Hey Guys! Summer is nearly over and i must say its been fun, I saw STep up 3D for the 5th time today. And LOVED IT!
Thats how iv been pending my summer, Going to the movies! Im obsessed with Dance films. And Moose <3
I'm sitting here by myself in the hotel room. Steven is downstairs working on some project downstairs in the lobby. Leaving me to be myself, im left alone with nothing else but my
thoughts and feelings.
While, i'm glad to be going home back to sunny san diego (even tho i hear that its raining) i dont want to leave. I've found myself feeling so god damn comfortable. Sleeping next
to him, waking up next to him- being in his arms. He makes love to me and i can do nothing but look into his eyes. I like.. no, i love the way he looks at me when he's inside me. our eyes connect
and its just something special. Well, it is to me- i dont know what he thinks. He tells me i'm beautiful or how fucking hot I am. But you know men- for all i know, i could seriously just be being
used for sex. It's nothing new to me- used and abused. Sometimes I wished I didnt feel. Just be able to enjoy the feeling, without having those feelings of wanting something more. Something
deeper... i can't help it. i wear my fragile heart on my sleeve. I expect so much - i wish i expected NOTHING. Take it for what it is- day by day. But no.. i'm fucked up. i hurt myself.. for
absolutely nothing. There's nothing for me to feel sad for. i should only be feeling happiness.. i really should. But its not like that. not at all. its that clock ticking inside of me. Wanting
to know.. wished he would tell me how he felt. I can believe i even let my feelings known, and he doesnt really say anything.... not that he has to - probably haw nothing to say. Probably feels
nothing- to that extend. Just enjoys my company- enjoys my body. nothing more nothing less. can't ask him- cuz he wont really answer..... i already know.
I'm watching him work across the table from him. His eyes so intense... i love his jaw line, so defined. glasses on, glasses off- he's so sexy. I really can't stand it.
It really is my fault. I'm just attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable to me when i all i want is their love. Or they are the men who show their love in ways that are
unknown to me. He's already admitted he's not the romantic type of guy- and here i am, ms. hopeless romantic... mismatch in heaven? Do i just learn how to deal? I guess i have no other
She was so young,
why did you take her away?
She didn't feel you,
Oh, where did she go?
Her stolen innocence,
makes her believe in hate,
her stolen innocence,
can't believe in fate,
makes her afraid,
She didn't know why,
or the time that past by,
she, couldn't figure out,
now it's her
why did you,
steal her face?
she could believe in lies,
now is not the time
REPEAT FIRST VERSE!!!
I guess everything is changing, and I dunno what I think about any of this. I feel betrayed by friends, and a lot of things are frustrated me. I guess becoming close with new people, cause the old
ones to start drifting.. I can't really write much on here, I feel like I can't even trust a personal website, where you're suppose to write everything. I feel like not many people can be trusted
anymore, and let alone something like this. It is so annoying how shitty and low people will go, just for someone else. I guess this isn't even entirely about me, well actually very little of it
is. I see one of my new really close friends, constantly being betrayed by a lot of people, and I relized how shitty people are now of days. How they will do anything, just to make them feel
superior, when really it makes you shittier then the person before you. So many people are like this now, so many people suck at being a good friends, and good friends seem really impossible to
find. I am so glad, that I now keep my guard up a lot more then I use to. I don't know what I would do, if every day passed and I had to worry about someone betraying me. It doesn't seem to matter
how close you are anymore, because everyone seems to just love to do it, and its happened more then it should have to me in the past.
"If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea."
I have really felt behind in my Journalism.Reading back it does give a certain
perspective on life which I wouldn't have if I did not bother
It is impossible to recall every event since my last entry so I will go on what I can
Was in Monivea last night.Did the four pubs.The only bit of life was in Kelly's where
there was a hen party on.Youngsters going around dancing,singing,and enjoying themselves.
When I was in McGann's I handed a fiver to Padraig for a ginger ale but he only gave me
20 cents back.I didn't want to say anything.He must be getting forgetful.
I had a Bord Bia audit eventually on Friday after postponing it on Thursday because I
had a tooth out on Wednesday.(It is still a bit sore but is healing)
Carmel was out yesterday.She showed us the youtube video of herself singing with the
Athenry musical society.And guess who was in the background.The person she most loathes in the whole world-Kennedy
I had a mediocre week last week on.I had to go to Brooke lodge to help out Austin and
Burke.It wasn't too bad when Burke and Leehy were around but It can be difficult at times working with Austin.He tends to be overcautious about everything and he does tell the odd fib
The weanlings are coming on nicely.They are eating the meal and they have nice young grass over in the calla.
I may sell the bullock next Thursday in Athenry as cattle prices are dropping a bit and the may be on the way down after being dear since last year
Firstly, can I just say a very big Thank You to everybody that left a comment or email message for me. I almost keeled over when I saw how many I had. For one horrible moment I thought, while under
the Influence, I had struck up some kind of deal with guido trying to make it big, in my bid for fame and success! lol. Alas, that was not the case, considering I stumbled on guido's page by pure
accident, I was just lucky enough to be on the right page at the right time! lol and boy! am I glad I did!. There will be a rather large glass of either Brandy and Lemonade or Bacardi and Diet Coke
raised in the air towards you all on Christmas morning lol.
Decided to miss the usual Christmas Tipple last year until way after dinner! Hmmmm. What a silly move! lol. I was too stuffed and exhausted to lift the glass let alone attempt to compete in the
usual Christmas day extremely competitive games,quizzes and sing-a-longs! For there only being 3 of us, It's amazing how much noise we can muster up! lol Bet the neighbours loved the peace last
year! Well this year, It will be back to normal! lol. Dinner will be on the table for no later than 2pm. I will just make sure my glass comes with me when I have my usual bath in the morning along
with choccies and bath goodies. Awww. I think I just got a twinge of excitement.
For some reason, It hasn't felt very Christmassy this year. I don't know If anyone else has noticed this? or Is It maybe just me? What I do know though, Is how absolutely freezing It Is!. I took
ages to heat up last night. I was wrapped up In 4 layers aswell and still couldn't get warm. Can't believe that earlier today, I agreed to have a test run for our Christmas Dinner..... lol bought a
huge stuffed Pork Roast, Roast Tatties, Carrots and yorkshire puddings! Tasted amazing on Sunday!! lol Now, can you all tell we love our food here? lol.
I have the cheek to grumble about being a lot heavier than usual! Well, Hmmm, I wonder why! lol. Och, If the truth be known, This Is the one time of year that everyone should be having big hot
meals and be all cosied up with the fire on doing something they love! Ooeer! within reason of course! lol Must go just now and refill my cup of tea and check the oven. Back Soon. xx