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    Nobuta  35, Female, Nevada, USA - First entry!
19
Jun 2007
12:36 AM EDT
   

So summer vacations started. At first they were good. I was going out very often. Hanging out here and there with friends. But now, about 10 days later, or maybe less, everything is going downhill. So fast ! I've been staying home lately, and very bored. But I guess I should talk about "today" (I mean, it is about 1:18 AM right now). I woke up hoping that something would happen today. Hoping to go out and finally fix my hair and wear make-up after about 3 days of not going out (and yes, I've been showering). Well, I cleaned my room and watched the movie "Babel" with my mom and dad. I shed a few tears because of the story, but I found it interesting. And ofcourse, a wide smile would appear on my face as I watched the scenes in Japan. Afterwards, I ate and tried to download a Japanese drama I am currently watching: "Nobuta wo Produce". My computer was too slow, I was disappointed, so I stopped trying to download it. What I did for the rest of the day ? Stay online some more, play video games, text, eat, and play an old gameboy game. So boring ! My "best friend" called me and asked me to hang out. Better than doing nothing... so I asked my mom to let me go. She didn't let me and she started talking about how late I always come home and how my dad never complains to me about it because he knows I have a bad temper. So we got into an arguement about how I never ask for anything from them. When I was in school, I never asked to go out unless it was the weekends. Sometimes I wouldn't go out for weeks, actually. Ah~ ! So I stayed home. I finished downloading Episode 6 of "Nobuta wo Produce" and for some reason that show always makes my eyes tear up. I love that show. I learn so much from it yet it's impossible to try and accomplish happiness like it teaches me. Then I realize that not everything can be like a Japanese drama. Guys herearen't that good looking and people aren't all that respectful, etc. I just want a job so badly so that I can get out. Being home isn't nice and all I do is sit here and gain weight =/ When I want to go out early my parents say "It's too hot outside !" When the sun is going down "It's too late ! Why do you always go out so late !?" It's frustrating. Then they say "Be active ! The day is so nice ! Do something !" when I stay home too much. Bleh~ I hate venting, but with things such as these happening, who wouldn't ?

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    jkluender  57, Female, Wisconsin, USA - 4 entries
19
Jun 2007
10:12 AM CST
   



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    auxilary25  40, Female, California, USA - 32 entries
18
Jun 2007
10:24 PM EDT
   

So it's official..I'm giving up all hope on having any type of "GOOD/POLITE" relationship with my mother. On Sunday, Father's Day, I went over to my grandmother's house to spend it with my uncle since he has been the male that closely has remebled the father figure in my life. We (my uncle, boyfriend, and myself) went to Dave & Busters to play games, dinner, and played board games at home. Afterwards I dropped of my bf @ his house and we stayed talking for like an hour in the car so I got home around 2. When I arrive home and stay downstairs to organize the kitchen (cuz my mom left dirty dishes and didn't pick crumbs from the floor) I hear my mom call out to me so I just tell her I'm downstairs...well like 10 min later when I'm going upstairs I catch her "creaping" downstairs to check on what it was that I was doing!!!
MY GOD! I'm in my own freaking house!!! Am I not entitled to be downstairs and have the privacy to do whatever I choose?? It's 2 AM she should be worried about sleeping because a) she has a cold b) she has work but instead she's fucking coming downstairs being a NOSY ASS to see what the fuck her daughter is doing. I mean, what the hell is she imagining? Oh no, don't tell me that her daughter can possibly be washing dishes!! She's PSYCHO!!!
But the drama doesn't stop there...my mom then FOLLOWS ME TO MY ROOM and says "that's not the same clothes that you were wearing when you left".....ummm first of all yes it is...2nd of all so what if I decided to change clothes?? What's the fucking deal??? Do I not wash my own clothes? Why am I not entitled to change clothes? Does that automatically mean I'm guilty of some crime because I changed my clothes?? I tell her "yeah whatever" and close the door but as she walks away she makes the remark "that boyfriend of yours realy hasn't come out to be any good for you"....I felt like yelling back..."AS IF MY FATHER CAME OUT FUCKING GOOD!!?? WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE??" but I didn't wanted to get into a heated argument @ 2 am plus she wasn't worth the effort.
I can't sleep @ this point so I decide to clean my hamsters cage...to no surprise 15 min later my mom walks behind me asking me why it is that I'm cleaning the cage at this time...as far as I'm concerned there is no time requirement to do any type of cleaning...why do I have to do things on the schedule that she wants only? why can't I decide when to do my own things?? It's just such stupidity idk what's wrong with her that she has to investigate any little noise that occurs around the fucking house...we have alarm...no one is sneaking in so just go to bed!!
I'm more PISSED at this point so I decide to organize the computer room desk..but as I walk past her room I notice that she purposely left the door to her room open to HEAR where I'm @ in the house and what I'm doing...OMG!!! THIS IS SICK!!!!!!! GO TO SLEEP WOMAN!! GO TO SLEEP!! I just want to rip something..anything at this point because really my mom is PSYCHO!!!!
So I finally decide to slam her door to fucking prove to her that she can't control me...and then after organizing the room I hit the exercise machine in my house for 30 min...that was SOOO GOOD I just hit it hard released everything and FINALLY went to bed @ 7 am...
Today I did what I wanted...I got home @ 2 am again because I was studying...but since I'm sick of seeing her face I went to my bfs house to study which pissed her off..plus she took the day off work today so I made sure NOT TO BE HOME not one moment during the day...heaven forbig we have to breathe the same air longer than we have to...it's terrible and sickening that I feel ths way about my mother...but really what can I do? After taking her to the movies to try and be nice she accuses me of "taking her because I want something"...UMM YEAH I want my mother to actually have a relationship with me...so that one day we can give each other a kiss on the cheek at least or a HUG!! FUCK! but like I said @ the start of this...I;'ve given up hope..I have one year to graduate and move out...for now my goal is to be home as little as possible!!

