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    GoodEnough  55, Female, Arizona, USA - 2 entries
Jul 2013
6:43 AM MST

4th of July awakening :(

177I told myself that without a committed relationship I would maintain my distance from Shawn, I have grown tired of being involved in a 'Friend With Benefits' arrangement.� I have told myself this over and over since March, it is now July and still it continues.

Last night he invited me to use the pool.� I knew deep down that it wasn't so much as the invite to use the pool as much as it was his need to have sex, and still, I found my way over there.

During a conversation with his daughter in the kitchen, she had mentioned how he had become so intoxicated during a trip they took out of state that he continuously called out for his ex-wife, it was then that I think I hit rock bottom, the rug was pulled out from under me and my heart sank like a rock thrown in a pool.

What am I doing?� Why am I allowing myself to be held responsible for the pain she caused him?� I am not her and I deserve more.

Last night was our last night together, I can't continue this arrangement we have knowing that it will never amount to more that just an occasional lay for him.� For me, it has much more emotional value then that.

Goodbye Shawn, I wish you luck.
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Current Tags: denial, future, hurt, pain, past, relationship, Shawn

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    4d9rfan4life  55, Female, Arizona, USA - 15 entries
Jul 2012
3:23 AM CDT

Taking Control

The second date that Shawn and I had went pretty much as it did the first time, unfortunately, for a relationship sense in terms.� However the difference this time was that I went away with a clearer understanding of not only who he is and what I am capable of accepting on a personal level but that we truly can only be friends at this time in his life.

He's very much stuck in place with his personal life, not something worth finding fault in, but he's not ready to move on, that much is very clear and to continue pursuing something with him would only prove to be something that he would be pushed into, and that is not my style.

He was married for 16 years.� They have been apart for only 2.� He has a lot of marriage ghosts that either he doesn't know how to get past, or he is just not willing to move forward.� He also has a young son who seems to understand the divorce issue, but is very adament that neither of his parents can date or even talk to someone of the opposite sex.� That is another issue that Shawn needs to not only work through for himself, but he needs to help his son too.

At this time I have to stick to my guns and insist that any further contact be strictly in a friendship manner.� He is a great person, despite the issue's that we dealt with while I was there, I really enjoy our time together.�

He called me this afternoon while I was out and about stating that he wanted to talk about my decision.� By the time that I was able to actually call him back, he was unable to talk as his son was with him.� So tomorrow he is suppose to be calling me, what he has to say is completely unknown, but I will listen to what he has to say and go from there.
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Current Tags: Date, Friendship, Moving On, Relationship

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    Sissy7  25, Female, Minnesota, USA - 2 entries
Oct 2011
4:23 PM EDT

Boy Problems....

�� Okay, I have this boyfriend. He is amazing towards me but, I don't ever see him because we live in different towns. He hasn't called me in a while and has no phone to text me from. I mean I still really like him but don't know anymore.
� On the other hand I have this guy friend that goes to my school and I hangout with everyday that I have a decent sized crush on. I really like him and kind of want him to ask me on a date.
� I like both guys but, don't know what to do... What should I do and how?


1 comment(s) - 08:51 PM - 11/02/2011
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Current Tags: boys, crush, dump, relationship, RESPOND TO YOUR HELP

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    RineRose  28, Female, Philippines - 6 entries
Sep 2010
12:51 PM A

Confusing Situations..

I just opened my facebook a while ago. I was quite surprised when I saw 2 messages from my ex-boyfriend.�The first message said "I love you". It was kind of weird for him to send that message, since I knew, that he loves Ruth,my bestfriend and also my bestfriend. 20
The second message was more weirder. It says, "It's a waste. We can't see each other again. Can I still court you? I love you. Can you please come back?".� I couldn't believe�that he would write something like that. Then, I saw another message below. He said he was sorry for sending a message like that. His classmate was the one who sent the message to me and was just making fun.

The two messages were too good to be true. Well, at least, it's clear that he was not the one who sent it. Or else, I don't know what I'm gonna do to him.

2 comment(s) - 03:40 PM - 10/23/2010
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Current Tags: Friendship, Love, Relationship

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    JBaby14  28, Female, Iowa, USA - 8 entries
Mar 2009
3:43 PM CST


You know, It continues to amaze me. I think back to elementary school when all you needed to worry about is if you were going to pack your lunch or buy it.

Now everything seems to be about sex.�I can't go a day in school without hearing about it. I'm just so sick of it.

I�have this friend (We'll call her Ryley) that I�used to be really close with. We are still close, but lately we haven't been. I just found out that she has already had sex. Okay. A)We are freshmen. and�B)She has only been dating him for about two months. She is way in over her head. I just worry about her.

My sixth period class is art. I love art. It's one of my favorite classes. But now, I�dread going there. Everyday I just hate going there. Why? Well, there is a couple that sits at my table. Thay are always talking about when they had sex. Or when they took a shower together. Really? I don't want to hear that.

And honestly. That is personal. You would think that people would want the whole world to know that.

Anyway now everybody knows about Ryley and her boyfriend and she is pissed because she confided that information with one of my best friends�(we'll call her Ashely)�and she told me, and my two other friends. (We'll call them Jasmine and Jacey)

So now there is like this feud thing and I just don't want to get involved.

But anyway my I am completely in love with my boyfriend. (let's call him Lucas.) We have been dating for three months since March 7th. He is my other half. He tells me he wants to spend the rest of�his life with me. And I�know where I�stand on the whole sex thing. I don't want to do it untill I'm married. He is fine with that. but peopl assume things. They assume that we will do stuff or that he is going to pressure me to do things. But see. He's not like that. Even my mom doesn't think he is like that. If she thinks it's fine, then how come my friends can't?

