Today is a wonderful friday! things have been running really smooth with the start off of a wonderful luncheon that my boss threw for the ERT members. Good Job michele!��today is the start off to hopefully a really relaxing and exciting weekend! My nephew is turning 1 year old tomorrow, its funny how fast 12 months can fly and a person's life can change in just so little time. with my new nephew around, the family has definitely came closer and so has the age of the rest of our family to start popping out some kids. Im now 21 years old (still in my Prime) but have considered maybe having one for sake of a new chapter to start in my everyday routine life. BUT, Im pretty happy not having to deal with the worries and headaches that come with a child. I plan to live up my prime as much as possilbe. Lately, I been trying to figure out if my friends are my true friends. I lived an hour away a few months back and i just recently moved closer to my hometown and things still seem distant with them. I would always make the effort to make time for them and spend $40.00 dollars a saturday just so i could be in the comfort of my old high school chicas! but the favor hasnt been returned as often as i would like and as often I made time for them! Oh well, is all i can say now but in time hopefully there effort will improve. besides all the sad stories i can go on and on about, my new place, I absolutely adore! everyday after work i love to go home walk through the door and slip off my 4 inch high heels, and dig my toes into the plush carpet in the living room, grab a blanket and veg out on the couch watching my fav, "what not to wear." tonight will be one of those nights, maybe but i think i might have me a glass a wine and add my new cozy slippers i bought. Happy Friday everyone!
Well it has been an awful long time, so many things have happened. I just recently moved to Pleasanton, which is way closer to my job. I only have to drive like 5 minutes to go to work and it is the best feeling ever. where i was living before was in Oakland. It was bad ever sinced i first moved there. I hated the weather, the people, and how everything seemed so damn busy all the time. I felt like i was 3,000 miles away from home. Now i live at least a 40 minute drive from my moms house and just a hop skip and a jump from work. I absolutely love my new place. I get to go home and have lunch at my house. I could lay in bed if i wanted to, but haven't done it yet; Im afraid i wont wake up in time. Anyway, Cameron is completely out of my life. He wants nothing to do with me because how i hurt him so bad. This guy really loved me and i let him down completely. I hate hurting peoples feelings. If i could somehow show him that i will always have respect for him for showing me that someone can love me with all of their heart, I would. Overall, he is a good man at heart, but like he said, "Im always gonna be a thug" I can't live that way, I need a man with a good head on his shoulders, who will take care of his responsibilities and work hard for his money, instead of slangin. Oh well, after timed served, he will be a better man and hope to leaned a lesson. on another note, I been reading the book Twilight, Its pretty awesome. It certainly is a page turner and keeps me on my toes. Im halfway through the book and I highly recommend someone pick it up and start reading it. well i feel like i released everything that was on my mind so goodbye for now and until next time�
okay so i was told that it wasnt healthy to go back and read your journals, well, only if you wrote one when you were mad. but i guess i can put this entry in that category. I have list of frusterations. I orderd my textbooks form my english class and one of them arrived and the other has not. The one that did is the wrong one! I really didnt spend that much on it but still the fact that i spend money on it and for it to be the wrong one! IM PISSED, I really hope that today i go home and my other book has arrived. That is the most important one, i have like a ton of homework in that specific book and i ordered it like 2 weeks ago. This has been buggin me all week. Im an impatient person but this is rediculous already. I NEED THEM. Another thing that is bothering me is that my boyfriend Jorge really doesnt call me throughout the day like he used to. He used to text me whenever he got a chance and now he doesnt even try. It makes me a little skeptical of what he might be up to. But Like I always say, "leave it in gods hands" I pray that he keeps me from heartache and that I no longer have to worry about what he is up to. I really need to concentrate on my self. No more worring about others. Im young and beautiful and i shouldn't have to worry if someone is going to cheat on me! As long as i have my family, they are really all i need. I thank god for them being a part of my life and having such a big role. I really dont know where i would be without them. I dont need a man to make me feel happy, or wanted. All i need is myself and my family and friends. Guys are just acessories! WE dont need them, but we can have them if we WANT them, I just need to concentrate on me and my future and that is final!!! Sometime i loose sight of that and i cant do that anymore! I wont!!!
