nodeadends's Journal

Aug 2007
8:33 AM EDT

Here Iam again, damn sometimes I wish I could be free of myself. I spoke to the pastor this morning around five a.m. when most people are sleep. He was at work and I just couldnt sleep. We talked about what it going onwith me. Knowing what do is half the battle the other half is applying it. Having a remedy for abstaining from sin is very helpful. Avoiding hell and And S.T.D's is vital to me. I now am aware that my eyes getting me into trouble... Iam not going to expound any further on that statement. Still havent found an apartment, fucking with dss isnt an option. Talk about bondage/ control ,and that (dis)organization comes to mind. Cant relinquish this new found freedom, being a puppetin addition to being controlled is a turn off.

I hooked up with Tony last night jade was there as well. Jade isnt a person its just the freaky side of me. Taking it there wasnt prevelant since were in the situation I might as well do it. It wasnt awfulbut wasnt feeling him. Had to get in to a zone. Fantasy is a powerful tool. He penis would have went limp if he could hear the way my brain was churning.

Changing my thought pattern will help overcome many things. Doing so seems difficult. Does it really take thirty days to break a bad habit?
Work is almost over, back to the grind for me. Yesterday zay called the police on some people standing in front of our home. Our neighbor sonja can not fathom why we have a problem with this. zay relayed to me that she stated I talk white.
I guessing speaking properly and wanting to live in a nice atmosphere is behaving white. She is so far gone, she so down she will never get out the gutter and that ghetto mentality. Truly sad. How dare she talk shit cause I want better for mine. sonja seems resigned to the idea of being slack,neglectful towards her kids as well as apathetic to her chronic roach/cdrug,pedophileinfested space she considers home. So sad.
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  • Username: nodeadends
  • Gender / Age: Female, 16
  • Location: USA - New York
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