Anyway, I�just want to avoid the whole sex topic period. But I�don't want to be a bitch when they start talking about it. how can I�just avoid it? Please help me. I'm just a teenage girl who is sick of it.


1 comment(s) - 11:48 AM - 03/15/2009
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Current Tags: advice, Help, relationship, sex

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    lexly  54, Male, Oregon, USA - 92 entries
Aug 2008
4:48 AM PDT


I've got to work on my Differentiation.� I've got to work on improving myself and take care of myself and make decision that is good for me...and not what other people think.

In the past, I let my family run my life.� I was suppose to go to the funeral of my ex-gf.� But their was death taboo which conflicted with my father's memorial.� Something irrational about that.� And I didn't go.� So I abandon my ex gf in her time of trouble.� What kind of moron does that?� Still I should not have listen to them, my family.� Even C told me not to go.� I could not believe it.� Now she says that I have to listen to myself not what the family is telling me to do.

I went to church and I can see that I can be forgiven for that.

Even I'm flawed, God forgives and loves me.� I can't forgive but blame other people and then become angry.� In time maybe I can forgive them and even myself.� I find that I want to exact revenge on them.

I need to pull back like the Work The System book suggest and see clearer what the root of the problem is, to be somewhat emotionally detached.

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Current Tags: marriage, relationship

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    lexly  54, Male, Oregon, USA - 92 entries
Aug 2008
6:10 AM PDT

Didn't Listen

Tim told me the same thing that he didn't listen to the signs of his bad relationship.� He thought that as long as she's with me, everything is okay.� Patrick also said that his ex girlfriend didn't look at him in the same perspective again.

Grid lock

One will make a decision to seek help or leave...get out of the relationship.

From the Church, this is wrong.� But N has turned her back in her previous relationship without looking back.� Her personality is like that.�

She cares about the material or regrets that the credit cards are paid off and she didn't get to enjoy the house.

She seems less caring and emotionally not available at times.

Tomorrow's the appointment with Dr. Jack.� Today, I'm feeling a little bit better.� Map wrote She said, "I generally believe things work out the way they're meant to be so don't be too stressed out. �Everything's going to be okay. �You're probably just at a turning point in your life....maybe."� Strangly, I was angery to see that.� But later it calmed me.� There's nothing I can do.� Waldo suggest that I can't rush Nin because she has her own time to return if she so chooses.� MJ advised me to keep my door and heart open for her return.� Hang in there and I should write to her everyday even though she doesn't write back.� I am not to put limitation on her.� I told MJ that I don't want to play game.� MJ said that I should be open and honest.

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Current Tags: marriage, relationship

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    lexly  54, Male, Oregon, USA - 92 entries
Jul 2008
2:15 AM PDT

Don't cause pain, give pleasure.

Don't cause pain, give pleasure.

give pleasure is speaking in the language of love

Don't cause pain is speaking in a way which does not hurt your partner.

Show your partner that she is important to you.

it was great
got to talk to T a little bit to get his perspective.
He said that it brought back a lot of memories.� His ex did the same thing to frustrate him.

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    lexly  54, Male, Oregon, USA - 92 entries
Jul 2008
7:27 AM PDT

Lack of Communication

Lack of Communication or the Mole problem.

Reading David Roppo's advice for communication in a relationship.� It's not learning to communicate but getting down to the root of what's causing lack of communication.� This makes perfect sense to me and it's an idea that's echoed in Work the System book by Sam Carpenter.� In his book he talks about not wacking the mole as it comes up but get down to the root of the problem in the underground to see what's causing the mole or problem to come up?

In my case, when I make N mad, she goes silent, gives me the silent treatment and I can't stand it.�

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    Hedda  59, Female, Massachusetts, USA - 4 entries
Jan 2008
5:52 PM EDT


It's a new year so I decided that I would start writing my thoughts down. Hopefully it will help me heal this broken heart of mine, if nothing else, to see my life and situation in a concrete form. Maybe it will be easier for me to analyze my situation seeing it in writing. I've always wanted to keep a journal but I am so scatter brained that it's hard for me to collect my thoughts and keep them long enough to put them down on paper. It's all so overwhelming to me.

I'm reading this book now call the Sorcer's Crossing and in it the author speaks of recapitalization (going through every event, feeling you've ever experienced in your life and with your breath you release it's hold on you and gain back that energy that was taken during these events.It takes me months sometimes years to read a book. Like writing, reading books takes forever for me due to my lack of focus and scattered energy. I wish it were not that way as I really do enjoy reading.

I would love to be a writer but I just don't have that talent. Not right now anyway. My mother was a writer and my husband writes and so does my 8 year old daughter. I do have a knack with poetry though but I haven't had any poetry come to me in quite some time.

Some things that I write may be embarrassing moments that I remember and other things may be embarassing fears or a confused outlook on things. I was thinking of making this journal private but I feel that I can gain so much more insight into myself and what's actually going on if I share it with you and maybe get some feedback.

Alot that I write will more than likely focus around my relationship with my husband and my relationship with my daughter. Also I will probably mention my aunt whom I'm very close to and a few other people in my life. Also, my religious feelings, past, present and future will send alot of your heads reeling.

So let me just say welcome to the Diary of a Confused Soul.



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Current Tags: diary, feedback, relationship, scattered energy, thoughts, writer, writing

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