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I liked today's quote - its what I need to do have a good satisfied sigh at the end of my earthly life.

Today, I biked to work.���It was scary�cause of the traffic. But if the roads were wider, it would have been ok. I did get my adrenaline pumping which is actually good practice for the� upcoming race. And that reminds me that I have to sign up.

Ok - so I'm now signed up. That is pretty scary, too. What I'm really scared of is the swim - all the kicking and crawling over people and them doing the same (hah!) But what the heck. I'm signed up so I'm going. I looked up the distance of the race I'm doing: 1.5k swim followed by a 40k bike ride and finish it off with a 10k run. FUN!! My 50 yr old�body will be screaming at me - WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???? Oh calm down, it will end soon enough. Now the problem is to get the numbness out of my toes when I run more than 3 miles. I did ask for a podiatry referral from my regular doc but a nurse intercepted the email and told me I have to see my regular doc first. What - she is going to see my toes and say - "Yep you need to see the podiatrist!" And this I have to pay $20 co-pay. SH!#!!

I just drank my 2nd 8 oz glass of water, I ate spaghetti for lunch, had toast with goat cheese and butter for breakfast. I need to get a couple of tubs of protein powder for Julien and me. UGH, the chocolate stuff give me the runs. I'm gonna get the unflavored one - which of course tastes like powdered milk. The stuff I used to taste in the Philippines.

Just drank another 8oz of water and peed. If anyone is actually reading this, I have to keep track of my water intake and out since I have trouble drinking water during the day. I really only pee twice maybe three times in one day and my friend tells me that not good. I have to drink more and pee more�- so thats what I'm trying to do.

Ok - so I didn't bike home. It gets dark really fast and its really cold. So I got a ride a home. My toes are still cold from walking around without shoes on at work. I drank one more 8oz water and peed when I got home. Oh boy - I had a craving for coffee and while drinking it, I sat down and looked thru youtube and am now listening to old jazz recordings of Ella, Ray Charles, etc. Man - where have you been. So this is what all the fuss is about with youtube. Now its on to Joe Pass. Oh baby - where have you been. All this music just for the press of a few buttons. Instant satisfaction. Its no wonder people are all bug eyed from watching their laptops. You name a song, a musician, a movie, a person what WHAM there it is in living color or black and white. I guess I must have been stuck in the middle ages. Or Julien saying I'm outdated.

Now on to Pat Metheny - "Are you going with me" - the all time most beautiful piece of music ever written.

I went running at around 7:30p. I think I went about 3 miles. My left calf and left hamstring were very tight. I almost had to stop running before I got back home. But it felt good. I think all those fluids helped. Once home, drank protein shake with a little milk and lots of water. Ate some bread and chicken breast deli, toast with butter and goat cheese. Last - peppermint tea.

So today was a pretty good day. I did really good at work. I think i might actually be getting better at it.� I did what I needed to do. But now what.....I need to think about how imma advance in life.�I need to start school but with what time and will power. lord knows I lack that. I just need to focus and do shit . I still wonder about what will happen with us. I just kinda hope for the best. I'm trying to be as possitive as I�can be but it's hard not knowing.�Sometimes I'm so focused and then I'm just not. need to think more......

So far I have recieved all points possible on my essays. I hope I do as well on my first midterm.

Have a great weekend everybody!

Cleaning house and doing laundry.� I also have alot of home work to do as well. As well as doing the second part of my work-out today ( still sore from first work-out on Thursday) ( I hope it gets easier). Abby woke up at 8 am ( yeah me). Chilly in the house this morning. Honey and Cloe went out and got all muddy, just after I mopped the floor.� Colin stopped by the store. I made cimm. rolls. Colin sleeping. Turn in Midtern yesterday, it was due today. hopefully I recieve my grade today.

I dreamt that I was walking with the two doctors from the show "Nip/Tuck" but I was in a realationship with the dark-haired one.� I can't remember what happened but as we were at this affair, something occured that made the both of us mad at the other.

As we were leaving the function, I kept looking over at him, knowing that any one wrong word would have us really ugly at each other.� I knew that it would only take one word.� He knew the same.� So we both kept our conversation real low keyed.� Very careful with our words.� The tension between the two of us was so tight.� However the entire time we were walking out of the building we were holding hands.� And all the while I was looking in his direction, even though I was mad as all get up, I felt all of this love and admiration for him.

When we got outside we walked the other doctor towards his car.� I turned to go back, I think it was the building or the car, when he stopped and looked at me.� We both looked at each other.� Again, carefully with our words we sort of apologized to each other.� Then we kissed.� Not a nasty kiss, nor a sexy kiss.� A passionate kiss, filled with love.� And as we kissed it made us feel closer to each other.� We stopped kissing for a while, looked at each other and started kissing again.� While kissing I noticed that he had some dirt like substance on his back that I brushed off.� Then I hugged him, feeling all of this love for him.� We kissed again.� I told him how much I loved him and admired him.

I woked up wondering why in the world I had that dream.� I then realized that it was not because I had a crush on him, but it was because I was, no am missing something, no missing the romance in my life.� That dream pretty much stayed with me all day.

I will be 50 in February and I have been looking for that romantic type love for the past 40 plus years.� Guess it may be too late now.� Or maybe I need to find something else to fill that void instead of eating and cat--napping.

Hopefully with this reconstructive surgery on my knee in January, I will be better able to walk again, return to school and work, and get out and do something nice for myself.� It has been 6 plus years that I have been off work because of this knee injury and everything has changed.� I don't really want to be stuck complaining because there are others who are worse off than me so I guess shut up is in order and finding something for me positive to do.

This past Thursday I had to go see a vocational rehabilitation counselor and was that a trip!.� Let's see for me to have a knee that doesn't flex or extend, I had to walk up 10 steps, then 5 steps, then 8 steps, then 4 more steps.� And after all that I got to walk back down those steps.� Why would a voc-rehab counselour have an office up on the second floor since she knows she's dealing with a client who may have a lower extremity injury?� Damn!

i'm so happy.. it started snowing this week. although it started raining too. =( its already december and there's lots of christmas shopping to do! SO MUCH SHOPPING SO LITTLE MONEY.. CHACHING

I want to get a second piercing . NOW.

�loves

�blahee