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You can see the metal glint in the sun,

What have I�done?

The pain thats so bitter sweet,

All done in one selfish sweep...

I watch as it spills to the floor,

Better close the door...

To think this was all done in vain,

Just to feel a little bit of pain...

Everything just seems so blue,

What have I gotten myself into?

Just give me one more cold kiss,

And allow me one more second of bliss...

thank god. i swear, i think i would die if it wasn't for the fact that we only have 5 more days to wake up. i can handle that. :). one more day to wake up this week and i am completely okay with that.

well, i guess i'm currently married to my crush, and he's spreading that around :) haha. whatever. i really hate that i like him, because he's GAY!!!! wtf? how do i fall for a GAY guy? i dont understand it... i guess maybe it's because he's become one of my closest guy friends... man, i like him, and i'm going to try the trick that mrs. miller taught us about the pupils, i'm wondering if he'll use it on me, because he knows that i like him... :)

well, i'm gonna go, i'm hanging out with emmah and allen.

Peace. :D

Hey,

sorry, but i'm off and on to a new adventure for the summer, se ya next fall!!!

love

KL.

Знакомство с Джос меня очень радует!Я ей давно симпатизировала.Видно,она думающая личность.Надеюсь дружба с ней у нас получится."Заочно" я знаю Джос почти два года.Была симпатия,но было и то,что мы немного недолюбливали друг друга.Еще бы!"Общий объект обожания" и полное отсутствие "информации" друг о друге;)...Странно ...но такое случается!Уважение и раздражение!Сейчас,когда "объект" отошел в сторону,раздражение ушло вместе с ним,осталось уважение.Будем узнавать друг друга поближе.Взаимный интерес.Думаю ,нам будет о чем поговорить!

so im doing really well in school (homework wise and grade wise) but friends...one of them talks to the other about me with another friend (not really friends anymore) and then one is being a major brat all because of a stupid sport (we dont text anymore)!

i dont know what to do. my rents fight all the time. my sister is getting sicker (if thats a word?) by the minute (today she passed out while i was handing her her meds, scared the bajeezs out of me. no idea when or if she's getting another heart surgery). i only have like to or three friends and crushing on the same guy as one of my best friends. my phone and computer are a peice of poop, my best best friend lives in ohio (stupid boy), im growing farther and farther away from my dad, my siblings never want to be outside with me anymore (so i have to ride the quad by myself and pitch the ball to myself. oh well) my mom doesnt even care about my grades or that i made honor roll the whole year of school or that i got accepted into a music program camp thingy for summer..............

dont comment unless you're going to be serious!!

you can message me. i'll read it. but if i dont feel like replying, i'll just delete it.

Ну вот!:)...Ты ждешь меня!Подожди,потомись немного:)...Я безумно скучала и скучаю!Ты будешь моим...но это вопрос времени...главное -выдержать!Я выдержу!Ты того стоишь!После тебя нет и не будет путей отступления,ни "побегов"...Ты пока этого не знаешь,хотя...иногда мне кажется,что ты меня чувствуешь больше,чем я себя вообще знаю!

Ты стал моей "болезнью"..."Легкая простуда" грозится перейти в "хроническое заболевание":(...Почему так долго?...так долго я не нахожу сил� просто жить без тебя?...Наверное все дело в том,что мои предчувствия� относительно твоих чувств ко мне,всегда оправдывались...Но я не в силах вести эту "немую беседу"...и в то же время -боюсь прекращать ее...боюсь потерять тебя...Еще пару месяцев...Если поездка состоится,значит все встанет на свои места...Еще чуть-чуть...чтобы потом не терзать себя за наполовину пройденный путь...Ты такой "сложный" !Ума не приложу,как мы нашли друг друга...Ты знаешь -я как огонь...Тебе удалось,то,что никому никогда не удавалось!За тобой остается последнее слово!

Patience.. is it truly a virtue?

Is it?

Can it be.. i mean ive waited for 2 years for the last guy i really wanted to be mine..

he comes to a realization 2 years later...

its been 2 years since ive been with him....

for 2 years hes waited on me..

love is such a crazy word for something that causes so much pain..

so much anger.. and grief..

so much stress...

hate..

hates sounds more appropriate..

love is cruel and evil..

i refuse to waste more time....

i was totally happy with wasting my time with a man that would never commit to marriage.. because i didnt plan on getting married anytime soon..

and for the most part we were living happily together..

now im living a nightmare..

i get looked at like a vagrant..

he cooked me breakfast...

im not sure if that was just cause he was up cookin..

or because he wanted to...

my heart aches so bad i want to combust..

i think time away will do me good..

hes doing what he wants to do anyways..

he always has..

its me..

that has learned patience....

its me that has learned.. heartache..

i felt better just blatantly being betrayed because at least that guy flat out told me..

i think its the trait of a coward.. who cant discuss thier feelings and let other ppl know what was going on.

But its clear.. crystal..

as always i have a very clear path that im going to take..

i will not deviate..

i have gone too far off course already..

all because of a man.. who had a hole in his heart..

that i wanted to fill..

but hes left me heartless..

i woulda took just the hole..

but the absense completely.. has me thrown.

im off balance..

i have to find my balance again..

i need to put my feet back on solid ground...

time will tell..

who knows..

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results." - Art Turock

Its been 4 days since the arguement..

part of me wants to pack my shit and keep it moving..

part of me..� wants to kill his ass.

the greater part of me misses my best friend and lover..

in the past 4 days apparently alot has happened..

and I mean alot..

lets just say "it was written in the stars"

I have no clue what hes been up to

hes doing what he wants to do..

since none of the things he wants to do has included me at all..

and as of June 8� it will be one month since hes slept in the same bed as me..

it would be on june 3 one month since we have had sex..

it would be as of ..

june 12 the last time hes kissed me..

and yet the pain will last forever..

not communicating is so his style..

he has been communicating with someone apparently who makes him smile...

who makes him happy..

i swear..

ill burn the bitch..

im there..

on the ledge..

my foot extended..

wondering.. if i should just fuckin go off!

It only makes things harder..

he dosent get that when i see him staring at that screen laughing, and smiling all by his damn self.. that my body aches and rage begins.

I used to be the person he preferred to laugh and smile with..

that as my damn smile..�

who stole that smile from me..

i used to also be the person he WANTED�to sleep with..

now he dosent even want to share the same bed..

like i have leprosy...

he preferres sleeping in a recliner.. than sleep with me..

he preferrs to stay up all night at a computer.. talkin to ppl who dont give a fuck if he lives or dies...

people that if he did die.. would be unaffected by his death.

People who dont matter..

it was me and him against the world.. now i feel like its the w.w.w� and he against me..

i cant continue loving somebody who has choosen to totally disreguard me..

those thoughts come back to mind..

those evil thoughts..

i guess i will start finding my own places to go....

my own people to go out with..

someone to make me smile and laugh....

someone to hand out with me..

since aparrently there is no more renee and jon

theres is just I..

all alone..

see how lonely that looks..

I.

all by itself on its own little line..

complete with a period.

because im at the end of my line.

I want to be in love with the person i met in october...

i want to be in love with the person who he was in md during the holidays..

i want to love the person he was when on our days off we went out.. and was excited about spending the time together.

I want to be in love with the man who only HAD eyes for me.

the one who wouldnt fuck, lick,suck, get licked.. blown or kissed by anyone other than me.

But� since thats not looking like its going to happen..

it would be reall great..

to have all those things done to me!