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Gosh troublesome days alot of course work and so little time to� do all. i am meant to be doing my course work but i thought id sighn up. time to multietask and do my course work at the same time �im a girl i can do that (lol not be sexist). Now i am done (i just did it ) i can type more in my online journal. well anyways this is wayyy better than a normal journal and plus my wrist hurts after� while writing on paper, but it doesnt seem to at school its strange i think its because my brain tells me that 'i need to keep writing and my wrist wont tire out' i think thats what it says to me. You probably think i am a freak (all those reading) but i am ME i am MYSELF and im happy with the way i am. but some of you might agree with me in some things i might type about. well my feeling is tieredness because ive haad a day at school and i call school tiering... i bet most of you would but not just school could be collage or uni. im away from the right now but i think i will do B-tech in Beauty thereapy and then study at collage for 2 years on Beauty therepy. everyone says im good at nail art and hair, and i know a few of scientifical facts like i know the body produces oils, so you dont need cream or oil for massages all the time. anyways i dont know what else to say... i cant think of anything oh well write tomorrow or the next day lol

x

Dear Journal;;

Im wondering if jesse is the one for mee i meani know he is but i wonder if he doeslkeme in that way??? i always wonder that but idk if he does... i like him alot really alot like im willing to give him 100 to him bc he needs it right nowww like seriously like wtf he wont accept m money like i knoe he needs it i know that he does so likejus tak itt. But w.e/ my dad is in jail for woman abuse like wow he finally wentt to jail for that shit it was about time FUUUCCCKKK,,,,, SO YEAH anyways im thinking of having sex with jesse but heres the question do i really wanna do that or wat??? i guess well see that until then. I started skool on monday YAY!!!!!!!!! Not really tho it sucked anyways yeahh....

i never thought i'd see the day that i was counting the days till i see a gynagoligst but here i am 37 in so much pain that i cant wait to see him with a bit of luck they can sort this out once and for all .besides that thinks are not so bad here for once my other half still has a job my son is starting his exams this week and me well the same as always nowt to report just sit here day in day out going round the bend bit by bit never mind could be worse atleast thats what i keep telling my self

Thursday with B - lunch and shopping.

Coffee this morning with C, L, & J

Hurt his feelings last night because I thought�he had�a negative tone of voice when I mentioned what M might want as a b-day/xmas gift this year.

If I had more time I'd write about my thoughts/feelings on these subjects but I've surfed too long and gotta run.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Be safe everyone, I want to keep hearing from you.

We volunteered to help the cause. We got out on the corner of E. Washington & McDowell at� rush hour with our signs: NO ON PROP 8 - ITS UNFAIR AND WRONG! In California we are voting on a prop that would illiminate the right of same sex marriage. A no vote would send a message to Americans that discrimination of any kind is not tolerated. Religious feelings and personal beliefs�about marriage have to be left out of this issue. Back in the 50s & 60s�it was�believed that interracial marriage was just as wrong, us youngsters find that hard to believe today, especially those of us born and raised in CA but in some states (of mind) people still think that way.�But thankfully our�country thinks differently and�the rights of all not just for the few are to be protected.�

P and S were on the other corner, I thought our signs got more honks ;-)�� Overall, we all got an overwhelming possitive response from the passersby.

It was a nerve-racking experience, I was jazzed at first but I soon realized I was nervous. One of the other sign holders got water thrown at her by someone with a McCain/Palin bumper sticker. We got called "gay" by some guy in a raised up old truck that had a speaker thingie in it. One old guy stopped to ask me if I was gay, and informed me that since I'm not that I'm making a mistake by supporting the opposition to this prop. Well perhaps he should get himself a sign! Or better yet, he should GET A CLUE his rights or those of someone he loves could be next.

October 29, 2008

So, I hear that all of you in Wisconsin got a little snow.� Well, I never thought I would be saying this – but we also got snow yesterday.� Not here in Mooresville but in the mountains.� I had off work yesterday and went on a “date” to see fall colors up in the mountains.� When we arrived at our first destination, of Blowing Rock, NC it was snowing.� I could hardly believe it…we were here to see the fall colors and it was snowing!� And I’m not talking a flurry here or there, it was snowing pretty good.� It was actually pretty cool to see the trees that had turned colors and then also to see snow on the mountain. ���What a great day!

