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okay I don't get it im ready to just give up and kill myself I wont go into details but my step dad is being a complete and total douchebag. I might have over-exaggerated with the killing myself part, but I am in a mental dilemma. I'm going through a lot of shit with my mother and step father I'm sick of hearing them fight everyday and night I think this is the one place were I can be myself as I always wanted to be but everyone has stopped me from doing it before " As we walk the road of sadness we find the things that make use whole we believe that trying is worth wild but beyond this road we decide its stupid and difficult as we think of the jealously of use as we rise to see the sharpness of owner outer edges we believe we found the answer until the answer is no longer see able we jump we dive we multiply or divide into ourselves as we walk this road of sadness we wish we didn't fight we wish the other was there then we decide that all we have to do is believe in ourselves as we find each other again we found out what sadness is like without another so we attach and never detach again as we decide to never walk this road of sadness again without one another." That is the road of sadness its a poem that I have written but I still feel that way I wroght it over a year ago and i still feel the same way.

How do you ever get threw life knowing u have done alot� of f****ing up!! i have sooo damn much ..like right now i amd trying really hard to stay sobor but i take it out on my man...he has� stuck by me when i was in jail he was all i had!! i didnt have anyone else i didnt feel like i needed anyone else either! but now its just i am not use to life this way its soo hard cause i amd use to drinking and being high and now its like how do you deal with life� when u have done the stuff so so long its like i am a different person its crazy but i am scared i am pushing him away� dont want that i really dont!! someone help me please!!

i know its been awhile� i am not with that guy i havent been i got back with an ex of mine and he is great and he is my world i love him with all my heart....my ex helped get me in trouble and i am now looking at time in prison i am triping out about it all!!!

It's been challenging for you to find your groove because you are so easily distracted now that the Full Moon is in your 3rd House of Immediate Environment. However, you might finally settle into a sustainable rhythm once you reach a point at which your frustration peaks. Don't waste energy thinking about what you could have done if you focused your energy sooner. Instead, just apply yourself as best you can, knowing that your concentration will improve over the days ahead.

Like that horoscope today!

First day back at the gym.....feels good!!

Like hot tea, my bed and steven colbert :)

Tonight I've finally come to the last month of my calendar. What a year it has been. This has been a year of healing. This has been the year where I shout out loud and tell myself that "it" has to stop. "It" refers to the deep hole I dug in myself, the depression tt had become so habitual, the self-pitying syndrome that drills myself to darkness and the constant, foolish longing for a man who will never love me. "It" is leaving me further and further from my life, especially since I decided to leave that place early this year.

It has been 3/4 of the year tt I have not step into that place already. Ever since leaving that place, I found better studios to learn. I met nicer people, genuine, almost impossibly nice people. It's how true people always say "move on, there are better�things out there". Indeed I found so much more love and freedom the moment I have the courage to stop going that place. Now with yoga and art class in my life, there isn't much time to think of him anymore.

However, occasionally when I do somethings, I still think of him. But it's different now. The difference is that I now feel the relief of knowing I'm in the guidance of better hands.I know I'm taken care of by other groups of pple who really has that knowledge and know what they're doing, and most importantly,they treat me with respect and love. The agony in me, hey come to talk abt it now, I suddenly realise I'm not filled with tt pain and anguish anymore. It's true, time heals things. Maybe sometimes, u simply forget abt it becoz it's no longer ur priority anymore.

I feel good abt what I do now.The only problem is I really want to stop, like completely stop thinking abt him at all. It has been such a habitual thing to just conveniently have him pop up in my mind.The other day, the face of him pop� up in my head so vividly that it scares me.

I know God has something better for me. And I'm still waiting for the right one to come by.I pray to God everynight that 'he' will come. 'he' refers to this dream guy, and I think I have the right to dream the craziest type of man I want. Heck, put ur standard higher, and ask for a great man.I believe what I ask, will be given!!

And now that it has come to December, even though in Jan I promise myself that 2009 is going to be a great year, and that I will get a bf ,which of course I didn't.....but I know I will eventually receive him. In 2010, I really really hope tt I have a boyfriend. I WANT A BOYFRIEND! And I'm going to admit it, I'm desperate for one.

So let's all count down and have a toast, may our new year be filled with much joy and laughter. Stay happy.

this year i have really noticed my age now at 27 things are changing. I feel a responsibility to myself to do better act better eat better make smarter choices. I'm not cute and 22 anymore it's time to take things a little more serious because I am getting older and I'm wanting different things in my life it's not all about me anymore. I'm growing out of that young 20's and into the later 20's realizing that there is life beyond this year or next year and that I need to start making plans that are for the future for my future.