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monkey10 11, Female, Nevada, USA - 1 comments

22

Feb 2011
10:19 PM

I'm so pooped(tired)from our first soccer practice o fthe new season. Coach literally works our buts off. Anyway got to get up early on Saturday for another practice at nine am. Sucks huh. My life is just so complicated I alwAys have something to do. I'm in gate,I do soccer,and fifth grade don't even get me started. There's drama,fights and just so much yelling. Well don't mean too stress everybody out with me so, this was monkey10 and I love all y'all hope your lives are filled with love and joy. Peace Out

Tags: singapore Investment Immigration

1 comment(s) - 03:19 AM - 04/12/2011

Optisimal 49, Female, United Kingdom - 1 comments

24

Feb 2011
12:19 PM BST

What a day yesterday was. I suffer from CFS a chronic condition that makes life very difficult for me. In recent months my condition has deteriorated due to the unfair treatment at work relating to my disability. I am now off work on long term sickness. Yesterday evening I found out that my Grandmother is dying in hospital of bowel cancer, is on a drip and wont last very long. At the same time I found out that my mother who recovered from breast cancer two years ago has now been diagnosed with cancer this time its one of two types the one we should hope for means that a large portion of her leg will have to go and she will have to go through all the treatments that go with cancer which as anyone knows can take a year to recover once the treatments are finished. Or if we are unlucky she has the other type of cancer which spreads through the blood stream thoughout her body. I feel I ought to do something. I feel numb and isolated and need to do somthing so I am going to try and write a diary to try and make some sense of what is happening in my life. Today is day one. Today I need to try and do something positive and useful

Tags: Can life get any worse?

1 comment(s) - 05:46 AM - 03/04/2011

Tlh 57, Female, Oklahoma, USA - 1 comments

24

Feb 2011
4:58 PM CDT

Today is a rainy cold day, but I feel better than I have since Sunday when the flareup began. I stopped using Lortab to see if it really helped and realize now that it doesn't. I don't know if weather affects me or not, since today is a messy cold day and I feel better. My neck, shoulders and upper back are the main problem areas, but also my legs if I sit in one place for very long.I suffer from Fibromyalgia, hip Bursitis, Degenerative Disc Disease in neck, upper back and lower back., and have two bad hands due to years of data entry with my job I am now retired from. The pain is chronic and I never know when the good days will end or when the bad days will end. I am tired and listless. Help me.

Tags: Chronic Pain

1 comment(s) - 05:36 AM - 07/05/2011

SimplyMe 15, Female, Georgia, USA - 1 comments

28

Mar 2011
11:14 PM CDT

So Misunderstood

I'm a 14 year old girl with the mind of an old woman! I just need a place to express my feelings when nobody wants to listen to me.
For the past couple of weeks I have been in deep thought about serious stuff. My future, my self image, and my thought process. I have come to realize that, like everyone else, I am afraid of my future. I faulter at the face of the unknown.
Questions rack my brain, and leak inside every gap of thought inside of my head. Will I have my own family. Will I be loved? What will I look like? Who all will still be in my life? If only I knew the ending result to my destiny... Well not really the ending result which would obviously be death but more like... Where my life is headed.
I also feel very misunderstood. Again, I am a 14 year old GIRL! I should be worried about the latest styles and boys and friends and stuff. But no, I'm worried about my future. I don't care about making friends, I don't have many anyway. I think it's because most people my age are so immature. Most everyone at the school I attend are very loud and obnoxious. I'm quiet. I'm very shy, and I have a very low self esteem. Yes, I have had major crushes on boys, but they all end up the same way. I'm too shy to talk to them. And I'm too self counscious! I always think that I will never be liked by any boy because I'm just an unlikable freak.
Desperate to find answers, one day I asked someone if I was ugly. They said no, but I don't really get called ugly a lot. In fact, many people have always called me pretty. I remember people would stop my mom to express how beautiful her children are. But I think it's all lies. Nobody wants to look like a jerk telling the truth about an ugly persons looks. Heck, they would even lie to a baby. My mom told me that there was this guy friend of hers that saw me when I was a baby and he said he was going to wait for me to grow older and he would marry me. I cried when my mom told me this, but I never have, and still don't believe it's true.
Another thing. People think I'm stupid! I'm not stupid. I may not be confident about the way I look, but I am VERY confident in my smarts, and I know that I am VERY smart. I may have average academic grades but I have a lot of COMMON SENSE. Sure I'm ignorant when it comes to being popular or talking out of turn and whatever else most people my age do, but I DO know how to confuse people older than me. I do know how to make older people think I'm something special. Because I'm a deep person.
Well... Writing all of this has really helped lighten my mood and I might do it again sometime... :)

Tags: , You are wonderful!

