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Good Morning,

Life lately has been a bit difficult.

Chase (ex) broke up with me a little over 2 weeks ago and I seem to be taking it badly. I though that we had a future together and we had all these plans and then poof! he was done. He can be a good person, but he has not been that great to me. You would think that I would move on already from a guy who treated me badly. Im getting there.

My mom died almost 5 months ago and it didnt truely didnt hit me until recently.� Now that I need her to talk to her about everything that is going on......I cant! I miss her so much and wish that the last few years could have been different. I usually dont regret anything, but when it comes to my mom I do.

I wish I was around more before she died.

I wish that I didnt fight with her about stupid stuff.

I wish that I could have gotten married and had a child before she died.

Getting married will never be the same anymore. I wont have my mom to give me advise. Be there to cry with me as I walk down the isle.�Or tell me how beautiful I look.

Having children used to be something that I looked forward to. Now I dont know if I could have any. Knowing that my mom wont be in the delivery room or be there for their first time they talk, walk, or school events. I need a mom!

Time to vent is over. Time to carry on the day. Time to be positive.

I have this bad ache in my chest...i really need him i cant sleep its 4:00� *cries* i wish i knew he was gonna make me this unhappy....it hurts very bad

Oh my god why does it hurt so much *keeps crying*

I FINALLY DID IT!!!!!!!� I drove a real NASCAR race car.� What an experience it was.� I was not nearly as nervous as I thought I might be.��I was only slightly nervous because I had to drive in front of all my peers.� I knew all the guys I work with would be watching to see how well I did.� I did not care about how fast I went but was more concerned with be a "good" driving and following as I should.� My instructor said I did really well, in fact he said "You did better than I thought you would".�� He apparently did not think I was the race car driving type.� I was really quite proud of myself.� My top speed on my drive was 140 mph.� It was really amazing and I am really grateful to have had the opportunity to do it.� I would recommend it to anyone!!!!

It is important for me to find out who I am and how I have become that person. I know that I have had some major life experiences that went very badly. They have and continue to effect every aspect of my life. I have found that I can not change the past and I can't decide on the future. The only things that I can work on and mold and create is the now. I want to find people that have interests similar to mine and work on these things together. I want to learn to put aside all influences from my past, from the people who have molded me into the person I am, and people around me. I want to figure out how much of the time I spend doing things is wasted time because of habit and influence or time spent on things I have chosen. I want to keep the positive but along with the positive I have had a lot of negative. I want to know how much I have gained from these experiences.so for now, I don't want any influence on my life. I want to be the one making the choices from now on.

I am a filipino. my girlfriend is darker than me. When people see us they laugh at us but it's okay. I'm used to it already. I just feel sad whenever my gf hears their sharp remarks, judgements, jokes about us. She gets hurt. But good thing I'm there to comfort her. I hope God supports our relationship, because most people in the world aren't supporting. Not even family members. My cousins laugh at us. my friends even deserted me after knowing my girlfriend was darker. It's like there's a universal rule, "Don't mix white with black". when the truth to us here is: WE ARE ALL FILIPINOS. MOST OF US WERE BORN DARK. fairer complexion just came in because of interracial marriages. like filipino-chinese, filipinos and spaniards, fil-ams,etc. Some of my cousins were born with dark complexion, and their hair was so curly like the igorot or aeta. but because of monthly glutathione shots, over-expensive beauty products, botox, etc. they became "models", they strove for the model-image, as in magazines. Until now they still strive for these things when the fact is they're getting old. i don't think God wants people to change their skin complexion. Michael Jackson did. Now he hides his face because his plastic surgery is "melting" or I dunno what. He should have stayed black. The best singers and artists are black. Brian Mcknight, Boyz II Men, Babyface, Usher, beyonce, mariah carrey. although I know her mom was white.

In numbers 12, Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because he married a cushite, african woman. God heard and turned Miriam's skin WHITE AS SNOW. I'd like to believe Miriam discovered white skin wasn't more beautiful than dark skin. I hope and know, there are couples like us, who go through the pain of being criticized and judged the way we don't deserve. I hope in some way I could encourage you to hang in there. I hope that God-willing I could meet a couple, or more couples like us someday and support one another.���������

This IS NOT MYSPACE OR FACE BOOK,

THIS IS FOR WRITING UR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS DOWN,

JUST LIKE THE THING SAY,

IT'S A JOURNAL!!!!

NOT A HEY-WE-MET-WANA-CYBER-SPOT!

Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i m neha. i m 14yrs old.studying in an all girls school ( Loreto House ) AND ITS DAMN BORING WITH NO GUYS. i m in high school (1st yr) and have started my 1st tuition. there are boys but they are so DAMN UGlY and BORING

My life though has been quite exciting. i went 2 a fest in La Martiniere for Boys. IT WAS FUN!!!!!!! THE GUYS WERE SUPER COOL AND CUTE

RIGHT NOW SUMMER HOLIDAYS ARE GOING ON AND I'VE GOT LOADS OF HOMEWORK AND PROJECTS not very interesting

I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE SOME FRIENDS

Well I learned a lesson the hard way.The lesson I learned is that you should really think before you speak because if not you will get yourself into a lot of trouble. Something happened the other day that was just a freak accident. Everyone is fine. But my brother told me he thought it was one of his friends fault. But it wasn't. It was no one's fault. So I go and tell my brother's friend what he said. Well he goes out there and cusses out my brother. And they have been best friends since they were both born. And I pretty much ruined a great friendship. But if I had kept my big mouth closed none of this would have happened and everyone and everything would be fine. So next time you're about to do something, please think it through because you might dig yourself into a hole. :)

So it may not be to some people but to me it is..my life is falling apart. My parents for 21+ yrs are getting a divorce..my dad filed and told me yesterday... i dont kno what to do...once i found out of course i cried, we talked he explained him self.. which sad thing is not just me but both my brother and i agree with my dad.

we both love our mother but she is nothing but money..money this u owe me wheres my money where my money all the time. she charged my dad interest when he borrowed money from her...who in thier right mind charges thier husband interest..

UGH!!!! i love my mom of course and i have to be here for her. but its hard..its hard to sit at home and think my dads not coming home tonight..it hurts i kno its not his fault and i am not made at him one bit but...i am a major daddys girl...

just wanted to get a lil off my chest now..there will be more.....

So tonight I have the House all to myself, Jorge is going out with the fellas. I have no idea what to do I really wish I had My textbooks for school so i can get some major homework done. My Professor gave us like a ton of home work. It consists of alot of reading but i could totally handle that. I like to read and write so this class should be a breeze. I really hope I do good this semester, Grades should be a sinch since i really have a laid back job. I should be able to get homework done throughout the day. I think imma order me a movie tonight and pick out an nice outfit to wear to my first day of elementary algebra. Ha ha ha I know, i know, My math level is not really up to par but hey at least im in school right? being in school gives me this sense of security as if Im taking care of business. Last night when i was released from my english class, I felt Good. Like if i did a good deed such as Lend a friend some money. It felt similar to that feeling. I am very thankful that I am back in school and I really hope that this semester goes by smooth and quick, as one of my instructor's at Western career college would say! Those were the good days but anyway, I might be back tonight to express my feelings and what my night really turned out to be, but im pretty sure its gonna be calm and fun. I hope to eat popcorn and maybe watch a chick flick. LOL so cliche! but hey, if the shoe fits right? Anywhoozers i will let you know how my night is going later on! tootles!

Why is there more owed than we have? aaarrrggh!