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I love visiting my parents they are so supportive and give me so much umph to my life I feel like I can go back to San Francisco recharged and ready for anything that comes my way......I'm slacking and I know that I am I�just need to find my inspiration right now.

went wine tasting today with nick and it was so great to have different company for a change I get so sucked into the girls though I love them all dearly it's def girl time with them so here it is nice to talk about other things espeically family stories and stuff.

Dec 1st baby Dec 1st is the start the kick off if you will to my body, man and job plan!! Do it!! Do it!!

our friend dorthy passed away.It just breaks my faith in the holy spirit,jesus christ,lamb of god his word and god himself. Agin, which has been happening for sevarl years now... and is happening over and over and over all the time. Faith and then no faith.. Peace in my spirit.. and then none.... no answers from the holy spirit. nothing of caLVERY OR HIS SON ALIVE. of calvery regarding my daughter AND WHAT IS HAPPENING BETWEEN HIM AND HER ME AND HER AND THE REST OF US,ABSOULTLY NOTHING IN MY OPIONION, �SHE IS TOTALLY ATHEIST AND HATES ME BLAMING ME FOR EVERYTHING IN HER LIFE AND NO ANSWERS TO ANY PRAYER ABOUT THIS. sHE WHOLE HEARTLY despises and hates me now AND HAS BEEN TURNED TOTALLY AGINST ME AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY., no answers.. from heaven OR EVEN FROM HER OR ANYONE ELSE. on waether my mother is dead or alive... no answer, as to why �MY family �NOW hates and disowns me WHEN THEY DID NOT IN THE PAST. i feel he has given the devil �A EVIL SPIRIT OR SPIRITS, a playground in our �HUMAN spirits, IN OUR hearts ,self ,soul ,and mind. CONDEMING US THROUGH THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB AND HIS LOVE AND HIS WORD BECUSE WHAT IS HAPPENING IS TOTALLY AGINST EVERYTHING HE SAYS IN HIS WORD AND HE FAILD ME MISERABLY BY CONTINUEING TO DO ABSOULTLY NOTHING AT ALL ABOUT IT TURNING HIS ALL KNOWING ALL POWERFUL ALL PRESENT BACKS ON US AND JUST WATCHING LIKE THAT DOES ANY OF US ANY SALVATION AT ALL YEA RIGHT. i AM TOTALLY CONVINCED OF THIS TOTALLY BY WHAT I FEE,HEAR AND SEE FROM HIM AND EVERY OTHER SPIRIT. MEANING HUMAN THAT ARE REALATED TO ME IN MY FORMER FAMILY FAMILY THAT LOVED GOD AND ME THAT I GREW UP WITH, AND SPIRITS OF THE �OTER WORLD AFTER WE DIE.. �I BELIEVE THIS� statement whole hardly AND COULD NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING ELSE BY WHAT I AM EXPEREINCEING INSIDE ME AND OUT SIDE OF ME NUTS OR WHAT EVER. NON BELIEVERS SAY IM NOTS OTHERS WHO THE HELL CARES WHAT THEY SAY THERE NOT GOING THROUGH THIS IN ME I AM ALONE OBVIOUSLY. and am totalyy convinced of �THIS. so i hurt. in my spirit. the fruits of the spirit are not in �ME AT LALL I CANT EVEN PUT ON A HAPPY FACE ENJOY LIFE OR PLAY PRETEND ANY MORE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE A LOVING HUBAND AND FAMILY HIS MINE BY MARRIAGE ONLY WHILE HE HAS BOTH ME AND HIS FAMILY.. IT HURT S ME TO THE CORE OF MY SPIRIT AND BEING THAT GODS MERCY DOSNT EXIST FOR ME AND MY FAMILY BEFORE MARRIAGE. �or my atheist daughter �WHO IS SO BLIND SHE CANT EVEN PRAY OR HELP HERSELF IN ANYWAY. LIKE DEMONIC POESSION. AND� the family . THEY CANT OR WONT TURN AROUND EITHER AND I CANT EITHER IT EATS ME UP INSIDE THANK YOU JESUS HOLY SPIRT THANKS ALOT I COUNTED ON YOU AND BELIEVED YOU AND DAM IF I WAS MISTAKEN TO TRUST YOU AGIN DAMIT ANYWAY.that has turned there back on me... i pray the word, witness for him obey to the best of my human ability and it has counted for nothing for about 5 yrs or more not caring enough for me and mine to give an answer in a positive good way like he cliamed in the spirit of his holy word shame on me for thrusting shame on me im stupid . pray the spirit of the word and nothing. is i study the word i stay in the word i do everything he has said from his word and still unsanswered being totally hateful he and his word has turned his back on us totally �soemtimes i see his guidence through emails and messages from churches and websites but how do i know anyof his message is for me or mine when no answers to the prayers said for the 2nd or eternal death for grace love mercy and salvition through his spirit of his won words out of his mouth that hasnt happened or coem to pass . im at an all time low i cant fight this battle raging in my spirit anymore while i watch my shild as i sit here knowing that she could die anysecond and life for eternitiy in the damed from gods presence. �this is more then this human can cope with where is the truth in the spirit of gods word the bible why dosnt it come to pass for us?????�

��������� Misunderstanding can cause words to be said

�������� that will cut like a knife,

������� Things that should have never been spoken.

������� We have to learn that sometimes we have to

������� look at the situation ,then take a deep breath

���� so we can push on in life.

