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    dunamis  52, Male, Australia - 20,497 views
02
Jun 2010
5:14 PM WST
   

men v women. unrealistic expectations



Seems, my wife thinks that being a man, means being a dog - literally.

Had these very exposing discussions last night with wife.

I postulated that there are characteristics in which men and women differ. I'm not talking physiology or biology, I'm talking more emotionally and socialogically. All humans possess traits and characteristics to varying degrees, irrespective of gender. But I said that there are some characteristics that women display, on average, more often than men. And there are some human qualities and characteristics that men display, on average, more often than women. This is neither good nor bad, it just is. It's an observation that has been made after correcting for age, culture, economic situation etc.

It's important to note that the characteristics I'm talking about are neutral. They're amoral. They don't carry a "good" or "bad" classification.

To qualify, I can find examples men who are more sensitive that some women. I can find fine examples of men, who will display strongly, those characteristics which women display on average more often than men. I can find women who are more aggressive than some men. There are always examples you can point to, but we're talking bell curve's here and yes, the bell curve's overlap.

She went on and on that it was no excuse. But she must have misheard me. There wasn't an attempt to make excuses, I was just stating a well accepted and statistically proven fact.

After much discussion (more like torture) she agreed that there are differences between men and women. But, here's the kicker, it turns out she thinks that any differences between men and women can be overcome by proper nuture of boys and better education.

Her argument is that characteristics that women display on average more often than men can be attained just as often by men if they were brought up properly and educated. She used road rage and slavery as examples.

When I asked her how she characterised men, she basically described a dog. She basically said all men think about is sex and procreation. She muttered something about grabbing tits, leaving mess about the place, being dirty. There was mention of abuse in the murky mix too.

So it was revealing. What I think she's saying, is that men are basically inferior humans to women and that if you can educate and nurture them better, they will display those characteristics that women currently display on average, more often.

It saddens me that she thinks of men in such a dim view, because I am one.

The conversation started because I think that marriages are suffering under the weight of false expectations. Mass media over the last thirty years has portrayed both men and women in a light which elevates expectations. Women expect men to be basically bigger versions of .... women! Men now wear women's clothes, makeup, and manscaping is a burgeoning industry. We have bromances, we're urged to get in touch with our feminine side, be sensitive, caring, in touch with our feelings, and have long conversations. We're urged to shun "typical male behavior" which is now frowned upon as being neanderthal and somewhat less human. In other words, we need to connect left brain and right brain and become more emotional beings. If only building synapses was so easy!

Men seem to expect to marry the hottest babe (who of course never slept around) but is highly charged sexually and who will stay slim and gorgeous for the rest of their married lives. We only have to look at leading ladies of the big screen. They all seem to stay hot no matter how old, or how many babies they have (and if they do let themselves go, they're never offered any more roles). Take Demi Moore, or Madonna as an example. For goodness sake, even Grandma Cher is in some creepy way still hot. But the reality is that once young women have married it is hard to keep up with the hair, the fake tan, the nails, and keep off the weight. Post childbirth, it's a hard road. It seems only a tiny minority can stay slim after one or three kids. That's just reality.

But back to the expectations.... An extremely funny video by Perfect Italiano, has a fencing expert practicing his listening face when his woman is not around. He can fence and listen. He can paint and listen. He can cook and listen to all her problems, and urgers her to "go on and on and on". It's a total crackup, but it's only funny, because it's ripping off reality.

I think if we could just understand the other gender, and realise that no matter how hard you try, you probably won't shift the bell curves and to have realistic expectations of one another. On a personal level, if you want to have a more harmonious marriage, you have to get to know the other person. You've got to leave your expecations on the threshold. It's fine to have expectations when your dating... that helps you choose your mate. But after you marry, the best you can expect is for them to be... them.

And you can't change that. You have to seek to understand, but after understanding, then accept and then choose to want that. I'm not advocating tolerance here. That's one degree above contempt. I'm advocating that you understand what you have, and choose to want what you have.

Being blinded by expecations serves no-one. Disappointment is a heartbreaker and it's hard to turn around from disappointment-ville. Disappointment comes from unmet expectations. Wouldn't it be better to expect men to be men, and women to be women? wouldn't it be easier to just understand the person you are with, than to make an idol of your expectations and in the glasshouse of idealism in which it's only a matter of time before the rock of reality smashes it all around you?

Idealism is for youth. Realism with optimism and wisdom is for the mature.

