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Have you ever been verbally slaughtered because of your beliefs? Do you feel like the whole world is collapsing on top of you? How about feeling like no one understands the situation you're in?

Believing in God is difficult especially in the times we are currently living. Sometimes, I feel like the whole world is against me because of that. But I have to remember that I'm never alone. And also, that life isn't a sprint, so I can take my time because the God I believe in is patient, merciful, and loving. And that He will always be waiting for you, even when you turn away from Him. He will never reject you, no matter how many bad things you've done. He DOESN'T need you, yet He cares for you more deeply than you'll ever understand. He's the only one that can fill the emptiness in your heart, and can give you hope in the midst of your worst storm. He can show you so much more than what you can see or understand at the moment. He is simply wonderful. =)

Today is a new day,

And I dont know what to say...

I feel lost in this world,

No longer that little girl...

I say Im�through with you,

But we both know thats not true...

You give me that smile,

Knowing that I'll think about you once in a while...

You once held me close,

But now your memory is like a ghost...

As I lay awake at night,

I�tell myself I'll be alright...

And someday you'll want me back,

But I'll just throw my head back and laugh...

Because you once hurt me deep down�inside,

That my love for you eventually�died...�

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just got back from sahiras house and it was a really fun day. eventhough nancy was also suppose to be there but nobody could get through to her, but it is sometimes nice to spend time with just one friend as this rarely happens.

i lept onto the train, half an hour late and still eyeing up the handsome guy that had been infront of me in the shop and was now on the opposite platform and spent the journey trying to ignore the chavy group of thirteen year old boys, especially the one who had laid across a whole row of seat like it was a sunbed. i hope someone pissed on the seat that he put his ugly mug onto.

we watched two films, the first being role models that i had been waiting forever to see and this was really good and it had 'mclovin' and 'stifler' in- jokes. they are the funniest! well some of the funniest :) then saw nacho libre which wasnt that good as i dont really like jack black- is that right i cant even remember his name, as he seem to play the exact same charcter in every single film! and i seem to be the only person who doesnt find his terrible phyique funny.

i am now lying on my bed trying to find online a site where i can watch lethal weapon as i saw some of it on the tv when i came in but my parents are trying to bore themselves to death by currently watching casualty.

weight: 137�������� bmi:25.1

so there, see i have lost one pound so far and i intend to do some serious exercise next week before i go shopping again because at the moment i am at an inbetween size, 10-12, and it annoys me, so i want to be a perfect 10.

i had so much fun yesterday when i went to convent garden and the west end with nancy and sahira. although i was 20 minutes late and me and nancy had to run for the train, it was a great day. and i finally got some more of the cupcake facemask- IT IS MY LIFESAVER! i feel so happy when i�am with my friends, especially these two as they make me laugh so much and i just feel a warm glow of safety around me. we did the usual round of shops and i found the nicest pair of shoes in my fav colour of the moment- coral, in primark which is a frigging miracle as a havent been in there for agessss as it just pisses me off with all the teenage mother chavs runnning around grabbing things off of the rails. it really irrates me, i mean seriouly and then they moan that it is still not cheap enough- WOT, go out and get� job, lazyass.

moving onto today my parents took me out to the bluebell, which is the best resturant i have been too and seems to be so posh that i sometimes dare to move :)- only kidding. and my mum had this new top on and she did look stunning and then my dad only said that the top was purple not pink, which is a colour that he doesnt like so it upet my mum a bit, but she perked up at the resturant.

i am now streched out on my bed, cos my bum gone numb from sitting so long :) seeing the girlies again tomorrow so should be another fab day

3 months of not seeing you.

suddenly memories of you keep coming back. i refrain my self from seeing you. and now i feel like i'm thinking of you as if u were dead already. those memories, they come back like u're really no longer here with me anymore.

The Lord is my shepherd;
   He ever walks near,   
To guide and protect me 
  Each day of the year. 

Beside the still waters,
   Through meadows so fair,
On life's troubled pathways,
  I'm safe in his care.      

His rod and staff,         
   Reassures me now ,
That no hills are to steep ,    
    For he's walking there too.

Ever preparing a table,     
 With gifts from above,     
And binding my wounds up,   
 With his tender love.       

Through all of my days,     
  No more harm will I fear;
It comforts me knowing,
   My shepherd is near.

 By: satinlady

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  I use to think I knew everthing,but now I must confess,
  The more I knew,the less I didn't know.          
  We've all had troubles,and we have to work them out.
  But I look around and I see trouble everywhere.
  When I'm trouble,I just look up to God,and grin because 
  he has always brought me through somehow.
  I always thank him,and count my many blessing every day.

