga y decir no al engano
Donde estoy contenta sin estar con vos
Llega un momento de sinceridad, de saberlo que quiero y lo que no quiero dejar
Llega un momento donde me quiero como soy y a los demas sin pedirles lo que no me quieren dar
Llega ese momento sin mentiras, sin ilusiones; de simplicidad
Llega un momento de felicifaf
Y si en este momento decides llegar, robarme mi soledad y mi nueva inocencia
mas que una prueba necesito pasar

Tags: soledad

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Apr 2013
3:09 PM EDT

Salut Qüan sourire

Je ne suis pas d�sol�e de la situation, pourquoi le serai-je?�
Je n'ai pas d'amertume.�
Je ne peux pas �tre ton amie.
Comme tu l'as dit: "On finit en bon termes"
On n'a jamais �t� amis.
Pourquoi serai-je ton ami apres ca.
C'est dr�le parceque tu penses que les choses s'arrangent toutes seules et que tu peux arriver un jour et dire: Salut, Voici ou est rendue ma vie. Et te dire qu'� cause de �a on est amis.
Tu penses que tu es beaucoup plus mature que moi, mais je t'assure que ca parait pas!
Je ne t'ai pas enlev� de mes amis � cause de l'amertume. Mais a cause que t'as fait aucun effort pour t'excuser et devenir mon ami.
Mais qui croit de nos jours qu'un ex peut devenir un ami. Ah! C'est vrai j'ai eu cette chance et ma meilleure amie aussi. Ah! Mais j'oubliais, on s'est laiss� d'un commun accord. Tu te rappelle de cette chanson: "on s'est laiss� d'un commun accord, mais elle �tait plus d'accord que moi" (Les voyages en trains, Grand Corps Malade).�
Et peut-�tre que tu t'es pas encore rendu compte que dans la vie on n'a pas tout ce qu'on veut.
Et ce n'es pas prcq j'aime pas me chicaner que je vais etre ton amie. Ha.�
La prochaine fois, je te souhaite d'etre un vrai homme.
Oh! Et, t'avais raison le mieux pour moi c'est que tu casses avec moi.. attend.. non.. le meilleur c'etait que tu me dises la verit� au d�but et que tu me laisse tranquille, moi et ma famille.
Et puis, je sais faire mes propres choix, j'ai pas besoin de la permission de personne et encore moins de toi pour les faire. *sourire*

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Mar 2013
3:15 PM EDT

Why do I still miss you?

We weren't together for more than 2 months and a half. It wasn't like Leo. I wasn't that crazy into love, but I was so happy. I didn't need anything/anyone else! And he left me as if he never cared. Well, he did everything right, but it wasn't enough. I can't yet forgive.�

I miss you.�

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Mar 2013
1:40 PM EDT

A dream of you

(dream) I was at home, almost leaving for school, having just learned that my father had died and you came with your sister. You looked me over, as if I was unimportant, the only reason why you were here was to get some stuffs you had left behind. Then, I told you about my father and you didn't care. Your sister was also disrespectful to me. Then, you were about to leave and you offered me a lift, but I was already late.

I woke up feeeling really bad, hurt. You truly disrespected me, even if it wasn't as obvious as in the dream.�

I want to love again.�

Tags: dream, ego, love

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Mar 2013
6:08 AM EDT

Something I wrote in 2011

At dawn I asked myself�why

I look down, never see�you

there is never enough to understand�me

somehow we learn to like,�but never to love�

The day I touched your hand in�trust,

Lost, maybe foolish as well

I wanted to be�there�to look after you

Tags: confusion, feather, image, love

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Mar 2013
6:01 PM EDT

I wish you start claiming you surrender

�
(Photo: Lou Doillon)
So, I think I'm forgetting him. Now, I'm looking around and hoping again, believing in love again! Well, this time I hadn't stopped believing, but I was hurt and now I'm getting back together!�

And I see you and you look perfect, but I know you are not, cause no one is. So I stay in my corner and I don't talk to you.

Is it me you were looking at today?

"If you dare come a little closer"'

Tags: image, lou doillon, love

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Mar 2013
11:07 PM EDT

spring

From the first time you smiled at me, my head stopped woking properly. Outside the big auditorium classroom I can think of thousands of ways to talk to you!! But I know when I see you I'm too shy. And you never sat next to me again.. I had to look at you from the far and I must have looked a little creepy! but today, you came late and you sat next to me. �don't know why! And at some point you put your arm next to mine and we were in direct contact. At that moment everything stopped, I wanted to do something intelligent, but it was all doomed! My brain could-not-think! And class ended and you left, I looked at you leave with the regret of not having said anything! But I'm so happy today :)

Tags: flirting, spring

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Mar 2013
11:08 PM EDT

I comment on your post, you like my picture

Today, it was hard to admit you are gone for real
Now you're settling down in another city, I know you are not coming back
I swore I wouldn't go back to you anyways, I made it my resolution at new years...
but I still felt like that today...

