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    letstalk  40, Male, Iowa, USA - 6,296 views
19
May 2007
3:25 PM EDT
   

Hello everyone! I been little busy lately not working partbut I been confused in the last few weeks and I really hurt a close friend of mine that I did not mean to....I left her out of my life last month....I was not trying to but I just did not ask for her help and she took it wrong the whole relationship part. I am hoping our relationship can get back to where it was or close to where it was....I know she is saying she cares for me and etc. but I am not sure if it is back to where it was before yet or if it will because I did not pay attention to her last month do to the stress I was going through.
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    jazzsoulp  26, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 6,178 views
28
Oct 2007
7:10 PM EST
   

...Wow...A lot has gone down since my birthday. I quit my wonderful job because I got admission into graduate school. I am more in Love with Babe than I have ever been...It's wierd...Like I Like Him more everyday. He's abroad now, and I'm nervous because He's so much closer even though we are still far apart. School is kicking. I'lll be getting my midterm grades tomorrow, so hopefully they are good ; )

I lost my God-father 3 Sundays ago. I miss Him and I hate knowing I wont be able to talk to Him ever again.
I really pray that my 4 girlfriends find true Love mehn...It's eating at my soul that they are lonely and unsure, but I'll keep praying for them. They have just got to experience this high...It's unexplainable.

Live in Love and Peace in the World...Much Love,...Me
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    Talacia  21, Female, Australia - 6,136 views
25
May 2007
3:58 AM EST
   

GOOOOOOD MOOOORNNINNGGG!!!
altho its afternoon!!!!
im happppppyyyy :-)
1 comment(s) - 03:11 AM - 05/24/2007
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    meagan  33, Female, Canada - 6,131 views
31
Dec 2008
5:32 AM EST
   

Happy New Year!

I've got TONS of goals for 2009!  My main fitness goal is to lose approximately 40 pounds of fat, re-gain some of the muscle I lost while pregnant, and compete in IDFA's Toronto Classic on July 11 with my best body yet!  I've lost about 35 pounds since I had my baby at the end of August without really trying (a mixture of not having time to eat all day because I'm so busy with him, breastfeeding, and not hanging out at restaurants so much), I've been teaching my dance and exercise classes, walking a lot (it's too hard to get on streetcars with a big stroller), and getting down to the gym a bit, but thus far my fitness efforts have been pretty sporadic and lazy in my mind... which is fine - I don't mind that I gave myself a few months to re-adjust my new life as a mom without throwing myself right back into super- workout-girl-mode as soon as I got home from the hospital.  But, now It think it's time to get crazy!!!  I've set a very reasonable goal of competing in July, so I have 7 months to get ripped!  I'm so excited about getting more serious about my training (and less excited about super clean eating).  Now I just have to decide if I'm going to compete in fitness or figure... Getting  a fitness routine together now that I've been out of the scene for so long may be challenging, but I might try!  I'll keep you posted!  HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2 comment(s) - 10:10 PM - 01/12/2009
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Current Tags: fitness competitions new year workout dance

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    CreateSomething  39, Female, Texas, USA - 5,971 views
06
Oct 2009
12:36 PM CST
   

Pumpkin Patch Photography

  Today I did a shoot with a baby girl named Eliska. She was so adorable. She had several different halloween costumes. She was so easy to work with and her mom and grandmother kept singing this really cute song to get her attention. I really enjoyed the session and am sure the images will be beautiful. I think my favorites are the ones of her with the colorful toule. There was a cat that she really loved. We tried to put the cat in the pail with her but it immediately jumped out before we could even snap off one picture. I was kind of sad about that because it would have been very halloween like. We did get a few with the cut on the bench with her but then it decided to get down when she started petting it a little less than it liked. She wasn't even 2 so she was learning to be nice to the kitty. She didn't quite have it down yet but it was very cute to see her try. There were some great areas at the pumpkin patch to shoot. The only thing is that in the barn some fly kept landing on the baby but I got lots of shots without it so that will be okay. There were huge pumpkins and colorful gourds so I think these will be perfect for halloween.

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Current Tags: halloween, kids, pumpkin patch

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    lex  29, Female, California, USA - 5,927 views
30
Jan 2011
10:38 PM CST
   

it's really been two months YIKES!

Man I've been putting this off for some time now but finally found a nice Sunday night to write. Where do I start??

