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    Ashli  30, Female, California, USA - 26,661 views
06
Apr 2007
3:56 PM EDT
   

So i really really like this guy named Alex but i was asked out to the prom by this guy named David and i only like him as a friend and nothing more...but i dont think that Alex likes me so im kinda sad... :( :{
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    aGiftFromAbov  37, Female, Virginia, USA - 26,637 views
24
May 2009
5:29 PM EDT
   

Patience..

Patience.. is it truly a virtue?

Is it?

Can it be.. i mean ive waited for 2 years for the last guy i really wanted to be mine..

he comes to a realization 2 years later...

its been 2 years since ive been with him....

for 2 years hes waited on me..

love is such a crazy word for something that causes so much pain..

so much anger.. and grief..

so much stress...

hate..

hates sounds more appropriate..

love is cruel and evil..

i refuse to waste more time....

i was totally happy with wasting my time with a man that would never commit to marriage.. because i didnt plan on getting married anytime soon..

and for the most part we were living happily together..

now im living a nightmare..

i get looked at like a vagrant..

he cooked me breakfast...

im not sure if that was just cause he was up cookin..

or because he wanted to...

my heart aches so bad i want to combust..

i think time away will do me good..

hes doing what he wants to do anyways..

he always has..

its me..

that has learned patience....

its me that has learned.. heartache..

i felt better just blatantly being betrayed because at least that guy flat out told me..

i think its the trait of a coward.. who cant discuss thier feelings and let other ppl know what was going on.

But its clear.. crystal..

as always i have a very clear path that im going to take..

i will not deviate..

i have gone too far off course already..

all because of a man.. who had a hole in his heart..

that i wanted to fill..

but hes left me heartless..

i woulda took just the hole..

but the absense completely.. has me thrown.

im off balance..

i have to find my balance again..

i need to put my feet back on solid ground...

time will tell..

who knows..

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    Lolastar18  31, Female, United Kingdom - 26,366 views
30
Aug 2010
5:36 AM EDT
   

Time for a long lasting Embrace,

Hey Guys! Summer is nearly over and i must say its been fun, I saw STep up 3D for the 5th time today. And LOVED IT!
Thats how iv been pending my summer, Going to the movies! Im obsessed with Dance films. And Moose <3

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    auxilary25  37, Female, California, USA - 26,299 views
24
Mar 2011
12:52 PM CDT
   

O Dear


I’ve done the unthinkable. I’ve become someone I don’t recognize and I’m scared of what I’m realizing. Perhaps all along the problem was me. Maybe my relationships failed because of me. Maybe I was cheated on because I didn’t appreciate the person I was with. Maybe my hidden commitment phobia pushed the people that love me the most to the edge. All this time I cried tears that I provoked. I expected to be loved by people that maybe I didn’t truly love, just for the sake of being loved. I kept people close so that I wouldn’t be alone, my backups. All the while I was incomplete, but better that then empty. If I think love doesn’t exist it’s not because I’ve never truly been loved but because I’ve only loved one person who is now dead. It’s horrific realizing I’m the monster. I’m the disease that has poisoned the people that loved me. I was the curse. It hurts when it ends because I wasn’t loved, because I wasn’t enough to be fought for, because I was unmasked.
Sex, never understood why women write in articles how once you are done with meaningless sex you want to get out of there, pretend it never happened, cry. Yesterday it happened. While I was kissing him, while we worked our way up to the point of no return, I kept telling myself “No! Stop.” BUT I kept going. I felt alive; it was a rush, a blank state of mind, peace, desire, etc. I didn’t stop him, I didn’t push him away even when deep down inside I knew this was wrong. He wanted to be held, and I did, but it was to help hide the tears that I was desperately trying to hold back. How can this feel so good yet so wrong? I’m single! I wish it wasn’t with him yet I’m glad it was. I wished it was someone that isn’t here. The one my heart belongs to right now. The one that was my best friend but is barely that because I pushed him away. The one that deserves better than me. I wanted to call him but I can’t because he’s in Aghan. So many years, why didn’t I realize how much he meant to be BEFORE he left??? Why didn’t we embrace the opportunity when it was here? Did I really push him away or did he realize he didn’t want me after he said too much? Was it a moment thing and now he regrets it and doesn’t want to break my heart? What do I even feel? I know I miss him, there’s not 1 day that I don’t think about him. I want him to be happy. I want my phone to beep with a message from him. I want him to hold me. I want him to tell me he loves me, that I’m the one for him. I want to be sitting in front of him watching him blush and smile at me while we are having dinner. I want to tell him everything because he’s the one person (Alive) that I can tell anything to without being judged. Is this normal? How can I possibly feel this when we haven’t even kissed? Am I making this up, in love with the idea of love? Or was I in denial all along? I was always jealous when he spoke to girls romantically but I’d get over it because I never in a million years thought we could be together. How could it be? We live far, what if he realizes he doesn’t love me after I’ve fallen madly in love with him? What if karma gets me back? This is why I push him away, because what if the one person I love doesn’t love me back? I wish he’d push down every wall I put up. Just show up at my door, tells me he loves me, take my breath and heart away. That’s my dream. If it’s not him, I’ll eventually find the one that will put an effort to break down my walls and love me. Or the one I won’t put walls with. God I wish he was here, hopefully soon. Hopefully we’ll at least stay friends, hopefully more. 7 more months, less than a year, it’ll fly and he’ll be home. He’ll come back to me, I hope.
������������������� I can’t undo what I’ve done. I can’t erase what happened yesterday. I’m just saying let it be. Allow life and my heart to guide me. He knows my heart is in Afghan & he thinks he has leverage because he’s in Miami, but he doesn’t. I don’t need “XX” here to think of him, to want him to love him. I will think of him no matter where he is and until I hear the words “we can only be friends” I won’t open my heart to anyone else…or I fall in love without noticing. My heart is saved for him. Always has been. I just wished I would’ve realized earlier. I had from Kindergarten till now but well, this must be the best timing for us. Maybe I think I feel something I don’t. Maybe when he gets back, one kiss will seal the deal to our future.

