blahbee jr.

-sighs-

I hate it when my bro is in his room. I�can't look for stuff. STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID. I need my ipod's usb cable. NOW. How am i supposed to sync my other songs in. Plus, hes in a bad mood so chances are that even IF�i knock on his door he'd tell me to fuck off.-Sad. I�know.��- Waiting for my phone bill to come. 'cause then that would mean i would have unlimited texting which is REALLY bothering me because i feel the need to text. I have so much to say. Talking on the phone is soOOOOO yesterday. Literally.-----love love love my phone. love it. SOOOOOO MUCH.-----I�know.. i'm not really typing anything "real"� I'M JUST TRYING TO WASTE TIME. cuz sooner or later he will come out of his room and go shower... cuz he stinks. then i could go in reeeeeeeeal quick and find what i'm looking for.

Now if you'll excuse me... i'm gonna go tell him that he stinks. REAL BAD.

love

blahbee ANNOYED

Heya.

I can't believe just the first day going back to school I already hate it. How does it happen so fast, isn't it supposed to come in gradually? Well, no, not this time. I�didn't even last the first hour and by lunch, i was ready to go home and cry. I know. VERY VERY pathetic. If i can't last now... what will high school be like? What.. blahbee? you don't even have friends. As stupid as that sounds. Yes I do have friends, just not the kind that you want to spend time with everyday. I know that it's entirely because of me... what can I do? Um.. like... TALK to them? Yeah.. maybe i just wanna save my voice for highschool. Maybe I wanna be a loner. You can't say anything to that now can you. It's what i chose and i couldn't seem to get out of this trance. Loser. Loner. Bitch. Call me whatever you want because chances are, I won't see you again after 10 months.

Now... don't judge me, I wasn't always like this. I couldn't help but notice the timing : Stupid boy messes with me, BOOM! I'm anti-social.

Or... maybe i should stop fucking complaining about my "suckish" life when actually in another point of view is something to die for.

Maybe i should go get a life instead of watching from the sidelines.

love

blahbee

Hey

I�can't help it. I feel unloved.

One more year till graduation. That's what we all think about. That's when we move off to highschool and start fresh. I loved that. I�love being able to start new, reinvent yourself.

But what if i don't start out the way i want to. What if it starts out EXACTLY like how my jr high years started? What if history repeats itself for another torturous round?

What if?�

I really thought she was my friend though. Wasn't she? IS she?

Out of all people why is it always her that disappoints me the most. Maybe because i trust her so much, maybe because i count on her.... maybe cause i treated her like a friend to see that she doesn't see me the same way.

I know i don't have a lot of friends, but�enough.

�At least 4 i could have a heart- to-heart with.

5 That i could count on all the way

7�that i actually believe are real friends.

1 that counted in all three catergories and even more. she was everything you needed to survive school with. Because being with her:

you'd never feel left out

you'd never feel looked down on

you'd never be afraid of being afraid

you didn't need brand clothing

you didn't need to listen to pretend you hated learning

you'd smile every single day.

I know... sounds too good to be true... and maybe.. now it is.

and that one friend. she was like my very own sister i never had. We were practically twins... we were born on the same day. She's a couple�hours older than me, but i feel so completely far away from her.

Now that i don't have her.

I'm all alone. I lost my sister.

Love

blahbee

Heya.

Okay. SO i lost my magic touch in journaling. kinda.

I don't even feel like journaling that much anymore ... BUT... i need a place to express myself so i don't freak the hell out because i'm not exactly the talking type. at least not anymore. bleh.

HA.

Nope. I'm no the talking type but when somebody gives me a pencil and a piece of paper. I fly. Literally. Angels sing in the backround and words from my heart is being written down. - heh. or typed down actually cuz i stopped diary-ing on paper a while ago-

OH GOD. You know what? I hate it when something you forgot to do suddenly hits you in the back of the head.

Anyways

continued...

