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    99tracy99  41, Female, Hong Kong SAR - 33 entries
21
Apr 2020
4:43 PM HKT
   

Still finding solution

Sleepless is a problem, Although early wake up is a hard thing. But at least I can solve some problem now.
Bad english is not a problem. Problem is if u feel down for one guy. You will lose many guy.
Okay pop up window ask me to shut my mouth .I should back to sleep now.
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    HannahL  34, Female, United Kingdom - 33 entries
20
Jun 2014
6:03 AM GMT
   

Dodgy characters

Had a shoot today with a wedding photographer/filmmaker which I had to cancel not only wasting my time but the filmmakers' time. I had a look at his work and was so impressed with it as it was really good quality with lots of attention to detail, and plenty of good reviews.

I met him once before as he wanted to see if I was suitable for the role and to discuss the project but it just ended up feeling more like a date! He took me to a restaurant and ordered lots of things (I thought we were going to discuss ideas and sick to talking about photography). I felt uncomfortable at his gestures and his cheeky comments but I ignored it, laughed it off and was calm.� I thought maybe I was getting the wrong impression and I didn't want to say anything as I didn't want to be rude!

Today I was supposed to see him to do a test shoot but then he started being cheeky again. Bang out of order. I'm sick of people trying to flirt with you and be all cheeky - you are married I am in a relationship. Why would you do that?
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    DaniRi  37, Female, Canada - 107 entries
02
Jan 2014
9:56 PM AST
   

Canadian TRAVEL GIRL@!!!!

Thinking of the last 3 weeks of my life have been insane. I'm a Canadian solo female traveling the world for the past 16 months, mainly making my base in Queensland Australia but doing some amazing travels in South East Asia as well. After working 6 months in an australian desert I finally packed my bags and headed out on a pretty intense journey back to see all my friends and family in Canada. Day one started out in Carins,Queensland, Australia where i jumped 14,000 feet out of an airplane .. just because.. i could.. haha. It was an amazing exsperience and something i'll always keep in my memory. After a short visit there I headed out on a 17 hour journey to Shanghai, China. To my surprise I was not prepared for the hustle and bustle of Shanghai and ended up meeting a few dishonest people who just wanted my money, followed by getting lost all alone at night. It was a pretty overwhleming feeling and kinda discourged me as a solo female backpacker.. I felt like no matter where i go i'll always be a target. But in the end i belive its all about preparing yourself. RESEARCH! and even if your a free spirited traveler like myself who hates making plans, its always good to research some common scams in major cities like Shanghai... oh well another lesson learned. A couple days later I was on another plane.. a long plane.. 14 hours to be exact.. and after no in flight entertainment, a hard as rock seat and a bug in my only meal... i arrived in my dream city... NEW YORK CITY... looked out the window and saw snow for the first time in 2 years, it was a great moment.. i actually cried a little... but that wasn't new.. it seemed as if the previous few days were just a mix of wild emotions .... I deboarded the plane, waitied impatiently to get through customs and couldnt stop thinking of the fact my best friend whom I have not seen in 1.5 years would be waiting for me in TImes Square. THe few days i spent in New York were FAB! shopping, laughing, city lights, centrual park, empire state, christmas lights, christmas trees, SNOW!.. everything! :) i was happy to be back in North America. In fact i was so happy to be back I thought that I would never return to Australia.... My next plane to Canada finally arrived ... this was my last plane of the journey and on the other side my dad would be waiting for me at the small airport on my little island on the east coast of Canada. Seeing him when i got off the plane was such an emotional moment.. for so many reasons... i felt safe finally.. I mean i threw myself out in the world all by myself for a year and a half and there i was... back where i grew up.. where the dream to travel all began. The first few days were exciting.. reuniting with everyone, trying all the old food I missed, it was christmas after all, and altough jet lagged, I was in the spirit. After a few days things began to feel different to me.. I was intiminated by those to were speaking of their carrears and families....should I be at that point in life? why am i still traveling? do i even want to travel again? so many questions... very little answers ... Not many people have traveled in my home town so it was hard to speak to someone who understood. �Instead of telling travel stories, I kept them to myself when people asked about my travel I would just smile and say "it was great" ... �I think the most emotional difficult part of my travels so far has to be coming home. After flighting this emotional battle for a couple days I realized that my journey isn't over. I just didn t feel myself fitting in in the conventional life at this time. I felt like there was so much more for me to do... I still hadnt found what i was looking for. SO i must so back out there. after 50 attempts of booking my plane.. i finally did... this time starting in Bali Indonesia then finally back to Australia where i plan to work and save to travel some more.. i guess some change goes down deep inside of you.. and your only meant to know it.. not anyone else.. and thats okay.... So i guess all i have to say is ..cheers to 2014... whereever this world may bring me.. im ready.