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    storminorma  61, Female, Florida, USA - 25,889 views
29
Mar 2007
4:53 PM EDT
   

I admire many people. Charles Darwin, Einstein, Galileo, Jesus..too many to list. I admire their intellect and curiosities to discover and find answers to many things we all seem to take for granted now. I WISH I had the brain capacity they all did!
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    thoskel1  62, Male, Ireland - 25,769 views
14
May 2012
3:05 PM IST
   

Im back

� � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � ��



Should be at work today but I had the phone on silent so I missed Kathleen's call last night.Austin and Vincent rang to know what I was doing but io told them I wouldn't bother to go in.I have days worked up .It is better to use them when they are there I think.

I have really felt behind in my Journalism.Reading back it does give a certain perspective on life which I wouldn't have if I did not bother

It is impossible to recall every event since my last entry so I will go on what I can remember.

Was in Monivea last night.Did the four pubs.The only bit of life was in Kelly's where there was a hen party on.Youngsters going around dancing,singing,and enjoying themselves.

When I was in McGann's I handed a fiver to Padraig for a ginger ale but he only gave me 20 cents back.I didn't want to say anything.He must be getting forgetful.

I had a Bord Bia audit eventually on Friday after postponing it on Thursday because I had a tooth out on Wednesday.(It is still a bit sore but is healing)

Carmel was out yesterday.She showed us the youtube video of herself singing with the Athenry musical society.And guess who was in the background.The person she most loathes in the whole world-Kennedy

I had a mediocre week last week on.I had to go to Brooke lodge to help out Austin and Burke.It wasn't too bad when Burke and Leehy were around but It can be difficult at times working with Austin.He tends to be overcautious about everything and he does tell the odd fib

The weanlings are coming on nicely.They are eating the meal and they have nice young grass over in the calla.
I may sell the bullock next Thursday in Athenry as cattle prices are dropping a bit and the may be on the way down after being dear since last year



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    Queenie  35, Female, Ohio, USA - 25,422 views
17
Nov 2006
1:35 AM EDT
   

I think I sit here everyday and wonder, why everyone cares about what everyone thinks. Even the most confedent people think something bad about their own person. Yet those are the same people that tell you to that you can't love anyone without loveing yourself first and are so hypacritical it makes me sick.
5 comment(s) - 04:32 PM - 05/10/2008
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    Meggies14  35, Female, Illinois, USA - 24,867 views
19
Oct 2008
11:24 AM CDT
   

brown eyed girl

im so sick of this shit.

