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I made it through another day.... It's amazes me people ask how you are not because they actually care but to make convo. Most dont even really listen. Half that do only because they are hoping you are worse of then them. Those that do only care because they care for you &�are secrety hoping you will hurry up &�get over this. I know no one wants to hear that I still love &�miss him but I do. I do every damn I miss him. I miss our family life, I miss our sex, I miss being loved, I miss kissing him by every morning &�Aleea doing also, I miss the way he knew what I like &�needed, I miss having someone to talk to. I miss so much! I miss having someone there not only someone but I miss him. Does he miss me? Does he still love me? Will I ever stop loving & needing him?

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

It never ends, and the storms never die down. The only calm to be known, is the belief that what has passed was not as bad as what is still to come. Every day weighs heavier, the sense of some beginnings end, and of the spaces that are left in between. Unsettling, that even the spaces do not render the storms calm. No, it is never ending.

So I'm at home getting ready to do some research sippin on coughee. I decided to start an online journal for one my hand cramps up like hell. two. why not? Anyway I soon hope to be going to school for fashion. Its gonna take me a little longer than expected to get there but I will. My boyfriend brought to my attention that why I'm getting ready to go to school I should also utilize the time to learn as much as possible and also identify what I want to represent.

To me for some reason it does seem a little hard. I thought then that maybe I also need to identify myself a little bit. So thats another reason why I decided to do an online journal. Since hand cramping kinda prevents in then I can do it this way. Hell I spend all day typing at work anyway. So yep thats what Im here to do. Get better each day starting with me.

Well this sure is a start.

So today my dog Daisy had seven lab puppies four black one. all male except one and three yellows all female except one. Funny I know. We almost lst the last one cause she had fluide stuck in her noise and was turning BLUE. But she's ok now and is doing great. other than that, I won high point last night at a speed show. YaY. lol good times. Grr school starts in less than a day. bummer dude!. lol jk Dont wry I wont say that or I should say type that ever again!. hahaha well wtyl!

Its been a while & hell where do I begin. Mikes aunt Lori told me he let Mindy keep AJ but she couldn't handle her &�took her to Michelles. I confronted him on this & finally told him how I knew & he to this day is denying it. My trust is so broken in him. I never thought he would do this. He has no respect for me as her mother. At the same time I am still hurt & angry. How could he detroy everything for Mindy? He was suppose to take Aleea today but he won even answer my texts. He never called to tell her good night last night &�she cried to call him. She deserves better &�so do I. I am just waiting for that person I guess the man he used to be. Sometimes I regret leaving IL because I know we would still be together. AJ would have him every day not just part time when Mindy will allow him to see her. He even canceled last Firday noght on his weekend because he was sick but yet he goes to work the next day. I was so sick I & yet I kept her. Where the is a will there is a way! I guess nowits tiime to make my way through all of this & find HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

�well life gets worse all the time round here and why because pepole gosip and spead lies and in the mean time i have lost my one true friend and miss him so much we used to have a laugh together tell each other our thoughts and problems but other people just said we were having an afair and that he was just sniffing round waiting for his chance .we had been friends for seven years and i realy could tell him any thing i miss my freind so much ,its been about two months since we last spoke and i miss him i have no one else to talk to now and im lonley with out him . i dont know what to do now