The holidays where fantastic lots of eating and drinking and days off from work presents and pictures of snow from back east. Laura came to visit which was amazing amazing she is now living in San Diego for the next year. I really love her love friends that just get it and just know. Will be seeing her in two weeks in LA for some warm sunny parent hang out time.

New family addition yesterday baby Oliver Henry Brill! Soooo cute and so happy to have more little cousins who call me Aunt Lex! love it up! Makes me sad not to be closer during times like these but I will visit soon in the spring.

Job is good it's been a year which is amazing. Got into Lexilou mode have checking set up email marketing down and cocentrating on finishing our rates package. moving forward. moving forward.

Been doing a little online dating and had a date this week with Mike from like a year and a half ago he just called me up out of the blue and asked to have drinks. It was really great to see him but don't think much has changed  in the I'm into Alexis front still seems to be on the same level and I haven't heard from him which is blah blah blah but damn is he cute :) Just going to leave it no messaging him late night or drunk I'm just in a different place now where I don't need that attention negative or positive just have a lot more going on and I kind of feel like you are in or you are out so pick one and lets move on for reaaaals.

Had a good day today grocery shopping, yoga, fantastic fish tacos i made now going to dive into dan browns latest book. sounds lame but i love days like these a little alone time i love it. just me time is really good for me. so relaxing and wonderful sunday nights are some of the best.

not going to get into all the other stuff running through my brain but also a note that this week is my three year mark of writting this journal!! woo hoo! who would have imagined this is the wonderful place i would have found myself in as when i started i feel like i was just a different person in a way different place. man how time really makes a difference.
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    uns3ttl3d  24, Female, New York, USA - 5,884 views
17
Mar 2007
8:34 AM EDT
   

i dont know what it is with me but i feel alone and scared. my parents are giving me a hard time for not wanting to go to join a gym or something. i havent even been home for 24 hours and theyre already giving me so much shit. i cant tkake it and my head feels like it wants to explode. i spent most of this morning having coffee and cigarettes outsie in the subzero temperature because i wanted to numb myself- literally -from thinking and worrying and now all this thinkin and worrying is getting to me. so i eventually came back and huddled my stuffed animal by the corner of the wall looking at an art book staring at a picture of monterey bay. i felt like i was going to pass out. i havent eaten yet today and i dont really feel like eating anything. im too emotionally stressed out. its just so hard for me to get up and do things and when people force me to just do it i feel like i want to kill myself. i just need help and i need it now. and help isnt coming. i think i should ask my parents for the psychologists number but then again they probably wont give it to me because they, as it has been for the past several years, want me to try other alternatives to helping myself. obviously exercise alone isnt going to get rid of my problems. along with acupuncture. along with herb medicine. along with church. along with books i cant even finish. along with trying new things. going new places. my inner devil will always catch up with me wherever i go and i am simply sick of it. what good has self medication done me so far?? i'm halfway in the process of getting lung cancer, i pushed away all the friends i ever had, i cant wake up in the morning without wanting to scream and cry. i've become so self centered that i cant even help those around me who need it (my brother who is now gone), i quit school because i couldnt think straight or function, i have dug myself so deep down this hole and i cant get myself to let alone even stand up or try to get a shovel to dig myself out just with exercise. why are they so blind? why dont they understand me? they dont. not to the least bit. and i am alone. alone in this world. alone in my thoughts. the mind can be a lonely place. i can feel the sting in my eyes because if i dont sit down and write/type it out i cant think in cohesive phrases. i will just get lot and frustrated even more than i already am and its just hell all over again. i cant take it. i cant take it. i cant take it. my head feels like it wants to explode. i am drowning in a pool of hopelessness and nobody around me knows how to swim. they all just sit on the sidelines and see me frolic and flail just as i have for the past 6 years and do absolutely nothing about it. some try, and they end up giving up because i am hopeless. i cant even stand up most of the time, how can thye expect me to walk? or let alone even run? the world i live in is a fast faced pace and everything is a fucking race. a fucking marathon. and i am a cripple (im speaking metaphorically but you get my point...or do you???) i am just tripping and falling and i cant get up. i need help. and my parents aren't a nurturing environment for the problems that i have. i dont even understand most of why i am the way i am. maybe i should just shut up and deal and get by day to day without thinking. thats what i did for the first half of last semester. but the inner devil caught up with me. it made me do stupid things. it made my suppressed bad thoughts 10 million times louder and now i can't tell whats real and whats not. i mean this emotionally and mentally. i can still decipher the real world, im not crazy just yet, but i get so lost in my own thoughts and i cant run away from me because i will always catch up. maybe im just insecure. maybe im just a loser. mayube im just a failure. maybe i dont deserve anything in this world. maybe i should just shut up. but i cant. the only way i can get myself to shut up is if i kill myself but that would be a last resort. i am so stupid. nothing in my life ive done is worth honoring. ive made some terrible mistakes and i never cease to embarass myself when i try to fit in or open up to others. i am thoroughly ashamed of my existence. and i am not worthy of being worried about by others...which i am not.. only my parents care about me and they dont know how to help me. i dont really have any real friends. only the people that i left behind in my old hometown and back at college that i cease to keep contact with anymore. why? because there is nothing to talk about. i am a boring person. i cease to bring forth anything to the table. i wish to change myself but i somehow cant because i lack the will and incentive. perhaps i do ahve incentive but i dont know who i am anymore if i ever did in the first place and lots of what i say or think or do repeats itself and gets worse every time i do it. god. i cant take it. i just want to be happy and have a normal worry free life. i know this isnt achieveable because life istn easy and i am too weak to do anything right...or do anything at all. so i will just sit here and rant on the computer to no one but myself and it really isnt doing much.
1 comment(s) - 04:52 PM - 05/10/2008
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    dunamis  42, Male, Australia - 5,859 views
03
Jun 2010
6:14 AM WST
   

