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  •     Mario  39, Male, Connecticut, USA - 14 entries
    Tues. - Mar. 09, 2010 - 10:13 PM EDT
    Lord, I pray,
    For the many hurting souls in Haiti,
    God shed your spirit abroad/
    Although for now there is fatal darkness/
    Let the pure light of God and his grace,
    Captivate the hearts'
    To the innocent victims lost in the mire/
    Rude helplessness,
    Attacks that were not hope for/
    By an enemy of lies !
    A decorated veteran of mere tormoil !
    Offering a full assault of an arsenol of weapons/
    Branded by decadent scorn/
    Men of evil, corrupt minds !
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        kelsi  9, Female, Canada - 4 entries
    Tues. - Mar. 09, 2010 - 4:05 PM PST
    whoo
    oh yeah tomrrow is my b-day
    Tags: woo
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        vampiricakatt  14, Female, Minnesota, USA - 58 entries
    Tues. - Mar. 09, 2010 - 2:24 PM EDT
    FUCKING KILL ME KNOW GOD WHATS THE POINT HANNAH HATES ME NOW AND I HAVE NO CHOESE WHY DON\'T I DIE AND JUST END ALL MY PAIN I WONT BE ON FOR A WHILE SO TEX ME IF YOU HAVE A COMPLAIN! 612 816 3713
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        dunamis  40, Male, Australia - 21 entries
    Tues. - Mar. 09, 2010 - 1:01 PM WST

    Thinking
    i've been thinking about significance, and how I'm supposed to be living a significant life - but I'm not. I know I should feel that raising kids is a significant occupation, it doesn't give me any satisfaction. I suppose one reason I don't like it is because the kids talk to me too much. I just shy away from wanting to be around them cos they just talk all the time.

    I've been thinking about hibernation. It sounds brilliant. How come only bears get to do it! Everyone should do it when times get tough. We should be able to go underground and go to sleep in a little dark space, and emerge when it's better.

    I've been thinking about still not being very open toward my wife because i think she's intolerant and the less she knows about my thoughts the better, because she'll only find more things about me to reject.

    I've still been unable to invoice any of my clients and I have two, no three bank statements that need attending to but I can't bring myself to do it.

    My psych wants me to say one affirming thing a day to my wife.... that's not easy because I really don't want to affirm her. I'm resentful about her intolerance and rejection, but I've been challenged to do this once a day for the next six weeks. It feels a bit like going against my authenticity.

    I'm wondering how authentic we can be? Can we really afford to be ourselves, or is the price too much to pay? Is it acceptable? Do we have to "do" the right thing even if our heart isn't in it? Is that ok?

    Feeling

    Been feeling down. Sad. Hurt. unmotivated. It's hard to get motivated to do much. I wish it would go. It's like emotional malaise.

    Body

    arms were uncomfortable last nite... felt like they needed stretching and some exercise or something. Couldn't seem to get comfortable not matter what position I tried them in.

    Senses
    I feel the back of the chair. I can hear my son rustling in his bag. I feel the sun shining through the blinds onto my left hand side. My eyes feel sleepy. my feet are crossed. I taste beer. Hear the wind, it's gusting up to 70km/h

    Hopes
    I hope that one day I can not feel like shit again. That I have the energy to live life and pursue life and worthwhile things. I hope that I go fishing thurs-friday.

    Fears
    I'm afraid that life will always be like this. I'm afraid that my wife will continue to be intolerant of me.

    Dreams
    I dream of a life of balance, with the energy to do special things. I dream that I can fit in somewhere, that I can be me, that I can make a difference, that I can travel and live in other places, like third world places.

    Intentions
    I intend to make a lasagne, drink some alcohol, watch TV and go to bed. I'll work tomorrow. I want to order some scope mounts for my rifle, but who knows how long it will take to get the motivation. I bought pea straw, but can't be screwed spreading it..... when will the feeling come?
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        linnea13star  14, Female, Washington, USA - 10 entries
    Mon. - Mar. 08, 2010 - 4:37 PM EDT
    All Man
    I got grounded yesterday til wensday. I never got 2 got 2 my aunts house this is a bunch of bull * or*.
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        Gilbert022208  20, Female, South Carolina, USA - First entry!
    Mon. - Mar. 08, 2010 - 8:48 AM EDT
    Realistic Nightmare
    I had a horrible nightmare... it was so real...but i know it was not. It was one of the scariest dreams i have had in a long time. It felt so real... i felt the feelings..its hard to explain... but it felt like everything was so realistic. My husband and i was visiting a friend and some guy walked in and tried to throw me out of a window... because he didn't want me to be there. I was able to get away and run out of the house, i got in the car cause i was scared for my life. my husband was right behind me, but that guy was right behind him. As he tried to get into the car  he was pulled out and was being beat. He told me to lock the doors so i did. I thought there was just that one guy.. but there was a bunch of them, some of them were hiding in the back seat. As i was watching my husband being beat i was being held down and being raped. One was in the front and one was in the back while i am being held down by  two. The thing that scared me the most... was as i was waking up i could feel their hands touching me and my backend was hurting like it was actually done. i really don't understand it... how is it that something happens in a dream and you actually feel it after you wake up? Does that even make since or am i going out of my mind??? I feel kind of crazy i guess you could say. i am really confused. i know it was just a dream and dreams are NOT real... it... its just a real scary thing and so real like. has anyone else ever experienced a dream where you feel what happened even after you woke up... is it just in my head?? How do i find out, how do i understand what is going on? Can someone please help....
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        hellokitty  9, Female, Canada - 17 entries
    Sun. - Mar. 07, 2010 - 3:10 PM EDT
    No
    No one likes me!!! 20


