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GoodEnough 56, Female, Arizona, USA - 2 entries

Jul 2013
6:43 AM MST

4th of July awakening :(

I told myself that without a committed relationship I would maintain my distance from Shawn, I have grown tired of being involved in a 'Friend With Benefits' arrangement.� I have told myself this over and over since March, it is now July and still it continues.

Last night he invited me to use the pool.� I knew deep down that it wasn't so much as the invite to use the pool as much as it was his need to have sex, and still, I found my way over there.

During a conversation with his daughter in the kitchen, she had mentioned how he had become so intoxicated during a trip they took out of state that he continuously called out for his ex-wife, it was then that I think I hit rock bottom, the rug was pulled out from under me and my heart sank like a rock thrown in a pool.

What am I doing?� Why am I allowing myself to be held responsible for the pain she caused him?� I am not her and I deserve more.

Last night was our last night together, I can't continue this arrangement we have knowing that it will never amount to more that just an occasional lay for him.� For me, it has much more emotional value then that.

Goodbye Shawn, I wish you luck.

Tags: denial, future, hurt, pain, past, relationship, Shawn

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WENDYWITCH 56, Female, California, USA - 5 entries

Jun 2014
4:01 PM PDT

Do we Let go of the Past, forgive and forget? Or are we doomed to repeat the same mistakes if we do not remember the past? Is there some kinda of compromise, meeting in the middle that allows us to move on, yet not make same mistakes? What is the.real answer, can u do both?

Tags: forgive, learning, letting go, mistakes, past

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1 comment(s) - 02:38 PM - 07/26/2014

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