I've been debating about the whole blog thing... And the more I researched the more I feel that a journal is more of what I wanted.� I'm only doing this to keep up with the craziness of everyday, and later on to read back and "watch" my son grow up. My name is Kathryn.� I'm happily married to a wonderful man, Tyler.� We live in a small suburb outside of Atlanta.� We have 1 son, Joshua, who is 16 months old.� He is our whole world, and I don't know what we'd do without him.� He is an amazing, smart child that never ceases to amaze me.� We also have 2 dogs - Jack, a yellow lab; Taz, a jack russel - and our cat, Bear.� My Mom is also living with us after some devestating events a few years ago, but there's no need to elaborate on that too much right now.� And of course her fluffy white�mutt, Buddy, lives with us as well.� I'm so happy with my life right now, and I really couldn't ask for more. :) Today was the first day to feel like fall, well, maybe�an early sneak peak of winter.� It was rainy, cold, and just dreary all day.� Oh yes, that means it was a good excuse to just hang around the house and cuddle on the couch!� Hehe!� I found this wreath to make on a website (Pinterest - my new addiction).� So, Joshua actually let me have enough time not only to start it, but to finish it too!� So, we now have a new Halloween wreath hanging on our front door, handmade by ME!� Anyways, Joshua was good most of the day, even though we were stuck inside.� We played, watched his usual shows (Dinosaur Train, Super Why, & Sesame Street), napped, etc.... Nothing too exciting happened today.� Anyways, this is it for today I guess.... maybe tomorrow will be a little more exciting!� Joshua has picture day at pre-school!� YAY!
�� Okay, I have this boyfriend. He is amazing towards me but, I don't ever see him because we live in different towns. He hasn't called me in a while and has no phone to text me from. I mean I still really like him but don't know anymore. � On the other hand I have this guy friend that goes to my school and I hangout with everyday that I have a decent sized crush on. I really like him and kind of want him to ask me on a date. � I like both guys but, don't know what to do... What should I do and how? HELLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!�
It is days such as these days I wished I could just curl up inside of bed snuggled close to my blankets and just go to sleep. While I do not know why I seem to enjoy sleeping in very much. I do. Must be something about the coldness that makes me feel more compelled not to do anything and since I am not home yet, I still am not able to control the heat thermostat.
But “boy-oh-boy,” if I could. I would have not ever slept in curled up to my blankets. I would have been so HOT I would have rushed down my sister’s stairs an hour later shutting off the thermostat. Why? I cannot stand the heat.
One of the things I have been keeping inside of me the last past few days of finding out of my Uncle’s death. Now since this is going to be made a public journal, I cannot share some of the names presented. I guess for legality purposes. However, now he is gone, I feel a sense of postpone sadness for him and myself because he died all alone without anyone and us only knowing of his passing was relayed to my sister from the corners office in Houston, Texas. I miss him.
He was the best uncle I could ever have. Since my sister and I were his favorite nieces, he would always make calls to us on a daily or bi-weekly basis informing us how he was doing. I missed him living in Ohio as much as I missed the summer rain putting me to sleep at night.
I remember many things he said to me. The thoughts of peer success he thought I was able to obtain and all of those many hours when I was young he would babysit my older sister and I and teach us math. He was the reason why I was able to grasp various things inside of math clearly then others inside of my class could.
He did not ever judge me for my skin color, facial features, or my flaws. He judged eveyone based on his or hers character, manners, and knowledge. He was the best uncle out of my mom’s side of the family my sister and I have ever had.
There is a pure sense of loneliness and void etched into my heart for the way he had to pass. I do not know why I sit and think about how he passed constantly. Maybe because if he would of gone to the hospital in Texas sooner, he would have still been alive, in yet, he passed inside of his apartment in his bed alone no kids or wife no one else there to help him survive. Just him.
He stayed there dead in his apartment know one knowing where or why he was not returning our calls for a little over a month. The Texas police found my uncle yesterday on October 1st dead.
My sister when she heard the news first. Cried. I could not cry because it was so postponed for me. I try to stay strong for everyone. At times I do not even know why I am doing it. I guess…. This is just a way for me to relieve my own pain. Through being strong for others. I feel as if I have to not because I am forced too.
Maybe this is because when I was younger I always felt I had to be strong for myself and everyone else around me. Because I always thought no one is going to always be around forever to take care of me. All I had was myself to take care. Now I look at my words and wonder… Am I right?
I do not want to be alone forever. I thought about this before I ever got married. So with feeling this way, I asked God to send me someone I could successfully share my life with. He came but not without a cost. I know sometimes we have to loose one thing to gain another. Why?
I do not know. I guess with death there comes so many unanswered questions. I just know I just want to go to sleep today beside my husband and fall asleep in his arms. Right after I finish this and my slushy.
Lately I've been feeling soo alone.. I do have an amazing boyfriend, but we're always fighting..and I hate it. I'm 15 going on 16, and I know that's really young to be saying this, but I do love him. We've been together for almost 10 months, and he's made me a better person. He�was my first kiss and he just means everything to me.�He is definitely my best friend,�and I feel like he's the only one who cares. I don't really have anyone else to go to anymore though. I have him, but I don't know how much longer that will be for. I'm scared he's going to leave me.. I'm terrified of that..and I can't talk about this with anyone else because there's no one I trust besides him. I feel like I lost all of my closest friends this year. I feel so depressed and I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't help but cry myself to sleep every night. And I would love to tell my boyfriend about all of this, but I don't want him to feel like he's the reason I'm so upset. Honestly, he's kept me alive all this time. Through all the times we've fought, he's been the one to just hug me when I'm crying, and he's always been here for me. He respects me.�He tells me I'm probably one of the weirdest girls he has ever met, but that's why he loves me. And he says he loves everything about me. So why am I still so upset..? Can someone please just help me?
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