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    Ranilyn  30, Female, Canada - 26 entries
26
Sep 2014
2:37 AM MST
   

I'm so tired.
I don't know how to stop
I don't know how to keep going
I'm so tired
all the time

I want to sleep so bad
I need to sleep so bad
but
I really don't want to sleep and face tomorrow
Tags: tired
1 comment(s) - 01:32 AM - 06/30/2015
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    Ranilyn  30, Female, Canada - 26 entries
12
Jul 2015
2:49 AM MST
   

Addiction

Drunk on stories
Drunk on the lives of the characters - their bravery, their joy, their struggle, their pain, their persistence and resiliency
Drunk�
on the unconditional and awe-inspiring love shown and felt by these people
even in face of unexpected betray from someone so close that they trusted
- like a dull carving knife into one's heart
And yet, through the pain, through the agony, they bear a vicious grin with blood pouring out of their mouths, standing tall to fight.
Or they reach out and continue to love, love, and love and save
the one who had coldly pierced their exposed hearts
even if it meant taking the knife out of their murderer's hands
and further impaling themselves on it
(for all those characters who still chose to save those who hurt them, even if it meant giving up their lives)

I am drunk on their courage
their dammed unwavering loyalty�
(Oh Stefan my heart broke for you and I am in awe at your faithfulness to Marsilia)
I am drunk on their ability to find what they firmly believe
And stand for it in the face of unshakeable odds
And they come out battered, bruised, damaged, and perhaps even weaker than before
But before you stands a man who you can only look upon with great respect
and admire for making the tough choices of doing what they think is right
- though sadly enough, as we all know intimately, that sometimes that doesn't mean it is
(Thank you Harry Dresden, for teaching us that it's okay that sometimes our very best is not enough. We must always pick ourselves up and keep going, even through the face of our mistakes)
I am drunk on the lives they have lived
The decisions they have made
The adventures they have embarked upon
The loves that they had
The enemies and temptations they fought
The things they learned

The lessons they taught

I cry as they have cried through heartbreak, pain, and death

I wept among their family and mourners in their funerals

I laugh at their comical antics or the absurd situations they found themselves in

I felt the fierce swell of triumph when the underdog stands straight once again,
from the beaten pile of limbs,grinning with blood in our teeth and conviction of our victory in our eyes

- or at least our damned determination to see it through at the very least

I drink and drink and drink

of these stories spun masterfully by skilled writers

I drink until I cannot tell if I am drinking ambrosia or poison,

until I cannot tell if it inspires life in me when I am weary of the struggles and monotony of life

�or if it leaves me drugged for a fantastical substitute�

numb to real life

unable to cope with facing my own trials,
always longing and desperate for the next hit

Like a drug addict who despises his sorry situation

but makes no move to confront and make a change in his lifestyle

choosing instead to escape by injecting another wonderous shot of ecstasy

that slide through your veins like the sweetest bad decision you've ever made

I drink until I only know that I fear sobrierty

And then I drink some more so that even that fear is gone and I can live through

someone else's pain and someone else's joy

so I do not have to face my own.
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Current Tags: addiction, escape, hurt, pain, poetry, reading, rough draft

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    splashberryblu  42, Female, Arkansas, USA - 91 entries
03
Mar 2017
4:25 PM CST
   

No Repair

Feeling distraught and in disrepair....Im not happy at all, Im doing my best at pretending but who am I kidding, this is garbage, straight trash, I shouldve been got rid of his inconsistent ass

�Starting to wonder if its really a prize by the look of my red, puffy..tear swollen eyes,
Im a dummy ...yeah you dont even have to say it..This heartbreak is getting to the point I can fake it, I cant glue it I cant even tape it...no repair..storage ready thats the only place for me...just waiting still hoping I will get chosen but everyone including me knows this is Bogus...

