新年博客
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回首2008真是波澜壮阔，在国际国内的大环境下，年尾家里也并不平静。
受奥巴马的‘变化’(Change) 论调影响，敦敦求变心切，自作主张在学校，用文具剪刀把高领毛衣剪成无领毛衣，那件毛衣很贵，儿子斩而不奏的潇洒，差点没把他老妈的眼球气出来。不破不立，多亏邻居阿姨帮忙把毛衣修成了低领毛衣，敦敦穿起来舒服美观。看来搞体制改革不能犹豫，想到了就要去做，只要大方向对头，该杀该砍的，忍痛手起刀落，完成止血和调养伤口的善后就能享受改革的成果了。
小猫乐肥最近听到国际金融危机的新闻铺天盖地，感到扩大内需是条路，为了挽救全球经济，从自己做起，采用‘猫科技’挠开用绳子系好的储物室的门跳进猫的饼干袋子，弘扬超前消费，把今天和明天的饭一块吃完，大餐之后，肥肚浪荡，今朝有酒今朝醉，不求天长地久，但求曾经腹鼓。这超离谱的举动严重违背家规，没想到在遭到一顿‘毒打’后，乐肥在第二天还是铤而走险，故伎重演，以身试法。
人也有动物的本性，表现在乐肥的偷食模式，不断重复本能驱使下的非理性行为。环球金融危机的周期性是人类贪婪的本性决定的。危机来了人类还会利用自我保护的本能熬过去。但并不会永远记得教训，一个周期后人类还会故伎重演。既然高级动物人类尚且如此，我们还真怪不得小猫乐肥，要怪只能怪猫饼干的味道简直是太诱惑了。
this year i'm going to get my self a life no more sitting home alone if thry can have social lives then so can i .ehy should my life be just sitting waiting for them to come home lets see how they like not knowing when i'm coming home well i will always tell my son but as for the other half then he can guess .the way i have to guess when he's coming in .boots on the other foot now .
I cant wait till its spring! I am so sick of all the snow and it being cold all the time. Because when its spring I will get to ride My horse Sonnys Zippo (Sonny) in shows and and do more traveling with him. Plus this year My parents are putting me on the rodeo circut and go to more speed events at Triple O and tear apart my new age gruop and show �'em what I've got! Cause my horse Sonny is a National Barrel Racer. And last summer/fall I was running barrel times of 16.82 seconds, key hole times of 7.032 seconds, and for pole bending I was running at a time of 22.85 seconds. I know they may not sound fast but when you listin to the other riders times in my previouse level and my level now I am one of the fastest. Also, Im the fastest rider in my county so thats pretty good, So Im just hoping that I will be as succesful as I was last year!
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I've got TONS of goals for 2009!� My main fitness goal is to lose approximately 40 pounds of fat, re-gain some of the muscle I lost while pregnant, and compete in IDFA's Toronto Classic on July 11 with my best body yet!� I've lost about 35 pounds since I had my baby at the end of August without really trying (a mixture of not having time to eat all day because I'm so busy with him, breastfeeding, and not hanging out at restaurants so much), I've been teaching my dance and exercise classes, walking a lot (it's too hard to get on streetcars with a big stroller), and getting down to the gym a bit, but thus far�my fitness efforts have�been pretty sporadic and lazy in my mind... which is fine - I don't mind that I gave myself a few months to re-adjust my new life as a mom�without throwing myself right back into super- workout-girl-mode as soon as I got home from the hospital.� But, now It think it's time to get crazy!!!� I've set a very reasonable goal of competing in July, so I have 7 months to get ripped!� I'm so excited about getting more serious about my training (and less excited about super clean eating).� Now I just have to decide if I'm going to compete in fitness or figure... Getting� a fitness routine together now that I've been out of the scene for so long may be challenging, but I might try!� I'll keep you posted!� HAPPY NEW YEAR!
another year has come to an end so raise your glass and toast your friend to love to life to freinds so dear to those who can not be here.we wish you all the very best .happy new year to all
Work to do with Sonny(my horse)
Me
Can't help wondering what could have been. It happens every year. Today would have been my mother's birthday, she'd be 71.
