i guess all i need right now is someone i can trust.. someonei cantell whatever is on my mind and won't take it too seriously cause he/she knows i'm just getting it all out. and that most of the things i say will not be relevant or may be 100% stupid but i need to say them....
i decided to start an online journal because i normally find that i can express my thoughts easier through writing. right now i'm in a relationship that has been going on for four years. however, lately i've been having a lot of trouble with my boyfriend. i graduated from highschool in june and my parents wanted to send me away to college, however, my boyfriend told me that i couldn't leave because it wasn't fair to him because he had stayed for me (he graduated two years earlier) and that if i left wewould have to break up.now, he wants to go study to another country and when i told him that if he left we were going to break up he sayed i wasn´t backing him up or being there for him. i´m getting tired of playing the sweet girlfriend while he gets to act all tough and sexist. but i think i still love him too much. i've never been with someone else and we´ve been dating since i was 13 so it makes it really hard on me because i don't know if i can´t break up with him cause i really love him or if i'm just scared of being alone. some guys (friends of mine) have told me that i'm too good for him and what not but i feel that this is their duty as a friend and they cannot be honest with me. i have another not- so- close friend whose been wanting me to kiss him lately (not happening) but i think he's just trying to trick me into doing something so he can tell my boyfriend.. i think i don't have any real friends because i might have dumped them for him. i don't know what to do because everytime i try to talk to him i forget what i was going to say and when i do say it, he just hugs me and says i'm sorry but nothing ever changes!!
Friday the 14th sep 8.32pm. Its been an okay week at work, rather quiet not much happening at home either, just been feeling rather excited tonight as I'm going away on monday for a few days to London. Passed through there when I was 16 heading to France but hardly remember it.
I have butterflies in my tummy at the thought of the tube and how busy the places will be, but I'm going to be brave and go with the flow. It will just be myself and mister man and we will be staying in a hotel, so It will be strange. I've got the arduous task of getting all organized for going, as I haven't done anything at all! Tomorrow will be a very busy day no doubt.
I will check back in when we get home and hopefully have some happy memories and good stories to tell. I'm looking forward to going to Harrods and the Camden Markets. The Itinery has been rewritten several times but Wednesday will be the main "shopping" day. It will be nice to get away, a break always re-charges the batteries and this is long overdue for us both, First time staying in a hotel together in 16 years!! lol. I'm going to go and get a good nights sleep and be ready for a very early start. Back Soon. Take Care. xx
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