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"Endurance is frequently a form of indecision." - Elizabeth Bibesco, Haven, 1951

what do you think this quote actually means?

After my conversation wtih my gal friends today, I felt so drained, so tired coz they're so negative. Guys, do u know that u have build�a terrible reputation for yourself ? Women find it so hard to trust u! My conversation with gals always revolve around how guys r cheating on their gfs .I feel so disappointed. I mean, certainly there r honest,faithful, really great guys out there right? So why am I not meeting there yet? I know there r guy out there who think the same - that girls r doing a great job on cheating their bfs as well...but for me, I can really guarantee I will stay faithful to my husband as long as I love him. There is no way I will split my heart into 2.

I just think that maybe it's time my gal friends stop telling me how bad guys r or how upset/uncertain they r in their r/s.

God, just really wish, pple can understand me. Being single is OKAY - I'm really starting to believe in this statement. There's nothing wrong if I'm single and virgin at 25.

�I'm really happy with being myself right now, although feeling lonely, just wished there's somebody to hug me and tell me everything's gonna be okay.

We r really just being more than physical beings. Can we ever look beyond this fact?!

I am the most prettiest girl in the world. I am very Unique. And Powerful. My true love is Austin Banton. I love butterflies, angels, and spider pig...the thing i think is the best is, my best friends, Trista, Psycho Kitty (AngelOfDarkness), and my family. If you read this, thank you.

, AngelEyes

I've resisted the idea of journaling for quite awhile now. I've resisted the advice of two therapists and many self-help books, all of which have urged me to journal. However,the idea of journaling hasalways been intimidating to me. There's something so permanent about puttingmy thoughts down on paper. Laying everything out in black and white for examination. It seems so much safer,to keep the thoughts swimming through my brain. I suppose, it saves me from having toaccept the truths about my life that I'd much rather ignore.

Like everyone, there are things about myself that make me unhappy. I suppose I've been operatingby the saying "ignorance is bliss"...but it isn't. It isn't blissful, because I'm not truly ignorant of my own faults and shortcomings. They are always there...just inside my peripheral vision...nagging me...eating away at the world that I try to create for myself, within myself.

This isn't easy for me. The process of unravelingmy life to examine who I am and how I became this person. But it is a necessary process for me at this point, because I'm not happy with this person. I feeldiscontent. I'm uneasy. Uncomfortable. Unsatisfied.

I think all of these feelings are necessary to precipitate change, so instead of trying to bury them deep, deep inside of me, as I have in the past, I'm going to try to let them surface. Explore them. Follow them to their core. I imagine the process to be similar to peeling an onion; not only in the fact that there will be many layers to peel away, but that the process will likely bring tears.

I know that I have buried much sadness inside my body. I think there are many reasons for the sadness. Many of those reasons have been too painful for me to acknowledge or cope with in a healthy way.

I sometimes feel the sadness start to well up inside of me. At first the feeling is small and begins deep within my chest, but grows with a force that causes me to panic. I feel that I will get lost in the sadness if I allow it to fully surface...that I will drowned in it. So, I use all of my strength to push it back down and lock it away, not sure of where it dwells in the deep, dark crevasses ofmy body,when it lays dormant, waiting for its next opportunity to charge the gates that I have erected to protect myself. But it senses my weakness...my exhaustion...my confusion.

I don't want to spend my life fighting against the sadness, but I'm unsure of how to let it flow through me without destroying me. Can I experience the sadness in a way that will allow me to come out the other side whole? Can I not only survive the experience, but use it to gain strength?

These are questions to which I have no answers. But, I will find them...in time. This will serve as my reminder when I feel that I have made no progress. I will come back to this, my first journal entry, to retrace my steps and find my path again.

hey again

well since we have been out of school i have been babysittin, to make money to gochristmas shopping...it has been SO tiring!But this morning I got the first 3 hours off and went andgot my hair colored...it was a strawberry blonde now it is a dark red...it is really cute.. I LOVE IT... me and this one guy have been talking forever... it seems like all we ever do is talk...we are alwaytogether and for christmas he is going to florida...it will be this first time since like july that i have gone more than three dayswithout seening him. it is sadI am going to miss him...well i better get back to my babysitting...JOY

yours truly

KrazyKay

So I have a question that I would love some help answering. At what age to you start to feel like an adult???I am 23 years old soon to be 24 and I feel like im stuck at 16, or let me rephrase that, like i have made no progress since i was 16. Granted I have a good job and have learned a lot along the way. I feel like in no way, shape or form, am I ready to be and adult. I have seriously been contemplating moving out of my parents house lately. I'm so torn. If I leave what do I do. Get a small place and live alone, Get a roomate someone that I know, or move in a random situation with random people and figure it out as i go, or stay at home and save money to buy some property. To be honest, the independence may be good for me it may be a good life lesson to be completely alone. I moved out for about 3 years..... moved into college and then in with an ex bf but it didn't exactly work out so im afraid to go through it again. I went shopping with my mom today and as we went to the register to pay and she pulled out her credit card i thought "how could i do this without my mom". I'm freakingnot a little kid though so of course I can, I think im having preventative seperation anxiety?

idk just thinking aloud.