Realistically, men are never going to become women in bigger bodies no matter how much education and nurture, their nature predisposes them to display certain characteristics on average more often that women and other's less often. It will always be that way. Expecting anything different is like the first sign of madness... doing the same thing and expecting different results. If you keep making males, you'll keep getting the same results - on average.

Men aren't unrefined boorish, second rate humans any more than women are. It's just that characteristics men display on average more often aren't desirable in our society, and characteristics women display on average more often are held up as being the pinnacle of humanity.

Why else would researchers be developing a nasal spray of oxytocin (the female hormone) that men can use to achieve greater empathy?prayt Why not just implement castration once family planning is over? Forget about vasectomies, just cut the testes out and the whole world would be a happier, more harmonious caring place to live.
1 comment(s) - 09:21 PM - 06/01/2010
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    linnea14star  26, Female, Washington, USA - 20,315 views
16
Jun 2013
8:27 AM CDT
   

Starting Somwthing Different

Summer has started and so has my new ideas for different things. I have decided to start writing my bucket list on twitter and gmail. �I am also broadcasting my story ideas and definitions for words I learned just this last school year. I don't know if that was a bad idea, but I can't wait to find out.
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Current Tags: home...sick...again

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    cbutterfly  31, Female, North Carolina, USA - 19,938 views
18
Apr 2007
11:31 AM EDT
   

Hey you guys sorry I have not posted but I have been very busy ok ttyl.
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    letstalk  50, Male, Iowa, USA - 19,758 views
19
May 2007
2:25 PM EDT
   

Hello everyone! I been little busy lately not working partbut I been confused in the last few weeks and I really hurt a close friend of mine that I did not mean to....I left her out of my life last month....I was not trying to but I just did not ask for her help and she took it wrong the whole relationship part. I am hoping our relationship can get back to where it was or close to where it was....I know she is saying she cares for me and etc. but I am not sure if it is back to where it was before yet or if it will because I did not pay attention to her last month do to the stress I was going through.
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    mommy  33, Female, New York, USA - 19,685 views
29
Jan 2010
3:08 PM EDT
   

My Son

On the 26th of January my Son Hayden Got his 1st tooth. By Coincidence it was Also hid Daddy's Birthday & he turned 24. On the 27th of January he rolled over from his back to his belly so Now he can roll over both ways. He is Doing Great. Ever since he was born on July 12th 2009 with Spinal Bifidia he has been doing better then what everyone hasd thought.
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Current Tags: born, Life, Milestones, Son

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    x3VanDyke  30, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 19,096 views
19
Jun 2007
2:49 PM EDT
   

Okay y'all it's been a good almost 1 month since ive written in here yeah not much to tell so ima go
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    jazzsoulp  37, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 18,898 views
28
Oct 2007
6:10 PM EST
   

...Wow...A lot has gone down since my birthday. I quit my wonderful job because I got admission into graduate school. I am more in Love with Babe than I have ever been...It's wierd...Like I Like Him more everyday. He's abroad now, and I'm nervous because He's so much closer even though we are still far apart. School is kicking. I'lll be getting my midterm grades tomorrow, so hopefully they are good ; )

I lost my God-father 3 Sundays ago. I miss Him and I hate knowing I wont be able to talk to Him ever again.
I really pray that my 4 girlfriends find true Love mehn...It's eating at my soul that they are lonely and unsure, but I'll keep praying for them. They have just got to experience this high...It's unexplainable.

Live in Love and Peace in the World...Much Love,...Me
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    uns3ttl3d  34, Female, New York, USA - 18,489 views
17
Mar 2007
7:34 AM EDT
   