I lost you for real

You posted one of those 'memes' on facebook, a sexist one: "If women ruled the world, there would be no war, only a bunch of jealous countries not talking to one another"
Something you forwarded from one of your friends and you thought it was cool

I'm stil a feminist and I could't stop from commenting:
"No war? Margaret Thatcher, jealous countries not talking to one another? The Cold War"

And some of your friends liked it and you didn't say anything..

Whatever, you keep silence as your best weapon. You think you can hide behind it, it's your armour. You think you don't have to feel guilty behind it

And then, you "like" my profile picture. What does it mean?

You want to be friends again or something, you think you're so cool you don't have to say you're sorry... You think you are perfect and what you do is the best for everyone.

You never think of others: so egoist.

And I know I should spend my time doing better stuff then this..

Tags: feminism, letting go, love, war

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Mar 2013
11:08 PM EDT

Tu as gagnÃ©

Cette fois tu as gagn� et tu as donc le dernier mot. J'ai perdu.�
Au d�but, je te manquais... et donc je gagnais
Puis, il ne te restait plus d'argent... et donc je gagnais
Ensuite, tu as d� revenir beaucoup plus t�t, m�me pas deux mois ont dur� tes aventures, comme je l'avais pr�vu... et donc je gagnais
Puis, tu as trouv� un emploi � Qu�bec... et donc j'ai perdu
Tu as tes amis
Toutes les filles
L'emploi que tu voulais...�
Il ne me reste qu'� esp�rer que tes amis ne te parlent plus
Qu'aucune fille s'int�resse � toi
Que tu n'aimes pas ta job
et que tu reviennes vers moi...
Pour que je puisse � mon tour te rejeter
L�, alors, j'aurai gagn�.

Tags: revenge, sadness, tristesse, vengence

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Mar 2013
11:09 PM EDT

March 17 A dream of two.

My birthday. He (Leo) was there, came thousands kilometers to see me. I hugged him. But he kept becoming old and my love seemed to have disappeared. The day before Quan's mother came to see me, she gave me a gift, she was sorry. Quan came, he was insolant. He stayed in my bedroom checking his e-mails, sleeping; I kicked him out. He came back. He tried to seduced me. there was a room (my bedroom at my dad) full of people snickerig.. And black magic. My cat threaten me to tell people what we supposedly were going to do. Inside, I took a cat and from his power I became invisible. But the cat wanted to leave and because I was holding him very tight his power faded and he fainted. Everyone knew now we were there. Then, I was a white magician. Others were entering, some reminded me of harry potter characters. But black magcians were coming behind and my friends shouted, but they attacked some of us who lost their power and fainted.�

Tags: dream

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Mar 2013
11:08 PM EDT

I was really happy

I was really happy you know. I was happy in the morning, when I received a message from you. You would think of me as soon as you woke up sometimes. Sometimes you wouldn't answer my messages at night out of fear to wake me up, so I'd wait for the answer and only receive it the next morning. Mornings were happy times with you. Days were happy too. I didn't mind for grades or crazy workload, because I had you. Because if the prof endlessly talked about the World Bank or demand and supply, I could just think of you. The afternoons were happy times. When you asked me to see you, when we would meet. Me, so organized and punctual; I wouldn't mind for last minute plans, maybe a little for last minute cancelled ones. But I was happy to see you and I was not scared at all. Just being in your arms was enough for me, holding hands was happy times too. I didn't mind that you didn't let me touch your hair, even if I love doing that, even if from our first date, that's all I wanted to do. I didn't mind giving up some of myself to you, changing was not a problem either, because these were happy times too. And nights were happy times too, even if I wasn't with you. I could fall asleep so fast, because I felt so good. And I learned a little more about me and so little about you. And I knew from the start that we wouldn't last. I knew it. Because you didn't understand me, you never did. Even if you tried. The problem is when people try. It wasn't natural, but it was artificially happy. For once, I felt I could be stable. I wasn't myself around you, but I didn't mind. For example, I know you would never understand this message, you would never understand why I write to you now. But for me it is so simple. Because even if you didn't respect me, if you never told me what I was for you, you made me happy, and that's all I wanted then. You lied to me, but I lied to myself. So we're even. I guess. You made me believe you were perfect, but from the moment you asked my sister's permission I knew you were going to hurt me. Because those who ask permission are those who know they souldn't do something, but they try to have an alibi. And even if I don't think of you anymore, when you appear in my dreams is curious to talk to you and to let you show me your selfishness, which is the first thing I saw of you. So, I guess if I suffered at the end, it was all my fault, but I was sad that you could let me goso easily.�

Tags: nostalgia

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