men v women. unrealistic expectations



Seems, my wife thinks that being a man, means being a dog - literally.

Had these very exposing discussions last night with wife.

I postulated that there are characteristics in which men and women differ. I'm not talking physiology or biology, I'm talking more emotionally and socialogically. All humans possess traits and characteristics to varying degrees, irrespective of gender. But I said that there are some characteristics that women display, on average, more often than men. And there are some human qualities and characteristics that men display, on average, more often than women. This is neither good nor bad, it just is. It's an observation that has been made after correcting for age, culture, economic situation etc.

It's important to note that the characteristics I'm talking about are neutral. They're amoral. They don't carry a "good" or "bad" classification.

To qualify, I can find examples men who are more sensitive that some women. I can find fine examples of men, who will display strongly, those characteristics which women display on average more often than men. I can find women who are more aggressive than some men. There are always examples you can point to, but we're talking bell curve's here and yes, the bell curve's overlap.

She went on and on that it was no excuse. But she must have misheard me. There wasn't an attempt to make excuses, I was just stating a well accepted and statistically proven fact.

After much discussion (more like torture) she agreed that there are differences between men and women. But, here's the kicker, it turns out she thinks that any differences between men and women can be overcome by proper nuture of boys and better education.

Her argument is that characteristics that women display on average more often than men can be attained just as often by men if they were brought up properly and educated. She used road rage and slavery as examples.

When I asked her how she characterised men, she basically described a dog. She basically said all men think about is sex and procreation. She muttered something about grabbing tits, leaving mess about the place, being dirty. There was mention of abuse in the murky mix too.

So it was revealing. What I think she's saying, is that men are basically inferior humans to women and that if you can educate and nurture them better, they will display those characteristics that women currently display on average, more often.

It saddens me that she thinks of men in such a dim view, because I am one.

The conversation started because I think that marriages are suffering under the weight of false expectations. Mass media over the last thirty years has portrayed both men and women in a light which elevates expectations. Women expect men to be basically bigger versions of .... women! Men now wear women's clothes, makeup, and manscaping is a burgeoning industry. We have bromances, we're urged to get in touch with our feminine side, be sensitive, caring, in touch with our feelings, and have long conversations. We're urged to shun "typical male behavior" which is now frowned upon as being neanderthal and somewhat less human. In other words, we need to connect left brain and right brain and become more emotional beings. If only building synapses was so easy!

Men seem to expect to marry the hottest babe (who of course never slept around) but is highly charged sexually and who will stay slim and gorgeous for the rest of their married lives. We only have to look at leading ladies of the big screen. They all seem to stay hot no matter how old, or how many babies they have (and if they do let themselves go, they're never offered any more roles). Take Demi Moore, or Madonna as an example. For goodness sake, even Grandma Cher is in some creepy way still hot. But the reality is that once young women have married it is hard to keep up with the hair, the fake tan, the nails, and keep off the weight. Post childbirth, it's a hard road. It seems only a tiny minority can stay slim after one or three kids. That's just reality.