If anyone cares to respond I could use the advice

i signed-up at this website - to meet other expats to hang-out with but it also enables you to look for dating partners etc. so anyway. i came across this stupid, idiotic 'request' in one dude's profile (he's a whitey with brown hair, if you need to visualize) -

-- begin ridiculous portion --

Dear Journal,

Yesterday was NewYears Eve, it was so fun!!! I had a Sleepover with my 2 Best Friends, Jessie and Jaimie I think there the coolest most awesomest people in the world and we just had a sleepover and it was so cool and fun! But there are so many more things to talk about in my life ...

One day I almost got Killed by a Car ... twice, one time was i was at a park i live really close by and i was there with one of my friendsi was in the middle of a parking lot and a yellow car comes! FASTER! My friend pushed me out of the parking lot and kinda saved my life.

The other time i was with my same friend and i was on my bike i was about to cross a really busy street i looked right, then left, then right again, i got ready to cross the street ... i turned around into the street, and there was a car one foot away from me! So i was thinking my friend was EVIL ... jk, but im not friends with her anymore ...

Her name it Katarina, she was a good friend before 6th Grade, now she's a mean brat and i hate her, she brags every day and she's spoild. She wrote a E-mail saying that she wont be friends with us anymore ... and yet still she's bags us each day for us to be her friend, its really dumb and i hate it!!! Grrrrrr lol

Soon my face will be wet everyday, my eyes will be red and of course i'll be sad for the rest of my life ... one of my Bff's are going to a different school next year, im gonna be so sad, im gonna miss her so much ... her name is jessie, she has always been a good friend to me but i hope our friendship will never end, I hope she will be happy and make new friends at her new school, but i will always miss her!

Today was pretty friggin boring.. hell, the whole weekend was pretty boring. Being that i got kicked out of my LVN program.... i was also kinda depressed..

I got some retail therapy at Lake Elsinore outlet mall. I bought some cute slip ons and a pair of Reef flip flops with a built in bottle opener from the shoe warehouse.. they rocked so hard.. and how can you beat 9.99 a pair?! I mean, really! That made me feel good, granted it was only temporary, but i'll take whatever i can get.

I decided on taking some classes at Miracosta college. It'll fullfill my requirements for offsetting the price of the LVN program at concorde. and will also fullfill my requirements when i do the LVN-to-BSN program too.

Steven called me for a hot second to check in, i guess. He comes home tomorrow but i probably wont see him for a while regardless. he's leaving again on the 4th for 3 days.. and then again on the 13th i believe. He said he wanted to fly me out to SD for the weekend, but he hasnt talked about it so who knows if it'll still happen. But i'll definitely be able to do it since i'm not in the nursing program anymore.

I think i might go to vegas this weekend to visit melissa. I havent told steven yet, but i'm sure he wont really care. if he's not on call, he might want to come with.

im a little angry but for me being grounded of the phone they say i go on it to much its bc there is nothing better in my life! i mean i do hang out with my best friends but seriously i have these two worst enimies Katarina and Kristina and like they are like torchering me! ok see i have this crush on this guy Jake and he goes to my school but i tlak to him on the cp and like they say things to him about me that arent true and they say that i am mean well u know what if they wnat me to be mean then i will! its as simple as that its not like brain surgery if they think that im a jerk let them see how im gonna be now im not some braty girl who walks around doing this but i not some innocent baby who is gonna be pushed around by the evil twins! yea there twins double themean double the torcher double the hate! see this is all what happened see me and my best friends Brooke and Jessie we never liked he to much drama and she told us our bads not goods so if i said she had a nice shit she would say u dont. she is the biggest jerk i know and then she says that she is to good for us (so to speak) in an email and goes i have better ppl to be around so we agreed and she comes crawling back saying im so sorry and we didnt forgive her we said your loss and this is how this happened now they are out to get us and they will do anything that they can to make our lives a living nightmare and i completely dispise them for that i mean really who would do that?!?! defenitly not me but on the bright side i got my friends by my side which makes it extra special! see i have a lot of ups and downs in my life but i got my friends but the biggest fown in my life was when i was by myself alone with no friends in fifth grade where the drama started see now im in sixth grade free of drama but in fifth it was drama drama drama lol i had to deal with Kattie more then ever she turned the whole entire school againest me twice she made everyone think i was a whore and a cheater and i got called a whore and other things but i didnt even do anything see she would pick one person to pick on and that was always me and Danielle Gray now see Danelle moved away from the drama and went to Brittany and now they are our friends now but back then i went back with Kattie and forgave her more then enough! then she betrayed me again and i didnt except the apoligy which was this year and im so glad that i didnt! and now another trip down the stairs of sad! my best friend in my whole life Jesica is moving to a different school its the worst thing that had ever happened to me! but thats all of today and the past explaining me and my up and down life!

Well, I would probably be a doctor. I went into nursing school to bridge my way to medical school. Of course that never occurred, mostly because I liked nursing after I got involved with it, but I didn't go into pre med right away because I was afraid of failing, and afraid I was not smart enough.

If I weren't afraid of being a failure ... applying it to my career now... I would probably have an advanced degree and have my CCRN. But I am afraid of failing the tests or not doing well in class. I may still take my CCRN test, but I am not going to announce that I have taken it until I have passed it.

hie my name is mphoon christmas l went to my aunties house to spend christmas and she is going to have a baby soonl cant wait then we got to her house she lives in syedney we unpacked our bags and then the next day we went shopping and then the next day we went to church and after church we went home and had some foodthen on the next day we went to the beach and had lunch and it was fun then on christmas we were invited to a christmas party and it was good and after that we went home and had christmas dinner and it was so niceand we got nice presents it was fun okay got to go by mpho