    Hellokitty


    Tags: i kno, No, me2
    3 comment(s) - 11:09 AM - 03/09/2010
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        Brunette Mess  23, Female, Texas, USA - 15 entries
    Sat. - Mar. 06, 2010 - 9:23 PM EST
    Sweet Summertime

    Life has been way too crazy and stressful lately. So at the end of April, I will be unemployed. I tried the whole 'working full-time AND going to graduate school' thing, but it ended up being too much. I feel that I am missing out on the most important schooling of my life by working at a job I don't particularly enjoy.

    Ok, on to the main reason for this blog. I want to make some changes this summer. Here is the list of things I want to accomplish this summer:

    1.) Work out - I've tried, but during the semester I have zero time to exercise. I really only gained a few pounds, but I want to feel healthier. My plan is to begin running, as far as I can. I'll just build from there. I hope to get up to at least 10 miles.

    2.) Be more social - Currently, the last thing I want to do on the weekends is to go out and be social. Usually I just want to catch up on my sleep...and then study.  I want to go out on weekdays and meet my friends at fun places in Dallas.

    3.) Join a sports team - Since I won't have much going on this summer, I want to play in an intramural league. Great way to meet people and to stay active.

    4.) Spend more time with my puppy - I adopted a 2 year old black lab back in October. He is one active lab and he is always wanting to play. I feel guilty because I am usually way to busy or too tired to play. I want to spend more quality time with him.

    5.) Summer school - Since I have to take summer school, I want to make the best of it. I want to actually get a feel for UTA. I want to venture around campus and see what there is to see. Currently I go to class and leave. Since I will have an advanced degree from this school, I really want to know campus.

    6.) Grow out my hair - This may sound lame, but I want to spend this summer relaxing and waiting for my hair to grow. I want it looooooooong!

    7.) Practice my photography - I just bought a Canon Rebel and I really excited to play with it. Hopefully I can spend this summer taking lots of pictures.

    8.) RELAX - Haven't had much time to relax and figure out what's important to me. Laying out by the pool, leisure walks with my puppy, sipping' ice tea on my porch, etc. Can't wait for all of this stress to be lifting off my shoulders.

    Well, that's quite a list, but I think everything is pretty do-able. I'm ready for you Summer! Bring it!
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        dkp  47, Male, Belgium - First entry!
    Sat. - Mar. 06, 2010 - 7:31 PM WEST
    Ben je al opgeschreven voor het koningschieten?
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        GirlWithAPen  13, Female, Indiana, USA - 12 entries
    Fri. - Mar. 05, 2010 - 10:26 PM EDT
    More Stuff

    When I was little and I was in my first play, I saw some of the main characters getting flowers, I wanted that to be me. On that stage. After a big performance. That I had worked for. Hold flowers. That someone else gave me. Not because I asked. But because I had been wonderful. I've been sensitive about it since.

    Last year, when I was in The Velveteen Rabbit, I was the Skin Horse. It was the biggest part I had ever recieved. I was hopeful. A chunk of my family came to the performance on Mother's Day. A few "good job"s and a couple of "that was nice"s, no flowers.

    Kailey has told me, how in her first play she was in, her parents gave her flowers, because it was her first play.

    I was three when I was in my first play. I can harldy remember anything.

    Kailey got flowers today. She got flowers when she was Fern in Charlotte's Web. The entire school went to see her. That was before Mariah, the wannabe, showed up.

    Maybe I'm just sour because everything comes so easily to Kailey. During this past week, I've been introduced to her glossy out-of-school life. She lives in a house that was built just last year. It has 3 stories and a super high-tech security system. My house is one story, was built in the 1980s, and has no security system. When she's hungry, there's always food in the house. They have a refrigerator in their garage just so that they can grab drinks on their way in and out of the house. They buy BOTTLED WATER. That is wealthy. Her brother probably has every gaming system known to man. Her oldest sister is always either out doing something, or she has friends over. Her youngest sister, has no clue how to be polite. At all. On the way back she tried to say that I looked ugly with out actually saying that I looked ugly, so she said I looked weird. If I was in a family that was that well off, I would try to do something important instead of just live like everyone has equal opportunity. 

    Anyway, I should stop talking about my best friend. The one who's never sat be at lunch. The one that always has something more important to be doing. That best friend.

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