So tonight I have the House all to myself, Jorge is going out with the fellas. I have no idea what to do I really wish I had My textbooks for school so i can get some major homework done. My Professor gave us like a ton of home work. It consists of alot of reading but i could totally handle that. I like to read and write so this class should be a breeze. I really hope I do good this semester, Grades should be a sinch since i really have a laid back job. I should be able to get homework done throughout the day. I think imma order me a movie tonight and pick out an nice outfit to wear to my first day of elementary algebra. Ha ha ha I know, i know, My math level is not really up to par but hey at least im in school right? being in school gives me this sense of security as if Im taking care of business. Last night when i was released from my english class, I felt Good. Like if i did a good deed such as Lend a friend some money. It felt similar to that feeling. I am very thankful that I am back in school and I really hope that this semester goes by smooth and quick, as one of my instructor's at Western career college would say! Those were the good days but anyway, I might be back tonight to express my feelings and what my night really turned out to be, but im pretty sure its gonna be calm and fun. I hope to eat popcorn and maybe watch a chick flick. LOL so cliche! but hey, if the shoe fits right? Anywhoozers i will let you know how my night is going later on! tootles!
At times, I sit alone and think about my past and how i have treated people. A moment in time can be only be for that moment, there is no way you can change it but to do it the rigtht way! "Treat others how you want to be treated," Jorge's voice replays in my head reminding me that I am Selfish. Am i really? Do i only think of about my needs and not others? I was told this by my boyfriend and my sibilings.�The people that are closest to me recognize that Im just another one of the evil step sisters. (so to speak) I feel like my attitude towards others needs to do a complete 360. Maybe I wouldnt think so negative anymore, I suppose emotions are based off of my actions and my actions are what people think of me day�to day. at work, people might think Im a stuck up individual. I keep to myself because im afraid of what one might think of me, if i say something wrong, look at them in a wierd way. Me of all people hate to be judged! The positive way to look at it would be just being independent and looking after myself. I think i might have taken that concept and put a whole new twist on it. I really need to think for others more, The quote of the day reads, ""Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it."�I feel like this applies to me in so many ways. At the times where im am cold and careless, that is when i need attention the most. I use being selfish as a shield for protection. Protection from getting hurt by the ones that are close to me. Brother, sisters, mother, father and boyfriend. The list of names have all let me down one way or another. The emotion of selfish protects me from thinkin me about others feelings. It protects me to feel whenever I am let down so i will then only concentrate on my feelings and the important things i need to make me happy. Cold, careless, nonchalantly acts from me, that is definitely a sign of me screaming for a hug, kiss or simply someone to just say Hi Jenee! Why am i this way? TO protect myself from any harm or let down! I guess i just need to learn a different method! where to begin?
