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Today Erin &�I took the girls to the beach today &�as always I kept finding myself thinking of Mike. Aleea is doing so much lately some good &�some bad that I would just love to have him by my side for. She is now telling me I am a downer I am not real happy about that. I text him &�told him about her saying that &�boobies. He seemed ok but now he didn't even call her to tell her good night. I think I hurt when he does this more than she does. I love them both so much &�wish to God we could all just live together &�have a happy life. She was running through the house w/ a pink cowboy hat on saying yea haw it was so funny! I was at work last week reading our old emails &�up until May in which I think was about the same time he started really�seeing her he was playing a great role in our life’s. We had talked about taking her to the circus. We spent Easter together now she’s in the picture so I can’t be &�Aleea is going to get hurt. I don’t know who I hate more her, him, or myself! God I wish I could fix this mess! Will my heart ever feel better? Is his love gone forever? Would he love me if she was gone?

The single biggest time waste in my life is people who bring negativity to me. I have begun to weed them out. I am trying my best to surround myself w/ positive people that I can learn from &�be a positive influence. Not those add stress &�more unneeded heartache to my life. Some people like to cause drama &�can’t stand to see others happy. As much as I hate to say it most of those negative people Mike pointed out but I was too hard headed to listen. I had to learn on my own. Well as�I�told him I am taking this time to examine my life &�learn from my past mistakes. I need to do this in order to build a POSITIVE FUTURE!

one of my best friends gabby is over and my brothers are being sick around her.

we were watching a movie and my brother starts talking about a boner...like gabby or i care. and ew!!!

well gabby and i get to babysit my three younger siblings tomorrow and two extra kids. and then my dad might take me, gabby, jason, and devin to see harry potter. finally.

well i gotta go. bye

xo, justice

Well I think I am going to use this to write things I want to say but shouldn't to Mike. Right now he is @ the Flea Market selling the things from our store in Il. We use to go to the Flea Market every weekend as our family things. I wonder as he is sitting there w/ her is he things about us? Does he even miss those times like I do? Maybe she is enough to keep his mind occupied. I should prob. be finding someone to do the same. i talk to guys but when it actually comes time to meet I seem to chicken out. I just dont really want anyone else but him right now. I just wish I wasn't so REPLACEABLE!!!!!!!!!!!

Well this is my first entry to my new journal. So much is going on in my life that I want to be able to look back &�possibly allow others to also one day &�see where my heart has been.

To start w/ we moved back to Florida in November mainly for me. This past March Mike &�I broke up. At the time I thought it was the best thing due to the fighting but now I find myself going crazy missing him. He has moved on w/ someone else & that a whole other entry in itself. I LOVE HIM w/ all my heart & want life to work for us, the family &�life we built, but above all because I truly to love him.

I regret more than anything the choices I have made & I know a lot of the fault falls on me. I won’t take total but I will take a HUGE part of it. The issues we had could have &�should have been worked through.

None of this matters now I have asked him back &�he said he wants to get his self together &�me get myself together but he can’t predict what the future will bring. In my heart I feel a huge part of his lack of interest in getting back together is due to her but I still can’t change that either.

What I can do is try to make the very best life I can for Aleea &�myself. Right now we are struggling &�I am so scared I won’t be able to take care of her. I know she deserves so much better than I can give her right now. One thing I do know is that she has 2 parents that love her more than life itself.

�was a very lazy day 2day slow @ wrk so I desided to go shopping trying to find some cool stuff for my man i saw a cool shirt i want to get $150.00 for a vintage but there is only med size n return policy is within 30 days.. i don't know what size shirt he wears and i don't want to ask him coz then that will give him idea that am shopping for him, also been looking @ movado watch i know he wants one so i want to get him one for xmas. but by then i many not have a job n wont able to afford it so i want to buy it now.. but there is also invicta watch i like for him for about �$2,000 i dont know which one i should get

Some say they only come out at night,

Staying out out of your line of sight...

Because you have something that they desperately want,

And they'll wait until you give into their taunt...

Once upon a time,

There was a little girl who committed a crime.

They told her he was wrong,

But she was to far gone...

So they took away her crown,

And banised her from the town...

He tricked her into giving up her life

And did away with her, with a sharp bladed knife...