I dunno, i hate talking on the phone. It always ends up in awkward silence. There's one exception but you don't need to know about that =P

"OKAY. so like what are you doing this like... weekend like .. yea?"

"I dunno... um.. you?"

"Oh i'm like.. TOTALLY going to the mall this weekend. OMG (literally OH EMM GEE- GOD don't you hate it when people do that?) I TOTALLY have to get like... NEW jeans!"

"Oh. Cool. "

-AWKWARD? yea. definately.

blahbee

God, I just finished reading Crank. Honestly? It's really good!

-sighs- Summer feels so endless. It's like a being in a warm fuzzy dream that you don't want to get out of.

But.

It's SO boring sometimes.

I want to go back to school.

NO! I don't.

�Going back to school would be:�

1) Another torturous 10 months of using your brain. +grad. i'm actually kinda scared of grad... because well, high school comes after that.

2) Another year of me hiding, being the clueless girl everybody thought and knew me as ever since I stepped into their lives.

3)GOD... early early mornings..Not to mention that cold winters walking to the friggen bus stop when it's -30 out.

4) new wardrobe! YUM.

Okay. don't worry right? One more year. 10 more months.

Maybe... I will grow into someone I want to be. Someone that is hiding. Someone who has the courage to be themself.

Eh.

Other things that are endless =)�

-the clouds hanging over my head. where's the sun?

- my cat's screeches.

love

blahbee

Okay.. okay.. i gotta stop freaking out so much when i gain a pound..,.

i checked my bmi online and it says NORMAL. Not overweight... not underweight.. i'm normal.. i just wish i could say that again when i look in the mirror .. or when i eat something loaded with calories.

So... what did I have planned this summer..that i didn't exactly do.

1) i didn't exercise as much as i wanted to...

2) i kept spending money

3)Nope.. no job yet...

okay.

well.. there's always next year. or right now.. since there's still a month left... right? RIGHT???

until next time. .. love

�blahbee

Hey Diary,

Okay, I know over the past number of entries I always say this... but time really passes so fast. 2 weeks has gone by since I picked up my report card.=P�AND. yes i'm bored.. but i guess this is the perfect timing to bring�stuff back into life.

Like?

Anime. I gotta catch up. + i gotta buy more dvds to burn them on!�I stopped watching way back in ... December. ?? i dunno but i'm getting on it.

SCRAPBOOKING. I remember keeping all these pictures of my mom when she was young to make a page or 2 for her birthday. I guess i kinda forgot about that since .. last year. Until i started to clean under my bed. Then i realized i've been missing out.

No wonder i feel so lonely right now. I used to do everything by myself. Now that i start to realize i barely spend time outside...and it's starting to kill me.

Now.

ehh . nothing else to type soo

love

blahbee =)

Hey Journal,

I'm not working anymore! Yeah.. now this is when i start thinking about all the times i spent money on stupid things. Like WHY did i buy all those hair products for? I�don't really use them anyways. You know if i had listened everytime my mom said that this job isn't going to last forever and that i should spend my money on better things... maybe i wouldn't be left with almost nothing. Yes.. ALMOST nothing.

Then I�start thinking about

CHI.

ONE TREE HILL.

i was saving up for those. =( -sigh-

Now that the economy sucks. I don't believe that people will actually consider hiring a 14 year old like me. PAPER ROUTE TIME!.

Searching,

Blahbee

Hey,

It's been a really long time. Summer is here... and it is really boring. I can't believe what school did for me. Friends, homework. Those were all things to be grateful for and i can't believe i never really realized that summer can SUCK so much. IT's only been about 2 weeks and i'm literally dying of boredome. =(�

God. I�feel so sad.

Me and my friends went to Ed fest last year. TOGETHER. I think their not going this year... so i would have no one to go with. It's so lonely.

FHI Hotsauce - I read many reviews and it is supposed to work. Let's see, it's supposed to ... moisturize your hair from inside out when you use your straightener or blowdryer. IT's a miracle. 2 WEEKS TILL IT COMES!.

cant wait

love

blahbee

God. i hate myself so much sometimes.

