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My world has spun out of control,

All because of that 'lil troll...

No one can keep their mouths shut these days,

Everythings turned into a foggy haze...

I�laugh as they spread false tales!

Is this another bad attempt at blackmail?

�

They always seem to set me up,

With all of their anoying gossip...

I should have known,

That they had no life of their own!

�

Why do they insist on doing this to me?

Watch, and you'll realize you've hurt me deeply!

Please dont roll you eyes,

This has happened�way to many times...�

�

How can you believe them over me?

This situation is so shity!!

Do I dare ask why?

Or will the truth just make me cry...?

�

�

I'm working on it as much as I can but it is difficult.� I think some of it has to do with the medication and then there is just the situation as it is.�

I should have never gone back to the Yahoo boards. The harassment is never ending.� I feel like I have a hole in my heart big enough to drive a truck through.� I should never go back but I can't seem to help myself.

I don't feel like writing much today.� Last night was so difficult I woke up feeling terrible. Just when I think things are better it seems I have a relapse.

I don't feel like doing anything today.� I feel defeated. Robert will be here soon for breakfast and I need to get dressed.�

I can tell it's going to be a full moon.� I'm so exhausted.� I think I will go back to bed and skip breakfast.

Maybe I'll write more later.

Seeing and Hearing

It's not like I cant see,

For I know that they write about me...

They whisper as I walk by,

God,�I could just cry!

It's not like I ment for this,

Please dont let me reminence!

For this is just another tragic tale,

That only ends in betrayle...

Suprise!

I�hear them scream,

Do you know what�they've done to me?

Suprise suprise, your mad again,

Do you think this will be the end?

Maybe I'll just walk away,

No, I wont come back another day...

Please just shoot me now!

Then turn around and take your bow...�

It gets lonely at times but i know i have something to look forward to. Im completely determined to make my dreams come true. I feel grounded everyday, it will be nice to be able to see friends, go shopping or to the cinema. I will stay focused and pray

Ok so my friend Brandi is having a party tomorrow because school is out. So we are celebrating. And so I was all pumped for it. I'm gonna spend the night at one of my other friend, Jenna's,� house that night. And I�had Jenna over last night. And so we invited one of my other best friends, Alannah, to spend the night and we fought a bit about it but I was over it and so was Jenna. And so today we invited Alannah to spend the night too because that was her idea orgionally yesterday. And so we expected her to say yes, and she started bitching us out and she said something like she didn't want to make her not wanting to spend the night yesterday a big deal but jenna and i were over it and she wouldn't get over it. So we fought. And I almost never fight with her. So I'm pretty fucking pissed. And really wanna punch someone. Fuck.

Yesterday was a good training day. did 1 hour hard core stair stepper in the am and another hour in the evening b4 dinner. worked hard and felt it. It's raining so Bootcamp was cancelled. I'm eating my Jillian Michaels breakfast bowl and then going to the gym for weight training and basketball today! yeah!

We leave late this afternoon for New Hamshire for the weekend so probably no gym work out this weekend but will take my mitts and ball to throw around and running shoes.

Pain, hurt, sorrow, guilt, shame, frustration, rejection, fear, remorse........despair.

ok so it is currently friday. when i would normally be at school, instead i am home. because school is OUT! :))))

ahaha i'm happy.

plus i'm typing this on my sisters laptop. SCORE.

oh by the way, please comment.

Whoever is sending me these, thank you.� I love them.� I really liked this one I received today:

"If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

:)

The "vast and edless sea".� I love those words. I suppose I will always yearn for the ocean.� After all......I was born on the coast and learned how to swim in the sea.� it's a part of me that will always be.� My earliest and fondest recollections are of the ocean.