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ok this is my first time writting something up here..hope im doing alright. :D

so heres the deal.i've been watching "the OC" these days..well i know this is soooo 2003 but i gotta admit that this is totally awesome!!!!! i'm not really that kind of daily drama person but i think im totally addicted to this one..and i found some side effects about watching these stuff...the more you're into it,the more desperation about your own life! oncei turn off the TV after seeing all that luxurious life they led,i was like: gosh im gonna do the dishes again instead of drinking cocktail with my friends in the "holly's pool house" (a house in "the o.c") i wish i could make some friends...hey so that counts for why im here HA! i could meet people around the world and improve my Enlish a little by trowing stuff up here..oh and i didnt tell any of my friends about this so that i could say anything i want up here...doesn't it feels great to say something out loud without hesitating? sometimes you just need a listener that's all.

p.s oh by the way..my english sucks..if it's difficult to read,my bad! :p

Over the years, I've changed a little

Kept some close, but most were lost
I am richer for those I've got
For this band of sisters, I am the link

Each woman should build and nourish her own ring
For the endless strength and support it brings

The size of the circle holds no importance
Just integrity of the bond and unwaivering stance

Exact combination is a challenge of balance
Life takes its toll, we are all victims to chance

Offer time and provide good company
When appropriate, extend sympathy

Develop, maintain, suprise and delight
Combined energy will keep friendships bright

I'm nearly done packing. Took a few hours to do so ... but I'm getting there. In all honesty, I really don't want to go on vacation. And no, it's not�the workaholic side of me talking.

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Ok, maybe it is.

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Casey was able to stay another day (thank God). Spent most the day talking to him yesterday. Kinda sucked that I had much to do, so I was constantly redialing his number after getting done with randomtasks and such.Couldn't be helped though.

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Blah.

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Too much to do. Too much to say. Not enough time.

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More incite later

hi still haven't found anything do with all this spare time i have i have been so board that i have been to see my mother three times so far this week wich is very unlike me i usually go once a week at the most even she has comented on how many times she has seen me in three weeks . well the garden has been done the house has never looked so clean and the dog fears for her life as she gets her paws ran of her every day even she thinks i'v lost the plot and you know what she could be right .any way this week we are taking the kids to a wild life park for a day out so at least thats one day filled and they will be worn out by bed time for a change so thats the plan for this week now onwards and upwards to next week .

I went out with Michelle yesterday.

We haven't really talked with each other for a long time with each of us busy with different things; she with her Uni orientation and me with my work.

I always laugh A LOT whenever I'm out with her, today's no exception as well.

She accompanied me for my haircut; to my favourite salon.

My hairstylist - Jeft was really shocked to see me that soon again. He was on the line and processing payment when he saw me. The look on his face is funny. Haha...

Mich and I haven't decided where to go for dinner yet, so I asked Jeft what's good to eat around the vicinity. He listed most of them out for me. After that he made fun of me and I retorted back. This is nothing new, but he's nice. xD

I know this may sound like I have a cruch on Jeft, but I don't think so. It's true that I like him and I like that place, but I just tend to share it with people about what I like with all smiles on my face.

The haircut's good. It's short, and it's not those kind of boyish short. It's short but you still can tell that I'm a GIRL. xD

During dinner, I asked Mich if she's missed me. She looked at me funny and said, "No."

I stared at her with disbelief and I started whining and kept repeating that how could she when I missed her so much. Haha... I kinda irritated her and it's funny.

Going out with her is always full of laughter.

After dinner, we went to Esplande to have a walk with a cup of coffee in our hands.

Haha... That's something I've been wanting to do, and I'm so glad that... it happened. :) Though not in a romantic way, but it's still fun.

I gotta learn Romance isn't the center of my life.

I laughed so much. I feel like a kid again.

Here Iam again, damn sometimes I wish I could be free of myself. I spoke to the pastor this morning around five a.m. when most people are sleep. He was at work and I just couldnt sleep. We talked about what it going onwith me. Knowing what do is half the battle the other half is applying it. Having a remedy for abstaining from sin is very helpful. Avoiding hell and And S.T.D's is vital to me. I now am aware that my eyes getting me into trouble... Iam not going to expound any further on that statement. Still havent found an apartment, fucking with dss isnt an option. Talk about bondage/ control ,and that (dis)organization comes to mind. Cant relinquish this new found freedom, being a puppetin addition to being controlled is a turn off.

I hooked up with Tony last night jade was there as well. Jade isnt a person its just the freaky side of me. Taking it there wasnt prevelant since were in the situation I might as well do it. It wasnt awfulbut wasnt feeling him. Had to get in to a zone. Fantasy is a powerful tool. He penis would have went limp if he could hear the way my brain was churning.

Changing my thought pattern will help overcome many things. Doing so seems difficult. Does it really take thirty days to break a bad habit?

Work is almost over, back to the grind for me. Yesterday zay called the police on some people standing in front of our home. Our neighbor sonja can not fathom why we have a problem with this. zay relayed to me that she stated I talk white.

I guessing speaking properly and wanting to live in a nice atmosphere is behaving white. She is so far gone, she so down she will never get out the gutter and that ghetto mentality. Truly sad. How dare she talk shit cause I want better for mine. sonja seems resigned to the idea of being slack,neglectful towards her kids as well as apathetic to her chronic roach/cdrug,pedophileinfested space she considers home. So sad.