But back to the expectations.... An extremely funny video by Perfect Italiano, has a fencing expert practicing his listening face when his woman is not around. He can fence and listen. He can paint and listen. He can cook and listen to all her problems, and urgers her to "go on and on and on". It's a total crackup, but it's only funny, because it's ripping off reality.

I think if we could just understand the other gender, and realise that no matter how hard you try, you probably won't shift the bell curves and to have realistic expectations of one another. On a personal level, if you want to have a more harmonious marriage, you have to get to know the other person. You've got to leave your expecations on the threshold. It's fine to have expectations when your dating... that helps you choose your mate. But after you marry, the best you can expect is for them to be... them.

And you can't change that. You have to seek to understand, but after understanding, then accept and then choose to want that. I'm not advocating tolerance here. That's one degree above contempt. I'm advocating that you understand what you have, and choose to want what you have.

Being blinded by expecations serves no-one. Disappointment is a heartbreaker and it's hard to turn around from disappointment-ville. Disappointment comes from unmet expectations. Wouldn't it be better to expect men to be men, and women to be women? wouldn't it be easier to just understand the person you are with, than to make an idol of your expectations and in the glasshouse of idealism in which it's only a matter of time before the rock of reality smashes it all around you?

Idealism is for youth. Realism with optimism and wisdom is for the mature.

Realistically, men are never going to become women in bigger bodies no matter how much education and nurture, their nature predisposes them to display certain characteristics on average more often that women and other's less often. It will always be that way. Expecting anything different is like the first sign of madness... doing the same thing and expecting different results. If you keep making males, you'll keep getting the same results - on average.

Men aren't unrefined boorish, second rate humans any more than women are. It's just that characteristics men display on average more often aren't desirable in our society, and characteristics women display on average more often are held up as being the pinnacle of humanity.

Why else would researchers be developing a nasal spray of oxytocin (the female hormone) that men can use to achieve greater empathy?prayt Why not just implement castration once family planning is over? Forget about vasectomies, just cut the testes out and the whole world would be a happier, more harmonious caring place to live.
1 comment(s) - 09:21 PM - 06/01/2010
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    leeyohhan  46, Male, New Jersey, USA - 5,801 views
27
Jul 2009
7:50 AM CDT
   

07/27/2009

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    lostblackbird  33, Male, Brazil - 5,696 views
06
Jul 2007
11:34 AM EDT
   

E aki vou eu again! P/ todos, 7 abraços e um copo de breja!

Só keria dizer p/ vc ñ fikar irritada, flw? Vc é minha amiga desde q conhecemos no take e desde então sempre nos falamos, porque é assim q as coisas rodam.

Tem vz q criança tem q leva umas na traseira, e acho q ela tb merece!
Posso até dar uns chutes por vc, se assim vc quiser, Raqs. Covarde q corre de briga e depois dá as costas tá é pedindo pra apanhar. Defendo amigo com unhas e dentes, sempre q precisar, sou assim. Posso ñ manjar das palavras, mas sou amigo até a morte, ñ q nem essa falsa aí.
1 comment(s) - 09:14 AM - 03/05/2008
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    manindra  36, Male, India - 5,380 views
01
Aug 2007
8:13 AM I
   

public
Tags: public
2 comment(s) - 05:45 PM - 11/05/2007
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    LostAnonymously  22, Female, Arkansas, USA - 5,049 views
13
Apr 2008
4:37 PM CST
   

Some Poetry...

I'm going to start writing poetry again. I used to for a long time. I'm hoping it will be as therapeutic as it used to be. Well here is one that  I wrote a few days ago. It doesn't really have a name.

No, Everything is not okay

Everytime night turns to day

I pray

"God let me die today."

I can't change the way I feel

People are trying with just a little pill

It all just makes me want to blurt

"God, stop making me hurt."

I know I have Jesus in my heart

Which means we'll never part

But I just don't feel him with me

Maybe they lied and he really left me.

God, if you left me, hear my cry

Please come back before I try

To take something that isn't mine

To take my life one last time.

I need some feedback, Please.  That is, if you want to. I can be short or long. You can tell me it sucks if you want to. Just give me something to work with.

