� wow what do you do when your in a relationship and you dont know what to do anymore??� i am curently in a realationship and we want to take it to the next level and get married...i dont know if im ready... things just never go as planned and i dont want to make a mistake and later on down the road have things go wrong... i am completely stressed and i have no idea what to do...
i am in love� him, but i dont know if i can make the comitment to only spend my life with him... i want to make sure he is the true one first before i make that decision... i hate not knowing..�
all we do is fight about what is going on between us and its mostly my fault cuz i keep bringing up my insicuruties.... i want to know what to do and i hope i can make theright decision!!
" When life gives you lemons, squirt them in someone's eye."
" When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and watch the world wonder how you did it."
I still have more but can't remember them all. ~_~'
It was supposed to be the best day of the week today. i go home and i celebrate mom's birthday. then.. that ugly person was there. and she WRECKED EVERYTHING. Yes.. her name is A.H. What the hell is wrong with her? Certainly now i see what's wrong with her. no wonder everyone who knew her before jr high hated her so fucking much. cuz she was such a bitch.,
Seriously. Does making other people feel bad actually make her feel better? it disgusts me. oh wth .
not getting her a present. i dont want her in my life. it lowers my self esteem.. it makes me angry. it makes me feel bad. now all i gotta do is forget about her. leave it alone. and move on . YEA.
love blah bee
Got up late today. I let the alarm ring a bunch of times. Yesterday, I took too long to sleep and I paid for it� by waking up really late. Anyway, after my regular morning cup o joe, I didn't have time for breakfast and I didn't drink much water either. Its 2:15pm now and I'm only drinking my first glass of water. L&L BBQ chicken for lunch, tho. That was yummy. We'll see how the lack of water affects my swim tonight.�
Well, I can't find out whether the lack of water was going to affect my swim. I did't take my bikini bottom to the gym so no swimming. Did some Christmas shopping instead. So its spaghetti for dinner and hopefully sleep early. Have to make a delivery in Gardena tomorrow so I won't be riding to work tomorrow. Mayber Thursday. Also, Cory's gig at the Marmiton was canned cause the restaurant closed down. What a drag. Thats gotta smart.
��������� Okay so my Voyager broke..Like a long time ago. And I've been living with it. It's just my inside screen. So a few days ago my Dad called it in� to get another one. Well they said it would definantly going to be here today or we get our money back. Well the lady on the phone said she was gonna send me an even better phone. No charge. So I was like SWEET! But what in hell is better than the Voyager ( minus the iPhone) ??? So I'm flipping out waiting for the stupid Fed Ex to get here!! AGGGGH!
We went to see�Shirley on Saturday, I was dreading it. I woke up that morning feeling so anxious, I thought I knew something bad would happen but�I also knew I had to go - needed to go.
On�our walk we talked about our feelings with regard to her illness and ultimately her passing. He understands me, I don't have to go into all�of that�here except to say that the past has suddenly been left behind and in our visit I've seen what really matters.
When we drove up to the house I was happy to see that the garage door was open, his truck in the driveway was clean, and there he was, a wave and a quick smile. That image helped me alot, I knew there was some sense of normalcy in the house.
I don't want to get into every step I took while there. I just want to remember the awe that I felt as I listened to Shirley tell me her 'story'. She's got a kind of clarity that is allowing her to see what we usually are too busy clouding up our thoughts to see in our daily lives. Perhaps it's a protection mechanism that doesn't let us grasp our lives exactly as they are, doesn't let us see our lives in the present, I don't know what it is maybe just denial. If we're lucky we can see what could have been or should have been when it's safely in the past and too late to do anything about it. Then we make resolutions for the future - like, "Next time I'm not gonna let my heart get broken!"
Shirley has no blinders on, she's knows she's dying and has total resignation. She didn't make me feel sorry for her instead�all I felt was tremendous love and respect. As I�sat by her bed I held her hand and thought she never looked more beautiful.
She hopes to write down some�of her revelations, I�think that could be a treasured gift to her children. She told me a truth about her stubbern stupidity when she would never let my father go into the doctors office with her - she knows�her reasons for that were wrong -�she was wrong.�She talked about her wrong thoughts and words towards her son in law, she wants to take every word back, she was so wrong.�
We only had about 15-20 minutes together before she got tired and we said our goodbyes.�
I have no fear for her now, she's ready to move on and isn't going to waste these last moments. She knows what really matters now and when you're with her so do you, it's so amazing. I want to hang on to that. None�of us know what's around the next corner, we could be facing our last moments and wouldn't it be great to leave without regret.����
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Taylorange 66, Female, California, USA - 4 entries
Kitten 70, Female, California, USA - 88 entries