1 comment(s) - 01:53 PM - 04/04/2011

AleaTravis 50, Female, Colorado, USA - 1 comments

18

Apr 2011
10:12 AM

e-mail phone contacts Colorado Blue Spruce-Newtons Measure them Brian's Rx Grocery Store Bank Cleaners Liquor Store

1 comment(s) - 03:23 AM - 05/04/2011

Racquelc6 33, Female, New York, USA - 1 comments

26

Apr 2011
8:24 AM

It's not FAIR!!!

I think it's finally over. I feel horrible that there is a sense of relief. I should be feeling heartbreak not relief. The first D&C not going correctly has robbed me from having the feelings I should have had about the loss of this pregnancy. I swear after the second D&C that the chunks that were coming out was my baby. Everyone kept saying no, that it was just blood clots (mind you it wasn't even red) but then I got a call from my doc telling me that they tested what they sucked out at the D&C and it was fetal tissue. I knew it!!!! I wanted to keep it and bury it but I felt silly and stupid after everyone said it wasn't possible. Now I have lost that opportunity as well. So nothing to bury to give me closure and no feeling of mourning because the whole situation was so horrible and drawn out. It's just not fair.

Tags: miscarriage, mourning, sadness

1 comment(s) - 03:22 AM - 05/04/2011

linchaohuan 24, Female, New York, USA - 1 comments

25

Apr 2011
9:55 AM CST

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1 comment(s) - 01:41 PM - 05/04/2011

SOUL 18, Female, Canada - 1 comments

19

May 2011
11:01 PM ADT

Live like were dying - Kris Allen

I really love this song. Give it a listen and I'm sure you guys would like it too!

Live like we're dying - Kris Allen

Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you,
What would you wish you would've done

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution,
There'll no one on the line, yeah

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

You never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash till it's head on
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying.

Lyrics provided by: http://www.elyricsworld.com

SOUL

Tags: Kris Allen, Live like were dying

1 comment(s) - 01:29 PM - 12/01/2011

cheekymonkey234 16, Male, New York, USA - 1 comments

28

Jun 2011
8:55 AM BST

bffl4e! x x x

Mehaan loveya' loads for eva toggther. x x x

Tags: checckeymonkey234, Meghaan Milton

1 comment(s) - 03:08 AM - 06/28/2011

mysilentsoldier 17, Female, Canada - 1 comments

28

Jun 2011
3:35 PM MDT

BREAK!

I'm on like, a fifteen minute break from work. so, I have about 7 minutes before I should be going haha.

LUCKILY, there's no coworkers in the lounge right now so I can use the computers :) usually they are always taken. but yeah. I love the vending machines here. everything's only a dollar.

Today's been so slow. Nobody's buying anything, which i guess is not bad since I just stand there, next to the double doors and stare.

Is it already the 28th of June ? that can't be.

Oh well.

Time passes fast.

Today is a tuesday
right.

That was fast.
back to till i go :(

much love

Tags: work

1 comment(s) - 01:22 AM - 06/30/2011

motherloverfriend 37, Female, Nevada, USA - 1 comments

02

Aug 2011
3:09 AM

my reflection

After spending a lifetime doing everything possible to make myself beautiful my idea of beauty has changed. I'm 37, and I enjoyed the attention and fun that came along with being pretty when I was younger. Then one day I didn't. It no longer seemed important..The problem with wasting a good portion of your life on being beautiful on the outside and not beautiful on the inside is that suddenly you realize that you're empty. Without investing in your spirit and tending to matters of the heart & mind, at the end of the day nothing means anything. You have a man that doesn't know you, because your relationship was visual. All your friendships are very surface, and without depth. Ultimately, all the energy you invested equals zip, and you look in the mirror and you see ugliness anyway. So, it was all for nought. I wasn't even a super model type. I was a pretty girl with low self esteem that could never look good enough. I was never a "mean girl" but I was an empty girl. A lonely girl. Then an empty and lonely woman. For what? What a complete waste of time and energy. I was cute, and would've had so much more fun, enjoyed life more, had more beautiful relationships and over all been more fulfilled had I not let my low self esteem control me. The low self esteem that was carefully hidden behind a mask of self confidence. I can't count the times I was told that I was "so self confident" or "if I was more confident like you".
Now, I am learning to feel sexy in my own skin because I'm happier, and my happiness is drawn from the kindness I show, the friend that I am, the way that I love, and my ability to give. I don't think my eyes look plain without fake eyelashes. I've begun to refinish and repurpose furniture. My hands gets paint on them and I don't worry if they are not perfectly manicured. I am more concerned with being creative. It is kind of ironic now that I often look to find the most beat up piece of furniture in the thrift shop. Or put out on a curb. A piece of furniture that somoone no longer loves because it is considered ugly. That is the piece that catches my eye. I look at it and say, "I think you're beautiful. I will love you." I consider the tree that used to be and no longer is to to build that piece of furniture. It makes me want it not to be wasted. I want to make it "feel good" and pretty again. Kinda sounds funny admiting it. But, my ideas have changed, and so has where I see beauty.

