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You now the saying stix nd stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me! well who ever said that was wrong. Yesterday i got called something i never hope to be called again that same pesson(who ive tryed to be friends with) also hates me.The truth is i once liked him and no 1 new it -cuz i keept it a secret-But from then on it was day after day fighting to be his friendand still i�try to be his friend,cuz deep down�inside i feel that if�1 friend is lost my whole world tummbles.I cry every time he�tells me he dosent want to talk to me-mabey�not in front of him but at home. he has a friend whom i like very much and every tme im near him my heart falls out flat cuz he used to like me but noe he dosent.My new saying is�-Stix and stones can break my bones ,but wors can kill my heart!!!!!!�

Jewels

During this new yr Ive gotten manny new things ,clothes,shoes,Freinds,and now this .Hopefuly Ill write in this every day , Mabey-mabey not.My new yrs res. are to get good grades and NOT BITE MY NAILS. But most important to overcome my fears and make new friends along the way.Catachizum starts in less than a week soo that will help the hole friend thing.JuliAnn is starting to come out in me and hopefuly both of our dreams will come true.It wont be long till time runs out for me so ive got to start now. Well its late i probebly should go so gtg write later

����Jewels101

Has anyone ever just thought of how fucking sad it is that everyone has hopes and dreams of traveling and just�being happy...

And all they need is money. the money.

people blow money every-fuckin-day and don't give a rats ass.

how is that even remotly fair? all those people who just wanna be happy...

it's ridiculous and sad.

On a lighter note:

Life blows.

Thanks for listening dumbfucks.

Chris and I just had a big fight over money. His buzz words that I interpret as blame..."your mother's flooding our basement" "your mother cost us over $10K" "I told you to put a brake on her expenses, that we would not get repaid"

All is true, but looking backwward, I need to focus on the future. I need hope. And a forward looking plan.

January 16, 2009

JUST ABOUT THE DAY

�� Well today was an okay day. We had people come to our school and talk about what engineering was. And I think I could really benefit from that. I think I would like chemical engineering. I'm really going to think about pursuing this as a career. I've been running after school so I canbe read for track, but I just couldn't today. I was way to sore.

�� It was pretty cold today. Around 20 degrees. That is really cold for Alabama. I HATE the winter time. I'm already cold all the time, and the winter just makes me colder. I just wish I was on the beach soaking up the sun. Man I can't wait until summer-time. I love going to my friends house down the street and just jumping in the pool with her. With all of our clothes on. It makes me feel worry-free.

Well, it is Friday night and I'm stuck at home once again. Nights like this make me regret the choices I've made. Maybe if I wouldn't have lied and snuck around behind their back, I could actually be somewhere right now. I just wish I could go back in time, and stayed at her house like I was supposed to. Like my parents thought we were doing. I never did any drugs, drank any alcohol, or had sex that night. I just wasn't where I was supposed to�be.�� *sigh*� "If Only, If Only" I told myself to stop thinking about what could be or could've been. I really wish I could though.

� Well this entry turned into something a little to personal... But I won't delete anything. It doesn't seem right...

-Karmen

so far so good .. meaning this time I'm taking it slower and with more purpose my weight problem .. instead of looking at the whole on how much I want to lose ...I'm trying to see if I look at it as im smaller goals that I can reach ... every little bit will add up and then maybe I have a better chance to get to where I want to be.. its funny , to me that when I look at myself I don't see much of a problem .. but I guess I have been fooling myself .. so I guess this year is a bit of more of self awareness for me .. taking it slow ... walking a little bit a day and cutting back on bad food .. since its the first week and I haven't given up on myself .. so far so good ...I'm still trying to keep up on the time I spend to write a little so I can keep thinking about what I have to get done so I won't talk myself into not doing anything .. my middle that so many people ask me if im pregnant is my biggest problem .. buying clothing is the next women pants are too tight ... so I moved to men jeans ... but the only thing good about those is that they fit around my waist but aren't very figure flattering to a womans figure .. so i keep trying ... I like buying myself clothing a pretty blouse so im not too frumpy ... help some but my big front make it hard to buy what I really want to wear .. if its too tight I look too fat .. and too lose I look too fat .. the middle is where it's hard to get right ... I'm still shopping and smiling I know im not the only one so its not a total disaster so I'm still cool.... C-Ya

ding fries are done.

GOD that can't get out of my head.. STUPID PETER GRIFFEN.

anyways

The holidays are over... so soon, thats why nobody likes january. Winter break is over.... your christmas presents are all opened.... the ugly christmas tree needs to be put away. =( AND you have to go back to school. awhoeahgoid

Look how the year 2008 ended. everybody's all sad now.�

Okay, we just finished the social project and its gonna be presented TOMORROW. i'm, so scared cuz i sound so weird on camera. its just not me.. it think ..and it looks so weird too.� IWEA HOFISHDOAHGUKAHO

LOVE

blahbee - whos freaking out

I feel like im all alone, yet im surrounded by people that care and love me. I dont understnad why I feel like this. Its like apart of me is missing and I dont know why. I cant help but wonder if this is all my life will be......nothing, absolute nothing. When Im at school I walk through the halls unnoticed, and in a daze. LIke everything is a dream.�

�Every night I lay in bed sometimes for hours. On these sleepless nights I wonder about my future. IS this all it will be? I fit in relativey well with other students yet I feel like an outcast, like Im fooling myself into thinking Im something Im not. Is there any hope?

I think of the days back when he cared.� I can thelp but wonder why he acts like he doesn't care anymore, in the past he stood up for me, now he laughs with all his friends when they make some rude comment to me. All the while Im thinking "Why me? what did I do to deserve this?" he used to care and now all I am is a ghost of his past, lost, forgotten and unwanted.

Sooo I feel like I am going to snap like any minute... I am so tired of this good for nothing frreloading piece of shit my bf cals a friend. He is really starting to work my nerves always comming over uninvited and then always expecting a ride after the fact everyoe has been drinking and fucked up and shit what the fuck... I hate peolpe like this if you have no life then keep your no life to yourself don't try to bring people into your misary shit. Sorry just had to vent a little..

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