You #1. You dont give me butterflies, you dont make me nervous, and you definitly don't like being nice to me, but when you are you make me giggle and smile and just really happy. Lately you actually talk to me, and as much as your nice to me, I'm nice to you too. I hate how I don't know what your thinking, or anything to do with you but I'm sure you'd want to know whats going on in my head to. We talk a lot now, in class and on msn. I'm not quite sure how to explain this, because I dont even know if I actually like you, but right now I'll say that I have a crush on you because you make me happy. I now would call you one of my friends, and I never though I'd say you were a guy I could potentially really like. You #2. You are my closest guy friend for sure, and I dont know how this happened but it did. You probably don't know how much you acutally mean to me, but you mean a lot because you are always there for me, and you probably tell me just as much or more then I share with you. Its really weird to have someone like that, but I'm glad because I want to feel like you can trust me too, because I actually care about you, a lot. You know when something is bugging me, and even if I wont tell you, your there trying to help with what information I have told you, your amazing you really are. I can't help but be annoyed by people saying that I like you and that you like me becuase just as much as you probably think I like you, I think you like me. I know I'm wrong and I really never want things between us to ever change, I dont care that we flirt that times because to me that means nothing, your a guy, I'm a girl. That'll happen no matter what, and right now I dont care what people think. Your an amazing guy and I really wish our friendship was more open, just I dont want people to get mad or to start saying more unnessicary comments. I'm not embarrassed of you, I'm just annoyed by everyone else. You #3. Shut up, your all full of shit and I'm sick of feeling sorry for you. Grow up your old enough to end all this bull shit you cause and try to get attention for, stop being fake to people and grow some balls. Be a man because right now your acting like a little boy, a little boy who can't take care of anything himself. Get some confidence because you know your attractive, your gorgeous, and your nice and funny and your just everything. I can't tell you that enough, really your the complete package. You can get almost any girl, you can make friends with whoever you want. Your a good guy, and I really dont think I can deal with you anymore, no wonder you loose friends quickly. You give up when one thing goes wrong, you give up and you blame everything on everyone else. Its not just their faults but your own too, you need to learn to take responsibility before you blame others. I really like you as a friend, and I really just want the best for you, please just I want you to finally learn a meaningful lesson, because right now you suck at life. I'm glad we're friends again though, so thank you for that.
Well this is new for me, I've alway's wanted to keep a journal, but never made the time to do it, so now here I am 23 years oldmaking the time. Sometimes so much goes on in my life, I need to vent, but sometimes there is noone to vent to, or thing's I don't really want to run to family and friend's about, so I figure this will be a good way to relieve myself of holding it inside. It's back to work tomorrow, which to alot would sound silly, but I'm kinda of relieved to be going back tomorrow, I've been dealing with alot latley with having migranes and blurred vision noone can explain, and going to the doctors, and having cat scans arranged and ect.. that I can honestly say, I thank God for helping to heal the migranes and bringing the vision back. Although I'm still not taking the situation lightly, Im still going to go to the eye doctor and Nurologest and have myself checked out to make sure I'm okay. I've been in a struggle with myself latley, I've been thinking about my life, where its going, and what I really want out of it....(maybe thats why the migranes kicked in). I'm still not sure, which is sad, I'm 23 years old, and I should have some kind of goals for myself in life, something to work towards, to better myself...and I'm still confused, I mean I've had speratic moments where I say "Oh I think I should do this" or " I want to go to college", but still I've done nothing but waste time. I know I need to pull myself together and figure it out now....but life is complicated sometimes, and it really can be stressful, oh what I wouldn't give to be 12 again or younger, no cares in the world. Don't get me wrong, I have a decent life, compared to some, and I am thankful, but always wishing for more or wanting more is not such a bad thing, we all have our dreams. Well I guess this isn't to bad for a 1st time journal entry, atleast my mind has freed up a little more space. :)
Okay, did not hear from the Borgata. Need money. WishKen would call. Cool but nice outside. Having trouble with orderding from Kohls. Haven't heard from my mom. Sign goes on house and it goes in MLS next week.
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