Tags: beauty

1 comment(s) - 11:40 AM - 08/06/2011

Browneyedbomb 53, Female, Texas, USA - 1 comments

27

Nov 2011
8:09 PM

Time

I don't like the new clock I bought for my bathroom. I don't. It "tick-tocks" each individual second. Being alone for such a long, long time & having some major decisions to make & things to deal with, knowing I need someone I can turn to for advice & just plain knowing I matter...it's such a long road & my mind says it should matter, but, heck even the strongest can get weak. Nothing at all matters any more. My mind says I should do this or that....but my heart & soul keep asking...why? Really. What's the use? Fight & struggle to stay? Stay? Here? Through more crap to deal with while trying to kill the which has eaten away at my heart & soul, that's shown me how much I really don't matter.....to anything/one but God & my dogs. I can't make staying make sense. I'm trying really hard....but, I just can't come up with any good reason. I am no one. I'm sick of being alone & damn it I have the human need to feel loved & I wanted to be...just ONCE in this life. Just one person. There must b something terribly wrong with me or else love, real love doesn't exist.

1 comment(s) - 01:58 AM - 11/28/2011

MickeyMouse202 43, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 1 comments

21

Feb 2012
1:53 PM CDT

So hopefully these attacks of {nothing} will cease, and there will be forthwith. Of what I'm looking for anyway. Food/drink aplenty, etc. 21 is definitely one of those numbers. :) Wish I could check mail and so forth, but there must be something wrong with the system. Hopefully that'll be fixed soon too.

1 comment(s) - 10:01 AM - 02/23/2012

PapaFoote 67, Male, Michigan, USA - 1 comments

05

Mar 2012
6:03 PM EDT

When you get old, you will get slower - so, if you want to commmunicate with someone, you need to be patient, and speak slowly so they can understand!

1 comment(s) - 06:35 PM - 03/05/2012

Savvy 64, Male, Texas, USA - 1 comments

23

Mar 2012
9:48 AM EDT

"When the winds of change are blowing some people are building shelters, and others are building wind mills." - Chinese proverb This reminds me of my participation in 2008 US Congressional campaign. I worked for Democratic candidate Michael Skelley. He is founder of Horizon Wind Energy which is planning a gargantuan windmill factory in Houston. This is an exciting story...

1 comment(s) - 10:03 AM - 04/03/2012

Ginger573 54, Female, New Mexico, USA - 1 comments

25

Mar 2012
9:00 PM

Love it!

"If you want happiness for an hour - take a nap. If you want happiness for a day - go fishing. If you want happiness for a year - inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime - help someone else." - Chinese Proverb Love it! So true. I've been so shy and withdrawn most of my life it's kept me too much in my own head. Just realizing how great it feels to lift my head up, smile, look people in their eyes and be present to life. Wow!

1 comment(s) - 10:51 AM - 04/03/2012

maxie 10, Female, Wisconsin, USA - 1 comments

27

Mar 2012
4:23 PM AKDT

I am really bored and my German Shepherd just bit my arm and i put a fake cast on it thankfully!

1 comment(s) - 10:45 AM - 04/03/2012

harlie1983 28, Female, Iowa, USA - 1 comments

01

Apr 2012
10:53 PM EDT

Stress

Journal
The stress is getting really thick around here not sure if we all will be able to stand it before May 3rd comes around. Kind of sick of it all. I am also thinking about someone which I shouldnt just because of all the stuff he did to try and hurt me. I try and stay strong but sometimes tears just want to pour out from my eyes once again. I am not sure what or how to deal with it all. Sometimes I want to stop being so tough and stop putting up a front just so I dont have to have the eyes constantly at my back or the "It will be ok" speech. Today is just a really emotional day for me and sometimes I wish it would just stop so I dont have to feel so emotional. I guess sometimes you have to stop and let a few tears fall down and face the stares and the questions but I am not ready for that one bit. I know the kids feel it too and it makes me even more emotional. Some days are so much harder to let go of it all than others and lately those bad days are continuing.

1 comment(s) - 11:55 PM - 04/06/2012

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