HOW HARD IS IT TO GET OVER A GUY?

Hard......�really hard if �he was your first. Right? The first is the hardest and deepest?

It's been 2 years since we "brokeup" and not talked.

I still get the jitters when i see him, i still look down to avoid his eyes. I tell myself everytime I feel something that it shouldn't feel like this anymore because... its done?�

When will i ever get over him?

ANyways.

WOOT. I�think i can my learners now. woot woot

okay.. no matter what i talk or think about. IT ENDS UP BACK IN THE SAME PLACE..

HIM

okay. gonna go watch some House. maybe it'd get my mind of him.

=(

love ..

blahbee

Have I grown?

Actually the real question isn't� Did I grow taller? or bigger? it's ... did i grow and learn from my mistakes this year?

Yes, it has been another year.. again and how much longer until those years stop passing so fast? I�can say right now .. I WAS SO IMMATURE LAST YEAR! but that's something i'll always say.. year after year after year.

So... did I?

The point is... I�just finished reading ALL of my past entries ever since I started this whole inbox journal thing. I think I�did grow a bit... in the head. I�understand things a little differently.. and I�don't get up and personal about, well... everything. My mind doesn't seem to... grate so much everytime I see and old crush and start thinking.���� OMG HES...YES... I CAN SEE IT... HE'S.... THE ONE.... which always happens.� Now that I think about it. I�was just being a kid. a plain old .. normal kid. right? There's so much more in for me .

Can't wait till gr.9

Can't wait till..graduation

Can't wait till I actually find "the one"�haha.

So much more to learn

love

blahbee

p.s.

MARK YOUR CALENDARS EVERYBODY

This year... yes 2009... on approx. August 1st. Mars will start circling closer to the Earth and halfway through aug. it will be about the same size as the moon in the sky -how we see it at least- this is the last time it'll happen in the next 200 years so people alive today won't ever get to see this again!�

Heya journal,

�����������B had a birthday bash today. The first thing that came to mind was that " Do you think my present is a good present?" Honestly, I think her presents rocked more last year. This year, nobody really put their heart into it - including me. I did try though, i just never knew that Comex Hobbies didn't have any pikachus. Or.. I would've gotten her one you know? For me, I think the worse present you can ever get ... is just ... money. no offence. I�think that money isn't ... from the heart? When somebody gives me money for my birthday. It gives me the impression that money can by anything. - it's just me.

�������� With more people at her house this year. it was TONS more fun!�Not including her annoying little brat cousin Sylvia.

��������I GOTTA GET MY LEARNERS� SOON!�Or at least before they raise the ages to 16. WOOH .

I who loves to journal.

����������� blahbee

OKay. i know i'm not the best person in the world.

I KNOW THAT

I DONT GEt it

so do you think that having very few friends you can actually talk to a good thing.. or a bad thing. I don't like it when i feel like they don't really care about me... or sometimes i feel like i have no friends at all. Is it okay to feel like that? is it ACTUALLY� okay to feel like a complete loser/ loner?�

confused and all alone

blahbee

I'm back =D�

do you understand what i'm trying to say? Sometimes, you can care so much about what other people think of you that you lose your entire self along the way. Till you realize... having them think you're great wasn't really worth it. You look back and see that your shadow is gone.

I love me when:

i excercise

i make somebody smile

i make it clear to what i want

i think about how many days are left till i board a plane

i love me. and nobody could stop me.

i don't need them right? no.. not really.

HEHA>

I haven't been on the computer for a month =D�it's my record. =D�I dunno why. Sometimes, afterschool i just wanna get away from socializing since i suck at it. antisocial? i duno. don't ask me.

I�hate mr. braid. he sucks. hes the worse physed teacher anybody could get.� NO OFFENCE

Tomorrow's gonna be the worse day of my life. Friday's gonna be hell on earth.

WHy am i writing an entry? because.. i'm trying to connect to myself. and .. to accept myself. I need to write a journal entry =D�

Self-love, self-acceptance, unconditional love and compassion for others, inner peace, harmony and balance.