Got another lookin at me, textin me, callin me but no butterflies.. there just discontention and rolled eyes...

Puppy love shit in a Mid life ready body...
Tension, stress, occasional highs, plenty of lows...
Wanting vows but only getting lies...
Im sick of it I cant lie..Im sick about it I cant lie..
well I can but you wont believe it

No repair for this Ive gone to far...
guess until he loves me I'll just sit at the Bar...

1 comment(s) - 01:28 PM - 03/26/2017
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    DustyRose  45, Female, Indiana, USA - First entry!
02
Jun 2017
2:13 AM EST
   

What would you Do?

I have been in this relationship for a little over a year. I have forgiven him for cheating in the beginning when I was already living with him. We have come so far from them, but just recently I caught him talking shit about our relationship to a female friend. I confronted him about it and he was pissed said I was spying on him or getting all of his messages some way. All I did was wait for him to pass out and check his phone. I have tried everything to get passed all the other shit, but no matter what I do he makes me feel like it is all my fault, but can never give me an honest answer as to what I have done wrong. I know the old adage that if he is accusing me of shit it is what he is actually doing it. If that is the case then why keep me around if he wants something different?�
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Current Tags: cheated, clarity, help, Love, romance

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    zenladybug  47, Female, Colorado, USA - 72 entries
14
Jan 2015
7:33 AM MST
   

New Leaf...

Here we are again, a new year and yet another new leaf being turned with hope and resignation. I feel like every year I say "This year is different!" but this year is... different. I feel older, more grown up, ready to face the world as woman with responsibilities. I have eliminated�most of my previous distractions (or they have eliminated me) and have been able to finally see how destructive all of the background nonsense was. How I put myself up on a shelf while I let others consume all of the attention. My plans for this year are much more realistic and reek less of flights of fancy. There may be a bit of the fanciful but their flights have been grounded and they remain firmly planted deep�within the earth, ready to sprout when condidtions are best.

�I believe the average person resolves to be more open to new possibilities in the new year but being open has never been my problem.� This will be a year of building slightly less permeable walls.� A year of realistic endeavors that feature myself as the star player and gives supporting roles to everyone else. Opening doors only large enough for me to squeeze through and mending all of the cracks and holes that let out the warmth. Really feeling the goodness of the world instead of just letting others describe it to me. I will give myself one gift everyday to acknowledge how far I've come and to fortify me for road ahead.

'It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's new life for me, and I'm feeling good'
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    WENDYWITCH  58, Female, California, USA - 5 entries
21
Jun 2014
4:01 PM PST
   

Do we Let go of the Past, forgive and forget? Or are we doomed to repeat the same mistakes if we do not remember the past? Is there some kinda of compromise, meeting in the middle that allows us to move on, yet not make same mistakes? What is the.real answer, can u do both?
1 comment(s) - 02:38 PM - 07/26/2014
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Current Tags: forgive, learning, letting go, mistakes, past

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    WENDYWITCH  58, Female, California, USA - 5 entries
04
Oct 2017
3:11 AM PST
   

Just Keep Swimming

I totally get why my 2 daughter sometimes gets me stuff with Dorey, the forgetful fish, from finding Nemo, on it. �I watched a bit of the movie at the Dr office. I tried not to feel almost guilty being that mom that's c sometimes late ir forgets to sign something. Then insecure about my ADHD in general. But, Ive been a bit scattered my whole life. This isn't new. But that's just one small piece of who I am. There is so much more, and frankly. What's good about me, so outweighs any traits that are part of having ADHD. DORY JUST UP AND WENT ON A CRAZY, DANGEROUS JOURNEY TO HELP. SOMEONE SHE just MET! She dropped whatever she forgot SHE WAS DOING to help some one BECAUSE THEY NEEDED IT. I do that. She was friendly and considerate and loyal. I am all those things too. She was brave and stayed STRONG whole time. IVE DONE THAT TOO. She met obstackes with a total disregard for then , she didn't question getting over it, she just knew She would . I'm am a �Dorey. So even though things are a bit shitty. I'M JUST GONNA KEEP IN SWIMMING.

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Current Tags: Believe, faith, kindness, Power through

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