   By;Hilda

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got back from my booba's house yesterday and i think it was the perfect break that i needed form my family and this house. we went out on sunday as a second celebration, all my immediate family and my parents best friends elaine and steve. and , as usual, my dad decides to annoy and upset me infront of them�by picking a subject to talk about �that i have a different opinion about. last time it was nightclub and how "places were less dangerous when� was young" and "the people of today are just hooligans" blah blah, etc� etc. and it really gets to me as i start to argue with him about things. this time it was a tv show that has just started, krod something or another, which is suppose to be a sort of mick take on robin hood. my dad turns around to elaine and starts going " yeh we started watching the new show and i couldnt understand what was going on but elana liked it didnt you" so of course i start arguing that it is not aimed at 46 years old doctor who fanatics but young kids who understand its specific type of humour, and how the hell can he judge it as he spent most of the time asleep on the sofa instead of paying attention.

i think he does this every time just to try and show everyone that HE knows best and if HE doesnt like something then its not wortth anyones elses time. which is completely pathetic as HELLO- we are now in the 21st century and the entertainment business, whehter it be tv, radio, nightclubs, ect are NOT AIMED AT YOU BUT ME AND I LIKE THEM SO F**K OFF.

that is why i needed the time away with my booba so that i could calm down and stop giving my dad evils before he even opens his mouth to say anything. this may sound like a little spoilt girls rant, but the strange thing is that i get on really well with my dad but he is just so stubborn because he is such a tv nerd. and that really needs to change otherwise i will not be going out with their friends again, end of.

i feel really sorry for�my mum when we go out as my dad always practically runs to get the seat next to elaine and my mum always looks left out. im ok as ben talks to me or elaines husband steve speaks to me about the usual stuff of school, music, etc, but my mum gets left out. we went to the harvester once and my dad really made my blood boil as he has been sitting next to elaine talking none stop about tv from the 80s and when they finished the food he turns round to elaine and goes " oh elaine was your meal nice?" COMPLETELY IGNORING MY MUM. so i made the point of asking my mum really loudly how her meal was and continued talking really loudly to her and i hoped that it pised my dad off.

anyway i had a great time with my booba. we went to ilford which i havent been to for about 3 years and swooped straight to the clothes in new look and i got some new tings. i rarely see my booba now and this is a shame because i like to hear about all the old stories from her childhood and about my other ancestors. we stayed up until 2.30 sunday night just talking as i think she feels lonely now living by herself. we stayed up until 12.30 monday might as she showed me all of her old clothes and shoes which i LOVED as i like all of those things from the 50s, they so rock. still wish that i could have been alive then and not now, life would have been so much more lively. my booba said yesterday that one of my late ziddas sayings was that " variety is the spice of life" and he was completely truthful in those words.

Well I am here again.� I�said at the beginning of the year that I was going to go through a all over body makeover.

I joined Fitness USA and I�am on my way.� I am not attempting to diet but change my eating habits.� LOL�and yes I have failed at it...or maybe I shouldnt call it failure but ...well something else...because you see, I�am not�a failure....

I�would like to log my food and beverage intake on a daily basis.

Driving back from LA, my 4 year old son tells me a story of the most beautiful home ever.� It's in the middle of no where, it's quiet, peaceful, no interruptions, so quiet that you sleep during the day and at night you can see the view of the city lights. It is 6 stories high, it is like model home, but it is so clean, there are no flies, no ants...they have a special vaccuum that sucks up all the bad things in the house.� It has a kitchen and garage upstairs and down stairs.�

Justin's imaginary friends, he tells me are sooo kind and nice that they would let you borrow something that are brand new to them and even lets you borrow things that other people would say no.� His friends are so nice that they let Justin design their world.��He tells me that his friends help God everyday and that God made him and the he made his friends.�His friends even were taught to swim when they were babies.�

Worried about grandpa driving in the dark from LA, Justin says that his friends who is the best driver in the world, better than mommy, better than the bus drivier is in front of grandpa and is leading him.� When we stopped at McDonald's Justin says, his friend parked up on the roof.�

Justin says that he has so many of these wonderful imaginary friends that he would share them, 74 for mommy, 72 for grandma and 79 for grandpa and 70 teen for himself--which is the biggest number in the world, according to Justin.�

Justin really wanted to take a tour of LA on the bus, so we did and had a great time.� He wanted to try sitting in the back of the bus, which turned out to be the best seats on the bus.