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You can always find me in a sea of people always talking to someone. But then there are those short moments in time when Im left alone and I wonder, can I trust these people? are they really my friends? Do they talk behinde my back? and Im to stupid to relize it? When I want too, I can walk among the crowds of�people and not be noticed, like Im invisible. Why is it when you have great friends and a great life that you still feel all alone?

just think this time next week santa will have been and gone we will all be eating turkey for ever more and new year will be just around the corrner not forgetting i have my nice's birthday in between them both bless she is eight this year going on forty eight . i'm starting to feel much better after my op i'm still sore but should be able to enjoy christmas just have to learn when to sit down and nowt like i'm supposed to but sitting still all day is very dull but never mind should be back to full speed soon .

Today's quote is funny. I have always tried to get my mothers approval. But in her confusion and agitation, she often tells me I am mean, she never wants to see me again, and she hates me, I want her in chains, in prison, et.c I do not take it personally any more. She is like a broken record....annoying but not harmful. I tell myself it is the disease speaking. So my fear of being disliked has been overcome.

I also feared having to put her into an institution, saying I would never let that happne. After only 2 weeks of living with this chaos, of hearing recommendations from 2 experts that it's the thing to do, I am coming to terms with it. I strongly wish I didn't have to do it. I wish she were not so impaired. I wish she could enjoy here and now things more, instead of fearing that pipes are broken, cars are missing, her dog is run away,Bill having an affair with Nonnie, her foot broken, and her stomach upset.

And Holiday time, snowstorm, and working with State Employees means that most action on these things will have to wait over two weeks--till after the New Year.

Seeing through all these fears, this nightmare will surely keep me safe, per the quote.

Ok well my name is Caitlin and I'm in the 7th grade. I don't have a big sis but a big bro. whos not very helpful. *lol* In grades kindergarden thru 4th grade a guy I am completely in love with was at my school and in my grade, too. His name is Alex. I have always had the same feeling when ever i see Alex. Except its gotten a little bit stronger. I start to shake if i see him or i get really really quiet. I have a "friend", Angel, (who I hate) whos mom sits me. Alex and Angel are like best friends but in fifth grade Alex transford. Sometimes Alex comes over Angel's house but all I can do is look at the floor the WHOLE time because im afraid that i will lock eyes with him and he might think im weird. I don't know if he likes me but everytime i say just one little thing to him then i start to shake like crazy! I want him to know but im too shy and im worried about what he would think, if he likes me and his response. Please help me!

*The Kewlest Dork*

LIFE SUCKS!!! what am i supposed to do!!!�i am stressed about school, i am getting no hours at work!!!� my relationship is getting out of control and i am so depressed!!� i have made so many bad decissions in my life and i cant handle this crap any more... i think i am going to put my relationship on hold... so that i can get myself to a better state of mind and turn my life around�and�do whats right for me!!! i am so thankful for the support from my family and friends and them putting up with my mood swings and drama!!

I havn't posted anything in a while.

Alot has changed.

1. I'm completly && totally in love.

2. I've known this guy for 4 years, so stfu about being to young to be in love. (i'll tell you more about him when i have more time to write.)

3. I'm still having the same weird feelings that i was having in my last posts.

4. I'm getting increasingly better at the piano.

5. I got a kick ass camera. <3

6. Writing has become a huge part of my life, i'll post some of my quotes/sayings/poems at the bottom of this entry...

7. There is way to much stuff on my mind to number it all.

001.

i wish i would've died in your arms the
last time we were together. so i wouldn't
have to wake without you today

002.

but the most important thing is,
even if we're apart,
i'll always be with you

003.

You know you’ve read a good book
when you turn the last page
and feel as if you’ve lost a friend

004.

You're in a car with a beautiful boy,
and he won't tell you that he loves you.
And you feel like you've done something terrible,
like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills,
or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt,
and you're tired.
You're in a car with a beautiful boy,
and you're trying not to tell him that you love him,
and you're trying to choke down the feeling,
and you're trembling,
but he reaches over and he touches you,
like a prayer for which no words exist,
and you feel your heart taking root in your body,
like you've discovered something
you don't even have a name for

^^my favorite^^

005.

You have a choice. Live or die.
Every breath is a choice. Every minute
is a choice. Every time you don't throw
yourself down the stairs, that's a choice.
Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist

006.

Most days from the moment i wake to when i go to sleep at night....im unhappy. When i met you, all that changed

007.

And id rather be outside in the freezing rain with you
than to be warm in the arms of someone else.

008.

I�guess what i like best about you is how you
can make me laugh even when nothing's funny.