If, if, if, I play this game with myself where I go back to a random time in our lives - hers and mine. I pull her out of her picture and insert her into mine. I say, "If she was sober she would have loved to be part of this with me."�
Today, she's been gone (dead) for almost 20 years but she's still very vivid in my head. I can still hear her�laugh and�the smell of her Emerade perfume mixed with hairspray and cigarettes. That look in her�eyes that always made me feel sorry for her, guilty for everything that made her unhappy.��The way she'd hold her cigarette or�break a new piece of gum in half. The sound of ice clinking in her glass when she'd call me too late at night just to ask me something that would always lead to an argument. How she danced. That she was shorter than me. How she looked with those curlers she put in her hair every single night. How she called her mother "Mama".�Her "I love you" only spoken through�a drunken slur.�The sound of her purse snapping shut, her keys in her hand and the ring she always wore on her pinkie. She was so pretty but she didn't think so. She got alot of attention from men but she always chose the worst to bring home. She cried often, I rememer what that sounded like too.
If she were sober and here now I'd love to have her with me everyday to do all the simple things my days are full of. We'd have coffee together in the morning, we'd go shopping for our groceries together just like we did every Saturday when I was a kid. I'd take her to the mall and we'd have lunch and shop till we were exhausted. I'd make my spaghetti sause for her, not quite like hers but I know she'd love it. We'd watch old movies and cry - then laugh at ourselves. She'd love being with my kids and be so proud of all they've done with themselves. She'd get on a plane and go see her grandaughter in Portland because she'd want to see what its like for her up there. She'd go check out my son's office, so proud to be introduced as his Grandma Carolyn. I know she'd be at every one of the football games to see our baby play for only a minute or two, because she'd want him to know she was proud of him. She'd be thrilled with Danny because - because he is thrilling! His life is full and she'd be constantly wanting to hear his latest escapade. I'd help her clean her house and she'd iron my pillowcases. We'd do everything and nothing together. We'd go for walks downtown and sit in�my yard watching�the flowers grow. I'd go to her first when I needed someone to listen and she'd be the first I told when I got my job with Pam.
What could have been might have been like that, might have been different we'll never know so I might as well have it as sweet as sugar. This is my story now, I'll tell it my way.
She can't hide no matter how hard she tries, her secret disguised behind the lies.� And at night she cries away her pride, with eyes shut tight staring at her inside.� All her friends know why she can't sleep at night, all her family asking is she alright.� All she wants to do is get rid of this hell, well all she's got to do is stop kiddin herself.� She can only fool herself for so long...
Christmas is over. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Thank goodness.
Thank Shirley really. I think it was a gift from her that she passed on the 23rd. I know Dad was dredding the 25th with her still suffering in her bed. He told me how Lisa was making plans that everyone would come to his house for Christmas day. She just told him that that's what was going to happen. I imagine she thought she was helping him, thinking that he'd want his family there to comfort him that day. She was good intentioned I'm sure.� It took him a minute but he realized that it wasn't sittin well with him and put a halt to the preparations, pointed out the obvious: how can I stand having a houseful of celebrators when my wife is dying in the back bedroom?? "Just ain't right" he told her and she agreed, "I don't know what I was thinking."�
So that was that, he ordered food for only himself, Jan and Lee to be picked up on�xmas eve. And as it turned out, Shirley was gone, everything that�Hospice had supplied for her was removed by them the same morning that she passed (within hours). There was nothing to do, no more cries from the back room, no more meds to measure and record, no more whispers of love,�no more promises that it's going to be ok.�
The vigil ended almost as suddenly as it started. I know it's going to take time for all of them that watched 24/7 over Shirley to accept that, I imagine their pain and emtiness is too much for them at times, I'll help my Dad as much as he'll let me but losing his wife is mostly his burdon to bear.�
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