This is me

I have been trying to keep up .. make sure I had time to write in my blog but being that I work two jobs one that keeps me up all night long ..and the other babysitting and very active little one its hard to find the time to sit and get a a clear thought in my head ... all my thinking usually goes .. damn I need to clean this and that or get this done and one of those is sitting down isnt usuallly an option .. but hey here is my two cents for today ,,, yeah I have been trying to make sure that in my head that I tell myself that this walk is my exercise no matter how long or short it is .. since I do alot of walking already I'm just trying to wire my brain to think of it as exercise instead of just a way to get from one place to another .. cause I'm always on my feet but it dosent count as exercise cause i wasnt telling myself it is .. when I do .. I do try to go a bit farther .. a bit faster concentrate on my breathing gauging how well im doing ... the kids like me bening a bit of a nut so walking around the block or two instead of just going straight home when I drop of my daughter at school .. the only problem I have right�now is the weather isnt quite as cooperative as I would like it .. sweating in the rain isnt too good if I want to stay well enough to take care the house, kids and my job .. so its changes to speed how fast can I move my body,,, while pushing two kids in a stroller .. weight training there ... they arent all the lite you know .. so what bugs the most of myself is when I feel like im doing pretty good .. the clothes are a bit looser on me .. have to wear a belt now but then I let my guard down and sit down ,,, you know relaxed and such and I look down and see this big belly just staring up at me .. and I feel� like such a loser and get pissed all over again .. but hey what can I do but use my feelings and try to get myself moving again .. anyways if you are in the same boat as me .. then I say to you .. one day at a time ... C-Ya

So , another monday .. home from work now its Tuesday morning ..I was off last week had to do some work on the computer so it was working right so I could'nt work� on it ... I also was fighting a rough week at work and a cold .. but i'm hoping the next one will be a better one .. oh. yeah and we also had rain for that week so no going anywhere for fun .. the kids like the park and so they didn't get a chance to wear me out there last week .. this week seems better in the weather wise also .. went walking again .. will go again when the we take my daughter to school later on .. everyone can recognise me so easy since I walk and push a double stroller all the time .. so I guess the two boys weight being pushed around can count as part of the work out .. I remember last week I saw something I haven't seen before or else I don't remember seeing it but where I walk at the playground there are alot of seagulls and this one seagull flew over my head and no he didnt poop on me .. but I watched as one of his feathers fell off and just floated to the ground I don't know why it struck me as something weird at the time .. since you do see alot of bird feathers all over the ground but this just floated off his back.. I� guess I was just amazed to realize at that moment I have never seen a bird lose a feather while it was flying over my head ... just a stupid thing to think about I guess but I like to think and write about random things .. and I also change the subject very often that is only because that is the way my brain works ..

so far so good .. meaning this time I'm taking it slower and with more purpose my weight problem .. instead of looking at the whole on how much I want to lose ...I'm trying to see if I look at it as im smaller goals that I can reach ... every little bit will add up and then maybe I have a better chance to get to where I want to be.. its funny , to me that when I look at myself I don't see much of a problem .. but I guess I have been fooling myself .. so I guess this year is a bit of more of self awareness for me .. taking it slow ... walking a little bit a day and cutting back on bad food .. since its the first week and I haven't given up on myself .. so far so good ...I'm still trying to keep up on the time I spend to write a little so I can keep thinking about what I have to get done so I won't talk myself into not doing anything .. my middle that so many people ask me if im pregnant is my biggest problem .. buying clothing is the next women pants are too tight ... so I moved to men jeans ... but the only thing good about those is that they fit around my waist but aren't very figure flattering to a womans figure .. so i keep trying ... I like buying myself clothing a pretty blouse so im not too frumpy ... help some but my big front make it hard to buy what I really want to wear .. if its too tight I look too fat .. and too lose I look too fat .. the middle is where it's hard to get right ... I'm still shopping and smiling I know im not the only one so its not a total disaster so I'm still cool.... C-Ya

This year being new ,I want to make sure that I find a way to make myself a newer me ...this year hasnt started off really great . I couldn't work cause I had a bad backache plus a cold so I called into work so that makes it the second time only since i had to call in sick to work . Its okay I hope my co-worker shows up to work so I dont have to have too much frieght to come back to work when I return . you see I work overnight stocker for a supercenter Wal-Mart so there is usually a heck of alot of work to get done . I find it funny that when I'm working how many people come into the job to do their shopping ... I'm a people watcher and a daydreamer .. so watching and listening to people that pass me by ... I try to figure out things .. like why they are out and the relationship between the people ..It's weird how many people show up in the middle of the night... or really early in the morning. All of this makes my job go by faster in a way .... lets see after midnight I notice is when the persons of alternative lifestyle comes in to do some shopping .. and the really overweight people ... I don't know whether I like that idea. That you would feel more safer shopping in the middle of the night just because you are overweight .. they usually rolling around in the electric chair instead of walking .. for a little exercise .. but hey thats their choice. I'm just thinking outloud .. but hey I hate being in the store when its busy cause you can have a heart-attack , trying to get someone to move out of your way for just a moment. some people take it as a personal attack if you ask them just to move out of the way so you can get by.. I wonder how bad their lives maybe be that they have to take everything to heart ...I guess if you work in retail you understand my rant.. but then to flip the coin.. their are those people that can give you a laugh when you talk to them .And those make it great for a few minutes .. I guess my biggest pet peeve are the customers that dont care� about your feelings and take out their bad days on you .. and rant and rave and give you a hard time because something they wanted to buy isnt on the shelf even if its not in your department .....