i dont know what it is with me but i feel alone and scared. my parents are giving me a hard time for not wanting to go to join a gym or something. i havent even been home for 24 hours and theyre already giving me so much shit. i cant tkake it and my head feels like it wants to explode. i spent most of this morning having coffee and cigarettes outsie in the subzero temperature because i wanted to numb myself- literally -from thinking and worrying and now all this thinkin and worrying is getting to me. so i eventually came back and huddled my stuffed animal by the corner of the wall looking at an art book staring at a picture of monterey bay. i felt like i was going to pass out. i havent eaten yet today and i dont really feel like eating anything. im too emotionally stressed out. its just so hard for me to get up and do things and when people force me to just do it i feel like i want to kill myself. i just need help and i need it now. and help isnt coming. i think i should ask my parents for the psychologists number but then again they probably wont give it to me because they, as it has been for the past several years, want me to try other alternatives to helping myself. obviously exercise alone isnt going to get rid of my problems. along with acupuncture. along with herb medicine. along with church. along with books i cant even finish. along with trying new things. going new places. my inner devil will always catch up with me wherever i go and i am simply sick of it. what good has self medication done me so far?? i'm halfway in the process of getting lung cancer, i pushed away all the friends i ever had, i cant wake up in the morning without wanting to scream and cry. i've become so self centered that i cant even help those around me who need it (my brother who is now gone), i quit school because i couldnt think straight or function, i have dug myself so deep down this hole and i cant get myself to let alone even stand up or try to get a shovel to dig myself out just with exercise. why are they so blind? why dont they understand me? they dont. not to the least bit. and i am alone. alone in this world. alone in my thoughts. the mind can be a lonely place. i can feel the sting in my eyes because if i dont sit down and write/type it out i cant think in cohesive phrases. i will just get lot and frustrated even more than i already am and its just hell all over again. i cant take it. i cant take it. i cant take it. my head feels like it wants to explode. i am drowning in a pool of hopelessness and nobody around me knows how to swim. they all just sit on the sidelines and see me frolic and flail just as i have for the past 6 years and do absolutely nothing about it. some try, and they end up giving up because i am hopeless. i cant even stand up most of the time, how can thye expect me to walk? or let alone even run? the world i live in is a fast faced pace and everything is a fucking race. a fucking marathon. and i am a cripple (im speaking metaphorically but you get my point...or do you???) i am just tripping and falling and i cant get up. i need help. and my parents aren't a nurturing environment for the problems that i have. i dont even understand most of why i am the way i am. maybe i should just shut up and deal and get by day to day without thinking. thats what i did for the first half of last semester. but the inner devil caught up with me. it made me do stupid things. it made my suppressed bad thoughts 10 million times louder and now i can't tell whats real and whats not. i mean this emotionally and mentally. i can still decipher the real world, im not crazy just yet, but i get so lost in my own thoughts and i cant run away from me because i will always catch up. maybe im just insecure. maybe im just a loser. mayube im just a failure. maybe i dont deserve anything in this world. maybe i should just shut up. but i cant. the only way i can get myself to shut up is if i kill myself but that would be a last resort. i am so stupid. nothing in my life ive done is worth honoring. ive made some terrible mistakes and i never cease to embarass myself when i try to fit in or open up to others. i am thoroughly ashamed of my existence. and i am not worthy of being worried about by others...which i am not.. only my parents care about me and they dont know how to help me. i dont really have any real friends. only the people that i left behind in my old hometown and back at college that i cease to keep contact with anymore. why? because there is nothing to talk about. i am a boring person. i cease to bring forth anything to the table. i wish to change myself but i somehow cant because i lack the will and incentive. perhaps i do ahve incentive but i dont know who i am anymore if i ever did in the first place and lots of what i say or think or do repeats itself and gets worse every time i do it. god. i cant take it. i just want to be happy and have a normal worry free life. i know this isnt achieveable because life istn easy and i am too weak to do anything right...or do anything at all. so i will just sit here and rant on the computer to no one but myself and it really isnt doing much.
1 comment(s) - 04:52 PM - 05/10/2008
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    CreateSomething  49, Female, Texas, USA - 18,261 views
06
Oct 2009
12:36 PM CST
   

Pumpkin Patch Photography

� Today I did a shoot with a baby girl named Eliska. She was so adorable. She had several different halloween costumes. She was so easy to work with and her mom and grandmother kept singing this really cute song to get her attention. I really enjoyed the session and am sure the images will be beautiful. I think my favorites are the ones of her with the colorful toule. There was a cat that she really loved. We tried to put the cat in the pail with her but it immediately jumped out before we could even snap off one picture. I was kind of sad about that because it would have been very halloween like. We did get a few with the cut on the bench with her but then it decided to get down when she started petting it a little less than it liked. She wasn't even 2 so she was learning to be nice to the kitty. She didn't quite have it down yet but it was very cute to see her try. There were some great areas at the pumpkin patch to shoot. The only thing is that in the barn some fly kept landing on the baby but I got lots of shots without it so that will be okay. There were huge pumpkins and colorful gourds so I think these will be perfect for halloween.