最后的爱

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得知朱老师病逝的消息, 我拨通了王教授在伦敦家的电话, 从他疲惫的声音听得出老人很累, 悲痛的打击使他整夜都�法入睡. 半个世纪相伴相守的老伴匆匆撒手离去让这个70多岁的老人心痛欲裂, 老泪纵横. �

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老人哽咽地说, “朱老师弥留之际, 我一直握着她的手. 临终时她用仅存的气力清楚地对我说了一声 “我爱ä½�”, 我赶快伏下身去, 告诉她, ‘我和孩子们, 朋友们都很爱她.’ 听到这里, 朱老师挣扎着想要拥抱我, 之后就进入了昏迷状态, 直到呼吸渐渐停止.”

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一年前我和敦敦在王教授家住过两晚, 这对生活在异乡的慈祥老人的生活状态给敦敦留下了很深的印象, 吃晚饭时我向敦敦转述了上面的情节, 敦敦嘴巴停止了动作, 他望着我, 眼里含着泪, “妈妈, 这种爱是很真实的, 我很感动.”

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我从不怀疑, 人间有真爱, 老人把一辈子想说又没有说出来的爱, 作为生命最后一刻的付出. 这对质朴的中国老人爱得令人心痛地含蓄, 爱得令人唏嘘地深沉.�

C. and I keep in touch now. I've let her know that it's ok to talk to me about the separation. Since R left her she's had the need to hash over every detail of what happened and keeps stepping over the boundry that I have to have because he's my bro and blood comes first no matter what.

It's been 3 years since he took his first steps toward the door. But for C it's like it was yesterday. She hasn't moved an inch since he moved in with "Mz. Thing" as I call her. I hate what he's done to his family. I used to think it was retrievable but now I believe it's over. Too much damage, nothing left.

Although C would differ with me on that. She'd take him back in a heartbeat! Today I got an email from her in which she tells me about her feelings when they passed each other in traffic. She discribes how her heart skipped and raced for hours afterward and then confessed that she sent a text message to him in a kneejerk reaction, to her great disappointment and confusion, he ignored it.

I know she wants to hear something�back from me about that, I don't know what I can say without judging her. Now she knows she shouldn't have sent him the text. Oh well, livin and learnin - aren't we all?

As for me, I'm hugely disappointed in my bro, I never thought he could sink so low in his life. I can't talk to him at all�these days�because I'll express that and he naturally doesn't want to hear it from me of all people. I think C should move on. I'd like to see her get on with her life. She's relatively young, she still has her looks and is a very charming person I bet there is someone out there that would love and treat her right. Her greatest challenge is believing that and gettin out there. She's stuck - stuck in the past, stuck in the drama of the past, stuck in a dead marriage, stuck in the financial disaster they both created but certainly got worse once he moved out and lost his good job. She won't get a job so nothing has a hope of changing in that arena.

She told me about her therapy session recently, I don't think she's getting much out of it. I'd be reluctant to spend the money I don't have on the hour if I wasn't going to learn from it. She thinks it's an hour for someone to listen to her, but if it were me, I'd be wanting some solid advice, help, she's in a deep hole and can't figure her way out.

I've told her the best revenge is to live a good life. It's easy for me to say I realize but I don't see the point in waiting for him to come back because too much has happened for that to ever work. She'd kill him in his sleep if he came back or even worse - she'd punish him for the rest of her life.

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Well it has been an awful long time, so many things have happened. I just recently moved to Pleasanton, which is way closer to my job. I only have to drive like 5 minutes to go to work and it is the best feeling ever. where i was living before was in Oakland. It was bad ever sinced i first moved there. I hated the weather, the people, and how everything seemed so damn busy all the time. I felt like i was 3,000 miles away from home. Now i live at least a 40 minute drive from my moms house and just a hop skip and a jump from work. I absolutely love my new place. I get to go home and have lunch at my house. I could lay in bed if i wanted to, but haven't done it yet; Im afraid i wont wake up in time. Anyway, Cameron is completely out of my life. He wants nothing to do with me because how i hurt him so bad. This guy really loved me and i let him down completely. I hate hurting peoples feelings. If i could somehow show him that i will always have respect for him for showing me that someone can love me with all of their heart, I would. Overall, he is a good man at heart, but like he said, "Im always gonna be a thug" I can't live that way, I need a man with a good head on his shoulders, who will take care of his responsibilities and work hard for his money, instead of slangin. Oh well, after timed served, he will be a better man and hope to leaned a lesson. on another note, I been reading the book Twilight, Its pretty awesome. It certainly is a page turner and keeps me on my toes. Im halfway through the book and I highly recommend someone pick it up and start reading it. well i feel like i released everything that was on my mind so goodbye for now and until next time