of it always being about you instead of me

�a truth from you never being a gurantee

since the day that i met you i could never understand

why that girl with the brown eyes was your kind of brand

she was the one you denied me for, the one you cried for

and i was just that other girl that you seemed to ignore

but i gave you my heart and i gave my word

when that bitch fucked you over for some other dude she preferred

yet you still ran back to her after i gave you my heart

i knew you would do all this right there from the start

Its like one day you loved me, the next day you cared less

and i sit there stressing and feeling a mess

so now im stranded, lost and feeling alone

and i still cry and feel butterflies when i smell your cologne

so when that day comes around when you realize im the one

you can give me a call so i can say "FUCK YOU IM DONE"

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    nodeadends  16, Female, New York, USA - 24,200 views
30
Aug 2007
2:04 PM EDT
   

I finally got the keys to the apartment. I feel a little relieved, I can breathe a little easier. this is the shortest entry will write more in a few days.
1 comment(s) - 08:13 PM - 07/29/2008
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    cancermoonchild  42, Female, California, USA - 23,896 views
20
Feb 2008
1:34 PM EDT
   

my last night in sioux falls, sd

    I'm sitting here by myself in the hotel room. Steven is downstairs working on some project downstairs in the lobby. Leaving me to be myself, im left alone with nothing else but my thoughts and feelings.

    While, i'm glad to be going home back to sunny san diego (even tho i hear that its raining) i dont want to leave. I've found myself feeling so god damn comfortable. Sleeping next to him, waking up next to him- being in his arms. He makes love to me and i can do nothing but look into his eyes. I like.. no, i love the way he looks at me when he's inside me. our eyes connect and its just something special. Well, it is to me- i dont know what he thinks. He tells me i'm beautiful or how fucking hot I am. But you know men- for all i know, i could seriously just be being used for sex. It's nothing new to me- used and abused. Sometimes I wished I didnt feel. Just be able to enjoy the feeling, without having those feelings of wanting something more. Something deeper... i can't help it. i wear my fragile heart on my sleeve. I expect so much - i wish i expected NOTHING. Take it for what it is- day by day. But no.. i'm fucked up. i hurt myself.. for absolutely nothing. There's nothing for me to feel sad for. i should only be feeling happiness.. i really should. But its not like that. not at all. its that clock ticking inside of me. Wanting to know.. wished he would tell me how he felt. I can believe i even let my feelings known, and he doesnt really say anything.... not that he has to - probably haw nothing to say. Probably feels nothing- to that extend. Just enjoys my company- enjoys my body. nothing more nothing less. can't ask him- cuz he wont really answer..... i already know.

    I'm watching him work across the table from him. His eyes so intense... i love his jaw line, so defined. glasses on, glasses off- he's so sexy. I really can't stand it.

    It really is my fault. I'm just attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable to me when i all i want is their love. Or they are the men who show their love in ways that are unknown to me. He's already admitted he's not the romantic type of guy- and here i am, ms. hopeless romantic... mismatch in heaven? Do i just learn how to deal? I guess i have no other choice.

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    jodigirl25  55, Female, Ohio, USA - 23,731 views
31
Dec 2007
9:29 AM EDT
   

I've been busy being a NURSE!

I've made it to be a nurse...finally! Years of dreaming it, and now have accomplished it. But wait! Not finished yet with my dream...will be starting school again next week, to go further to be an RN! I think I will not be satisfied until the original dream has been seen and touched. So onward I march....
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    tiahe  30, Female, Canada - 23,706 views
03
Mar 2008
4:53 PM EDT
   

trust me

I guess everything is changing, and I dunno what I think about any of this. I feel betrayed by friends, and a lot of things are frustrated me. I guess becoming close with new people, cause the old ones to start drifting.. I can't really write much on here, I feel like I can't even trust a personal website, where you're suppose to write everything. I feel like not many people can be trusted anymore, and let alone something like this. It is so annoying how shitty and low people will go, just for someone else. I guess this isn't even entirely about me, well actually very little of it is. I see one of my new really close friends, constantly being betrayed by a lot of people, and I relized how shitty people are now of days. How they will do anything, just to make them feel superior, when really it makes you shittier then the person before you. So many people are like this now, so many people suck at being a good friends, and good friends seem really impossible to find. I am so glad, that I now keep my guard up a lot more then I use to. I don't know what I would do, if every day passed and I had to worry about someone betraying me. It doesn't seem to matter how close you are anymore, because everyone seems to just love to do it, and its happened more then it should have to me in the past.

YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!!!!
1 comment(s) - 07:55 AM - 05/24/2009
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    brokentearsRcryd92  33, Female, Ohio, USA - 23,380 views
06
Aug 2009
11:32 PM EST
   

Her stolen Innocence

SONG!!!!