Try: Keep a gratitude journal, show compassion and kindness toward yourself and others, forgive yourself and others, buy yourself a special gift, listen to beautiful music.

OR a gratitude journal.

�

what� am i grateful for,

�

okay lets start with ... 10 good things about my day

1. I got some spaghetti from Brittany.

2.�I showered

3. i finished the 4th season of Lost. ( i know.. i'm not up to date)

4. I�had fun in LA

5. i GOT married. again!�heha

6. I divorced

7. i have a signiture wedding walk

8. I have at least 5 friends i could count on in LJHS

9. I found a nice guy to talk to .=D�

10. FINALLY. I�... figured there's no use feeling sorry for myself.

�

SO. there are many nice people in the world. how come i never came around to see them? I�should slow down my life and take it the way i did. a slow steady pace. maybe i'd learn to appreciate who i am now. appreciate those around me =D because i love them. i gotta remember that. (writes on hand)�woah. i love me. =D�

THANK YOU SO MUCH

BLAHBEE

WHEW. i'm tired.

I just came home from grammy's house. I love her house... even though it's got that old people'e smell. I love her house. IT's so nice. It's like... a kitchen +living room so when you're dining.. you're actually EATING IN THE LIVING ROOM.

bleh

I love my hair now. even though it's short. i still like it.

AND. I'M GOING TO KOREA

vaca at last.

i wanna bring my straightener but i dont know if it'll work� there.

i better off asking.

love

�blahbee-the great apple eater

Hey,

I just had the worst day of my life 3 days ago... and now.. i guess its not that bad anymore.. its mild. WHich is not to bad,

But yes. i have to maximize my hair growth this month!

1) I'M GOING TO EXCERCISE LOTS

2)I'M GOING TO EAT HEALTHY

3) I'M GOING NATURAL - my shampoos and conditioners and yada

4) i'm not going to think my hair looks ugly.

5) i'm going to get enough sleep.. WORK HARD BLAHBEE ! WORK HARD.

6)i'M going to... drink 1 cup of soy milk a day.. LOTS OF PROTIEN.

7) i'm going to drink more water. KEEP HYDRATED.

okey dokeys i think thats good. =D

it could be my new years resolution or something. " BUILD A HEALTHY BODY anndd HEALTHY HAIR!"� heheh two birds with one stone. i guess.. kinda?

anyways

at the top it says " think of three good things that happened today and analyze why they occurred." okay.. i will do that =D since i have nothing better to do.. i dont think

1. I got time to finish my ENTIRE peanut butter sandwitch. =D WHY that occurred: I wasn't playing around in the bathroom .

2. I fixed my hair a little. WHY that occurred : I washed my hair last night so my bangs just automatically went to my normal 'side bang' side. =D

3. I boosted my self esteem once i got home. WHY that occurred: because i came home and ate some beef jerkey =D yumm

time to sign off. i'm getting tired. and like i said. ineeds exercise.

love to you all

blahbee

ding fries are done.

GOD that can't get out of my head.. STUPID PETER GRIFFEN.

anyways

The holidays are over... so soon, thats why nobody likes january. Winter break is over.... your christmas presents are all opened.... the ugly christmas tree needs to be put away. =( AND you have to go back to school. awhoeahgoid

Look how the year 2008 ended. everybody's all sad now.�

Okay, we just finished the social project and its gonna be presented TOMORROW. i'm, so scared cuz i sound so weird on camera. its just not me.. it think ..and it looks so weird too.� IWEA HOFISHDOAHGUKAHO

LOVE

blahbee - whos freaking out

I hate saturdays.. i really do.

Its a hard day. because your all tired after friday.. but you have to get up early on saturday for piano. =( at 8:00.

and my fricken theory exam today. at 9:30.. i barely had breakfast. and i didnt really study anything but.. i took guesses and GOOD guesses. not random ones.. GOOD ones. i dunno.