1 comment(s) - 12:06 AM - 04/22/2008
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    Maurice  17, Male, Ohio, USA - 5,017 views
12
May 2007
5:57 PM EDT
   

Now I go out with a girl named ciara. But all these other dudes tryin to take her from me. Now all these dudes wanna fight me her ex boyfriend, dis guy named ans, and this fat guy.
3 comment(s) - 05:56 PM - 05/22/2007
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    codekadiya  27, Male, Australia - 4,942 views
27
Mar 2011
6:01 PM
   

im gonna stop writing from this for a little while and got a good journal website. so gonna write it from there. thats also comes to the inbox. which is called Ohlife. so its good. anyway sorry.com for this website. thats how the life goes. clients tend to go for the best option when they receive a good website. anyway going to work in a little while.
1 comment(s) - 03:18 AM - 04/12/2011
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    linnea14star  16, Female, Washington, USA - 4,867 views
02
Feb 2012
11:21 AM CST
   

Out with the old life and in with the new life

 So after what happen with that one guy I got mad, but yesterday a new guy asked me out and I said yes. He is really sweet and a higher classmen. If you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Also today is final day, so wish me luck! 
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    Selina4me  15, Female, Illinois, USA - 4,857 views
12
Dec 2007
3:39 PM EDT
   

Dear Readers,

Today I stayed home from school with my dad and my brother's girlfriend. She is really nice and I like her because she listens to me. Not with her ears but with her heart. Today I spilled my guts out to her and it all started....uh....I foregot how it started but it had to do with boys I liked or like Manny or something. I told her everything from all the kids in my classroom to writing a book.

I like to write. I told you that already didn't I? When I write I am in my momment of zen or something. Since I like to write then that means I'd like a Pen-Pal to write E-mails to. Would you be my pen-pal? I would really like that.

What can I do to attract Manny? Help Me! Give Me Tips! I Need Your Help! I am begging you! PLEASE!!!

Answer My Question and Send Me Comments!

-Selina4me

Tags: boys, penpals
6 comment(s) - 09:42 PM - 02/28/2008
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    thatsky  33, Male, China - 4,849 views
28
Feb 2008
6:20 AM EDT
   

å¿è€å¸¸å¸¸æ˜¯ä¼˜æŸ”寡断的一ç§å½¢å¼
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    shejustloves  35, Female, Minnesota, USA - 4,667 views
06
Feb 2010
4:25 AM CST
   

Today is the day...my stomach is in knots, I feel like I have to vomit...I just don't know what to expect...
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    DancingButterfly  34, Female, New York, USA - 4,450 views
02
Sep 2008
2:02 PM EDT
   

What I regret the most last year...

is that I didn't apply for B-school. I went as far as finishing GMAT and celebrated the test result, but nothing further. That set me back an entire year. Labor Day just passed yesterday, which means I again have 3 months to figure out why I need an MBA, where I want to apply, and complete the applications. Fun stuff...
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    berries7cinnamon  25, Female, Singapore - 4,406 views
22
Dec 2007
9:51 AM EDT
   

I just got my new desktop today. Just slightly more than a week ago, I was telling a few of my friends how much I wanted to have one because I wanna play MMO. Someone asked me if I wanna play MMO it's because I'm lonely.

Actually, not at all. I have plenty of things that I like to do to keep me busy. I just would like to try something new. That's all.

I started gaming once it's all set up and ready. I had fun and along the way I think I did quite a few things that made other players roled their eyes. (haha...)

However, there's something that's bothering me. -.-

How I managed to have this desktop at such a short notice was all because of my cousin who was so willing to spend on me. I was really thankful. I haven't been a very good spot today because I got pissed at what mom said to me... AGAIN (just like so many time in my life).

I forgot to thank my cousin and got mad because the cd/dvd drive couldn't work well. My cousin said that seller wanted her to come down to his store to get a new drive, and he's even willing to upgrade it for us... for free. To me, that's not the point. His store is so far away and my cousin told me she wasn't even sure of the way as well yet she just agreed to go down to his store to pick it up and said that she knew how to fix or change the drive.

That seller has the responsibility to come over to my house and fix that problem. I felt that my cousin was being to easy going. -.- Or maybe I'm simply being too difficult. I just feel that since he's the seller, he should be the one to provide us the service and not us who's making things convenient for him.

In the end, after waiting for such a long time for my cousin to help me set up the PC, I got bored and started reading my manga. I couldn't really paid attention to her when she was showing me some stuff and I didn't realised that I haven't thanked her for today. I did thank her profusely when she offered to get the PC for me, but I just didn't do it today. -.- I felt so rude, worst of all my mom was the one who reminded me.

This isn't the first time I didn't thank someone who has helped me. It's not that I didn't want to thank them, I simply forgot or didn't realise that I... just didn't. This is so embarrassing.

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