She was so young,

why did you take her away?

She didn't feel you,

coming close,

Oh, where did she go?

Her stolen innocence,

makes her believe in hate,

her stolen innocence,

can't believe in fate,

her stolen innocence,

makes her afraid,

of you.

She didn't know why,

or the time that past by,

she, couldn't figure out,

why?

now it's her

CX1

She was so young,

why did you,

steal her face?

she could believe in lies,

now is not the time

CX2

REPEAT FIRST VERSE!!!

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    SamanthaAlexandra  34, Female, California, USA - 23,193 views
14
Apr 2007
5:09 PM PST
   

I was looking at some pictures and I was reminded at how lucky I'm to have such a wonderful life.
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    MickeyMouse202  53, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 22,941 views
25
Sep 2016
9:26 PM
   

Must have to read. Must have to be possible to get a new one. Must have to go to sleep. Must have to go out for me and country.
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    paterbabe  50, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 22,281 views
24
Mar 2009
9:08 AM EDT
   

Antoine de Saint-Exupery quote

"If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea."

- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, Universe
found �7/31/2008 (cleaning up MSOutlook)
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    x3ncroyle1236x3  34, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 22,028 views
09
May 2007
9:40 AM EDT
   

i love computer classes... cuz i sit next to K.M.
lol
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    rgreen00  77, Male, Tennessee, USA - 21,898 views
31
Oct 2020
8:14 AM
   

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    bettyboxedin  32, Female, Canada - 21,540 views
19
Nov 2006
7:35 AM CST
   

i have not been on lately due to a lot of stress and suicidal feelings lately I found out JOrdy has relapesd and is back on heroin he still smokes pot and dirnks. i am lost in what i should do. i have been told to dump him but what kind of girlfriend would i be if i do i am supposed to be there for him and i want to be to get him back on his feet, i have been told to call the cops but idont want to. i have no idea what i should do. anyways i am watching philodelphia so i have to go. it isn't the greatest movie s to watch since Jordy is back on heroin and you can contract aids from heroin and i dont want him to die. i love him too much to give up on him and throw in the towel now. i need to find some help for him find someone who can help me so i can help him. he is my rock and if that rock gets weak and crumbles then so do i.
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    pammy  52, Female, United Kingdom - 21,090 views
18
Dec 2007
3:52 PM GMT
   

Getting Cosy!

Firstly, can I just say a very big Thank You to everybody that left a comment or email message for me. I almost keeled over when I saw how many I had. For one horrible moment I thought, while under the Influence, I had struck up some kind of deal with guido trying to make it big, in my bid for fame and success! lol. Alas, that was not the case, considering I stumbled on guido's page by pure accident, I was just lucky enough to be on the right page at the right time! lol and boy! am I glad I did!. There will be a rather large glass of either Brandy and Lemonade or Bacardi and Diet Coke raised in the air towards you all on Christmas morning lol.

Decided to miss the usual Christmas Tipple last year until way after dinner! Hmmmm. What a silly move! lol. I was too stuffed and exhausted to lift the glass let alone attempt to compete in the usual Christmas day extremely competitive games,quizzes and sing-a-longs! For there only being 3 of us, It's amazing how much noise we can muster up! lol Bet the neighbours loved the peace last year! Well this year, It will be back to normal! lol. Dinner will be on the table for no later than 2pm. I will just make sure my glass comes with me when I have my usual bath in the morning along with choccies and bath goodies. Awww. I think I just got a twinge of excitement.

For some reason, It hasn't felt very Christmassy this year. I don't know If anyone else has noticed this? or Is It maybe just me? What I do know though, Is how absolutely freezing It Is!. I took ages to heat up last night. I was wrapped up In 4 layers aswell and still couldn't get warm. Can't believe that earlier today, I agreed to have a test run for our Christmas Dinner..... lol bought a huge stuffed Pork Roast, Roast Tatties, Carrots and yorkshire puddings! Tasted amazing on Sunday!! lol Now, can you all tell we love our food here? lol.

I have the cheek to grumble about being a lot heavier than usual! Well, Hmmm, I wonder why! lol. Och, If the truth be known, This Is the one time of year that everyone should be having big hot meals and be all cosied up with the fire on doing something they love! Ooeer! within reason of course! lol Must go just now and refill my cup of tea and check the oven. Back Soon. xx

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