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    sumitnarang  38, Male, India - 18,022 views
04
Jan 2007
11:15 AM I
   

hi posting a journal after so many days.the last week of last year was fantastic, i hav spend lot of time wth my frnds and family.
2 comment(s) - 11:12 PM - 01/21/2007
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    misjessica  41, Male, United Kingdom - 17,989 views
15
May 2018
10:30 AM IST
   

Is the price of writing papers transparent?

Is the price of writing papers transparent?
The writing of this paper in the current market is not a big deal, because sometimes it is not always necessary to turn in a paper before it is written, and many people learn better through writing papers written by agencies. This method is actually very good. Not bad. Can also have a better understanding of the format of the paper and overall writing techniques. Read more
Tags: education
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    Talacia  31, Female, Australia - 17,907 views
25
May 2007
2:58 AM EST
   

GOOOOOOD MOOOORNNINNGGG!!!
altho its afternoon!!!!
im happppppyyyy :-)
1 comment(s) - 03:11 AM - 05/24/2007
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    jessicarose55  37, Female, United Kingdom - 17,636 views
15
May 2018
10:55 AM IST
   

Learning and gaining exemplary education

Learning and gaining exemplary education through immigration consultants in Singapore?
Singapore offers great courses for students. It ensures that student life becomes very good after pursuing these courses. For undergraduate courses, enrollment is conducted twice in July and January each year. The candidate's age should not be less than 21 years old at the time of enrollment. Read more
Tags: education
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    LostAnonymously  33, Female, Arkansas, USA - 17,584 views
13
Apr 2008
4:37 PM CST
   

Some Poetry...

I'm going to start writing poetry again. I used to for�a long time. I'm hoping it will be as therapeutic as it used to be. Well here is one that� I wrote a few days ago. It doesn't really have a name.

No, Everything is not okay

Everytime night turns to day

I pray

"God let me die today."

I can't change the way I feel

People are trying with just a little pill

It all just makes me want to blurt

"God, stop making me hurt."

I know I have Jesus in my heart

Which means we'll never part

But I just don't feel him with me

Maybe they lied and he really left me.

God, if you left me, hear my cry

Please come back before I try

To take something that isn't mine

To take my life one last time.

I need some feedback, Please.� That is, if you want to. I can be short or long. You can tell me it sucks if you want to. Just give me something to work with.

1 comment(s) - 12:06 AM - 04/22/2008
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    kiya  31, Female, Canada - 17,239 views
04
May 2010
7:25 AM EDT
   

weEee!

geeze...i hope they'll be off this week....if they won't i'll be excited for nothing.... :P
i really hope they're taking them off on thursday..... i can't wait...hihi
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    RonPrice  77, Male, Canada - 16,870 views
23
Dec 2012
5:43 AM
   

Microsoft-Google

In 1998 two Stanford graduate students, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, founded Google.com, a search engine that used a better technology than had previously existed for indexing and retrieving information from the immense miscellany of the World Wide Web
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    shejustloves  46, Female, Minnesota, USA - 16,795 views
06
Feb 2010
4:25 AM CST
   

Today is the day...my stomach is in knots, I feel like I have to vomit...I just don't know what to expect...
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    puccy15  27, Female, Michigan, USA - 16,649 views
05
May 2009
7:55 AM EDT
   

ugh

i am so jealous of bellaluz. elves?! wish i could see some. haha my friend just text me saying "Yay! Kayla's mad at me. Yay!" heehee. he's a nerd

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    Mario  51, Male, Connecticut, USA - 15,993 views
05
Dec 2012
12:46 PM PDT
   

The Course Of Our Lives

The Course Of Our Lives

The inner scope of the game called life
Shattered fragments amidst the pain
While the world outside runs totally insane
Shelter lies dormant onto its beckoning call asunder
Isn't it any wonder we have too much time on our hands
When will we ever speed the day with the hope to understand
A friend in need to wallow in the digress of thought
Two strangers holding hands together will reach the peak
We all must humbly obey the message the course of its saving message
A carriage left abandoned although twisted in the wind
A chance at its landing space on the surface of its plan
One doesn't know the next breath that they will take
In pain left inside a willingness to run away & hide
A choice of apathy & desires of the forbidden flesh
Through its carnal eyes we must treasure its chest
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    loveKL92  29, Female, Ohio, USA - 15,910 views
04
Nov 2009
10:58 AM EDT
   

Life does go on...

I'm sitting in this room,

with no way to get through,

to you.

I'm sitting on this chair,

waiting to see,

your head,

pop in through the door.

But you don't really care about me,

anymore!

I'm done, for ever,

because no matter,

what you say,

life does go on,

some way...

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