Good night...hopefully I can get some sleep now :)
2 comment(s) - 11:25 AM - 06/21/2007
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    itsjustme  46, Female, Texas, USA - 37 entries
19
Jun 2007
7:17 AM CST
   

Well I got my promotion finally. So yes, I'm happier. I got away from the jackasses that were bothering me and am now working with people I like. I do wish I had a little more confidence in myself though. I'm just so scared that I will screw up. Painted my kitchen...that made me happy. I think it turned out pretty good.
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    Holly  53, Female, New York, USA - 42 entries
18
Jun 2007
8:58 PM EDT
   

Deena, our cat that has terminal liver cancer, is very lethargic. She is not her usual playful self. She shrinks away from being petted. Her abdomen is bloated. She has trouble squatting to use her litter box. Pat has decided to call the mobile vet tomorrow. The vet will come to the house and give Deena a lethal injection within the next few days. We will bury her in our yard, and will get a memorial stone with her name on it to mark the grave.
I feel like I have to be strong for Pat, even though I am facing a horrible unknown illness.
Pat took pictures of the cat with her cell phone. I posed next to Deena in one of them. I smiled for the picture, even though there is a pall of sadness over me.
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    mj  61, Female, Indiana, USA - 2 entries
18
Jun 2007
8:19 AM EDT
   

Today I am realizing that all I have in life is what is called "stuff" It has no meaning.

My uncle died yesterday so, we will be heading to a viewing and funeral this week.

I never realized that leaving a violent man in marriage that you would be left alone. Everyone encourages you to go but, then they don't stick around to help. I have a church that told me how to do and then I did what they said and now they look the other way. It gets lonely many days
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    Spiritual One  58, Female, New York, USA - 28 entries
18
Jun 2007
6:03 AM EDT
   

To this day and all of my days, I owe all my gratitude to God.... ML
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    Holly  53, Female, New York, USA - 42 entries
18
Jun 2007
4:40 PM EDT
   

I see the neurologist tomorrow. I do well for a while, then have some sort of episode where I can hardly move and am in great pain.
Today I walked a mile to the store and went shopping. As the afternoon went on it became harder to move.Pat drove me home on her way home from work. I could barely walk throught the door. I sat in the easy chair for an hour. Pat had to help me up the stairs. I was huffing and puffing like I had just run a marathon.
I laid in bed for about 20 minutes and felt like an invalid. I made myself get upand fill the CD player with my favoriteCDs. I am in severe pain sitting here. But it is better than laying in bed and staring at the cieling.
If you can walk and don't have pain, you are very fortunate. Don't take health for granted. You never know when it will be taken away.
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    xcheerfreakx  32, Female, Virginia, USA - 9 entries
18
Jun 2007
3:51 PM EDT
   

Dear journal,

today was very boring and i just couldnt stop shoving my face full of stale food because i dont eat right and depression does it to me because i think im so fat!!! so basically everyone even my dork thinks im anerexic but u kno what idk if i was being anerexic today. Because i usally am anerexic. But w/e!!! Thumper went home today and left me just hanging. I tlkd to my dorks mom linda because i always go over to his house with a couple of friends and she sat me down descussing my anerexic issue and how mad chris is at me for saying im fat when he and everybody else says im not even though i am. So thats proble why he doesnt tlk to me like he used to or look at me. g2g i have to eat dinner and its speggetii!!!!!!!!yyyyyuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY
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    Selina4me  29, Female, Illinois, USA - 18 entries
18
Jun 2007
10:50 AM EDT
   

Dear Readers,
I have not been on in a couple weeks but lately its been nothing but drama! On Saturday It was the PUERTO RICAN DAY PARADE and I was on a float with Outbreack (Spanish Rapper) and my sister Celia. After the parade, we all were unloading the float and my dad had just gotten to where we were. I was feeling sick in my stomach and head! I was going up to my dad crying and saying: "Dad, it hurts! Dad, it hurts!" After that I blacked out and fainted! It was about 90 something degrees there! I was de-hydrated and I had a 100% polyester dress on! I was so scared! Half the time, whenI was in my breakdown and my body shut down, I thought it was a dream and I foregot it was happening to me but when I felt the pain I said it wasn't! Everyone was rushing around me and I was gasping for air! It hurt like crazy! Good thing police officers were there! They took my blood pressure when I was standing up and feeling better! For breakfast that day, I had 1 egg and that was all I ate! I never thought I would have that expierience! Something else that was terifying happened to me and my mom last week! My dad, mom, brother, and I were taking a bike trip down at the forest preserves! Unfortunately, we had foregotten about the Cicadas and as soon as we got there, one of then got on my mom and she dropped her Gatorade and it busted! We both did not want to be there but she forced me to go forgeting about the bugs! After wards me and my mom split up from my brother and my dad un-none! Me and my mom came back to the car and waited for the guys! We eventually left without them on our bikes cause we did not have a cell phone or the car keys! Me and my mom stopped at Red Lobster and used their phone to call my brother! He hgad his phone! They both came and picked us up and we went home! The bugs were terrible!
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