So i may still have a shot at this promotion! today my Supervisor informed on the latest on the open position! But we have to wait and see how all turns out. Lately I have been having Current issues of confusion. Well, about a several months back I was in deep depression for not having my other half around. My Current boyfriend and I had had a lil break for about 3 months. I finally won his heart back in January of this year. Things now are going smooth and like they say things must get worse to get better! and thats just what they were, there were issues after issues and now finally they are smoothed out. Here's where my confusion comes in and eats me alive. One of my Ex's from a long time ago has recently got in touch with me. I can honestly say This guy really loved me with all his heart, body and soul! I broke his heart and told me to leave me alone for the fact that my current came into my life. So now He has limited time here becasue he recently just got into some trouble and he will be heading to the big house soon (prison). My problem is LOVE! I really loved my ex once upon a time and him gettin in contact with� me has made me miss all the times we had. I was the one to break my ex's heart and after all that i put him through he still loves me with all his heart!!! Im sooooooo damn confused Because i loved him the same way he loved me but His lifestyle is what made me to look for better! over all he was the best lover I ever had! He loved me and i knew he loved me with all his might! and i messed it up but having the urge to find someone with a better head on his shoulders. My ex told me that he was doing well for himself, he was going to school, and concentrating on just him. That he was influenced in some kind of drug deal and it was a drug deal that went bad! I still love him but i know i will be more stable with the guy im currently with, the only bad part about my boyfriend now is that i have a bit of trust issues with him and my ex i didn't! ugggghhh im soo damn confused its killing me and i cry every now and again because im not sure what i should do. . . . . .So confused
okay everyone! Today I left my day in the lords hands and it ended up turning out super calm and not hectic at all whatsoever. there were some aggravating moments i had but, I got through them. Today afterwork Im going over to Michaels to pick some brushes for my eyeshadows! Icant wait I been wanting to buy new brushes foever. Anywho My 21st birthday just passed last friday, June 27th and it was the best day. all that day my boyfriend made sure that i was treated like a princess! and when night fell, It was time to party with friends and family. My boyfriend got me a party bus and it was fully loaded with flat screen tv's, nine hunderd watt system and the seating in the party bus was incredible. It was like a huge Limo! I would start the night all over if i could! Im so glad that my friends were able to come out and celebrate my 21st with me! Everyone on the bus had a fantastic time. The day after, everyone called us and made sure we had fun becasue they had a blast! Now im glad i can say I partied extra hard on my 21st as for some people that cannot. : ( The only thing that sucked that night was that my Best friend couldnt make it, only because she isn't� 21 yet. I cant wait til her birthday, we are gonna party like its 1999! Ha ha ha LOL. But anwhosers, Today's day was pretty mellow, and as for tonight its Jorge's turn to make dinner! he he, i think he's making shrimp and rice. I love my Boyfriends cooking! He's my own little personal chef and i love it!!! This weekend is 4th of July and hopefully all turns out well! I think we are going to my boyfriends mom's house. Then hopefully, (since the 4th lands on a friday) we can go and have drinks with our friends. All of my close friends live in my hometown and My boyfriends mom lives in my hometown! so I will mos def have to reunite with them this weekend. I miss them like crazy. Living in the city aint no joke! But it does make me appreciate hell of a lot more then where i used to live! COWTOWN!!!! Tracy! ha ha ha Tomorrow I have to come in earlier but that means i get to leave early Yay!!! and tomorrow is the beginning of my weekend! Cant Wait . . . until next time Journalee's . . . . Jenee!
My day today was a lot better then Yesterday's. I actually felt alot more confident that my day would swift by easier today. I think it might have been outfit that changed my whole mood. I felt more confident coming to work today knowing that I looked presentable for a billion dollar company. Those were the guidelines to follow when i first started here but there is way that I kind of bend the rules just a Tad for my own comfortablility. Who wants to High heels everyday and collared shirts. I'm more of a laid back type of chick but then again whenever I do dress up in the "Corporate Attire" My days seem to go by a lot smoother. I guess my whole issue is just to Follow Dress code. Well, what lead me to dress more appropriate today then yesterday was that my supervisor called 30 minutes after I got home from work last night. She had the news that i had been waiting for for about 2 weeks now. She receieved an email from one of the Executive Administrative assistant stating they wanted to schedule an interview sometime With ME!!! But this interview was only done out of favor from my supervisor. My supervisor insisted on this interview to take place so the resulting news from the news is that I didnt get the postion! But Honestly, I really dont care. The position entails alot of tiedious work that i already know i will get frusterated with! I love my job that I hold now. Its so laid back and if i were to take some college online courses, It would most definitely not be a problem. So Im really happy with my current position. I have only been with the company for five months and loving it! The only that is a downfall with this job is i need more things to do to fill out my day! Other then that I LOVE it! My current mood is relieved because I finally got that Damn interview over with! This meeting Has been bugging for the past 2 weeks and Im extremely alleviated that its finally out of the clear. Hopefully there will be another open position soon that fits more my style!
sincerely J
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