And a�hundred years later, the chaos started again,

As he waited for a new story to begin...

i did write the first half of this journal a few days ago but my stupid laptop decided that the second i tried to save it was the moment that it would lose connection with the internet.

so i saw basically saying that it was one of my best friends, nancy's party, and it was as fabulous as ever. it was in the evening at her house and the booze flowed non stop, the chocolate fondue lifted everyone spirits even higher and that night was a complete success. nancy, i cant wait for your next birthday, they so RULE!!!!!

but i also had another party this weekend, which was the usual celebration of a batmitzvah of one of my mums friends daughter, and it was the usual grand event. before we went i was complete dreading it as the girl who i normally sit next to and chat to was up in manchester for the weekend and may only be making it for the last half and hour, and there was no way that i want to be stuck with the batmitzvah girls brother and all his croonies. but for once i was in luck and spend the eventing sitting between 2 rather nice guys :) - oh yeh! one of them is the son of another of my mums friends, and i used to kinda have a crush on him, and the other guy was someone from the shul who i had never met but he was so cute. why the hell had none of my family ever mentioned him before???? i talked non stop, which may have been partly due to the bottle of wine that i downed, but i was so happy. my mum keeps going on about the guy that i met, i'll call him 's' and whether i fancy him, but i dont know. hes really nice and easy to talk to as a friend but i do kind of fancy him a bit... we'll have to wait and see if anything happens. at least i have an excuse to go to shul which i have only been inside a few times before as my brother has some important part in a ceremony in a few weeks. you'll find me in the front row...

well i guess some people dont like how i say tha word 'shit' in my entry's but i really dont care becuase i am not writing these to make people happy..im just tellin how my days go n then when i see my theripist fo my anger problems n shit i can just have her read tha shit i write n wont have ta talk much............

sooo anyways today after work i was jus chillin n shit n my man asked me if i wanted ta go ta his guys house n chill and i was like aight so he was all rushin me n shit n soo i get there and bang on his door and nobody is coming but i can hear them yellin inside sooo i was like aight and i called him n he didn't answer soo i called his sister and im like soooooo u jus finna let me stand in front of ur door fo another 5 mins n she started laughin n she was like gurl i aint heard nobody knock u at tha door n im like do i have ta kick ur ass n she opend tha door n she was like u gotta knock louder and i was like shit u no damn well if i pound on ur door yall finna think its tha police n really not pick up and everyone started laughin so i went up ta my mans room and his ass was still in tha shower n i sat on his bed with his lil cousin "miss thang" and we was talkin shit bout him and i was like he rushed me n he in tha shower im like i knew he was doin that n we watched some tv n shit and then he finally came out like in his boxers so i put my hand ova his lil cousin eyes n im like ugh u dont wanna see that n he looked at me like im dum lol n then sooo me, him and his other cousin "teddy bear" and i drove ta his guy house and on tha way he was talkin his shit soooo i slaped him n tha face and so he grabed tha wheel and made us swerve and i was like bitch dont make me beat ur ass n he like do it and ima crash ur shit, un button ur seat belt and run lmao and im like just wait till we get out this car.....so we get ta his guy house and he live with his women and she is like a animal freak ...we walk in and theres a big ass cage that is basically filling tha wall and theres a big ass lizard n it n then we went in tha living room, where tha pool table is and theres another freakin wall thats a cage for another lizard and then she got a big ass bird cage with a bunch of damn birds and then she has like a million cats..they like everywhere soooo im sittin on tha couch and shit watchin my man and his guy play pool and his guy is drunk n actin dum laughin at everything and his guy friend is ova there drunk off his ass to just talkin all loud and messin wit tha lizard bout ta get eaten n tha cats are like all climbin on me n shit n my baby lost..then mr teddy bear played and he lost and so it was my turn and i aint played in years soo like i hit tha ball 2 times and tha damn black ball went in and i lost soooo then my man and his guys was in tha kitchen talkin stupid shit that i dont wanna know bout and smoking ciggs and shit makin my eyes burn� and sooo me and mr teddy bear played a game of pool cuz we was bored and i won this time and thennn we drove back ta my man crib and kicked it with his family and watched some tv and did dum shit and jus was goofy and then i went home and now im makin some food n ima have ta try ta get some sleep soon cuz i gotta meet wit my student adviser guy bout pickin my classes for collage again sooo yes oooo and for that female that dont like my entrys this is for you.....SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT have a lovely day