���� Now is the time that we should� I am sorry and

���� face the wrong that we have spoken,to over come

��� this obsticle that we have caused,so our lives can

�� prosper from this mistake and our lives can be happy

�� once again , then and only then� can we� get� our path back

� on track,and be happy in our life� once again.

����������������������������������������������� By:Hilda Butts

�

Had a great turkey day!! very calm and relaxing and I'm thankfull for so much in this life my family, my friends, my travels, my opportunities and my health!! Off to the spa tomorrow for mom time :)

i hate this!!!

i studied, i review, i don't even watch tv as much...

it sucks.... im doing what i can to be better, but all i get is me still struggling with this economics, and this math, but most of all is that econ! ish!

i was so sure with my answers.... i feel STUPID, like im the only one who doesn't get it. i know i'm not the only one, but still im one of those slow people who can't get it right!

i hate this!

i hate this!!!!!! :(

it's too sad.

Feelings fade over time don't they. Hmm. Well if I'm in a relationship and still thinking about my ex what does that mean.. Idk? I guess I'm still hoping that my ex has some kind of feelings for me, I'm hoping that our feelings for each other would come back again. But i really dont know whats going on in my head right now. When I talk to my bf its perfect. I forget about everyone and just think about me and him. But when I'm just thinking about anything out of the blue, my ex comes to mind. Honestly, Im emotionally attracted to my current bf, and I'm physically & emotionally attracted to my ex. But I mean he's moved on and I can't like him. Agh? I'm confused. See even right now why am i not thinking about my bf. Maybe its because I want my ex back.�

Well Have i told you that my bf now is my ex's friend. Slutish huh! Ugh. I think thats why i keep our relationship kind of a secret. I'm honestly scared that if he finds out hes gona be hurt. I mean if i was in his shoes and he would began dating a friend of mine i would be like wtf!! Aghh i would be pissed and not be able to talk to them ever again!

"Just Move On" i tell myself. "Don't worry about other peoples happiness but your own" I repeat to myself. but I can't. I dont know if My bf is the right person I should be with. I need my bf, but i want my ex...

♥Happy thanksgiving..� I miss you mommy.. take care <333

-Karyna<3

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because

reality is finally better than your dreams."

I'll be honest.

I still have not stopped thinking about you.

I still feel butterflys whenever I see you.

I still daydream about you and I being together someday.

I still hope that one day you will look at me as more than a friend.

I still look forward to spending time with you.

I still look for you at school so I can get at least a glimpse of you.

I still admire your strength as well as your beauty.

I still can't help but smile whenever I see you.

I still yearn for your touch.

I still don't mind the teasing.

I still like your hugs more than anyone.

I still continue to get lost in your eyes.

I still enjoy talking to you.

I still look for a text or call from you on my phone.

I still can't help but be in love with you.

But I know, more than anyone,

My fantasies may never come true.

♥

Wenn wir zu viel wollen, ist das unser Untergang, so ist meine Erfahrung. Wobei die Unterg�nge nicht immer mit Haut und Haaren stattfinden. Je nach Auslastung und Anforderungen, die ich mir gesetzt habe, oder die in mich gesetzt wurden, erleide ich unterschiedlich Schiffbruch. Manchmal reicht ein Tag Entspannung, um wieder zu Kr�ften zu kommen. Manchmal sind Streitereien die Folge, die viel Glas zerst�ren und deren Scherbenhaufen lange brauchen, bis sie restlos aufgekehrt sind.

Wie passt das zusammen mit dem, was meine Kindheit und Jugendzeit gepr�gt hat? Goethes Zitat "Wer immer strebend sich bem�ht, DEN werden wir erl�sen"; war Erziehungsmaxime, Ma�stab meines Handelns und Wollens. Heute verwundert es mich nicht, dass ich diesem Druck nicht standgehalten habe, ja, nicht standhalten konnte.

So suchte und suche ich andere Werte. "Weniger ist mehr"; "Errare humanum est" = "Nobody is perfect"; "Der Weg ist das Ziel"; das sind S�tze, die mir heute mehr bedeuten sollten. Noch ist, rein biologisch, der Zeitraum meines Lebens l�nger, der mich hat streben lassen, doch hoffe ich, dass mir diese Werte im Laufe der Zeit zu eigen werden.�

Ob es wertvollere Maxime sind, wird die Zukunft zeigen.

Theres been alot on my mind as of late, and yet its still hard to type down. get it type? lol that was stupid but I couldnt help my self.. I've become so tired from stressing over school, and guys.�They dont seen to get the msg when I tell the to f-off. Why? cause their tools who think Im easy when really, Im not. They dont realize that I have self respect and am not about to get rid of it either. Guys piss me off so much. Sry if thats offensive to any of you guys. Im starting to belive that they do in fact�think more with their *junk* then their head.�once again sry�lol. And yes I am aware of the fact that not all guys are like this, but a good amount are, and frankly its getting old.�On the upside I think i did a fairley well on my�exams. though I know I most likely wont pass my�Art 2 class do to the fact that my art teacher hates me for some reason which I still have yet to figure out. And know I�have not said anything offensiive or rude to him, just so thats clear. My 16th came and left with well nothing new. I still dont have�a car�cause ,y parents thought "hey lets have her�take driver ed during the�winter!" Really? THERE IS�NO DRIVERS ED DURING THE WINTER!!! sheesh. I of course had explained this to�them and yet they�failed to accept�that for once i was right and�they were wrong. i know that sounds concede and all, but sadly�true.�Well its time to go for know, ttyl