view member journals

Well, about an hour before midnight last night, someone i wish would never even think of me, decided to congratulate me on the fact that it was my expected due date; Had I not rid myself of his child. Man, I know i did what i needed to do given the circumstances of how i ended up pregnate by him...But, it crushed me; Reminded me just how bad i truly feel due to my miscarriage a few weeks ago. With Joe, I wanted nothing to do with him; He stole everything in me; He took advantage me; and he really finds it funny. But, this time, even though I was reckless in my coping mechanisms; truly wanted this child...4 1/2 months. I even picked out a name...

I guess I was managing to surpress those feelings that make me feel dead inside because I have immediate problems and situations that require all of my attention...But that fucking Ass hole, felt the need to remind me of all these horrible things that have occured this year.

I am a fuck up. No doubt in my mind. But, this year, i truly tried over and over to put my best foot forward. And, luckily so far, after all the intense occurinces since Aug. 31, I appear to be stepping on the right path...I am stepping small steps on a clean and clear path. I've never attempted to clear my head of any and all fog elements; people and or substances...and I am making progress. Slowly but its edvident... and yes, i know this is so new to me that there is plenty of oppurtunty fo rme to fuck this up

i dont know i hate joe and tom. i hope they get what they deserve

Okay, now we have color!
New job is good, maybe great. We were told not mention the place on blogs, myspace, etc. People from the company look for negative stuff. Not allowed to say anything negative in public, can get fired if it gets back.
Same feelings, some people are too bossy. Too many know it alls.
Need some sleep. Hope Thanksgiving goes smoothly.

J*10

a*1

m*13

e*5

s*19

A*1

l*12

e*5

x*24

a*1

n*14

d*4

e*5

r*18

M*13

a*1

l*12

c*3

o*15

l*12

m*13

M*13

a*1

c*3

k*11

e*5

n*14

z*26

i*9

e*5

F*6

r*18

a*1

s*19

e*5

r*18

James*48

Alexander*84

Malcolm*69

Mackenzie*87

Fraser*67

James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser*355=13=4

A few years ago I had a nightmare. I still remember it. It was about I was running away from my apartment. I was running to the store. Then these strangers kept chasing me. I ran all the way home, but when I got there no was home my sister wasn't there and my mom and dad weren't there either. Then I woke up and I was so relieved that it was a dream. It might not sound scary but when I had that dream it was terrifying!!! 2 years later I just get better dreams. I lived happily with my family.

'尝'日本料理

在日本四天的假期里，日本料理给我的印象深刻，日本料理注重形式，在隆重的形式下，你会由衷地对普通的食物产生特殊的感情。

每一道菜的精心设计，都让你感到受宠若惊，当穿着和服的小姐，殷勤地将精心切好的一立方厘米见方的豆腐，放在一个深色的小盘子里，面带微笑，跪送到你面前，你只能将这块小到不能再小的豆腐，分两口慢慢地含在嘴里，突然感到自己从来没有吃过如此好味的豆腐，一根腌菠菜，一口鱼子酱，一块鱼，一方肉，一小碗饭，一小碗汤。因为每道菜都是'尝'的量，你有机会在半饥饿状态下虔诚地进食，同时对下一道菜保持企盼的心态。12道菜过后，你虽然并不觉得太饱，但的确有过'大餐'的感觉。

记得五年前的一月份，我第一次到东京早稻田大学开学术会，晚上，天气很冷，饥肠辘辘的我，赶忙走进街边一家大的面馆，想好好吃顿鸭汤soba (荞麦面)，即解馋又暖身子，吃完第一份，我觉得像没吃，就叫了第二分，吃完了第二份，还没找到饱的感觉，想叫第三份，发觉服务生小姐用困惑地眼光瞧着我这穿着还算斯文的女人，我不得不朝四周围看了看，实在不好意思再叫第三份了，因为我身旁很多日本的男性上班族，也都只吃一份，没有人叫第二份，他们都不是很饱，但都知道不饱也要停。我不想让日本人觉得中国人吃啥啥没够，就此打住，拐到另一间商场买一盒寿司，好在晚上充饥。

在我们小时候，家里油水不多，挨过饿得父母为我们养成了吃饭一定要吃饱的习惯，现在我们要学习控制食量就很难了。前些时候，敦敦食量增大，小肚子也鼓出来了，我告诉敦敦，少吃一碗饭，敦敦很容易地控制自己只吃一碗饭，多吃些蔬菜沙拉，结果立竿见影。

吃是民族文化的重要部分，在日本不仅仅是花钱吃饭，而是体验小碗小碟间日本人对食物的那份尊敬和对'吃'这个隆重仪式的崇拜。